Need Help w/ My Aqua Man

My story is kinda complicated, so bear with me. I met this wonderful aqua male, and we shared so many commonalities, that it was freaky. Within days, he was telling me, a Gem girl, that he loved me. It wasn't long before I felt the same, I had never felt like this before. The only way I can explain it is it was like our souls danced together. We both told each other we thought we were soul mates.

My Aqua man and I both have illnesses. His much worse than mine. He is epileptic and found out his brain is shrinking. We talked about getting married, but first he'd have to divorce his wife whom he hadn't been with in 2 years. I was recently separated from a long-term b/f that I share a child with. I had only been away from the ex for a month, when I met the Aqua. So the ex, a Pisces, is not over me. He caused problems with the Aqua and a lot of stress.

At first the Aqua was never jealous. He was like "as long as your my woman, you go what you have to do w/ the ex, for your daughter." Then after a while, he started getting jealous of the ex. At this point, the Aqua had me mind, body and soul. So why was he jealous now? So he had basically been staying at my place. We talked about him moving in.

Then because of this different behavior, I thought "uh oh maybe we shouldn't live together just yet." So I told this to him and he freaked. I wasn't trying to break it off. I just needed some space to think. So he decided he'd move out and find another place to go. He didn't want to go back to living where he was. So he decided to go back to his "wife" that he hates, just for a place to live. It was like we had to have all or nothing.

So after he left, I realized that his behavior was due to withdrawal symptoms from a mood stabilizing drug that treated his epilepsy. His doctor was reducing his meds, and as he took less, he became more nervous and jealous. So I've been trying to contact the Aqua, and told him that I got scared because he was like a completely different person. He thinks I should forget about him, that I deserve someone who isn't sick. Then in the next breath he tells me he still loves me.

So after I realized that the "real" Aqua was the man I met and fell for. Now I'm trying to convince him and appologize for not seeing that it was the meds. The separation from this man has been harder on me than any other. I have no doubts that this man is my "soul mate." Now that I'm apart from him, I just feel empty.

Any suggestions on how to deal with my Aqua male? How do I convince him that I never meant to break his heart? I didn't know that he was having these withdrawal symptoms. He's with his "wife" telling me to forget him, but that he loves me. This man is a mess and he's tearing my heart apart. He's supposed to call me when the "wife" leaves this week. He's pretending that he really wants to be there, so she'll let him. She lives on a reservation and I guess it's a violent place. He's afraid her family will do something to him, if she knows that he really doesn't want to be with her. He's using her.

I would think the "real" aqua, say the one you fell was the one on the mood stabilizers. No?

The real aqua is all that he comes with...on mood stabilizer's and off mood stabilizer's. Your backing away only confirmed his worst fears. He is too damaged to be loved due to illness. We can be a logical group of people to a fault and I can assure you his illness is a definite insecurity for him when it comes to intimate relationships. Aquas are known to be a little insecure in this area for the slightest of reasons. He feels you shouldnt have to put up with his problems. It is his problem, although he would love to have someone love him unconditionally...logically, life doesnt work that way. So, yes, he pulled away. He may still love you, but how can he trust (a GINORMOUS issue for us) you'll love ALL that encompasses him as the man he is.

How do you convince him.... Its more so convincing himself, that he deserves to be loved.


Well, as for HIS wife...
He needs to deal with that before you let him back in your life. He needs to let go of the crutch, b/c essentially he should be divorced but his wife is a safety net/crutch for him. You need to deal with your husband as well.

You two are a mess individually trying to join lives...

^^^Exactly.

He may also be going back as a safety net - what happens if you pull back again? Aqua as a fixed sign has to look further into the future for some stability - Gemini is changeable; you both NEED this stability and there's a kid involved

- What is priority for you two now? Love or stability?

- Whether he comes back or not, please bear that in mind - there are bigger issues here.

*your kids father

hot hot mess, find a more stable man for you and your child, he's not going to be a reliable source of stability and your child doesn't need a man who is going to be in and out of your childs life and your childs father already plays that role so it doesn't make sense to add another man to that equation as well. People live with mental disorders and live productive lives if they choose to want to assimilate in society bad enough he/she will do what it takes to be as stable as he/she possibly can.

