Virgos and Aquarius - My mother is a Virgo!!!

I live with a Virgo.

It drives me mad when it comes to how things should be done. It drives me mad when she goes into complete Virgo mode.

But she's refreshing and open minded (except when it comes to sex)and we're both more or less the same in terms of intellect. She bright and we compromise well

Except for her prejudices.... race when it comes to marriage and sexual orientation and religiously. And when we clash boy do we implode. I can't manipulate her and I can make some emotional strikes on her. It's like Silent Treatment level 100000.

It's the negative element of wanting to control ..have a hand in almost everything that kills me. And when it comes to dating, well heck... marriage talks are the first sure thing to pop up - the heat and her idea that I will date with intentions to marry scares the tree trunk outta me. I feel like I haven't the chance to fall in love peacefully.

And now she says you can date (but in more colloquial terms) but with in her racial preference. FUSTRATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON is making my head ache. How in god's good earth do I deal with that? And now that she's said that, I'm like 'what is dating?' and I have the weirdest urge to refuse every guy she approves off... not course they're offensive but because then I'm not sure why I like them in the first place - Because of mother's approval or because I really do.

Help?

Sorry Aqua babe. While you're under her roof, nothing will change. I'm sorry... I'm living a similar situation and I'm already in my 20's. it's the same year after year. Be independent and maybe getting a job will give you more freedom to do what you want. Stay strong and good vibes your way~ Feisty Pisces

Thanks, it's basically why I just don't take to keen an interest in dating. I am getting braver about things and more assertive. But like I still keep looking subconsciously for approval and I don't want that to be the case for who ever I date.

Do the friends-first thing. Get to know them as friends. If, after a time, you could imagine spending LOT'S of time with a guy, then you yourself could want to date him with or without mother's approval. If you can't stand a guy after giving him a good, fair shot, then don't date him.

You're not looking for someone to marry at this point, anyway.

Before she's a virgo,she's your mom...so have some respect!! 🙂

just smile and nod and agree with everything she says and then do your own thing.

Posted by Solis0Ryne
Thanks, it's basically why I just don't take to keen an interest in dating. I am getting braver about things and more assertive. But like I still keep looking subconsciously for approval and I don't want that to be the case for who ever I date.

But it IS important to have family approval of who you marry. I'm not saying you're going to marry every guy you date, but if you date them there is always that future potential.

I'm not saying that you should not date someone because they don't approve, but if your family doesn't like who you're with, it makes things more difficult. If your family likes them, things go a lot more smoothly and there will be a whole lot less drama.

*steps into mom mode*

And remember, your mom is an adult who has lived life and been there, done that and she has a lot of wisdom and knowledge. Don't think things were different in her day. There weren't. Except we didn't have the internet and social media and texting to deal with.

Respect your mom's opinion. She is looking at things objectively and can see red flags that you may not be able to see. You may only think she's prejudice, but it may be the actual person she has a problem with.

Although I may get shot at for this, a huge difference in religion or culture, creates some issues for a couple. That couple has to be strong in their love and faith to learn how to compromise on these differences. Holiday rituals and celebrations, for instance.

Your mom is your mom and she loves you unconditionally. She only wants the best for you. Please be tolerant and accepting of her love.

*steps out of mom mode*

And also, let your mom get to know them before you announce that you're dating. Once she gets to know the person really well, she will be more inclined to let go of her prejudices.

She is only human afterall, and for some reason, all humans have some sort of prejudice of one kind or other (doesn't have to be race or religion, it could be against redheads, roughnecks, blondes, preachers, lawyers, men, women, kids, crack heads and reformed crack heads, etc). It's human nature.

Here honey they made a song to educate you in these matters, your the guy at the end??_..

I have every respect fr her and I love her dearly.Okay let me clarify, I have never dated anyone EVER. I'm twenty two and I have had years of no boys. I accepted and it didn't bother me because I always thought it was okay. I had time but now that I am finished with high school and A levels, and I'm meeting more people, I would like to you know pursue the waters. I understand she has her bias but I can't even have male friends.

