Aries? or Psychopath

My ex Aries was involved in a car accident in my car. He said that him and the other party exchanged license plate numbers, and reassured me that I didn't have to worry about anything, especially because no damage was done to my car. About a month later (2 weeks ago), I got a letter saying I needed to go to a hearing for a hit and run traffic accident, and if i didn't show up, a warrant would be issued for my arrest. Of course, I knew the exact incident the letter referred to.

My ex and I met w/ the investigative officer. It was then that I realized he didn't have a license. How did I know? Because I sat and watched him lie to the Police Officer about forgetting to bring his ID (which was a fake, he admitted later), and lie that he didn't remember the address on his license. He gave his SS# so the Police Officer could look him up in the system, and there was no trace of him. This meant that he didn't have a license or gave a fake SS#. Either way, that was the last straw for me...when I realized what a deceitful liar he was.

He never apologized. In fact, he tried to blame me for not reporting the incident (I wasn't even there!!). When we left, he acted like nothing was wrong. Instead, wanted to know if I changed my myspace page because I told the officer he was an EX boyfriend. Long story almost short, I went home that night, changed the locks on my door, packed his things, and called him to let him know when to pick it up. He was livid, calling me all sorts of names. Saying that IIIII was acting like a child. I defended myself by saying that I was just doing what was best for me.

Anyway, such characteristics (childish tendencies, failure to acknowledge the law, failure to take responsibility for your actions, manipulation and deceit) are tendencies of psychopath, yet, they can be found in many Aries as well. I don't want to offend any aries...My sister and FB and neice are aries and good people. But is there some kind of link here? Roxi? P? FB? What do you all think?

BTW, the plaintiff in the Hit & Run Investigation is only seeking payment for the damages to his car. My ex claimed he was going to pay the damages, but since I put him out of my apt., it is now my responsibility (spoken from the rams mouth). I figured as much.

What hurts most about all this is that I've started to question our entire relationship. What he lied to me about. When he was being nice, was it just to distract me? Did he ever care, and if so, why did he stop? Will I ever find closure? Urgh...this is so hard for me. 2 1/2 yrs is a long time. I want so bad to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I've done so too many times, already, and look where it got me. I just feel so betrayed, and what sucks is that he has no idea, and ill never get it.

Hi TS,

Oh my goodness what a journey you have been on! First, I would suggest for your health, be grateful that you have discovered in this man what you instinctively knew before about him and knowing that his qualities are not what you are looking for or are they in your best interest. Second, yes- you have many questions about his actions, him and your relationship and honestly, I am not sure that you will ever know the truth. Sometimes I think we can get ourselves stuck in the past by running those tapes over and over in our minds never really knowing - by constantly running those "tapes" we keep the relationship alive - we stay "stuck" making it harder to move on with our own lives and in the process wasting our valuable time and energy which can be productive in other areas of our life.

TS.....I am not so sure that his "condition" is typical of Aries. I seem to feel that his past most likely has to do with who he is today. In our lives, we make bonds with others and experience a "relationship" with them and for some reason unbeknownst to us, the person or the situation changes leaving us without an explanation. Here is our opportunity to learn that we cannot always "understand" we can only ACCEPT what has happened. It is what it is - there is growth in that experience for you, always is. Once we can ACCEPT each moment as it is, there is no resistance and we move ahead without feeling discombobulated, keeping our emotional well being in tact. There is nothing you can change about him or the situation - you are only responsible for you honey and what an incredible gift that is! You make your decisions on how you desire for your life to be and who will be the lucky people to share in your world. Find those who cherish, love and respect you for this is what you truly deserve, always.

I say be glad Mr. Aries showed up in your world, he was a gift in showing you what it is you do not want in your life. We need to experience what doesn't work for us so that when the most wonderful experience does come our way..........we will KNOW it and by golly, we will be so ever grateful for the new feelings.

You are exactly experiencing what you need to experience for your growth - it was in your world because YOU can handle this. Time to uncover your hidden courage, strength, power, and will to go on no matter what.

I believe in you and I know you will merge from this experience more incredible than you were before!

went over my limit.....

Hugs to you }}}}}

Freebird

OMG, truthie ..

You've put so much into this, sacrifice after sacrifice .. and now look .. OMG !!!

I know it hurts so bad, but, you're doing the right thing. You have to think about your dignity and that's what you're doing. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I can remember all the things you've gone through and done (that you've posted) to make this work, and now, it's all for nothing. 😢😢

It's reasonable for you to think back to everything that has taken place to ponder if he's been lying all along .. I mean, if his social security came up unidentifiable, then maybe he isn't even who he says he is .. has he NEVER had a license?