Your Aqua shouldn't expect you to understand his illness, instead of him running away he could have took the time to explain to you what's going on with him and the side effects of his meds and how that could and would affect you but he chose to run and that says a lot about him as a person, just so you know when a person is on meds, depending on his full mental history they can become manic, meaning there is a huge possibility that you met him on his manic high and I myself know men that are like this and it feels absolutely beautiful and feels like love but when they are down they are down and there is nothing you can say or do but leave him alone, stay out of his business and allow him the space to come back when he and if he chooses to, have some strong and I mean strong boundaries and this will protect you and protect the well being of your child.

Well, as for HIS wife...
He needs to deal with that before you let him back in your life. He needs to let go of the crutch, b/c essentially he should be divorced but his wife is a safety net/crutch for him. You need to deal with your husband as well.
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I wasn't married to the father of my child. We weren't intimate for the last 2 years of our relationship, and it was OVER when I left him. Me and my ex have issues we have to deal with regarding our child, and trying to find a way to get along for the sake of the child.

The Aqua only went back to the ex because I broke his heart, and because she's a nurse and he feels she can take care of him. However, I was unaware of the effects of the withdrawal of depakote. I did research and it said that coming off of it will produce anxiety. He was acting completely different than when I first met him. See this med suppresses and active brain. So coming off of it fires up neurons that haven't been used in a while. So it can make you very emotional. I didn't know that at the time. Now that I do, it all makes sense.

There is NO other man for me, I don't want to find another one. My child loved him like he was her own daddy, she even called him daddy. I have to find a way to get through to him and show him that I do love him despite all his problems. During the last week we were together, I had serious neck/shoulder pain. I had to have my ex take me to the hospital. The Aqua just questioned why he was taking me at that time of day, when I had to go when I could as neither the Aqua or myself have a car. He was all jealous instead of like he had been before. Before he would have said "Go do what you gotta do, and hope you feel better."

Giving up on this man is not an option. I have to find a way to get through to him.

good luck, your going to need it, Aqua is a fixed sign, once our mind is made up well it's made up and no man is worth you having to prove yourself, you didn't break his heart, he realized you weren't capable of taking care of him, first he will be jealous of the ex and then he will be jealous of your child and then it will be something else, mental illness is NO JOKE, and there is no rhyme or reason, none of it makes sense,

there is no excuse for him running away but knowing mental illnes b/c I grew up around it, I know that's all you will ever get, the in and out effect and I know you feel there is hope but this man isn't going to be stable, he's never going to be the man you thought he was, so take him as he is or leave him alone, he's never going to be a solid foundation and he's not going to divorce his ex-wife, she is the only one in his mind that can take care of him, so he will be back to you once he's stable but he will run back to her once he crashes again, if you can live like that then have at it...you can work to get him back but him being mentally ill means you will never really have him, his mental illness has him and you will forever compete with his mental illness, his issues will overwhelm and consume your entire life

This may sound mean but you better be HAPPY that he runs to his ex-wife, this man can and will consume your entire existence with his illness and he know it, you don't want to be his everything, it will take over your whole world

There is NO other man for me, I don't want to find another one..........Giving up on this man is not an option. I have to find a way to get through to him.

this sounds nothing like romantic love

"The Aqua only went back to the ex because I broke his heart, and because she's a nurse and he feels she can take care of him."

I said sh was his crutch...which is why he isnt divorced after a loooong separation. He knows she can handle him, even if he doesnt love her anymore. You on the other hand drove him away. Like tiki we are a fixed sign and it takes a while for us to trust or change our minds although very much so possible. It has to be his own doing though, we a re stubborn beings.

Sorry, I did correct the mistake I made on your babies father.

My statement still stands you two are a mess individually, trying to join two fairly normal lives is a tough thing to do in itself.

