ok, he is still hanging around

This topic was created in the Aries forum by ladycappi41 on Wednesday, October 22, 2014 and has 15 replies.

How to Handle Obsessive Ex Who Keeps Reappearing

Establish firm boundaries by avoiding contact and seeking legal protection if necessary. Consider moving if possible and involve authorities if safety is threatened. Focus on self-care and support from friends or professionals to break the cycle and regain control over your life.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

So, I haven't been on here in a while. Sort of hoping the problem would resolve itself. No such luck.
Apparently, my ex cannot get a job bc if a drug charge 8 years ago. Oh well. He isn't doing anything to help the situation out, still drinks every night until he is falling down drunk.
I wish he would move. He lives too close. It's to easy for him. Every night I come home he is sitting at my picnic table with my neighbors. Beer in my cooler. Like nothing has changed. I've gotten to the point that I won't sit at the table for too long anymore.
I don't respond to his texts, asked him to stay away and even threatened him when he prayed my door open and came in. I was asleep only to wake with him standing over me. I can't see without my glasses so naturally I pulled my pistol.
I don't know how or what else to do. I'm moving on. Not with someone else but just with myself. I don't even look at him the same. Lastnight my family had dinner with my neighbors. He showed up. Sat on the couch next to me and laid in my lap. Grabbed my hand and tried to get me to rub his head. One of the things I used to do. He loved it.
I pulled my hand away and got up. He text all night. I didn't respond and cut my phone off.
I'm so confused. I just don't get it or him. He tells me he doesn't love me only my kids, stays away for 7 to 10 weeks and then starts this crap again. I used to jump at his advances, but now I'm no longer interested.
What can I do? I thought that once aries are done, that's it no matter what. This past weekend would have been two years. He text me on that date saying happy knowing me for two years and it is one of the best things that ever happened. While it saddened me, I didn't respond to that either. Am I stuck with this until he finds someone else to occupy his time? He doesn't date. I'm his longest ever relationship. What do I do? I can't get away from him. He lives three doors down and if he is home and not at his best friends house he is down here at my table.
Please help.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

No, I'm a single mother with two kids. I've been here for ten years. I own, they rent. He has no responsibility, no kids, just being a roommate. I shouldn't have to uproot my family bc he can't respect the fact that I have finally quit playing his game and moving on.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

My blessing in disguise was that my oldest graduated bootcamp in aug and my ex decided he needed to do his typical ignoring act on me then flipping out being verbally abusive about two weeks before graduation. I was so involved in my son's crucible, graduation, and trying to raise money to get to graduation that I had very little time to pine over the ex. He thought he was going to go with us, even sitting outside waiting on me when my family and I drove right past him, leaving him in his yard. That was when I knew I was done. Not a tear shed then or now.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

Yes my kids know. They hate it bc they love him. He isn't their father but they love him. They want it to be over as much as I do and they are alot of the reason I finally let go. They told me that they were tired of watching him flip on a dime at me.
He knows I'm not interested. There is no more hesitation. I'm very clear. I have even gotten a little hateful. After working 10 hours with children I'm exhausted when I come home. Not in the mood to deal with him. All I want to do is sit outside, enjoy the fall weather and relax.
I don't even talk to him but I'll talk to everyone else.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

Bc restraining orders are NOT that easy to get around here. You have to have three or more incident reports of physical violence before they issue a restraining order.
Not weak at all but would like to sit in my OWN yard without his being around

Profile picture of Flavia
@Flavia
17 Years500+ Posts

Call the police each time he comes over to build a case for the order of restraint. Did the police document the door being pried open and you having to pull a weapon? Do you have any filing against him?

If not you should not engage and call the police each time he is at your property. This is not about the sign he is, this is about you deciding to do something for your kids sake if not your own.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

Unfortunately I had to call tonight. Upon getting put of the shower he was in my bed. I'm heartbroken that it has gone this far.
When I wanted him he didn't, now that I don't he does. I told him several times that once I made up my mind to let go it was not likely that I would go back.
I hate that it's come to this type of thing.
I'm saddened not only for he and I but also my two kids having to be in the middle. Now he is pushing the side if his truck and yelling out why do I not want him anymore and what gas he done.
We are packing clothes for work and school tomorrow and leaving the house in hopes that he will be with his other drinking buddies for the weekend and not around here....

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

I live in an older trailer. They are east to get into.
😢 I'm hoping that he will stay away now.
Time will tell

Profile picture of Flavia
@Flavia
17 Years500+ Posts

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by ladycappi41
Unfortunately I had to call tonight. Upon getting put of the shower he was in my bed.

What the shit...?

click to expand

Keep calling, documenting and taking it higher. This is dangerous, even if you had a relationship a person should not be in your home without your consent let alone in your bed.

Nothing to do with sign just a person trying to show their power and control. What if you were with someone else and he walked in first and assaulted or killed this guy? WTS indeed

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

Thank you all for the insight. It's been a long road but finally a peaceful weekend.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

Well, he had me for a long time. I begged for his attention most of the time. I'm done, so why start now?
I have no feeling for him anymore. Just nothing. Pity maybe.
He needs to take the hint. None of my friends really even talk to him much anymore behind all of this, but he will still bring his drunk behind over.
It's kinda sad

Profile picture of Flavia
@Flavia
17 Years500+ Posts

Posted by Gobshite

Posted by Flavia

Nothing to do with sign just a person trying to show their power and control.

Which is one of the negative traits of many Aries men - bullying, pushing their luck, attempting to exert whatever power and control they may have (whether real or imagined).

Whether or not you want to acknowledge it, I firmly believe that our astrological placements significantly contribute towards our personal psychology.

click to expand

Yes I agree the Aries sun adds to this. To clarify I mean rather this is from an Arian male or not this is dangerous behavior to have your kids captive to and moving even if you have 'been there for years' is a possibility to consider.

OP You already had to draw a gun on him and he is still pursuing. Some part of this he feels he can do by whatever signals he is getting from you in this situation. From what you posted about your ex this is a pattern in your love life.

Profile picture of ladycappi41
@ladycappi41
12 Years

It is a pattern. One I'm trying to break. It has been quiet the past week and a half. Thank God.
I think he realized that I was letting go and decided that couldn't happen. Trying to unsuccessfully stop it.
I can't just move. I would love to but I own my place and can't afford to move. They don't seem to stay in one place long judging by what I've heard in conversations of the past. Hoping their stay soon comes to an end and the whole miserable crowd leaves.