He could be anybody, if there's no trace of him from his SS# .. dear, now I'm getting frightened here .. did you mean NO TRACE of him, or just not a driver's license? If there's no trace of him and he can't be identified by his SS .. then, Truthseeker .. he could be really friggin dangerous.

If he stalks you and makes your life hell, if he frightens you and you need to get away .. you know I'm only a couple hours drive from you. If you need to hide, my home is open 🙂🙂 The Vienna Metro is less than a hour away.

((((hugs)))))

Not meaning to make excuses, for there isn't any .. however, thinking about "reasons" for this behaviour, and as I see other Rams. Like my DIL, for example .. she is similiar to your ex, in that she just plows forward, without any regard to consequences and continually puts the blame on the people around her .. it's never HER fault, of course.

I think it's not having any control over impulses .. which we all have, we all get surges and intense desires .. but, the difference is that WE have control, which I think the Aries is completely lacking (FB and the other matured Rams knows I don't mean them) .. and I would tend to think that when this happens (leaps without looking), then when it comes back to kick their butts, because they lacked forsight, they also lack hindsight.

If you can't see before you do .. then how can you see after you do

Anyway, again .. this isn't an excuse in any way on his behalf .. just thinking about where within him this might have came from.

Geese...you guys rock so much! I find myself, as I mentioned earlier, going back and forth. But then when I actually type what happened and read your responses, it kicks me right back to reality. PriingLeo, betrayal is EXTREMELY hard for Leos to deal w/, or any dignified person. My emotions go from anger, to hurt, to shock! To think that I was so naive and...STUPID...isn't something I like having to realize, either. All my friends kept telling me "you're too nice." Shiit, I guess i am too nice! Does that mean I need to be more callous? That's the issue I'm dealing with right now. I always give people the benefit of the doubt, i can't help it! I'm sure all of you are the same way, but learning when to be more discriminatory comes w/ growth (I guess?)

This brings me to FB's point. You know, I did learn a lot from this relationship. This whole time I was confused, not knowing what I wanted or if I wanted this relationship. Now, it's soooo clear what I want and what I don't want. I once read somewhere that all women go through this "kind" of relationship in their mid 20's as a test of strength. I must say that kicking him out made me feel in more control of myself and more confident in what I have to offer. I just wish that it didn't have to go so far. It became obvious that I didn't respect myself or love myself as much as I should (which is why I'm completely off the radar in order to take care of me). But learning that was frightful. I mean, EVERYTHING that we went through, that I tolerated...am i really that desperate and lonely? I guess I'm as shocked w/ myself as I am w/ my ex. But at least I know I can "fix" me:-)

P...she ran his ss# and it came up that he didn't have any record of a license. I think I told you he was polish. His family came here when he was 2, moved back to poland when he was 15, and he moved back on his own around 18. He probably NEVER got a license, but I don't know that for sure. However, I remember him going to a couple of job interviews and always bringing his passport to fill out paper work...who does that?!?! That's what I mean, all these questions have been popping into my head about the past...but I'm gonna try not to let it bog me down. I just can't believe I was so STUPID! urgh...

Thanks for opening your home! It would be nice to meet you, whether I'm in danger or not LOL! I'm not worried, but I am aware. I'm not going to live in fear because...well...I'm not afraid.

You're NOT stupid .. you're human, who was feeling a person and giving your heart and soul to him.

We have to have mistakes .. that's how we learn. That doesn't make us stupid, it makes us smart because we recognize that it's wrong and adjust our lives to make it right.

He's the one who is stupid because he screwed you over and lost you.


You're welcome and the next time I venture into town, which will probably be around Christmas to see the National Christmas Tree, I was planning on PM'ing you first, to see if we could hook up for dinner or drinks. Though, I'm not sure where the tree is .. Rockafeller Center? Oh, it's probably at the Capital .. dah me.

Hahaha...rockafeller's in NY, right?

Thanks, again, for coming to my rescue w/ kind & straightforward words! I would luv to get together of dinner or drinks whenever you're in town!

Thanks to you FB and PriingLeo as well...maybe all of us could have a virtual drink one day:-)

Maybe stupid isn't the right word...but embarrassed is more like it. Either way, you're right...i learned!

lol, NY?

Ok, so, if I go to town looking for it .. it might take me awhile, since it isn't in DC.

