Same ol' aqua ex question

Hello, gals and guys,
I've been lurking this forum since march, when my cancer ldr gf dumped me. But my question is for my most recent failure - my aqua fwb woman. We are both 28 y.o.

We were together from July last year and had 1 month break time in October 2013, than this year I quit the relationship in September and then tried to come back month later, but she didn't want to try anymore.

We started off as sex addicts but she told me she's not emotionally ready, due to her previous 3 year relationship which led her to change of city/job/life plans. So I repeated to myself that I'd enjoy the fun bed time and wait for the feelings to develop. She started getting attached and talked more and more about her inner self, started going to therapist. I was kind and loving during the whole time, made her many gifts (flowers,unexpected breakfasts,coffee,hidden stuff in her house which she used to find later and so on.). But she stayed distant and I didn't push her, so sometimes when she initiated something like a dinner with friends I used to reject and state that we are not really in a relationship.

Anyway, things were ok, at least in bed, I was calm with the chemistry. But then the last month, when she went on vacation with her family and came back after that things got bad. She refused to have sex, was easily stressed, some days wouldn't even let me hug or caress her.

She started using facebook more and more and wasn't happy with her life and our relationship. Told me few times we should separate, but I turned it into joke smiling in agreement. One day after almost 10 days of no meaningful contact, I went at her place and broke up with her. She cried a lot. We had to meet again the next day and she cried again.

After that we stayed NC for 1 month. I called to ask how she was (and honestly I was hoping she would be sad and want to come back with me) and we arranged a coffee meeting. We met and she was still emotional, it was obvious she had been crying before the meeting, and was almost cried when we said goodbye. I felt she still had feelings when we hugged and when she was staring at me.

So I decided to meet her again and we arranged a second meeting. After some weird moments she asked me if I am there to ask her back and I said "I don't know, what do you think?" She said it is final and doesn't want to see me sad and there was something missing. We continued talking and her point of view is that she dumped me and I was suffering, she didn'

she didn't deserve me etc. I turned it into a joke again and left. She was extremely kind and warm towards me all the time during those two post break up meetings. Said she didn't have anyone new and no one wants to enter her life (she cried when she said that).

But I know she goes to social events with her friends often and uses facebook which is very uncommon for her.

Do you think this is a case of GIGS and do you think she would try to come back some time?

P.S. I actually cheated on her midway through the time together, with my then ex, that helped me stay more aloof and even now when I feel bad most of the time, I have those really strong moments of non nonchalance when I feel very well and optimistic.

thanks fellow aquas and horoscope fans, I know it's a long story but would be glad to hear your opinion or experience in similar cases.

Yikes! She might go back but once she finds out you cheated on here, it's pretty much over. If she decides to take you back, she won't trust you and she might make your life a living hell. I wouldn't try to hide it either because the truth always comes out.

Funny thing is she answered my messages quite quickly and responded my calls, she doesn't harbor hard feelings and I hope sincerely doesn't want to lose me from her life completely.

Should I believe her that she hasn't met someone new? Is it possible that she is hoping for another ex to come back to her (her first love)?

Posted by frank14
Funny thing is she answered my messages quite quickly and responded my calls, she doesn't harbor hard feelings and I hope sincerely doesn't want to lose me from her life completely.

Should I believe her that she hasn't met someone new? Is it possible that she is hoping for another ex to come back to her (her first love)?

She probably hasn't met anyone knew. We do like are alone time and it allows us time to heal, and continue to move forward. What do you want from her?

I want her to come back to me and love me forever. She used to say that she hates when I am too proud and cocky...

I think you avoided a crazy bitch

The 11th sign is good. He calls it as he sees it. What's your sign frank 14?

We are both Aquas, with venus in Aqua, but my ascendant is in capricorn. We're born on the same day actually.

Do you think I should try to impress her by sending her something (as I write and paint)

Here is her chart:

Rising Sign is in 08 Degrees Taurus
Sun is in 06 Degrees Aquarius.
Moon is in 11 Degrees Leo.
Mercury is in 02 Degrees Aquarius.
Venus is in 07 Degrees Aquarius.
Mars is in 25 Degrees Scorpio.
Jupiter is in 23 Degrees Aquarius.
Saturn is in 07 Degrees Sagittarius.
Uranus is in 20 Degrees Sagittarius.
Neptune is in 04 Degrees Capricorn.
Pluto is in 07 Degrees Scorpio.
N. Node is in 04 Degrees Taurus.

I think any type of gesture would be nice.