I made a friend who's younger than me and it's totally platonic. Oh and he's of afo Trinidadian descent We agreed to meet and go to a movie. The pre-lecture was fine, you know, you can't be friends with boys, it's never just friends... and your going out with him because your interested in him and he's not of your race. In the end, she let me because my friend had done a portrait of me and he wanted to give it to me. We forgot the portrait, the movie was great and it was fun. We are friends, nothing more.

When I came home, I got the silent treatment and then the next day, the next day was the worst day I have had in months. She kept on at me and she went on about me not shaming the family, and how I should just go live with my friend and shack up and all sorts of cruel things.She kept accusing me of things that I would do in the future, and it was like putting words in my mouth except not. Then she said that I should go back to New York to live with my siblings. And I kept telling her he's just a friend. There's nothing between us, I don't even like him. So I ended up crying and it was the worse day in a long time i ever had.

I know she knows more than me. And I don't want to lead anyone else. I know that marriage is always up there in the general theme of dating but I don't want the pressure of I must marry who ever I date. I want things to progress naturally and come to a point where I want to marry...or we want to marry. I can't have my mothers shadow in my relationships. I just can't.

Posted by Draumstafir
Do the friends-first thing. Get to know them as friends. If, after a time, you could imagine spending LOT'S of time with a guy, then you yourself could want to date him with or without mother's approval. If you can't stand a guy after giving him a good, fair shot, then don't date him.

You're not looking for someone to marry at this point, anyway.

Oh goodness, thank you! I like that idea. I have met people that have been infatuated with me on first sight. And they're pretty too but when the stalkery thing starts to rear its head I back away. A guy gave my mom and I a drop/ride while we were walking to a hardware and we ended up giving him our phone because he could help us out with an estimate for some hardware material. My mother liked him at first sight, he's Indian, fair skinned and brown eyes. To be fair, I liked him too. He was pretty to look at. He called talked to my mom a few times then he called and I answered and then he asked if he could get me a phone (since i don't have one) with out mommy knowing. I told him no, I don't know you. Five minutes and this dude wants to buy me a phone. Sadly that's not the first time something like that happened.

This sort of thing just scares me.

Posted by Solis0Ryne

Posted by Draumstafir
Do the friends-first thing. Get to know them as friends. If, after a time, you could imagine spending LOT'S of time with a guy, then you yourself could want to date him with or without mother's approval. If you can't stand a guy after giving him a good, fair shot, then don't date him.

You're not looking for someone to marry at this point, anyway.

Oh goodness, thank you! I like that idea. I have met people that have been infatuated with me on first sight. And they're pretty too but when the stalkery thing starts to rear its head I back away. A guy gave my mom and I a drop/ride while we were walking to a hardware and we ended up giving him our phone because he could help us out with an estimate for some hardware material. My mother liked him at first sight, he's Indian, fair skinned and brown eyes. To be fair, I liked him too. He was pretty to look at. He called talked to my mom a few times then he called and I answered and then he asked if he could get me a phone (since i don't have one) with out mommy knowing. I told him no, I don't know you. Five minutes and this dude wants to buy me a phone. Sadly that's not the first time something like that happened.

This sort of thing just scares me.

click to expand

Awwwww... that's hilarious in all the good ways! xD

Can we see your chart? You can just post placements if you're not sure about how to do it. For those of us with paranoia buttons (myself included), it is hard to remember sometimes that flirtation can come across as scary stalking. About the phone-guy (in case this scenario repeats itself), refusing something secret to Virgo-mom was definitely a smart move. She sounds excessively micro-managing. But keeping in touch as friends wouldn't be bad, and then if you liked him enough to date him, hey, non-secret gifts from boyfriends (or even friends on birthdays!) should be totally acceptable. You'd trust him more by then. Some of these gadgets aren't nearly so expensive as they used to be, either.

And remember, you are never, ever, in no way at all, obligated to a guy who gets you a gift. The stalkery feeling usually goes hand-in-hand with the have-to-owe-them feeling. You can get someone a gift in return, but the gift doesn't have to be YOU.

