Please help me figure this out. Pls don't judge.

I'm a Sagittarius, I had a boyfriend for 3 years.
We broke up 2 years ago. (Final time and I moved across the continent) before that we would break up but still contact see each other in a moment of weakness. Relationship was very intense.
At the time I was younger and immature. even tho I didn't cheat physically, he (Aries) would find messages from a guy that I had a thing with before Aries and ended cause he moved away. Never got serious, it was short lived but always wondered what would have happend if.. Bla bla. The deal is Aries was hurt. That he would check my phone and find texts. And flirting. I know it was wrong and I have no excuse but I was immature. Didn't see it then. Stubborn.
So that went on for a while. Then i caught him in bed with another women (we weren't technically together but he would still call me all the time and see me often- no labels tho) he didn't want to try. Scared that I would do the same crap.
Then bc of family issues I got up and moved across the continent super far! He didn't try to stop me, he contacted me right after I moved and then got into a relationship with a girl I was jealous of bc she used to work for him and was like a flirt towards him. And nasty towards me.
That was two years ago!
Not much contact after that.
I went back to us. Last year and called him. (Drunk) she answered and asked not to bug anymore. Which was understandable. I didn't and gave up.
Fast forward a few months ( I was back in the country where I moved to- no longer in the us) and he called my friend at 6am to try and get my number. He was desperate. And begged her for my number which he had or current gf had deleted!
He called me at 7 am and texted me till I woke up. He said he regretted not calling me and seeing me while I was in town. Bla bla.
Stopped contact again.
Then I was in town this year a month ago, and I texted him. I wasn't sure he was still in a relationship. Turns out he was. For my bad luck she controls his cell and texted me back.
I swore that was it! I deleted his contact off my phone and cried my goodbye.
The night before my flight back to my country I get a blocked call. And it's him. He wanted to see me and talk bla bla. So I wasn't driving didn't have a car. Told him he could come to my friends house where I was staying and we could talk outside. That couldn't happen cause he couldn't so he offered to pay the taxi for me. To an back. Have taxi wait a few minutes so we could talk.

It was the most amazing feeling to see him again! i thought he would resent me but he hugged me as he used to before. Before I know it he's kissing me. And stopped it but soon after I couldn't resist not kissing him back. In my mind that was my last chance. And didn't think too much about him having a gf and just lived that moment I had missed all this time.
I do regret how I messed up the trust in our relationship and that marked the end of our relationship. He is a great guy. Just right for me as I am fo

Continued.
Sorry it's so long.

So we ended up having sex that night. Before I could think it was happening. Great passion.
He confessed he hadn't cheated before on his gf and felt bad.
We talked for a bit and I told him I was thinking of moving back and before I left. I told him how sorry have felt for the last two years thinking how I took him for granted and messed things up.

We texted after I was back here in my country and agreed not to talk anymore. That it wasn't right. It was his idea. And I couldn't say no. Since he is right.
Last night he called. He told me how he couldn't stop thinking about the sex we had and that he hasn't found chemistry like that again. Then he told me I should move back there bc there is a lot of opportunities there for my line of work and that I was strong super smart and independent. He said "I need that shit" but even if we don't work out (you may get bored of me) (I may be just a challenge for you since I'm with someone) this place offers you a lot of opportunity to grow and be successful here based on how smart he thinks I am and I don't even realize how true that is. And he was jealous of how smart and How quickly I pick up things.
He also told me he was some fantasies that are somewhat confusing and I don't understand. He daydreams about me going into his apt and have sex there. While gf is asleep in the bedroom. He stated she always over drinks and passes out knocked out. Nothing wakes her up. I need help analizing that. He stated he thinks it's bad. But it's what he fantasizes about. Or having sex somewhere else and while he's on the phone with gf. He trust me very much to share this intimate fantasies and I don't want to judge him for it but rather understand why he may Fantasize about it. There must be a reason. He is not a jerk to do that. And he doesn't understand himself why.
Also help me understand what he wants to say. He wants to try again? But doesn't want to ask me to move back solely bc of him? But tries to justify the opportunity grow bla bla.
And do you Aries guys have any input. On this?
Even tho he said once he loves gf. Could he want me to move back bc of work but to see if there's a chance for us?

