help help

I met this guy via the internet, we got close, he used to confuse me back then but I really wanted to see him in person so I decided to go meet him (I went with a blank mind, not expecting much, i just wanted to see him) Then we met and it was brilliant. I was amazed, the chemistry was so good and we were so into each other, he kept staring at me the whole time and we ended up spending time from 5pm to about 2am. From his expression I'm pretty sure he didn't want to leave and I didn't want him to go but it was my first time with him and I really didn't want to do anything. I didn't want him to think I am one of those 'easy women' so i controlled myself 😛, smiled and said goodnight and he watched me walk away *sigh*

Next morning, he came to pick me up so that we could go and see the sunrise on the hills and we spent the rest of the afternoon talking 😄 Unfortunately I had to leave 😢 After that the next 2 months were good, he used to sms, call and say that he's been thinking about me but we were trying to figure out how we would make it work 'cause he was moving to another country permanently and I had to move to another country for my post graduate degree. But he said he'd be able to come to meet me when he gets a chance and we left it at that. He was worried that I would have a problem with taking it slow but I don't mind it (I am a Taurean girl after all ) I like things slow 😉 I like him so I was totally cool with the idea.

So now the current scene is that he lives in another country and so do I. He promised he would come to meet me but from the looks of it I doubt that's going to happen any time soon. Not 'cause I think he is a jerk or anything (ok maybe he is a bit ) but the case over here is that he is struggling to get a job, his dad passed away and he is a bit stressed and he's going through a lot of problems financially. The thing is this saga has been going on for a whole year now, I met him last year and I want to see him again so I am planning to go meet him during my break.. It's so damn expensive but I think it's worth it to see him. The problem is this man is too wishy washy for me, I am in love with him but he goes from I like you, to lets see, then he says "if you can wait till i get a job then we can take this further" and sometimes he reacts like he doesn't care but randomly gets so mad and that makes me wonder ..oh so the things I say do have an effect on him! little did i know! Anyway I am planning to see him this summer, do you guys think it might come across as desperate

@venus - he's broked! there are some men who do not like being put on the spot like that. it's a mixture of chivalry, pride and stubbornness. if you visit him when his life is in disarray, where the idea of getting with you is pleasurable, all it does is add more stress. if he's really strapped for cash then he's going to have to divert money away from priorities to show you a good time. after all, he's going to feel like a complete jackass if you have to not only pay for this expensive trip but on top of that, you're going to have to go dutch for dinner or worse case scenario, pick up the tab. that's not going to make him feel manly right now.

long distance relationships SUCK and they require a lot of effort on both people's parts to continually push the ball forward. aries is a difficult sign because yes, they have the attention span of a gnat where you as a taurus can be turned all around and still have the goal line in sight at all times. you're just going to have to remain calm and tap into that taurean patience. he's either going to learn from your slow and steady pace or he's not.

at this time, i'm not sure you should take the trip. when his financial situation gets better, when he has a stable job, then yeah, i think it might be worth it. but again, he's not going to welcome a trip that makes him reflect on how messed up his life is rather than how wonderful it is to have you in it.

also having lost a parent myself, the best thing you can do is to just be there. call to say hello. send a kind word or two via email. just be stable and consistent. let him know that whenever he needs to talk, you're available...even across oceans. for me, the friends that stuck with me through my mourning period...even though we may not have been best friends before my mom passed, afterward they actually ended up besting my existing bff's. one of them, i was more casual friends with and 8 years later, she's my best friend in life....i don't know what i'd do without her. and ironically...and sadly, a year after my mom passed, her dad passed so that strengthened our bond.

my point is, he has bigger things on his plate than his love for you. you gotta be that rock that i know you as a taurus are. what that will mean for your bf/gf relationship i don't know. what it means for your friendship though...priceless.

oh yeah, and just because you call/email, don't expect a response back. people in mourning can be difficult. i had one friend who took a week off of work the week my mom passed. she came down to the city i was in and she called me everyday. i finally answered on like the 5th day and that was difficult for me.

turns out, i needed to buy a dress for the funeral. it's a horrible feeling to have to go through that and every time ithink of it...i dunno. anyway, she was there for me and she made buying that dress bearable. without her, i probably would've been a heaping mess in the dressing room. she's a virgo btw 😛

my point is, as an aries he will have periods where he disappears even without stress. add stress and O-M-G! you might as well hunker down cause you're in for a ride. so if i could be distant as a taurus, if i could push people away when i desperately needed them to be close, he's bound to do it and it will hurt, it'll be confusing but relationship aside, if you were in your darkest moments, you'd want your friends to be by your side right? well, stand by him. make his days brighter and keep the stress/frustration to yourself....at least for now.

Thanks tubbyscubby! I know what you mean; even I keep myself distanced from people every now and then. I guess I just need a lot more alone time than most people.

