Help!!!!!

Am I my own problem? Every guy that I end up with is physically and sexually attracted to me, but we never come close to commitment. I find it disturbing that I have never had a long term relationship, yet, even so lately I have yet to been able in initiating a relationship. It's striking to me that I am 25 with and I don't have kids, and or a stable relationship. Are there any similar issues related to mine, or helpful advice.

That treetrunking sucks this may go along with what I was thinking, that maybe I was a bit aggressive to some guys and drove them off because my thoughts of being submissive and vulnerable at the same time would cost me a lot.

I came across one beta male lol he didn't have a backbone at the time were young and dumb. Lasted only 8 months.

Posted by aries89dc
Am I my own problem? Every guy that I end up with is physically and sexually attracted to me, but we never come close to commitment. I find it disturbing that I have never had a long term relationship, yet, even so lately I have yet to been able in initiating a relationship. It's striking to me that I am 25 with and I don't have kids, and or a stable relationship. Are there any similar issues related to mine, or helpful advice.

1)25 is YOUNG. idk why ppl think they need kids before their mid twenties. wtf
2)Girl it's okay you'll find the one eventually, just be patient
3)If you're asking if you're your problem, then you probably are lol.
4)Maybe focus on yourself for a while
5)Gl

Posted by aries89dc
Am I my own problem? Every guy that I end up with is physically and sexually attracted to me, but we never come close to commitment

^^^^ that's the issue right there

Not necessarily a problem, but you usually need to date, build a relationship and get to know a person etc before going down the sexual route.

The guys you are with have a sexual pull to you but that can't form the basis of a potentially long term commitment.

And yes 25 is way too young to worry about settling down. Have fun but don't have too many expectations.

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by biosynthesis

Posted by aries89dc
Am I my own problem? Every guy that I end up with is physically and sexually attracted to me, but we never come close to commitment. I find it disturbing that I have never had a long term relationship, yet, even so lately I have yet to been able in initiating a relationship. It's striking to me that I am 25 with and I don't have kids, and or a stable relationship. Are there any similar issues related to mine, or helpful advice.

1)25 is YOUNG. idk why ppl think they need kids before their mid twenties. wtf
2)Girl it's okay you'll find the one eventually, just be patient
3)If you're asking if you're your problem, then you probably are lol.
4)Maybe focus on yourself for a while
5)Gl

Telling it like it is...LOL

click to expand

😄

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by biosynthesis

Posted by aries89dc
Am I my own problem? Every guy that I end up with is physically and sexually attracted to me, but we never come close to commitment. I find it disturbing that I have never had a long term relationship, yet, even so lately I have yet to been able in initiating a relationship. It's striking to me that I am 25 with and I don't have kids, and or a stable relationship. Are there any similar issues related to mine, or helpful advice.

1)25 is YOUNG. idk why ppl think they need kids before their mid twenties. wtf
2)Girl it's okay you'll find the one eventually, just be patient
3)If you're asking if you're your problem, then you probably are lol.
4)Maybe focus on yourself for a while
5)Gl

Telling it like it is...LOL

click to expand

Other people may consider mid twenties to be young buts not the case all the time. Personally I just enjoy being around children and I would prefer them to be my own.
I do agree with you that at this moment in time I'm not ready for such responsibilities.

I may find one but it sad to me to know that I would have to wait so long for that feeling of oneness with another.

I consider my self partially the problem because it would be foolish to say that all men are at fault when it's not good reasoning.

I focus on myself enough to satisfy all necessities,

Nah. I'm born in 83 and I can relate to the OP. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with putting out too soon and not dating as someone above mentioned. I've had guys approach me like that and nothing physical ever happened. That's just all they sought from me- something physical. When they realized it wasn't going to happen, they disappeared. "You're a cool chick. I'll be friends with you and maybe bang you if you let me, but I won't get into a relationship with you." Gee, thanks.

But then again, the chicks they chose to pair off with in an actual relationship was often questionable, so I didn't take it too personally. Still doesn't make it any less frustrating or degrading at times.


In regard to advice on any of this? As others have pointed out, you're just 25. It's not THAT young, but it's understandable for you to wonder about these things at that age. At 25 you want to have x,y,z accomplished and when it doesn't happen, you get frustrated. But you'll learn that things just take time and it'll happen when it happens.

Personally, I stopped giving a shit. The dating pool is pretty disgusting- full of a bunch of moronic asshats who want to be perpetual man children without consequence. I'd rather just do me and if someone comes along, so be it. Ain't nobody else going to fulfil my happiness but myself, so I might as well focus on that.

And as far as the bombardment of these guys treating you as a temporary fix? Don't give it to them. Learn to spot the signs quickly and move on. Personally, I spend a lot of time observing who a person is before considering doing much with them. If I pick up on the usual cues of them being an asshat, I just don't bother and move along.