Help!

Posted by feby
What's there to figure out? He has a girlfriend and cheated on her with you....

Hi Feby!
Sorry i was still writing the rest.

Thank you for commenting tho. Hope that with the rest you can comment on it.

I know Feby, believe me I'm not proud. I believe in karma and know how true that is.
But also part of me what's to believe that there's hope in the future. If things don't work out.
The only reason he got in a relationship is cause I left the country. But If he is advising me to go back. Could it be that maybe he's not happy and would like to try. Not like keeping me on the side. Cause I messed up this time but I won't be the other girl again.

It does bother me. And I won't be the reason he cheats again.
I don't want that drama in my life. I guess what I want is what used to be before.
He was the most loyal guy ever when we were together. Super devoted to the relationship. But maybe he's changed.

I know what you mean,

I was more like waiting to see what would happen. If for some reason (not me) they don't continue then maybe I would like to try again.
I definitely won't continue seeing him if he's attached cause I may fail.

I think mostly he spoke before thinking when he said that even if we don't won't out.

But is it a concern what he fantisizes about?

Thank you Feby for your 2 cents! I needed a different and maybe some tough love lol perspective cause I have trouble differentiating what I would like it to be and what it really is. I'm afraid I've wanted a second chance for all this time. So we could have what we used to. that I may get blinded by that. And not see what it really is. Thanks!

Lol I can deal with brutal honesty and candid lol. I'm very dealing with direct approach so thanks
Sex wasn't like it used to be. Or maybe The fact that I knew I wasn't doing the right thing
I get stuck more on the what we used to have.

I know!! I'm an Aries ascendant myself and I don't know if that explains it but I'm pretty tough on myself and beat myself up when I feel guilty!

Are you an Aries? I was pretty concerned about the fantasies but I feel relieved he's not like a creep.

Yes he did mention something about being extremely quiet lol.

I thought maybe she's too controlling so he takes it out like that. Lol. Cause she does seem to be controlling his phone and stuff.

With me I noticed that the more freedom I gave him the closer to me he wanted to be or stayed. I'm a sag so I got scared of his intensity and he would want me to post pics of us together in fb and I'm just not like that. So he would get insecure about how I felt about him and when he was insecure omg it was like so intense and I just wanted to run for the hills. Like the devil was chasing me. Lol.

Gemini.

At the end tho he did say that those fantasies are scary for him too and he didn't understand why he fantasies that crap. But he does, and knows it can't happen.

From what I've heard he's never given him reasons to doubt him. She has tho. She's gone to guys place to do Molly and Stuff but swears nothing happened. And in other occasions drinking with the guy at a bar.
She kept the lie for a whole week before finally accepted it. He found out thru the navigation system in car.
I know this not from him but from a close friend. Mutual.

Those fantasies are out of the table lol.

If I were to try anything it would be if and only if he is single. Then I can run slow enough so he can catch up to me lol.

Yeah I know I'm much more and have a lot to offer. Than being a side girl.

Hope not. Well I don't know what to hope.

The friend is her friend. But there's always two or three sides of the story lol.

From what I knew him. I think somethings was broken and yeah I can see him distancing himself. Making him more likely to stray (not condoling behavior)

"Don't judge" = "I've been a stupid twat and want people to still feel sorry for me."

Are you here to criticize and judge or to actually contribute with some input.
If you don't have constructive criticism and it's only criticism then please get off my board and go insult someone else.

I am all up for constructive or positive criticism, but it's not ok to insult me.

Posted by Cupcake21
Are you here to criticize and judge or to actually contribute with some input.
If you don't have constructive criticism and it's only criticism then please get off my board and go insult someone else.

I am all up for constructive or positive criticism, but it's not ok to insult me.

No.

My short answer is you are both idiots. Let it go. There has to be honesty owed to self, to partner, and to the situation. You have none of that.

My pedigree: dated a Sag for 2 yrs, married to him for 1 year. Recently dated another Sag.