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
I think you avoided a crazy bitch

+++

Aquadeer, don't you think it could be interpreted as a pushy gesture, as if I try to change her mind?

And what exactly is this cookiemonster?

The last week I learned some news about my ex and she is really trying to have some success in social and work aspect...

Perhaps she saw this as a "sex only" relationship and is past it and wants to move on to something more real?

—

Perhaps, but she was the one crying and having emotional breakdowns, while I was telling her she's beautiful and strong. She had psychological and health issues, I supported her through the hardships and always tried to be happy and optimistic (as I've learned from own experience - smile is the best medicine).
In the end I think it was a case of a hurt bird, you know - I caught her while she was hurt and helped her, but when she healed she had to go.
I will not try to contact her cause right now she is having a good time with her new friends and I suspect she is working on new project with new people, so maybe she will (or already did) find someone to connect emotionally with.
It's just that I wished she would love me and that all the time we were together to be really special, not some wasted months of fake understanding and "getting to know each other".

I ended my previous relationship in the moment I realized the woman next to me was trying to analyze my character and drew a picture of me in the future - whether I would be a good husband or not. I told her - you either love me or you don't. I can't stand women testing me and trying to "get who I am". Could be insecurity, but I feel fine in my skin.
Sorry for the long message, I am kinda venting I guess.

From my experience, women can't fall in love until they understand and "get who you are". Inside and out, deep and shallow, all the levels, ya know.

Eh, well, I'm a cap.

Posted by frank14
Aquadeer, don't you think it could be interpreted as a pushy gesture, as if I try to change her mind?

And what exactly is this cookiemonster?

The last week I learned some news about my ex and she is really trying to have some success in social and work aspect...

It could be interpreted as a pushy gesture, depending on how it's presented and how everything was ended.

A cookie monster, I believe it's interpreted in this sentence as a crazy biish. hahaha

That's great that she's trying to move forward and that doesn't mean she has connected emotionally with another guy. She could be trying to keep her mind busy and focus on work.

Posted by truecap
From my experience, women can't fall in love until they understand and "get who you are". Inside and out, deep and shallow, all the levels, ya know.

Eh, well, I'm a cap.

Truth :-)

She reconnected with old friends and this process started before we split, she tried hard to hide it and I think that's why she became cold towards me - guilt and all that. I can't blame her.
Now she has some projects with some of those old friends and she doesn't lack attention that's for sure.
So I think, anything I do would be in excess and too much, as when you are busy and someone you try to forget tries to get some time in your schedule.
It hurts me, but it's the logical truth. If she loved me or cared for me, she would give me a call or even invite me to those events or tell me about her success (even just as a friendly gesture).
I met a nice gemini girl who is interested in fwb and maybe I'll start seeing her in order to get some distance from my past and have more clear view on my situation. It's horrible, but otherwise I would stay all night at my tiny appartment and sweat in my bed like a crazy insomniac.
I'll have to succeed with my projects too and meet new people also.
But the outcome of this situation really puts a question for the loyalty and honesty in all my relationships with women - I can't keep them during hard times, they always leave for better pastures 🙂
As for the "get who you are" - my ex and my ex ex, thought that I'm a very good person, my ex thought I'm too good for her.

Posted by frank14
But the outcome of this situation really puts a question for the loyalty and honesty in all my relationships with women - I can't keep them during hard times, they always leave for better pastures 🙂

Honesty and loyalty go both ways. You have to present it to receive it. I think that's where your problem lies - you're not willing to let them in and get to understand you on a deep level and you admitted you weren't faithful. So how can you expect that from them when you're not willing to exhibit the same.

Just my two cents reading what you wrote. And of course, I don't know you and I don't know your entire back story.

No, you are right. I was ok with her being distant and never demanded more, because I know how I am and that it's impossible someone to force me to open up more if I don't want it. But then I was supportive all the time, I mean, she had some serious health and psychological problems and was her rock without a doubt, she had problems at work and I was there for her also. The sex was amazing, she told me that the last time we saw each other.
Anyway, it's a lost cause and as hard as it is, I must continue my life and concentrate on myself. It's a bumpy ride, sometimes I feel great, sometimes I feel down, but at night I really can't sleep. It was the same when my other ex left me, but at least I was still with this one. Serious case I am 🙂 Again, just to clarify my situation - I have almost no friends and I'm at a foreign country, I barely speak this f'ked up language and all this problems are weighting upon me. I am sure a hard mthfker, hope one day karma will do me good!
Best of luck to all of you,
I'll keep posting if you don't mind. It's helping me and maybe helpful for someone else with similar troubles.