*mental illness is NO JOKE, and there is no rhyme or reason, none of it makes sense, *

He's not mentally ill...he has epilepsy. He was taking depakote to control the seizures. Years later he found out the depakote was shrinking his brain. He has a brain older than his age. This is why the doctor took him off of the depakote. He was experiencing side effects of the withdrawal of the pill. However, now the doctors have given him a new med that is supposed to stop any more brain shrinkage. He won't get what he's lost back, but he won't lose any more. He has issues with memory and remembering certain words and things like that...but he's not mentally ill. However, Depakote is a serious mind altering drug. He's not in his right state of mind.

She is a nurse and perhaps her taking care of him is the best thing..Think about whats best for him physically..And this is not gonna be really good for you emotionally...His wife already knows what to do for him..
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This woman is a control freak and that is why he left her. I know other people who know her and said she can barely take care of herself. She's supposedly getting evicted from the reservation for embezzeling tribal money. My Aqua is scared that her family will KILL him if they think he's not there to be with her. He planned to stay there until he could find a way to leave again. Let's see...stay with a woman and her family who may kill him or come back to the woman he loves and who loves him...seems like such a tough choice. My friends that I met him through, told me when he left her before, they never had seen him look so terrible. She constantly yelled at him and tries to control his every move. He went back to her to punish himself. He hates her.

It won't make sense because she's talking about someone else's feelings - what do we really know about how anyone other than ourselves feel?

First of all sick or not why would you want a man that is using another woman..That right there should have you thinking..Sorry to say but I see him as baggage.You should be focusing on your baby right now
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My daughter also loves and adores this man. She told my friend the other day " I wish he would come back so mommy wouldn't be sad anymore, and she'd stop crying." She's only 4 mind you. The Aqua loved my daughter like she was his own, and treated us both with the utmost respect.

It was not until the last week of him coming off of Depakote, that he started acting differently. I just figured he was now showing me his real side, when that was not the case. He's a mess, and now so am I. I'm also worried about him, because the place he lives is such a violent place. He's a white boy w/ a smidgen of native american, living on a reservation. These indians sit around contemplating how to bring the white man down and are involved in all sorts of crimes. He wasn't aware of this until after he'd married this woman. He doesn't belong there with these people. He's in a bad way and I need to figure out how to help him get out of the mess I put him in.

"He went back to her to punish himself. He hates her."

WTF!!! Who does crazy ass stuff like that..What he needs to do is get a back bone..***********Because coming off of this pill that he has been on for years is messing his head up big time. I've done research on it. Others say they felt on edge, like they were about to jump out of their skin, had hallucinations, severe mood swings, etc. Some pharmaceuticals and their side effects can seriously mess someone up. I also read that its best to ween a person off of it over MONTHS, his doc did it in one month. He went from taking about 5000 mg of this stuff a day, to 0. His old doctor was over medicating him, and has lots of pending lawsuits against him.

You didnt put him in that mess.

He didnt go there to punish himself. He needed some place to stay and he knew she would take him back.

*sigh*

I don't know Gneiss (cool name 🙂 )
Sounds like you're making excuses...Anything to hold on kinda.

- he was ill before you met him, he's responsible for him whether you're there or not, he would be fine, right?
- you were responsible for your daughter before you met him, you're still responsible for her, right?

I don't know Gneiss (cool name )
Sounds like you're making excuses...Anything to hold on kinda.
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The man is telling me I should forget about him because I deserve better than him. Then in the next breath he tells me he loves me. He's feeling sorry for himself because of his illness. It was only while we were together that he found out his brain was shrinking. He thought he only had epilepsy.

Thanks about the name. I have a degree in geology and those are types of rocks 😉

You didnt put him in that mess.

He didnt go there to punish himself. He needed some place to stay and he knew she would take him back.

*sigh*
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I broke his heart. He wanted to marry me. We were going to move in together. We had been living together, but he hadn't moved all his things in yet. I noticed the change in his behavior and got scared about the cohabitating part. So I only tried telling him I wanted to slow it down a bit and not move in together yet. He took it as that I didn't love him anymore. I should have never let him walk out the door the night he left. He didn't want to go. My daughter was severely ill that day. Me and my ex had to take her to the emergency room. I hadn't slept and was a mess, I didn't know what to do when he told me he was going to temporarily stay with his ex.

