Confidence or Insecurity

If you know it's right for you, and you know you are able and worthy, and you know that courage is key to success .. yet, FEAR doing it and therefore you don't, then which is it you actually possess in reality?

Confidence or Insecurity?

"If you know it's right for you, and you know you are able and worthy, and you know that courage is key to success .. yet, FEAR doing it and therefore you don't, then which is it you actually possess in reality?

Confidence or Insecurity?"



I believe PA that you will be recieving many different answers to your question depending on the persons age and life experiences.

I have always felt that nothing is impossible and yes, there are MANY things that i want to do before I leave Planet Earth and fortunately, I have been able to do most of them. If, I want something bad enough - I will achieve it. Can't say that I fear anything because I have always gone in the direction of my dreams. Sometimes while being on a path of one of my dreams....I change and that dream no longer serves me so....time to move onto the next adventure. Maybe insecurity comes from being in "fear" mode rather than "love" mode?

Well, it's a girl, a friend .. it's just you guys are suppose to be the experts in understanding how self-confidence effects the life, so I figured I'd ask you. She says she is sure and she knows what she's doing and gives off the aire of being confident ... yet, it doesn't appear this way to me. I see something different.

The situation is .. she holding on tightly in a failed relationship, she won't swim and she won't let him leave because she says she is going to win him back over to her side, while he maintains that he's done .. it's getting ugly and he's getting ready to bail without her understanding. He wants it to be mutual .. he doesn't want to piss her off or hurt her .. he just wants out.

So, to me, when she says she's confident in winning somebody who doesn't want her and has said so .. I see this as some kind of insecurity she has based around fear of being rejected. Yet, to her, she can't see this as an insecurity on her part and won't let go of him, and of course gets pissed at me for saying it, lol.

It's damaging her, it's hurting her .. because he IS leaving her. But, she refuses to see it and I fully realize that she's trying to stay positive .. however, in the end, she's going to be hurt even more. Whereas, if she accepted what is and let him walk, her pain would be less severe.

He's looking to me, and I can't reason with her. I guess I'm not understanding how this works. With me, I'm extremely confident in myself, but, it's different from you guys. Mine works in different ways and I've no clue how to get through to her, to get her to understand that she has to let go, so he can swim freely, without making this any worse than it already is.

You think maybe it's just an immaturity thing? She is kind of young. From what you said, it sounds like she just doesn't want to admit that it's over, which would suggest that she probably really knows deep down.

So, I should just back off and not pressure her .. and just tell the guy he's going to have to dip, and be done with it without worrying about her feelings?

FB, the thing is .. she's always known what was right or wrong, and she's never afraid, or at least, she doesn't project this feeling for me to pick up. And she knows that this guy is wrong, because she knows she's unhappy .. yet, she fears.

However, I think it's just an admittance thing, like FT said .. she must know and isn't afraid really, rather, maybe this is like a last stand to show strength or something.

Ah...I see. Well, I don't think this is only an Aries thing - this seems to be quite common amongst many women these days. You are correct, it is fear based. When we are coming from a place of love, we will honor the other person and allow them their happiness. She is learning, she is growing and maybe this experience is one of the lessons that will provide the growth and knowledge for understanding that she needs.

Another possibility is that maybe as you said, giving up or letting go of the relationship may appear to feel like defeat in her eyes and if so, will affect her pride.

She will learn what she needs to and that is a positive - a gift.

that doesnt sound like an aries at all! if im told by the person that i love or am with that its over or wants out......its almost like a flipin a light switch....but it has to be told direct...mind games are confusing
if they want out there is the door,
for a sec i thought you were talking about my ex virgo and she is 29! lol seems its a woman thing

She is defo an Aries .. she is also very young. So, I think she just hasn't had enough life experiences yet (in this department) to realize that love has to be wanted, it can't be forced upon the other.

She'll get there hopefully. The problem I'm facing is that, though, she's the actual friend to me, the man and I have also developed a relationship (friends) and he is looking to me to help him. He really is a cool guy, sensitive to feelings, and he doesn't want to hurt her any more than necessary.

Good men are hard to find, so I can see her desire on wanting to keep him, eventhough she's unhappy. But, love can't be forced on another .. they love you, or they don't, and if it's not love and you're unhappy, then it's time to leave. Fish work that way, and she doesn't realize how fortunate she is, for most just swim.

Thanks for everyone's reply 🙂 .. at this point, I'm just going to tell him to venture down stream and the only thing I can do is be there for her when she crashes. And hopefully, she'll gain a new perspective that she can carry with her.

Aries have Amygdala too. To say aries is fearless is absurd. No one is totally confident and completely secure. The difference is we like to challenge our fears rather than shy away.

red_aries,

"No one is totally confident and completely secure."

Do you know that to be the absolute truth?

hey P...sorry to hear about your friend. But you're right, all you can do is be there for her when she crashes. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love, but it must be done to allow for growth on both ends.

RE: confidence or insecurity...I think it's actually fear. And for Aries, it's never just fear of failure, but there's also fear of winning or fear of having all of your assumptions come to light. I've noticed that a lot w/ Aries (and myself). We want something, and the idea that we could actually get it freaks us out!

Your friend may be working hard to win him over because she knows that she's going to loose him. She's overcompensating because she doesn't want to fail and she knows he's a good man. That's what makes it hard for her, she already knows the end result.

She may be prepared for this. Aries are not that oblivious. It will be hard, but it sounds like she might already be in the mind set for loss...subconsciously.

yes. fear and doubt arises out of stimulation from amygdala. if somehow your brain loses this body part, then even death or pain cannot overwhelm you.

"But they cannot handle it when "thank you" is missing."

I am not sure what you are saying here likeBrad - care to explain?

I am an Aries and it does not bother me at all if someone does not say "thank you." If it did, that means I was doing something for something rather than doing it because I just felt like it. However, in considering a serious relationship with that person..nah, probably not.

I will say though...those who do say "thank you" are more than likely coming from a place of gratitude and really appreciate what has been done for them. This is a wonderful quality to have and will bring a relationship closer - respect.