So, I had a semi realization

I had a bit of a realization the other night.

I was holding a friend's 2 week old baby. I love kids and generally have no issue with them. Up until now, my overall stance was, "meh, still no desire, but maybe I'll be down when the time presents itself." I like kids, but I haven't been keen on the idea of them being my own.

But looking at her (the baby), I had a bit of a revelation- I really think I just do not want kids. I kind of substituted myself, thinking about it when I was holding her. What if this was my kid I was holding? What if this was mine that was being fussy and I need to figure out what she wants? Nope. Don't see myself doing this. No desire whatsoever.

Kinda explains why I've been so meh about it.

And if I change my mind, fine. But I'm 30 and my biological clock is still giving the finger to the idea.

/ random

I never wanted kids. My sister and her kids lived with us off/on until they were abt 10 and they were rowdy! So that was impression I had of kids - I said nah no desire.

My hub wanted kids I didn't really but had an oopsie and got pregnant. Then 2 and a half yrs later another oopsie and then 4 yrs later with my last oopsie. I was on birth control pills with all 3 haha, would always forget to take them then would try n dbl up (hint ladies - don't do!)

Today, I can't imagine my life without my kids. They are my rock, every decision I make is with them in mind. Sure it can be a challenge at times but anything challenging proves to be worth it's salt. This is YOUR creation and it's a miracle. To see them grow, applying values that we as parents try so hard to instill is such a great high. No words can explain that love

I feel you.

Follow your heart!

I am the same way, I always tell people that I dont like kids and I dont want them, and people say "awweee you'd be a great mom, you should" and its just like NO!!! Its my life not yours.

Dont listen to those people! 😄

Posted by rockyroadicecream
I had a bit of a realization the other night.

I was holding a friend's 2 week old baby. I love kids and generally have no issue with them. Up until now, my overall stance was, "meh, still no desire, but maybe I'll be down when the time presents itself." I like kids, but I haven't been keen on the idea of them being my own.

But looking at her (the baby), I had a bit of a revelation- I really think I just do not want kids. I kind of substituted myself, thinking about it when I was holding her. What if this was my kid I was holding? What if this was mine that was being fussy and I need to figure out what she wants? Nope. Don't see myself doing this. No desire whatsoever.

Kinda explains why I've been so meh about it.

And if I change my mind, fine. But I'm 30 and my biological clock is still giving the finger to the idea.

/ random

That's exactly my Aries friend's motives.

"D, I will be the best Aunt to your child. I just don't want children of my own"

lalala "oh it's different when you have your own!"

The most dingbat female response always. Also the most useless.

I really don't care.

Posted by Damnata

Posted by rockyroadicecream
I had a bit of a realization the other night.

I was holding a friend's 2 week old baby. I love kids and generally have no issue with them. Up until now, my overall stance was, "meh, still no desire, but maybe I'll be down when the time presents itself." I like kids, but I haven't been keen on the idea of them being my own.

But looking at her (the baby), I had a bit of a revelation- I really think I just do not want kids. I kind of substituted myself, thinking about it when I was holding her. What if this was my kid I was holding? What if this was mine that was being fussy and I need to figure out what she wants? Nope. Don't see myself doing this. No desire whatsoever.

Kinda explains why I've been so meh about it.

And if I change my mind, fine. But I'm 30 and my biological clock is still giving the finger to the idea.

/ random

That's exactly my Aries friend's motives.

"D, I will be the best Aunt to your child. I just don't want children of my own"

click to expand

Right? I love 'em, I just don't think I want 'em. Holding the baby was almost an epiphany of sorts. It's like wow, I REALLY don't think I'd be down for this.

I was adamant that I wouldn't have kids; I never held them and I wasn't even good at all that coochie-coo stuff, but then in some random cafe one day I looked over and saw a couple sitting and chatting with their 6 year old and it was like a light bulb moment, which completely threw me. Two kids later, like others have said here, I would never be without them, my love for them and my maternal instinct to protect them is so strong coz they are part of you and you are part of them. I'd die for them.

The epiphany moment can either happen all of a sudden, it can creep up on you, or it may never happen. It just depends. Some people want kids and can't have them, some people don't want kids and have accidents.

They are fucking hard work though. It is the ultimate selfless act, to put other peoples lives ahead of your own; to put their needs above yours - and those of your S.O which can also be a bone of contention. I have daily battles with mine and my levels of constant tiredness means I could easily sleep standing up if I closed my eyes for more than 15 seconds, plus I would definitely say the first 5 years are the worst hahaha.

Posted by aquaninja44
Follow your heart!

I am the same way, I always tell people that I dont like kids and I dont want them, and people say "awweee you'd be a great mom, you should" and its just like NO!!! Its my life not yours.

Dont listen to those people! 😄

Someone seems to get it.

