Does he hate me?

To cut a long story short. Aries and I met through a mutual friend. Aries chased me non stop for about 1 month until I decided to go on a date with him.

Everything went well and we continued to see each other for about 5 months going on date occasionally. He was very persistant, and obsessive and I told him several times and made myself clear that I didnt like to be smothered, and needed a lot of space and to just relax a little bit and not be so "overbearing". Anyway I said it nicely and he backed off which was good.

I never intended to have a serious relationship with him I dont know how he saw me but we were casually dating but he made it clear he wasnt sleeping with anyone else (we hadn't had sex yet). We never had the "whats going on with us" conversation ever. So to me we were just dating casually no formal comittments. No pressure. We didnt sleep together at all during these 5months nor did we ever do anything sexual. He tried a few times but I always turned away or said no.

He was very keen with me and showed a lot of interest so much that at times I was turned off. Anyway, he said for xmas my present would be an interstate trip away together. I told him i didnt want anything for xmas and not to give me anything. He booked it anyway. He booked it in November 2010 to fly out in February 2011.

Throughout November, December and Jan we kind of "died out". Communication wasnt as frequent, I was over it to be honest and he was no longer holding my attention or interest. I think he noticed I was a bit over it and backed off a lot and that made me think he was over it too but we still hung out here and there obviously not as frequent as previously.

So February came and we still went along on the trip. He was somewhat "distant" which was fine and I understood there were reasons for him acting like that I was distant too and I took this trip as more of a "friends" kind of thing since everything had died out. So when we arrived at the hotel, I gave him half of what the hotel would cost so we both paid half & half. I paid for my own things when we'd do activities such as go to theme parks etc. The only thing that he paid for while we were away was for food when we'd eat out and for a massage which we both got the first day we arrived at our holiday place.

So after we landed back in our city after the trip we went separate ways. He didnt contact me and I didnt contact him at all. Last weekend I was at a festival with his

his friend which introduced us but his friend happens to be my best friend's boyfriend of 4 years and the only connection the aries has with my best friend's boyfriend (our mutual friend) is that the aries used to be his boss.

So Aries new id be at this festival and that I would prob go out clubbing that night after the festival with our mutual friend and my best friend as I had told him about the festival just before we went on our trip. Aries rang our mutual friend that night after the festival while we were getting ready to head to the club and said he was at the same club we were going to go to and if he was going down because he wanted to talk "business" with the mutual friend. Mutual friend said yes. Aries asked him if he was going with his gf, mutual friend said yes and aries asked "is the other one going as well?" We all assumed by "the other one" he meant me. Mutual friend said yes.

So we get to the club. We hadnt rung aries yet to meet up with him yet but we walked into the club and ran into him. Aries saw me first and seemed nervous. I was acting normal and being my cheery self, hugged him and kissed him hellow on the cheek asked how he was. He seemed nervous and we all said a quick hello, as I walked off he grabbed me by the arm pulled me back, gave me a half hug and told me he was going for a cigarette. I continued walking with everyone. Throughout the night I bumped into him here and there and he'd kind of lean in and tell me where he was goint to go or what level he'd be on.

So Monday comes. Aries rings mutual friend and tells him "why didnt you tell me that bitch was going to be with you?" Mutual friend tells him, I told you when you rang me saturday night before we got to the club. Aries says to him "the bitch didnt pull her out her hand not once while we were away, i paid for everything". Mutual friend's gf (my best friend) told me this. So he knows its bull that I didnt pay for anything because I paid for all my things except food and he paid for the flights (he booked it and told me last minute and was his "gift"), I paid for half the hotel and everything else that I used or did (activities).

While we were away he tried to have sex with me the first night. I said no and rolled over lol. Second night he barely even tried and didnt bother the following night.

Whats his problem and why is he going around talking shit about me? Is this aries behaviour? Have I hurt him THAT much that he is talking shit?

We are either all in, or totally out. There is no middle ground. This person sounds like he was way into you, and therefore all in. When you made it clear that you weren't that interested, well, that was pretty much the end of that.

Being "friends" with someone I was/wanted to be very close to isn't something I can do very well at all. Simply to much intensity to handle on a day to day basis. I have to shut it off and bury it very deeply. It can not be allowed even the smallest bit of daylight, cause it could very easily take off on me again, and I have already hurt more than enough over you.