Frank, you're going to be just fine. Keep posting!

Are you in a larger city? Perhaps there are organizations or bars or activities for people from your own country? My aunt (by marriage) is from a foreign country and she goes to these group things and has made a lot of friends. They automatically have something in common, so it's easier to find something to talk about.

Thanks truecap, I know many people from my country, but they are either old or young and stupid, sorry for the generalization, but I don't want to communicate too much with them.

I am actually on the verge of doing something stupid.

I suspect that my ex went back to her former ex and I learned (from the social media) that he is going on vacation abroad tomorrow, for three days.

Now I really have this desire to call my ex and ask her for a meeting with some absurd excuse or even go directly at her house late when she's supposed to be there. It's incredibly stupid, I know. Thank Gosh there is internet so I can share this idea with someone.

I even elaborate on the idea to mark somehow her door so that i can check later if she was away or not. Criminal mind.

What would I win from such an action?

If she is not with him and I call her or I do some crazy stalker things at her house - she'll see that I'm still broken and clingy.

If she is with him - she'll get stressed and start to hate me for invading her space and... nothing, just I'll know what all this was about.


That is pure Karma.

When I cheated on her with my ex, I had to be away from home for 4 days. So I wrote her a message that I'm incredibly busy with my latest project and would like to isolate myself from the world for the next few days. It was horrible.

Damn, what do you think? Pls don't judge me, I know I'm stupid

Where are you from Frank14?

Georgia (the country, not the state). Why?

I have some things to share again.

Today we met with my aqua ex. She was not on a holiday with her ex ex. 🙂 Again, she was kind and seemed honest. She told me she doesn't have anyone in her life and doesn't have interest in a particular person right now. Yes, she said, it would be good to find love, but there is no one and there wasn't (when we were together). She said she tries to concentrate on work and it's cold sometimes at night, but she prefers that than lying to someone who has feelings and wants something more.
I gave her a poem I wrote for her yesterday and pretty much acted like a emotional idiot, but I said some jokes and we laughed several times. She understands that it's difficult for me. She liked the poem and cried a little bit.
I don't see any chance for reconciliation.
Maybe it's better like that. But I know in few days or weeks I will want to see her again.

She cries a lot for an Aqua, I mean she's always crying. I don't appreciate unnecessary tears.

U know, i have done this to a guy. Im no Aquarius, but have venus in gemini which rules my love life.

I test a man who wants to stay. Like, why do u want to stay with me who is a total wreck sometimes? I try to shake him off, but actually dont want to. I behaved like this with a guy who was very much in love with me. I didnt understand how and why, i am a mess. So i acted nasty and aloof and made pointless dramas, so he can just go away and not love me because how can u love me? I said that in the end to him and he said that he wanted to be in my life, support me and he liked my weird moods etc. he stayed, he didnt even blink an eye when i acted this way.

I pushed him away many times but didnt wanted to and he didnt let me go. But it did end because i couldnt handle the love he gave me.

Your girl is acting this way maybe with same reason. U wont cry when u dont have feelings. She maybe clearly thinks she doesnt deserve you.

Thanks you for the responses, Namy and Taurusinsane. Maybe it's really some kind of self restriction, I suggested it to her on our last meeting, too, because I know this feeling as well. I was with a leo girl almost 3 years and she gave me too much love, I couldn't be on the same level, so I hurt her many times. But in the end feelings, even love, sometimes are not enough, as my ex said - it is probably "timing", it sounds like excuse though.
Right now I am almost clear headed, the jealousy is strong and if I see her with someone new it would be very very difficult for me. But I'll continue to write and if there is some miracle in the future and she contacts me... we'll see 🙂

p.s. she didn't tell me about anything personal, except that there is no one and no one wants to be in her life, but she spared me the news about her old friends, about her events and project (except one project with mutual friends she is working on since long time ago). I know she's hiding something and maybe she see there some potential for finding new partner... I guess I have to leave it to pass, like when all that social rich time passes, maybe she'll realize...

Have a great Sunday folks!

today my ex wrote me a msg to see if I am all right, she used the work "just a little thought". I answered that I'm fine and then she send me another msg that she's going in the province to work for a few days (I know she has an event in the town thursday and friday, but I don't want to think that she tries to delude me). I was surprised by this attention and I suppose she is really concerned about my condition. Although I would like to think that her motivation to contact me is not entirely driven by guilt and fear. A little piece of hope so easily created. And on top of that, I was on a dinner with a girl I planned to sleep with. The messages from my ex stopped me from doing it - horrible in both ways. I guess if I don't sleep with this girl next time I see her I'll be friendzoned for life and I don't care if my ex comes back!