I posted this because it kinda surprised me that I thought this after so many years of indifference. I posted it here in the Aries forum because I was curious to see if maybe it was an Aries thing or an individual thing maybe.

Generally, I really don't care who does what. Some want them, some don't. Many who didn't, ended up accidentally pregnant and their brain rewired. Whatever the scenario, I don't care, to each their own. I just dislike it when you get the brigade in here all WOO YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND!! Because all too often, people just see a woman as having an obligation to have children. When she doesn't, you get this type of response and it's rather bothersome because it comes off kinda mindless and dismissive.

"Yeah, I don't want kids."

"OH THERE, THERE. THAT'LL CHANGE WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN!"

Any of you ladies that had the change of mind or whatever, props to you, or whatever. But seriously, that response does NOTHING tbh.

Posted by arietteheart2

Posted by rockyroadicecream
lalala "oh it's different when you have your own!"

The most dingbat female response always. Also the most useless.

I really don't care.

If you don't care, why'd you post this shit?

click to expand

If YOU don't care if women have kids or not, then why are YOU posting your "shit?"

You don't like what I post, because I FELT like it, you can kindly fuck off. 🙂

Is this why some mothers drown their kids?.. They say they don't want them.. husband and outsiders "pressure" them to have kids..they have them.. don't like them.. drown the kids and then themselves..

Hmm.

Maybe in society women are seen as being obliged to procreate and progress the human race coz who else is gonna do it lol

I would agree that people who say "you'll feel different when u have your own" don't know shit coz for some (not all) it's sometimes not a conscious decision to have kids.

Like with me I had made a conscious decision NOT to have kids but my experience was that I didn't discuss it over a period of time, and slowly come to a decision to want to start a family - I got the light bulb moment and I couldn't do anything to fight it, and I didn't want to personally coz weirdly to me it felt right.

When people come out with that quote, they don't realise that you actually have to have the DESIRE to have children in the first place, not just have them.

It's a long, lonely life w/o them. I have a brother who is 65 never married, or had kids..guess what he is lonely as h*ll.

He regrets it now.

I know there are 20 and 30 somethings on here, and in your 20's and 30's you tend to live for the moment w/o thinking about when you are in your late 30's, 40's or 50's...

Same with tat's, no one thinks about what that is going to look like when they are 60! Think ahead..

You have to think about 10 to 20 years down the road..your life is going to change.

Funny...when researching Aries traits once,I read one of them was liking kids and animals, or being good with kids and animals.

Posted by AriesGirl74
Maybe in society women are seen as being obliged to procreate and progress the human race coz who else is gonna do it lol

I would agree that people who say "you'll feel different when u have your own" don't know shit coz for some (not all) it's sometimes not a conscious decision to have kids.

Like with me I had made a conscious decision NOT to have kids but my experience was that I didn't discuss it over a period of time, and slowly come to a decision to want to start a family - I got the light bulb moment and I couldn't do anything to fight it, and I didn't want to personally coz weirdly to me it felt right.

When people come out with that quote, they don't realise that you actually have to have the DESIRE to have children in the first place, not just have them.

+1

Jesus Christ, someone understands. I seriously want to punch someone in the throat when I hear that canned response.

Posted by sunshine222
It's a long, lonely life w/o them. I have a brother who is 65 never married, or had kids..guess what he is lonely as h*ll.

He regrets it now.

I know there are 20 and 30 somethings on here, and in your 20's and 30's you tend to live for the moment w/o thinking about when you are in your late 30's, 40's or 50's...

Same with tat's, no one thinks about what that is going to look like when they are 60! Think ahead..

click to expand

...having children to not be lonely when you're older is a selfish way to think. If he regrets not having them because he's past his prime, sucks for him. But if he's regretting because now he's old and alone, then he was right to not have kids.

And you're freaking dumb if you think that's a sole reason to have kids. Fucking a, people are selfish.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE KIDS SO YOU AREN'T ALONE. WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU'RE OLDER??" Omg, you don't have kids for your own selfish needs down the road. You have them because you want them. Not to plan for future caretakers when you're old and gray.

Posted by sunshine222
Funny...when researching Aries traits once,I read one of them was liking kids and animals, or being good with kids and animals.

Funny, I thought I said in my OP that I actually DO like kids?

Posted by AriesIntrovert16
Is this why some mothers drown their kids?.. They say they don't want them.. husband and outsiders "pressure" them to have kids..they have them.. don't like them.. drown the kids and then themselves..

Hmm.

I thought in the cases of women drowning their kids, they were suffering from post-partum or some other psychological issue?

But then again, being pressured into doing something that big would cause psychological issues too...

You'd think that the bond created during pregnancy would prevent it, but sometimes all the hormonal issues post pregnancy make moms do some crazy shit.

I don't think anyone's trying to change your mind girl, don't be so defensive.

Just sayin never say never. But if you don't want them it's whatevs.

Posted by peaceloveandhappiness

Just sayin never say never. But if you don't want them it's whatevs.