Posted by dofacc
We are either all in, or totally out. There is no middle ground. This person sounds like he was way into you, and therefore all in. When you made it clear that you weren't that interested, well, that was pretty much the end of that.

Being "friends" with someone I was/wanted to be very close to isn't something I can do very well at all. Simply to much intensity to handle on a day to day basis. I have to shut it off and bury it very deeply. It can not be allowed even the smallest bit of daylight, cause it could very easily take off on me again, and I have already hurt more than enough over you.

Aha. Understood. Explains a lot. Thank u

The title asks if he hates you .... why should you care?

You spent 2 full posts explaining that you aren't into him .... and then ask if he hates you?



You made sure in all that to sleep in the same bed, though, didn't you?

Sounds like you are trying to keep him on the string where small suggestions are given to him to keep pursuing you ... if you really meant what you said in all of that, then you wouldn't have slept in the bed with him.


You like keeping him interested, don't you? Admit it the game, Gemini.

Amethys is on the ball. But I mean, if in 5months of us hanging out "seeing each other" I didnt have sex with him what made him think that going away would make me do it? Just because he paid for the flights which he said to me was my xmas present and surprised me with it after I told him I wanted nothing.

And P-angel. We had booked a 1 bedroom. When we got there they gave us a 2bedroom and 2nd bedroom had bunk beds. On all 3 nights after we got into bed and he'd start snoring, i'd move rooms and sleep on my own in the bunk bed in the 2nd bedroom and id wake up there and he would see me so its not like I laid in bed naked teasing him waiting for him to try and move and then reject him. Wasnt like that at all. I tried to make it as clear as possible (through actions) that I wasnt interested in sleeping with him.

The reason why im posting this is because the whole 5 months he seemed REALLY into me and really obsessive and only to turn around and start calling me a bitch etc. I would still be his friend and hang out sometimes but not after this!. His a good guy but I dont (and didnt) want anything further than a relationship.

And I didnt want him to try at all on any nights because I didnt want to sleep with him at all. ANd I thought he'd get the point after everytime he tried to touch me in anyway (sexual) id push him away.

I guess a safe bet is to expect things to not be great as friends after a failed attempt at trying something romantic. Maybe plan B would be to find a way to live separate lives.

I can guess he is pissed that all his efforts fizzled out, and that he was foolish to believe he could keep chasing you without fail. I couldn't imagine being in the same room with someone who we tried to be closer but eventually fizzled, especially without a clear discussion. I like things clear and figured out for both sides, and never murky. If there is a thread of unfinished business here or there, then how can I balance that with an awkward meeting of eyes here, or awkward time at the punch bowl. Too easy to think blame has to be assigned and for no reason.

The guy sounds like someone to MOVE ON from, but a word of caution in the future, listening to all this gossip and second-hand talk about who said what, doesn't settle situations, it just adds to the fire. Setting records straight can and usually does, at least for yourself.

Yea well I was thinking of ringing him after I heard about this and being like whats up? is it true what you said? BUT I dont want to involve the "mutual friend" in our situation plus theres no point asking him what his problem is. If his going to be so immature, a 30yr old grown ass man to call me this and that because I didnt sleep with him... theres no point wasting my time trying to sort out his problem. Just better to let it go and move on - which i did a LONG time ago.

I can't believe you still went on that trip. You sent out some pretty mixed signals there. With you knowing that he was practically obsessed with you, why did you go through with it? What did you expect?

Whether you intended to or not, you were stringing him along. If you were serious you would have done what was necessary to get your point across.

Anyway, who cares if he hates you now? He's leaving you alone which is what you want, yes?

I went on the trip because it was already booked & because even though things had died down we were still talking, still friends and he never said, i dont want to go etc he left it, so i left it.

Leave the poor guy alone. You have tortured him enough. The twists, the turns, the maybe yes, maybe no nonsense. If you had been doing this sort of thing to me, well, yeah, by now I would truly and sincerely hate you.

STOP TORMENTING THE POOR GUY!!!!!

It seems to me that most of the relating with him has been you being standoffish, while letting him come to you ... here's some quotes from you ....


"He was very persistant, and obsessive and I told him several times and made myself clear that I didnt like to be smothered, and needed a lot of space"

"we were casually dating but he made it clear he wasnt sleeping with anyone else ... to me we were just dating casually no formal comittments."

"all during these 5months nor did we ever do anything sexual. He tried a few times but I always turned away or said no."




