Is it time to cut my Aqua guy off?

I have been involved off and on for 23 years with an Aqua sun, Aqua moon, Taurus rising. I am Libra sun, Pisces moon, Cancer rising. We love each other. He says I'm the love of his life. For various reasons we never seem to stick with each other. He cheated, we got back together years later, I ran off because I was scared he wasn't ready, We always seem to find each other again. He always seeks me out. Ok, I will try to keep this brief. We've been seeing each other again for the past 3 months. He says he's changed, he's sorry and he's not gonna mess up this time (he started dating someone else last time & didn't tell me). And him being a typical Aqua, he has a lot of female "friends". Last weekend he went out for drinks with girl A. She posted it on his facebook. I was fine with that. The next day, girl B posted a comment that she was dating him! I was livid & contacted this girl. She said he basically had been staying with her for the past 2 weeks off and on and he spent the whole previous weekend with her. This is the same weekend I was having a very hard time getting a hold of him. When I finally did, he said he was sick and had been home sleeping, I became suspicious given his past but didn't say anything to him at the time. So anyway, he says he was not dating girl B and he did not stay with her and he had only been to her house 2 times to help her son, said she was a pill popper and she was delusional he didn't know she was like that etc... He has an answer for everything. He sent me random texts messages she had sent him but conveniently did not include his responses except one. She sent things like "I'm getting my hair done, hope you like it" & "wish you could come over". He sent a text that said "you don't even remember if we had sex or not!!!" and she sent a couple more saying "You don't have to get so mad" & "I only get high at the end of the month". When I said I wanted to see his responses, he said I only kept hers locked in my phone. He said she was so high that she asked him if they had sex or not, hence his response that she couldn't even remember. He swears up & down that he did not sleep with her. I said no innocent "friend" should be asking you if you had sex or not. My question to you guys is should I just cut this guy off? I mean he must have some sort of feelings for me to keep coming back for 23 years but I don't know if I can take all these females in his life.

Im no one to judge....Ive had an off an on with an Aqua for 2 years....And I still feel bad about it. But 23 years? Do you want to marry? Have children?

Thats a long time invested into someone.

Yes, it's the same guy. And no it wasn't a trick question. I do love him & I believe he loves me. We've been dealing with each other off and on for 23 years. He says he wants to marry me. I have huge reservations about whether he can step up & be the man I need him to be. Circumstances have always torn us apart. And now this has happened.

And yes, it is quite a long time invested. We have both moved on to other relationships during that time but always seem to come back to each other.

Sounds like a lot of BS. He's not ever going to be ready to commit. My vote is give up.

Sorry. 😢

23 years? He shouldn't be getting into situations like that if he wants more with you. If a girl asks if they had sex or not, it was probably a highly charged sexual evening, even if he didn't have sex with her. This is not someone who is ready to marry. Cut him loose.

Posted by yensenm
And yes, it is quite a long time invested. We have both moved on to other relationships during that time but always seem to come back to each other.

I understand....It may have not been 23 years but there was this one guy that I was off and on with for almost 5 years, in between relationships.....

But Could it be just comfort?

Are you comfy with this?

Be prepared some folks are going to be brutal on here.

Thanks truecap. Sassafras, that's what I said. Regardless of whether or not they had sex something inappropriate went down. I kept telling him he shouldn't have been at her house in the first place and he just kept making up excuses. "I went to help her son" then "I went to get something to eat the second time". I already know what to do, just guess I need support on here. Thanks guys. Long time invested to realize it's been all for nothing. I guess I'll just go lick my wounds in the corner somewhere. Silly Libra with my romantic ideas. haha

Ssasy, it's not comfort. It's something I have never felt before with any other man. An almost uncontrollable pull we have towards each other. When I have been in other relationships and left him alone, I did not contact him, but always thought about him. We've lost contact with each other numerous times over the years. But one of us always finds the other. Usually him seeking me out and I am once again pulled in. I have never felt this "connection" if you will, to anyone else.

And as far as some folks being brutal, I suppose I deserve it for hanging on for 23 years, heh?

You know, you're probably always going to have that pull. It's chemistry. Can't be helped. What is important is how you handle it and do what's best for you. You deserve to be happy and not always having to wonder about crap like that. You seem like a nice, sane, stable person and just need some strength to be true to you and make sure you get the good life you deserve. You deserve someone who treats you like a queen and won't ever make you doubt their actions or wherabouts.

Good luck girl and stay strong!

Posted by yensenm
And as far as some folks being brutal, I suppose I deserve it for hanging on for 23 years, heh?

'



I guess....But the heart wants what the heart wants. I think at some point our head has to tell our hearts (aquas are good at this) that its time to let go....Or not allow the heart to have soo much control...

Posted by yensenm
Ssasy, it's not comfort. It's something I have never felt before with any other man. An almost uncontrollable pull we have towards each other. When I have been in other relationships and left him alone, I did not contact him, but always thought about him. We've lost contact with each other numerous times over the years. But one of us always finds the other. Usually him seeking me out and I am once again pulled in. I have never felt this "connection" if you will, to anyone else.

Chemistry is one hell of a thing!

It can control things you dont want to control........

I hope that you did what you wanted to do in all of this, At least enjoyed yourself. Everyone deserves consistency....

Maybe he just doesnt want to settle down?
or perhaps youve made it too easy for him not rush at all?

I wish you luck as well...Im going through withdrawl myself from an Aqua and we did this dnce for 2 years.....Im sure she will return but im hoping for 2 things.....its either for her to stay or im not intrested anymore.