Why is having a kid a "never say never" scenario to you? Why would anyone's choice NOT to have children be waved off so dismissively as if it were an impulsive decision (yet someone accidentally having a child isn't viewed the same way)?

I'm not getting defensive and thinking people are trying to change my mind, I'm getting irritated because this is the response you see a lot in regard to the topic and it's a big example of how society still views women and their choices/decisions (it's why you see so much bs in the media about reproductive rights).

Do I understand that a woman's brain chemistry rewires when having children? Yes. I know "it's different when they're your own." I've heard it all. But in 2014 you're still hearing this and not very much of "Okie doke, to each their own." If you do, it's veiled under comments, much like your own, of "never say never." :/ ^mostly observation, not so much pissy, btw.

Sorry about that...sounds like it's a sensitive subject for you, but you should know you're gonna get all sorts of answers on here that might go against your view/beliefs.

Just like politics and religion are to me. I hate those topics and when I hear ppl talking about it I just walk away. Not trying to get into that.

*shrugs and walks away*

I had no idea you had children, considering you never talk about them. With the amount of time you spend here and everything you talk about, I've never seen you refer to your children, just to the men that are in your life.

@ Caplove, this is true. It's a rather shitty predicament that society has us in.

@peaceloveandhappieness, no need to apologize. It's not so much sensitive, more seeing a lot of discussions/debates on it all and it's very telling of our society's stance on the matter just based on the responses you see, and it's kinda frustrating. Even people who aren't necessarily opposed, say things that kinda show that even they still go by the societal norm.

I have friends who got married and are not having children. They decided it's not for them and whatever. No big deal. I think I have more respect for people who admit that they know it's not for them and they just aren't down. They're being so honest with themselves and society and it's just sad that people dismiss it or get so UPSET that someone is being sooo "selfish" for not wanting to create another life form.

Meanwhile you have a lot of people accidentally getting pregnant, people who shouldn't be parents, people being pressured into having kids, etc. You see no outrage there.

I just find it really weird that people get more upset with others being honest than with some of these other scenarios where having a kid isn't exactly the most ideal circumstance, mostly for the kid.

In regard to my post, as I said, it was more of a "whoa" moment. I never really saw myself as one of those who's "omgnowai" toward kids. I figured I'd come around at some point in time. It was totally "LOL NOPE." Besides, I like being able to give them back, haha.

And tbh, the only response I truly got upset and pissy about was dipshit's about having children so you aren't alone when you're older. OMG lunacy. :/

Posted by sunshine222


Funny...when researching Aries traits once,I read one of them was liking kids and animals, or being good with kids and animals.

I adore children and animals! Even better, they adore me.

Rocky, do what you feel.

For me, being a mother is easier than being a wife, easier than adult relationships all together...friendship, co-worker, etc...and most rewarding.

People make cases that reasons for wanting to be a parent are selfish; that reasons for not wanting to be a parent is selfish. It looks like a tie to me... null and void.

Right?

To each their fricken own.

....just don't be stupid about it.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
I had a bit of a realization the other night.

I was holding a friend's 2 week old baby. I love kids and generally have no issue with them. Up until now, my overall stance was, "meh, still no desire, but maybe I'll be down when the time presents itself." I like kids, but I haven't been keen on the idea of them being my own.

But looking at her (the baby), I had a bit of a revelation- I really think I just do not want kids. I kind of substituted myself, thinking about it when I was holding her. What if this was my kid I was holding? What if this was mine that was being fussy and I need to figure out what she wants? Nope. Don't see myself doing this. No desire whatsoever.

Kinda explains why I've been so meh about it.

And if I change my mind, fine. But I'm 30 and my biological clock is still giving the finger to the idea.

/ random

+100

Besides the fact that in a world where we are becoming overpopulated to the point of diminishing our resources at an unsustainable rate... I just have no interest in having kids because I have a lot I want to do in my life that won't have rooms to take care of children the way I would want to do it. I would want, as you said, to have kids because it's a conscious decision rather than having kids to just to have kids. There is a lot of work, time, and responsibility that comes with having kids, I don't think it's worth it for me to spend all that energy towards that (something I'm not to particularly interested in)... I'd rather spend it somewhere else.

Good for you for making a stand. We need more voices like yours if we want to reawaken a positive movement for women i.e. we are more than just breeding machines.

Did you see the article that... I think TIME did about "child free" couples?

Overall, I'm disturbed when you see the outrage or dismissivness toward this topic when it's just people being responsible and realizing that them bringing kids into the world isn't their thing. They'll leave it up to others to worry about and they'll remain childless. Yet people are perfectly okay with all these "accidents" that are usually a result of irresponsibility. Where's the dissent there?

Our society is strange. :/

Nope... I try to stay away from the times printed in the US.

I wouldn't say strange. Archaic and backwards.... hell yes.