My Aquarius cancer moon is killing me .

Hi everybody

First i am looking for a good advise here . I mostly appreciate from the start because is a matter that really hurst by now .

I am a Pisces man and i meet this Aquarius girl thats 9 years younger than me .

The fact is that i was separated from my ex.wife at the time i met her . I cheated on my e.wife with her and at the end i told her what i did . I wasnt yet divorced when i started a relationship with my Aquarius girl . At the beggining i needed reassurance becausd i still cared for my ex.wife . Later on me and the Aquarius girl felt in love with each other . She came from her country to mine 7 times so we could be together and had really good bond (sex too) . But in the meantime i was still married and in touch with the wife . My ex.wife forgive me the cheating and wanted to come back bit i wasnt brave enought because has a good Pisces i cared for her still and didnt wanted to break her heart. Meanwhile i had the Aquarius girl asking for reassurance about us and about the ex.wife . I told her plenty of times that it was over but i had a long process for that divorce because i had to much going on (mother with cancer. Work .studys etc...) . So i started to hude stuff from the Aquarius because i didnt want her to worry . I had all the intentions to finish the marriage and move on with the Aquarius girl . After i lied to her again and she wanted to breackup but i manage it to fix it . Everything was back in track but i was playing two ways and had a lot of anxiety because of it . My ex.wife kwew about the Aquarius and i was denying it again. I had a ticket for the Aquarius to come back to see me . I had really good plans but i posted a picture of me on facebook and the Aauarius like it . And the sister of my ex.wife told her about it . So after that same day my ex.wife got in tou h with the aquarius girl and told her i was playinh two ways . They both blocked me on everything and had no chance with my Aquarius girl . At the end i didnt care for my ex.wife because it was over in my head but i did a bad move all that time . Eventually 5 days after no contact whatsoever i went to the country of the Aquarius girl . Trying to fix it at her door step at one o clock in the morning . I trew my wedding ring in from of her (drama time) and she said to me she didnt love me no more . She was really pissed abd so on i gave her all her presents back cause it will hurt me to keep and remind me of her . I already had days wighout sleep and eating .that night she offered me to stay because it was late and cold out side . But i refused because i already did too much arm . So she got me a cab later and told me the next day to see each other . I was all for nothing becausd she was still pissed and told me we were not oming back and said she didnt love me . So i got back to my country and after we got contact with each other . She said that we could go back but she wanted to heal and we had to become friends because our relationship didnt started lile that . So after a few messages i started to be clingy and text her just to talk but she wasnt to reciprocating and told me to stop texting that much . Until one day i was confused and asked this.../7/17, 16:22 - Me: Dont want to be pushy but when will it be that day ? You are driving here and i am on the passenger seat Aquarius . I am trying to reach out and you are building walls . I am being honest to you . May i have some back? It is hard from this side .

3/7/17, 16:23 - Aquarius: Ok. In all honesty the contact between us over the past week has led me to one thought. I don't foresee you ever getting back together.

3/7/17, 16:24 - Aquarius: Rather, you and I getting back

3/7/17, 16:24 - MARC: I did nothi g wrong here

3/7/17, 16:24 - Me: I m trying to reach has a friend just like we spoke the other day

3/7/17, 16:25 - Aquarius: And I asked you to stop getting in touch so much

3/7/17, 16:26 - Me: Ok then i will . But i had that impression

3/7/17, 16:26 - Me: That maybe we could talk about things and not about us

3/7/17, 16:27 - Aquarius: You're still impatient and vengeful. As exemplified just now (I'm waiting, balls in your court, etc) and the other day (with the anger about me not doing the course specifically to be with you, then the spiteful comment to prove me wrong about when we told each other we love each other). You're working on changing, but that's your thing. Not mine. I don't want to be a part of your life

3/7/17, 16:28 - Me: I wasnt anger at all Aquarius. I was trying to help if you were interested but i got the picture

3/7/17, 16:28 - Me: And i wasnt looking to be spitefull i just had in my mind that it was in January

3/7/17, 16:29 - Me: You are getting me so wrong here.

3/7/17, 16:29 - Aquarius: "Sorry but your wrong" is not an "oh hey just trying to let you know, no big deal" kinda way. Accept your flaws, Jesus. You hide and you hide and you hide. You hide things so deep you're not even aware of it

3/7/17, 16:29 - Me: It wasnt spitefull . Sorry if it look like that.

3/7/17, 16:29 - Aquarius: You make my stomach turn when you speak the way you do in that anger or resentment. I can feel it. Whether your realize it or not. I lose my appetite. I'm not tolerating it any longer

3/7/17, 16:30 - Me: You are judging me so much and you think i am doing it all that way buy it is not

3/7/17, 16:31 - Aquarius: Ok, I am judging you. Because you imposed those beliefs of who you are. And trying to make amends now, I'm simply not interested

3/7/17, 16:31 - Me: I am not looking to do nothinh bad here . I am hurt like you . I am trying to reach . Thats all .

3/7/17, 16:31 - Aquarius: I don't want to get back together with you. Ever.

3/7/17, 16:31 - Aquarius: You can consider our relationship as finished as your wife and yours

3/7/17, 16:32 - Me . I am sorry if you got it that way .

3/7/17, 16:32 - Aquarius: Honestly, I don't care anymore

3/7/17, 16:33 - Aquarius: I don't care what was your version and what was my version

3/7/17, 16:33 - Aquarius: I don't want to be with you. Full stop.

3/7/17, 16:33 - Aquarius: The end.

I know I pushed you away, but that was the idiot version of me. I was being a shithead and I know it. You re talking to a completely new man now. I flushed the old version of me down the toilet. He was a piece of shit . Dont make out of this the last straw . Really sorry.

3/7/17, 22:17 - Me: No more messages from me . I promisse you that .

And so far she blocked me again from whatsapp 7 days after no contact . And she had her last seen and she was constantly talking with someone .

What can i say . I broke her trust . Her heart .and got pushy . But i know in the end she loves me . The relationship was 7 months . What can i from now? Movd on with no contact ( by the way i send her plants to her house . Postcards from the countrys i have been lately . And i know she went to Greece to heal or something that she had a feeling in her gut ...

Please group . What can i do . I love this woman . I will do anything to get her back ...but is it worth it now? Did i lost her for good?.

Thank you for reading and the advises.