**pulls out club to pound on head**

TS - Can't blame U since there are days when most of us come here to let our frustrations out on the whole community. Don't try to find a common thread or pattern here since itz already ubiquitous, independent of the sign. So Ur questions should be more on the lines of ( if at all U are worried about Ur dignified ways ) - What are the various ways with which one can help an Aries in such situation ? Is it at all feasible ? OR How to identify and avoid such characters ? etc.

I really don't understand how one can balance aristocracy with human frailties and Ur post reflected a clear intent to malign. This will not help anyone in general and also U in specific.

Coming back to one of the secondary purposes of the post - U already have done a right thing by relegating that person to being Ur "ex" now and indeed that must have been warranted. His reaction is natural but not justified of course. And what would U expect from a non-leo, loser designate whoz sour since he has received a kick in the back-side ? Watz so extra-ordinary about that ? U just have to treat his diatribe as trash and retain that elegant demeanour of Urs. Is it that difficult ? About Ur observation many Aries ( I felt that it was purported for all ,though ) thare found to be the law-breakers,manipulative, deceitful etc. - To an extent itz true. Many of us are so careless and lethargic that we don't even know what laws prevail, forget about breaking those( This was an explanation and not a defense BTW ). Invariably, such acts would lead us to circumstances where , if we are let scot-free with only some humiliation, then it can be deemed as a great escape. If someone starts throwing a fit there, then it has to be about saving that imaginary/legendary/whatsoever macho image which, without any doubt, is not dependent only on one variable - the sign one was born under.

And to all lionesses - With us, U don't have to be loving and condescending at the same time. It doesn't work, simply.

I am getting a bit worried with this arien tendency of becoming psychopaths!...what the hell....Most turn out to be like that...

Majority Rules !!!!

GA

As a good person who happens to be Leo, I am always concerned with whether or not I am being fair and dignified when it comes to relating, on all levels. Therefore, I would like to hear your opinionated response to those questions you posed; those to which you thought I should ponder (as well as the others): What are the various ways with which one can help an Aries in such situation ? Is it at all feasible ? OR How to identify and avoid such characters ?

Regarding my post, it was only an observation. I really do wonder if i was dating a psychopath, and I was inspired to align such individuals with members of the Aries sun after reading your post on the Aries Male ('Feminist View' by Eleanor Buckwalter.) Listing my grievances was a way to offer evidence towards my hypothesis regarding this topic, and never an intent to malign. THAT'S why I posted my topic...and NOT to let off steam. (Although it did help let off some steam)

"And what would U expect from a non-leo, loser designate whoz sour since he has received a kick in the back-side ? Watz so extra-ordinary about that ? U just have to treat his diatribe as trash and retain that elegant demeanour of Urs. Is it that difficult ?"

I have been on the receiving end of a kick in the back-side by an ex. I never saw it coming. And my reaction was to try and find out what happened. To try to get him to talk to me. To fix whatever hurt I may have caused...that's what I would expect from someone who hurt me. Deep down, I knew what i did was wrong. He probably knows, as well. But I acknowledged it and tried to make amends. My ex is simply acting childish!

It's hard to treat his "diatribe as trash," because we were together for 2 1/2 yrs...that's a long time. It wasn't until the end when I realized I never knew him at all. What makes this so difficult is that he has been let off, "scot-free", and he doesn't care about the damage he's caused. You should know that Leo's are all heart. When our hearts are broken, and the person who broke it does care, it's simply mind-boggling to us. Just like it's mind boggling for you as to why I'm even upset.

As to your last comment, GA, Leos aren't condescending to you guys. We're just realistic. Someone's got to be the grounded one when it comes to your heightened sense of selves...and I don't just mean ego. I also mean financially, physically, etc. Aries are carefree w/ young hearts...one of your most attractive traits! But whose gonna follow through once they've initiated something (good or bad)? A Leo...a woman.

Corrections:

"When our hearts are broken, and the person who broke it does care, it's simply mind-boggling to us. Just like it's mind boggling for you as to why I'm even upset."

It's mind boggling to us when someone DOESN'T CARE that they've caused hurt and pain.

Life never ceases to amaze me - I just received this a few moments ago by a dear friend of mine who has been on his personal journey for the past year in AA. What a remarkable human he is. Thought I would share ~




October 2, 2007
Acceptance
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person,
place, thing, or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing,
or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world
as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.
c. 2001 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p.417
With permission, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.



Thought to Ponder . . .
My serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance.