Btw, his dad passed away a year back and I went to meet him after that. So currently it's not about that, right now he is home and I guess he has a lot of pressure on him —cause he hasn't found a job yet. Trust me I have been patient, he doesn't talk a lot u know but he tells me —he speaks the most with me??. I am fine with him not sharing his problems, I respect his privacy but the point is I just miss him so much. I get irritated —cause I have to call all the time and calling/emailing is not the same. He speaks in monosyllables and i feel stupid or sometimes we talk about music, games, movies and then it's great because we are into so many things and we love talking about them and when i hang up i end up thinking "god why am i not with this man" 😢

He is different in person; he opens up a lot more in person over internet or phone. If I go to see him at least we??ll get to spend 2 days together, just talking. I can imagine how hard it could be for him but I stroke his manly ego all the time and make him feel good. I tell him —I bet you will take me to a fancy restaurant once u get a job" and he smiles then i say "anyone who doesn't give you a job is plain stupid — 😉 Um, he is brainy, loving, funny and so well mannered and yeah he is also a jerk at times. But then we all are at one time or the other so I just let it slide. The point is I am in love with him, this is the first time i have felt this way in all these years. I??ve never had such a deep connection with a man, and how do I just let that slide? Plus you are a taurean too, you know that we are persistent!

Just that, it's getting harder and harder for me. I am not going there expecting he??d say —I love you and take me to a fancy restaurant?? I am just going there to spend a day or 2 and so that he has the least possible trouble. I was thinking of paying for a one day night package for 2, this way he doesn't have to pay a penny and in case he wants I??ll take him to a coffee shop and he can pay for the coffee so we both win! 😛 I feel that if I don't go this is not going to move forward, at some point we just have to meet. In fact it's not even moving. I have been waiting since December, I don't even have the money right now but I thought I??d save up and go during may or june for 2 days a

Thanks tubbyscubby! I know what you mean; even I keep myself distanced from people every now and then. I guess I just need a lot more alone time than most people.

Btw, his dad passed away a year back and I went to meet him after that. So currently it's not about that, right now he is home and I guess he has a lot of pressure on him —cause he hasn't found a job yet. Trust me I have been patient, he doesn't talk a lot u know but he tells me —he speaks the most with me??. I am fine with him not sharing his problems, I respect his privacy but the point is I just miss him so much. I get irritated —cause I have to call all the time and calling/emailing is not the same. He speaks in monosyllables and i feel stupid or sometimes we talk about music, games, movies and then it's great because we are into so many things and we love talking about them and when i hang up i end up thinking "god why am i not with this man" 😢

He is different in person; he opens up a lot more in person over internet or phone. If I go to see him at least we??ll get to spend 2 days together, just talking. I can imagine how hard it could be for him but I stroke his manly ego all the time and make him feel good. I tell him —I bet you will take me to a fancy restaurant once u get a job" and he smiles then i say "anyone who doesn't give you a job is plain stupid — 😉 Um, he is brainy, loving, funny and so well mannered and yeah he is also a jerk at times. But then we all are at one time or the other so I just let it slide. The point is I am in love with him, this is the first time i have felt this way in all these years. I??ve never had such a deep connection with a man, and how do I just let that slide? Plus you are a taurean too, you know that we are persistent!

Just that, it's getting harder and harder for me. I am not going there expecting he??d say —I love you and take me to a fancy restaurant?? I am just going there to spend a day or 2 and so that he has the least possible trouble. I was thinking of paying for a one day night package for 2, this way he doesn't have to pay a penny and in case he wants I??ll take him to a coffee shop and he can pay for the coffee so we both win! 😛 I feel that if I don't go this is not going to move forward, at some point we just have to meet. In fact it's not even moving. I have been waiting since December, I don't even have the money right now but I thought I??d save up and go during may or june for 2 days a

he said if he has the time and if he is going to be home at that time then we can do this. I haven't spoken to him about my idea yet, I am a bit scared though because he could take it in the wrong sense and i want to avoid that!

having been in a long distance relationship...you need to stay where you are. you're dropping all that money for two days is just a temporary fix to your anxiety. you will return home and things will go back to the way they are now.

how long are you going to be in country a and him in country b? if the distance between you is going to be that way for a while, then don't you think it's better to do better planning? you're a taurus. you're smarter than this. you're gonna blow all his money on TWO days? the aries is being more rational than you are? wth?

when's your spring break? when's your summer break? why not plan a trip for 5-7days and save money up for that date. it may be a lil further into the future but it gives him something to look forward to and work toward. it takes the pressure off as well. and when the trip comes, you both will enjoy it. it won't seem rushed. in a long distance relationship you have to be smart and your proposal just isn't smart. sorry.