Ok, just a little update. I feel better today and decided to abuse the kindness of my ex 🙂 I'm really fixed on things I like. So, lets say, she has a washing machine and she told me I can use it from time to time. I asked her if I can go and use it today, it serves me great because I'll use it and in the same time I'll her and her apartment. It's blatantly clingy and needy, I know it will do me no good in the process of healing and advancing but I prefer to do it. If she responds me positively, I'll go and give her also my latest poem for her!
Watch me fall 😄

Yeah, I was thinking that the great sex can keep things together, instead she was using me all the time, while preparing to leave. It's a different case, I even think I was a "rebound" 🙂

She ignored my message the whole day and responded 1 hour after midnight... She can give me less than an hour before going to practice, tomorrow. I don't know if I should even go there. I really want to destroy this connection to the ground, I can't continue to be rejected, she's even not that pretty or smart, butter... And the gemini girl is very very interested, if I want I can sleep with her easily. Why the heck am I continuing to loose sleep for this aqua ex!? How to remove this weakness? Life is hard 🙂

I don't know if anyone cares about my story here, but I'll continue to write when there are news.

Today I went to her apartment with the excuse to use a device she has. I gave her my poem and she read it a few times, told me it's difficult for her, but really liked it and told me I'm strong poet 🙂 I was nonchalant and playful and we hugged for a long time.
I kissed her on the neck and she said "Mm, this is so good." Then I wanted to leave, but she said she still has 5 minutes, so we went on the coach and hugged for like 10-15 minutes. In this time she cried. After that she said with a voice like asking a question "I have to go" and I said "let's go". So we went out each on it's way.

All of her behavior was great as far as I can tell, but of course here are the bad things:
-before letting me use her pc, she logged off of facebook - > she is hiding something 100%
- she was listening to a music which I recognized from the profile of one of her friends in facebook (I am stalking her like crazy) - so I think there is something between them and she had either slept with him already or is preparing to sleep with him. That's of course my imagination, but the details I saw are important.

The good things are that I was really in great condition and looked amazing, she told me I'm strong and my writing is strong, she hit me few times playfully, caressed my legs, face, the physical attraction was 100% .

So, if I manage to be nonchalant and wait for her to call me I really have a chance.

If she decides that this bum from facebook or some other weak butterhead is better for her - let it be.

Right now, I'm fine with the situation.

There is still the depression looking behind the corner, but I'll fight it somehow!

Do you think if she already slept with someone, she would be so affectionate and tender when I kiss her and hug her?

I had the impression that she misses the body contact not only with me but with another human.

Do you think she could choose a new guy, even if I'm more handsome and more intelligent? (but bearing the past failure)

Thank you all and have a good one!

Hi there gals and guys,

It's been 8 months since my last update and maybe no one is interested in my failures, but anyway I need to vent.

Late November I gave up and went to my ex's apartment with a cat I found on the street ! I rang the bell few times, I waited like 15 minutes and then just left, but she called me and said she had a shower...

So I went inside all angry and stressed and I told her that this friend thing is not working for me, that I'm in a too emotional state and I don't think she is an honest friend, because she is hiding too much stuff. Also I told her due to her refusal to give me us a second chance, all the time we spent together was one big lie.

She said "so you came here to break up with me again?" and I said "no, I came here with the intention to do something right, something normal, but it ended up being weird and unwanted, i understand it and i am ashamed but i suck at dealing with feelings", she was kind and even tried to be physically comforting.

I really wanted to take a piss, but didn't want to move at all, so I just stayed in the chair and she sat on the ground and my legs and she rested on my knees.

I asked her few weird things in order to memorize this last moment and when i left, she had the impression it's over over and she told me - if you are in trouble call me, but this doesn't mean you should jumped under a car right now!



Ok, so I went NO CONTACT (but i still continued to check her facebook) from the end of November till last week.

Yesterday I wrote her a message - how are you, it's been long time. She didn't reply to me. So today I sent her a second text - it's me, are you angry?
She replied in 10 minutes - no, i was thinking to reply to you but it took too much time and it became too late, excuse me. I'm fine, how are you.....

So I answered fine and invited her for a drink if she wants and in the end added that i'm curious about her.

So she replied to me 5 hours later - why not, some of the next days, but i need time to get used to the idea...

What do you guys think?


What does it mean for a aqua chick to ask for more time to get used to the idea of meeting an ex (after 7 months of no contact)


Thank you all and sorry for the long message.