Hi FB...your friend sounds like he's doing very well. I'm envious because what he said is so true, but it's a lot easier said than done. I like that thought to ponder "my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance." It's so true for me right now...I'm not living the life I want to lead. I know I need to work my butt off in order to get there, and accepting that has been the hardest part. But if you're friend can do it, I guess that's a lesson to all.

Thanks for sharing...It's a thought I will keep w/ me, in the here and now:-)

TS - the issues raised by U are genuine, well recognized and generally accpeted. But the same can't be said about Ur intention. I don't have a moral right to comment on it further since I did the same on Scorpio board long time back and I continue to do it to a degree. When we are angry, therez a tendency to adopt a moral high ground and find fault with the one whoz decided to turn flippant. People who are nice, should also be steeply aware and conscious of the fact that it can be a source of vulnerability as well. Being too nice doesn't, in any way, gives U an exemption from being choosy, circumspect and wise. But U can still do it at Ur own risk, emotional and material.

As for Ur ex, he should be history now. However hard he may try to the contrary ,he will remain responsible for his actions always and will meet the resulting fate, not once but multiple times. And precisely what kind of closure U are looking at ? Did U invest in him while having a formal contract in place which would cover all emotional wreckages ? Did U carefully look at the risk factors associated ? Do U want to see him crawling, bleeding, hung from pole ? Trust me, none of it would fetch anything of value in the end. Keep up the good work U have been doing and don't let a negative person hurt and distract U so much. Of course , at best U may want him to just express regret and at worst U may want to see him dead, but if itz not happening now in immediate future then something will definitely happen sometime. Don't lose faith in people in the interim, though.

"and as I see other Rams. Like my DIL, for example .. she is similiar to your ex, in that she just plows forward, without any regard to consequences and continually puts the blame on the people around her .. it's never HER fault, of course."

This is true!!!!!! Never their blame


"but, the difference is that WE have control, which I think the Aries is completely lacking.....and I would tend to think that when this happens (leaps without looking), then when it comes back to kick their butts, because they lacked forsight, they also lack hindsight."

THis is true...

"I am getting a bit worried with this arien tendency of becoming psychopaths!...what the hell....Most turn out to be like that..."

True for me too...

Trueseeker... you seem pretty strong to me... and my views on Leos are changing drastically after having read some of you and PL's posts...you all are pretty strong and sensible. I hope it gets better for you.... atleast he's gone.

Hi GA,

I didn't understand what you meant when you wrote "the issues raised by U are genuine, well recognized and generally accpeted. But the same can't be said about Ur intention." What do you think are my intentions? Why aren't they genuine, well recognized or generally accepted? What does your "moral right" have to do w/ my asking your opinion? In fact that statement about your 'moral right' seemed a bit narcissitic...last I checked, we were two human beings having a conversation. I'm simply curious for you to elaborate on the questions you've posed in your posts.

As for the ex, he is history now. That doesn't make the situation any easier, though. There was never an 'emotional contract' signed, but I certainly asked for and expected loyalty, respect and committment. He couldn't give it, which is what made this 'contract' null and void, and in the process, a lot of time was invested and waisted. Therefore, if we're going to look at this from a business perspective, his expression of regret for his foul ups, and him taking responsibility for why things went sour on his end would fetch A LOT of value for me in the end!

As far as the risk factors involved, all relationships involve some risks. Taking the plunge IS the risk, and i did it because I loved him. I don't want to see him crawling and bleeding, but instead, to act like an adult and allow our relationship to save face. Maybe that will happen in the future, I hope.

Loosing faith in people in the interim is a hard thing to avoid, you know? It's a shame that being 'nice' comes w/ a price. But such is life. As for now, the ex isn't distracting me or keeping me from what I'm doing. But it's hard, now...I suspect it'll get easier in the long run:-)

Thanks CapyWife...I think you're the strong one for being married to an Aries:-)...to each their own, I guess. Seriously, though, it can be a lot of fun. Deep down, I'm sure you know how much your husband loves and cares for you. If he didn't, he wouldn't be there.

were not married...going through a divorce...

Oh...did I miss something. I've read a couple of your posts...I thought you two were married?

Thanks PL!

Thank you PL....

TS - this is real life and not drama where the curtains come down the way Uve scripted it. U have the right to expect or demand a magnificent closure, a graceful face-saving end to the relationship profuse with apologies and replete with parting adulation. But whether U get it in reality or not, is also dependent on the person U are dealing with. Ur ex must have have been a true exponent of the art of acting, for he was able to dupe U with the display of all love and care which must have numbed U into a relationship. I have read Ur pervious posts and am sure U must have tried Ur best to reform that extravagant character who didn't hesitate to play with the extra rope extended to him. The way U paint him, he simply was not ready to be a responsible adult and hence itz not worth wasting time pondering how resplendent it could have been in itz closure. At least he didn't leave any room for doubt as to what his real intentions were. Had he been mature enough, he wouldn't have directed the demise of this relation and if he is actually short on being gentlemanly, then U can't expect a neat break from the past.