ps...his father passed away a year ago so it's ALWAYS about that. my friend that i alluded to, she's getting married soon and she broke down the other day because her father wouldn't be walking her down the aisle. the younger you are when your parent dies, the more you are constantly reminded of their absence. being alone and having to find a job in this economy, maybe there's a part of him that just wishes his dad were around to talk to...to lean on. for most people, your parents are the last line of defense. being someone's daughter/son means that there will always be someone out there who loves you deeply...who in some cases, would lay down their life for you. when that's gone, it can be an empty feeling that you may carry for a lifetime...hopefully it goes away when you have your own kids....i'll let you know when i have some if that's true (at least for me). the point is, don't discount the magnitude of what's going on with him. he may not have the words to vocalize it all...yet.

why would you spend all that money to go see him when he can't put in the effort himself— It's due to circumstances.... let him fix his situation, and time will reveal his motives with you.

Not seeing someone for a whole year can do many things.... it can build a relationship stronger, if you have solid understandings with each other, or, in most cases, weakens a relationship. Why? Because we are sexual beings, and we need contact in order to build a relationship...... this is the case from the moment we are born.

Tubby
I am going to be here this year and he is going to be in there forever (I think) —cause he needs to get a job and support his mom and sister. I was planning to go there during my summer break which starts from May, so I have time for a short trip 2 days for the safari that I want to go for and the other 2 days I??ll stay in the hotel (I can't afford to stay there more than 4 days) after that I need to focus on my dissertation which will go on till September/October. I thought this way I get to make 2 trips one during summer and one at the end of the year when I go home to visit my family. I really don't mean to make it stressful for him; I am trying my best to make the whole trip easy on the pocket for him. I just want us to hang out, have a good time, talk and then maybe see him again at the end of the year.http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/message/?id=1916204<BR>
I have not once thought his problems are petty, I can't imagine how I would react if I lose my mom or dad. I have been patient with him and even now I am. The only thing I told him is that we should meet and he said yeah it's been long!

I think what I have posted above could have come across as childish but I do care about his feelings and I always imagine myself in his shoes and I know things are hard for him. I just want to be supportive and yes I want him in my life but that doesn't mean I stifle him with it. I just wanted some perspectives on this before talking to him about it. Sometimes when I talk to him, I feel if I was there I could make him feel better

Posted by Astrological Aftermath1
haha tubby is awesome! you know us too well 🙂

awwh, thanks.

you are too cute by the way. you take baby face to an extreme. no one pm AA...he works for nbc...to catch a predator.

Posted by venus&mars
Tubby
I am going to be here this year and he is going to be in there forever (I think) —cause he needs to get a job and support his mom and sister. I was planning to go there during my summer break which starts from May, so I have time for a short trip 2 days for the safari that I want to go for and the other 2 days I??ll stay in the hotel (I can't afford to stay there more than 4 days) after that I need to focus on my dissertation which will go on till September/October. I thought this way I get to make 2 trips one during summer and one at the end of the year when I go home to visit my family. I really don't mean to make it stressful for him; I am trying my best to make the whole trip easy on the pocket for him. I just want us to hang out, have a good time, talk and then maybe see him again at the end of the year.http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/message/?id=1916204<BR>

i think you should stay home and plan a trip based on your finances and not your heightened emotional state. if he were calling and texting and emailing and saying i love you, i guarantee you wouldn't be so pressed. but now, because it seems as if he's slipping away, you want to do something drastic. right?

probably, i really don't know. to be honest i really miss him, how do i describe this in any other way than what i just said? Maybe I am stubborn but it's been long since I saw him and I hate chatting online with him. It doesn't feel personal. I just think meeting him would do us some good! I mean yeah so I am broke but i can save up to see him 😉 at least I'll feel good about it and i won't feel like i haven't done anything about our situation. if things stay the same then i'll figure out a way to deal with it but at least i won't feel bad that i didn't do my bit to make it work!

i'm saying you should see him but my point is, if you're going to go through the process of purchasing expensive roundtrip tickets, maybe you should stay longer than 2 days? which means you should save a little longer rather than trying to get there as fast as possible. make the decision practically and economically. he is.

Yeah, makes sense! Thanks for the replies *hug* You're awesome 😉 So tell me.. do u have a lot of experience with aries men? 😉

hells no! this is my second arien experience.

i have A LOT of aries in my chart though and although i'm not 100% sure how that comes into play, i think i get him in theory a lot more than i would without the aries influences.

either way, good luck. just don't rush it and you'll be fine. it'll take time for you two to be on the same soil anyway so no need to freak out anyway.

Posted by tubbyscubby
you are too cute by the way. you take baby face to an extreme. no one pm AA...he works for nbc...to catch a predator.

rofl! if only that were true.....