You should consider your own behaviors and patterns AS WELL as the guys you end up involved with. All the douchelords I got involved with seemed okay, but then the douchebaggery became known and I was always in awe in how awful they really were.

One was a compulsive liar. THAT was just a goddamned mess. Three years of lies!

Another was an epic mooch/user of spectacular proportions. Continues to flit from girl to girl after each mess he creates with the previous one. Uses a sob story that victimizes himself so some poor bitch feels bad for him.

There was also the insanely insecure and douchebag type. Cannot get his shit together and blames women for all his failures- he's the source of his own failures, btw.

Then emotionally unadjusted and can't just be happy with who he had. Mass hoarding of friends/women. Couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

The chronic drug user who had issues coping with reality. Nice guy, but he never dealt with the mess from an ex wife whom he shouldn't have married to begin with.

The chronic man child- had no intent of growing up. Again, nice enough guy, but any sane woman wouldn't pair up with a guy that they'd have to finance for the rest of their life with him.

That said, the pattern I've noticed is that they all were nice at first, but then their facade dropped/tendencies appeared more clearly and had I known then what I learned later, I wouldn't have given these guys the time of day.

So like I said, I take more time getting to know someone and who they are before even remotely bothering with a lot of dates.

Oh, also forgot the chronic fuck up- he wanted to try to get his shit together, but was always screwing up. Bounced around from job to job, changed aspirations every few months, was in an out of school as well as in and out of a shitty relationship. Now he's got a kid with her and never finished any of the aspirations he had. He's one of the ones who disappeared when I wouldn't give any to him.

My fail in this situation? Not paying attention to the fact that the guy was always on some "woe is me" kick, going on about how he's screwed up, can't get his shit together, blah blah. That was years ago, so I know better now, but I was about your age when I dealt with that dude too.

Hey man y'all came out with some damned good advice.

Rocky, you care to give Sun signs with that list? Pretty please with your favorite ice cream on top?

Posted by rockyroadicecream
One was a compulsive liar. THAT was just a goddamned mess. Three years of lies!

Pisces

Another was an epic mooch/user of spectacular proportions. Continues to flit from girl to girl after each mess he creates with the previous one. Uses a sob story that victimizes himself so some poor bitch feels bad for him.

Capricorn

There was also the insanely insecure and douchebag type. Cannot get his shit together and blames women for all his failures- he's the source of his own failures, btw.

Libra

Then emotionally unadjusted and can't just be happy with who he had. Mass hoarding of friends/women. Couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Libra

The chronic drug user who had issues coping with reality. Nice guy, but he never dealt with the mess from an ex wife whom he shouldn't have married to begin with.

Virgo

The chronic man child- had no intent of growing up. Again, nice enough guy, but any sane woman wouldn't pair up with a guy that they'd have to finance for the rest of their life with him.

click to expand

Pisces

The other example I added separately was a Capricorn as well.

I am almost 40, Aries, I have spent the better part of my life wondering wtf is wrong with me. I am gonna say, Having someeone who wants to treetrunk is never a probem, thats easy. What is hard is that I am always going way below what I deserve. Men that can't wont commit. Men that cant give me what I need. WHY— Is it because I think negative about myself, like I can not do any better, or is it because, I am not ready, its easy to be with assholes, gives me every excuse to be a bitch, then I don't have to be real with anyone either. Just game playing. So, first is gotta love yourself and find out who you are and waht it is that you want in a partner, but even more, what it is you want to cultivate within you!! And once you get there, you will never ever settle for losers, users and abusers. Manipulators, etc.

Remember aries can scare some guys. Why commit to someone? Why not leave your options open? I think Aries women should remember commitment closes doors for them, too. How long does it take to figure out if a man is right for you? Years? No. Play hard to get and wait to see who these guys are. It's not about physical compatibility, but about how well two people relate to eachother, respect eachother, communicate. Don't be so hasty. I know how you feel, I'm an aries,, ' 79!! Really when you meet the right guy it won't take months and months to figure it out. You'll know after you get to know him as a person. Try online dating. Its good practice. Be judgemental :-)

^ I'm surprised Pisces isn't a contender for the drug user one

Dammit RRI it's like we dated the same people at some point. The Virgo and Pisces and Capricorn

To add was the Gemini mooch, stroke my ego guy

and the I'd bang you if you let
me guy?
Sag: 'all I have to give you is a headache and a hard on...' that statement ended it before anything got physical

OP it's not you, it just shows standards that you won't settle for a relationship just to be paired. 25 is young for an Aries, I've seen partnerships and marriages not happen with us until middle 30s or 40s.

Thank you kindly for the replies you guys I will definitely plant those seeds and special thanks to the video that was posted I will consider how to love myself more.

Now I just have to discover myself and be happy while being alone.