I dated a Libra Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising for a little over half a year. There was something very instinctive telling me I wanted to take care of him. He was just plain adorable... like a grown-up little boy. Goofy. Entirely, adorably goofy. Activated all my maternal instincts. He probably hated it, but didn't seem to mind. Most grown-up's might hate it. I've never had such a strong instinct for that to a guy before. It's always been directed at ACTUAL kids, who are indeed adorably cute and goofy.

If you have Aquarius Sun, that could be why guys like to get you gifts. 😄

She won't change her mind. The more you try to oppose her, the more she will try to resist. What it sounds like is that she doesn't want to "embarrass" the family. Like Capricorn said, when you start dying someone, and they become an important part of your life and you start bringing them over for family stuff, or if they see you at the store, they'll start questioning you or her. It's rooted in her to reject anything that might rock the boat. You're 22 years old, be independent, get a job, an internship somewhere, idk something that gives you space between you and your mom so she doesn't have eyes on you all the time. And always reassure your mom that you love her and understand her, and that you're not always going to agree on everything. Ask her if her and her own mom got along and agreed on everything. Things change, customs change and you're not against giving her choices a shot, but forcing you into something you don't feel comfortable with isn't going to end in happy matrimony. I hope you have better luck.

***dating*** not dying

I'm starting to notice a pattern in long stories with no real questions.

Or should I say questions that no one should answer for you but yourself.

As an aqua I would say "do whatever the fuck you want".

Posted by Draumstafir
I dated a Libra Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising for a little over half a year. There was something very instinctive telling me I wanted to take care of him. He was just plain adorable... like a grown-up little boy. Goofy. Entirely, adorably goofy. Activated all my maternal instincts. He probably hated it, but didn't seem to mind. Most grown-up's might hate it. I've never had such a strong instinct for that to a guy before. It's always been directed at ACTUAL kids, who are indeed adorably cute and goofy.

If you have Aquarius Sun, that could be why guys like to get you gifts. 😄

He sounds wonderful!

I am an aqua sun, a sag moon and cancer rising.

I get the gift giving thing everywhere I go and not just guys who are interested in me... everybody. I have people who just buy me lunch just because they want to. I run into generous people everywhere. They don't even sit with me, they go there way. It's wonderful lol and it drove my gemini friend crazy one time.

Posted by aquasnoz
I'm starting to notice a pattern in long stories with no real questions.

Or maybe people just want to share pointless stories.

I have the flu. I get obsessive when I'm not feeling well.

Awwww another Aqua sun/sag mooner 😄

it's the energy you give out- we ARE happy people almost always, Radiant smiles and laughter!

Posted by justagirl
Awwww another Aqua sun/sag mooner 😄

it's the energy you give out- we ARE happy people almost always, Radiant smiles and laughter!

All the time, the definition of the Shirley Temple syndrome.

Posted by Feistypisces777
She won't change her mind. The more you try to oppose her, the more she will try to resist. What it sounds like is that she doesn't want to "embarrass" the family. Like Capricorn said, when you start dying someone, and they become an important part of your life and you start bringing them over for family stuff, or if they see you at the store, they'll start questioning you or her. It's rooted in her to reject anything that might rock the boat. You're 22 years old, be independent, get a job, an internship somewhere, idk something that gives you space between you and your mom so she doesn't have eyes on you all the time. And always reassure your mom that you love her and understand her, and that you're not always going to agree on everything. Ask her if her and her own mom got along and agreed on everything. Things change, customs change and you're not against giving her choices a shot, but forcing you into something you don't feel comfortable with isn't going to end in happy matrimony. I hope you have better luck.

Thank you for the advice. It's the most straight forward, honest answer I've gotten. I guess I have to learn to build a barrier against her negativity in this area.

Posted by aquasnoz
Or should I say questions that no one should answer for you but yourself.

As an aqua I would say "do whatever the fuck you want".

^ Seriously, Best Advice ^

virgo haters.go 2 hell ya'll burn in the ash heaps