To truecap & Ssasy, yes this chemistry is amazing & makes me go against my better judgement. But I think it's time I start using my head & not my heart. & Ssasy you are so right Aquas are very good at not thinking with emotions. At least he is. And for the past 3 months (since he's come back) I have been sitting on the fence, non-committal about the relationship. I told him I needed time to observe his actions as they speak much louder to me than words. Everything was going great & I had just started thinking maybe he's for real this time. And then this happened.

Ah the Aquarius dilemma.

Hmmm I know what I want to say but not sure if I can express myself so that I make myself understood..

1: for him to stick around during 23 years means he loves you, his way, and I am certain this is the only way he will and can love you.
2: he, WE (some Aquas)...ummm...will "roam". The neighborhood. The friend circle. The globe. Why we do this I cannot say but I THINK it has something to do with "connecting the dots". It's a way of feeling alive through human contact and sometimes it involves sex, other times not. But we need that global connection. We want mental unity, sadly that can come about by doing some odd things. And then we need to come home to our more stable half.

This is more a matter of how much of this you can take because I am willing to bet he will never change. It's extremely hard to be honest with what we want for ourselves but I think this is one of those times you will have to sit yourself down and try, hard. Usually the first thought that crosses your mind is the right one...

I would say he has settled down with you. Again, his way.

Not sure I am making sense, I hope I did :-/

I have an idea how frustrating this is....
To have someone that makes you feel something no one else can....And they just cannot get it together.....

I wish you luck....Hell I wish us both luck! 😉 We all All deserve consisency and happiness!

Posted by WolfMoon
Ah the Aquarius dilemma.

Hmmm I know what I want to say but not sure if I can express myself so that I make myself understood..

1: for him to stick around during 23 years means he loves you, his way, and I am certain this is the only way he will and can love you.
2: he, WE (some Aquas)...ummm...will "roam". The neighborhood. The friend circle. The globe. Why we do this I cannot say but I THINK it has something to do with "connecting the dots". It's a way of feeling alive through human contact and sometimes it involves sex, other times not. But we need that global connection. We want mental unity, sadly that can come about by doing some odd things. And then we need to come home to our more stable half.

This is more a matter of how much of this you can take because I am willing to bet he will never change. It's extremely hard to be honest with what we want for ourselves but I think this is one of those times you will have to sit yourself down and try, hard. Usually the first thought that crosses your mind is the right one...

I would say he has settled down with you. Again, his way.

Not sure I am making sense, I hope I did :-/

Applause!

Thanks WolfMoon I think? Lol. I agree that he loves me but I need to decide once and for all for myself if I'm willing to put up with his behavior. Sometimes I guess love isn't enough. He did tell me he was NEVER letting me go. That makes it very hard for me to let him go. I have to work on my strength. I haven't seen him in a weekk. He keeps asking to see me & I keep saying no. I know that I cannot see him right now because then my "heart" & that "chemisrty" will overrule my head.

I mean, surely he wouldn't accept the same behavior from me so why should I accept it from him. I know he't thinking because I've accepted it this long but enough is enough.

Virgoyum, thanks. I realized what you meant after I responded. You are right in that he's still the same guy & it hasn't worked out in all this time for a reason. I just needed to bounce this off of you all. Thanks, everyone!

Congrats! You wasted 23 years of your life on a lowlife.

The sad part is you are not the brightest bulb in the box because it took you 23 yrs to realize this or rather not because otherwise this question would not be posted.

Are you serious?!!! You still need the answer from us?!!

Aha! There's the brutality you were talking about Ssasy. Thanks for the warning. Wow.

That's not brutality tbh.

If I said "yes dump him for good" vs "no stay with him" or for that matter if ANYONE were to say anything which I'm sure by now they have or you've been discreet... SO discreet for the past 23 years that no one knows about it, would you really act on it.

There's a difference between a genuine question that's worded correctly to net you the answers you want. Because I don't feel comfortable telling you what you should do. That's your job.

Do you not find it odd that after 23 years now that he's come around wanting to commit, now you're unsure? What part prior to the 23 years has changed? If he stayed the way he is would you be questioning this 'relationship'?

If you want to take the dive then do so with no doubts and trust him. But it's clear as day you can't and so here we are.

What are you going to do?

Aquasnoz, thanks for your comment. I thought he had changed this time. He seemed very different. Opened up to me in a way he never had before. So, like I said, I was starting to believe him but still cautious of course. Now I see he has not changed. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why he would have even reached out this time if he still wasn't ready. I think it's a bit cruel to pretend to care for someone more than you actually do is all I'm saying.

once you make the decision to stay away, chemistry or not...you'll be able to do it...

chemistry is just an excuse. there are a lot of people out there with whom our chemistry would be amazing...just we don't allow it to happen for various reasons...it's the same here...if you don't let it happen...it won't...just make that decision to cut him off...forever

Size zero superhero you are correct in that it's been a vicious circle. I guess I've never really stepped back & acknowledged it for what it is. Mz, I think I'm on my way to making that decision. Better late than never I suppose. Thanks again everyone.

Posted by aquasnoz
That's not brutality tbh.

If I said "yes dump him for good" vs "no stay with him" or for that matter if ANYONE were to say anything which I'm sure by now they have or you've been discreet... SO discreet for the past 23 years that no one knows about it, would you really act on it.

There's a difference between a genuine question that's worded correctly to net you the answers you want. Because I don't feel comfortable telling you what you should do. That's your job.

Do you not find it odd that after 23 years now that he's come around wanting to commit, now you're unsure? What part prior to the 23 years has changed? If he stayed the way he is would you be questioning this 'relationship'?

If you want to take the dive then do so with no doubts and trust him. But it's clear as day you can't and so here we are.

What are you going to do?

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