And that's just the first post ... there are plenty more to get my point across.

All along you give him the impression that you want a casual thing and nothing serious .. but, then turn around and let him come at you with more than serious intentions.

Like the present of going on a trip ... that if a woman really wasn't interested in the guy, then the right thing for her to do is to back out of it. Instead, you go .. which only gives him hope again.

Like you letting him pay for all your food. You made sure to pay for your other stuff ... then let him pay for your food ...

... again, you let him think that you want him, while telling him you don't.



It sounds to me like you just wanted attention, and since he's a guy willing to give it if you gave him hope then this satisfied your ego ... until the day he decided realize the way you've been leading him on ..

... now you are pissed at him because he noticed the way you are treating him?



::::: shakes head :::::


Why must people play each other? Why don't people have enough confidence in their own feelings of themselves being special that they have to play others to get it?

Even just in that the thread exists says it.

According to what you say to him, or what message you verbally send to him ... you say that you're not interested .... and then you are curious as to whether he hates you or not.



Match your words to your actions ... so either walk away and never be bothered again to accomplish your words and actions to match, or, tell him that you are interested but it's just fun to pretend that you don't like the attention so you can get more.

Thank you for your through analysis P-ANGEL. But what does him paying for my food have anything to do with it? Paying for food is the LAST thing someone should be complaning about. Different if i let him shout me everything else.

But anyway, I was over it and "moved on" a longgggg time ago. Its just I didnt think he would be someone to turn around and talk shit like that so I was just curious.

You made it a point to not only pay for your other stuff .. you also made a point to tell us in here twice ... now once this is pointed out to you, you say ... what does paying your own way have to do with it?

What does it have to do with it?

You made a huge point to tell us ... so you answer that question ... why did you have to tell us about it twice, if it meant nothing?

If paying for stuff is the last thing he should have been complaining about .. then what is the first thing he should have complained about? And second? And third? And fourth?

Maybe he should have been complaining that you even went with him, when you moved on a longgggg time ago?


Why did you turn here and talk shit about him?

If you moved on a longgggg time ago ..... why are you asking if he hates you?


Sounds to me like what you are upset about is that he finally gets that you were using him to satisfy your attention whoring.

lol Your funny and stupid at the same time. Thats a good effort for someone like you!.

"You made it a point to not only pay for your other stuff .. you also made a point to tell us in here twice ... now once this is pointed out to you, you say ... what does paying your own way have to do with it?

What does it have to do with it?"

That doesnt even make sense.

Im saying that he ONLY paid for my food that was it and paying for food is hardly something a grown ass man should be complaning about when it was HIS idea in the first place to go away. His only having a bitch because I didnt sleep with him and like someone else here said that he assumed that by taking me away he'd get some booty - which obviously wasnt the case so now his turning around and trying to make me look bad because I didnt pay for "food".

Because im a curious person and I ask about almost everything under the sun. Even though i've moved on I felt like asking and these are free boards where you can ask whatever you want and since he was my first aries I wanted to know if this was common behaviour.

Posted by nats

Im saying that he ONLY paid for my food that was it and paying for food is hardly something a grown ass man should be complaning about when it was HIS idea in the first place to go away.

You can call me all kinds of names at the same time if you wish, but, it doesn't change the point, and it can't be used to try and distract me ....

If your answer is to say that it was his idea to go in the first place, so he should just suck it up to pay for food .. then that would also go for the hotel room. You made a point to tell us that you paid for half of it .. why do that, if it was his idea in the first place?

He has to have a room anyway ... so why would you pay for half of it?

If he's a grown ass man and shouldn't be complaining ... then shouldn't the same principal be applied to you? Aren't you a grown ass woman, bitching?


You are the one who made it a point to say to us TWICE that you paid for your stuff, and half the hotel room .. but, failed to pay for your food.

You make sure to make it a point to give him the idea that you two are only taking this trip because it's already paid for and the two of you are just friends.

Then you failed to pay for your share of the ride, and your share of the food.

He has a right to be complaining because friends don't take free rides with their friends.

If you weren't lying and telling us the truth, then your tale would involve you saying that since you two are friends now and not an item ... you paid half of all shared expenses, and paid for everything that was yours, and/or your consumption.


Again .. the only reason you are upset right now is because he realizes that you were gaming him .. and you were. Because if you weren't, then you would have paid your own goddam way.