Hahaha - yea I was remembering some of my rocks classes - so so bad...did badly mostly except for map reading.

Anyway, the matter at hand, he's an air sign, they talk, you analyse - you're gemini, you talk too...THINK about the words and attempt to attach committment and realism to those words.

oh read these boards again, and notice that most that come here say Aqua said this and that but now acting weird 🙂 I have loads of personal stories but don't wanna bore you.


You say he's not mentally ill so assuming his your regular neighbourhood Aqua dude, I would pay attention to his actions not words...

This man has no home of his own; no means of transportation; still married...Does he have a job?

If you must....

...just be a friend. Approach this through pure friendship and not soul mate/scorner of lover eyes.

If this were any other person in the world how would you give them the tools to put their life back on track. You cant fix him; just help him fix himself and the situation he now finds himself in. Offer an ear, ftmp.

*This man has no home of his own; no means of transportation; still married...Does he have a job?*

He's disabled. Has been since he was 22 and he's 42 now. He gets disability. Neither of us have our own transportation. Which I'm working on getting. My ex has said he would be more flexible with letting me use his vehicle, even if the Aqua is in it. I told the ex that my other option would be to move away to a town with public transportation. That would put me about 30 minutes away from the ex. He'd then have to come and pick up his daughter. He wants me to stay close by. The ex may be giving me a car to use that belongs to his dad. It needs work done and it's being worked on now.
The Aqua is still married, but that was only because he didn't think he could afford the fee to file for divorce. He didn't know that w/ his income it would be free. The Aqua and I had even picked up divorce papers, we just didn't get around to filling them out. He was ready to divorce her and marry me.

What irks me is that he's with a woman-ex wife whom he's scared to not be with due to certain circumstances, he was with you were he was safe, could have helped you help him by explaining what was going on with him and his med changes but chose instead to run back to his ex wife, I'm sure he could have reassured you that his behavior wasn't the norm due to his meds and went forward with the relationship instead he chose to run back to a dangerous situation because he didn't have any place to go so I guess you were his first option and when that fell through, when you saw HIM the real him he realized his sweet soul mate connection talk didn't work and ran back to his ex, so I guess he would much rather be with a lousy ex wife on a dangerous reservation rather than be with you were it's safe and warm...I dunno

Tiki...He didn't know what the meds were doing to him. His doctor NEVER told him about any side effects from the drugs withdrawal. The Aqua I met was the real him, not when he was coming off of the meds. It was only in the last week or so that his behavior got worse. Very jealous, nervous, and withdrawn. I told him over he phone that he was acting differently. He asked how so? He has no idea how he was.

The soul mate thing was not sweet talk. I looked into his eyes and I know that he meant every word of what he said. I told him that I loved him too and I felt it and meant it. He had a place to live when I met him. He didn't like living there, but I know he was not using me for a place to live. I saw the hurt in him when I was backing off. He even cried. Either he's the best actor ever, or that was real. I had real feelings for him too. THen I got confused when he started behaving differently. I TOLD him I was confused. I didn't make the connection to the med until after he left.

I don't think you have a problem, you said you did but you seem to have all the answers, you really don't wanna see things any other way but your way which is totally okay, I just feel it's funny how he had somewhere else to go which is the place he was at before he decided to move in with you but yet he chose the lousy ex living on a dangerous reservation...if you believe in him which I know is hard not to do when a man is looking in your eyes and professing his undying love then that's all that matters

Tiki...yes once I make up my mind, nobody is going to change it. I love this man dearly and would do anything to bring him back. There are reasons why he didn't go back to where he was living. While he was living with me, the brother of the person he was staying with decided to move in. They thought he was moving in with me. They told him he could come back there anyways.

However, the Aqua went to show me his wedding ring as he wanted to sell it. He couldn't find it and assumed the people he was living with stole it from him. Now it could be his illness and he really forgot where they put it or these people really did steal it. After the Aqua left, I confronted these people and said he thought someone stole it. They told me that the Aqua showed them where he had put it. They then gave it to him. Now it could be that they really did steal it, and gave it back once I called them on it. Or he had forgot where he had really put it. Either way he felt betrayed by them and didn't want to go back there.