As for being nice and paying a price, therez no shame. U are well aware of the variables and U do it in full consciousness. Don't expect to be treated like a queen, everytime U go out and perform a kind act. Because people have short memories,hidden agendas and also because inspite of all this, they know that U still love to do it.

Psycopath, Sociopath, heard it all........

The law doesn't apply to us, although some of us would like to enforce it on lesser weaklings

Aries or psychopath?

Hahahahhh..That sounds like me!! HAhahaha

GA...you're absolutely right! thanks:-)

Yeah my cousin is an Aries. I will start from the very beginning...

She and I moved in the same apartment complex, some how I ended up with her very big dog, which became my respocibility to take care of him. When I would ask her to take her dog and walk him, she would say you have a dog too and since you already have to walk her you can walk my dog.

She then became evicted from her apartment, moved in my living room. Kept the place a mess, her dog constantly shedded his hair everywhere!!! I went crazy trying to keep the apt clean. When I asked her to clean the apartment she replied Im never there I shouldnt have to clean it.

I let her live with me for a month free of bills, and free of respocibilites. I confronted her about three times about her attitude towards me, my apartment, my roommate, and every time she apologized and promised to change. That never happened.

My roommate called me told me her family was dropping off furniture to our apartment, and that we needed to move (Jaime, my cousin) furniture out so we could move our new furniture in. We gave her two days notice to move a few of her things out! Nothing was mentioned about moving all of her things out, or even her!

Two days prior to that conv. she explained to me how she was going to move out that Saturday into a friends house, so she didnt have to pay bills there. She said she might give me like $ 100, but she wasnt sure. She was originally supposed to help out with all the bills which would have totally up to about $ 450. But as soon as Oct. came she backed out of it and didnt want to pay anything.

Saturday comes around.... She refused to come home and take care of her dog, she left to go spend the weekend out on the lake. Leaving me to take care of her animal. I had, had enough! She wouldnt move her furniture out, she told us to stack the furniture up! We wouldnt do it, so we moved one couch into our apt hall way. It was an old couch, which was tattered with holes in it going on its 24th birthday I think.

She came home, pounded my bedroom door came in flipped the light on, told me how i crossed a line. Started packing all her things, was letting her dog run around my apartment. I lost it!!!!!!!! (Im a cap we all know caps have horrrrriiiibllleee tempers)

I demanded the dog be put outside, she told me she wouldnt do it. After we yelled at each other back and forth I threw my phone at her. She put the dog outside.

The she told everyone how much she had done for me, and how ungrateful I was. How I threw her out of the apartment and she had no idea why I threw the phone at her. How I chose my roommates side over hers. How childish I was, and I was a psychopath for yelling at her for nothing!

Aries..... or at least her..... drive me FN nuts. I would not ever date/live with an aries. They are childish, stubborn, and refuse to acknowledge when they have done someone wrong, and litterly driven them to the point on insanity. You are not alone truthseeker! Aries are FN crazy!

LOL...jeese, CapLe. My ex is probably doing the same thing, telling everyone that I'm the crazy psychopath and put him out for know reason. In fact, he had the nerve to e-mail a couple of days ago saying "I don't know what happened, but I know it sucks." You read my first post,right? How can he NOT KNOW what happened...I mean, it's not rocket science.

I guess Aries really are the children of the Zodiac...he's 30yrs old!

yeah she is in her early twenties, she pretends she is 40 and all mature...But in reality "mature" people dont get wasted every night, fall down in their party dresses, and get kicked out of night country clubs REPTITEVLY!!! And are late to their job, when they live/work in the same complex and have to be there at noon.... Yeah... Deffinitly children on the zodiac!

"LOL...jeese, CapLe. My ex is probably doing the same thing, telling everyone that I'm the crazy psychopath and put him out for know reason."

I'm sure this is what my X is doing as well... It's NEVER their fault!!

I believe the most childlike characteristic is just their inability to admit their wrongs and the way they kick and scream and throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way... My 18mth. old is an Aries and I don't even allow him to act that way...but my X was 28 and he demanded that type of behavior is acceptable and ok... well for some Sun signs it maybe admired but for me it's been appaulling.