Pisces left me Mentally Uneasy and I'm still in love

I was dating a Pisces for a year but have known him since high school...never saw him back then In the way I do today.  We began dating after he pursued me I was not looking for someone at the time because I was healing from my previous relationship but then he wanted to hang out and we did at my place and we were intimate that night...so at first I believe he wanted to just hook up but when I told him I wasn't that kind of chick we started dating but I could tell he wasn't ready for all of that because he was always checking other women out...but we stayed dealing with each other I could tell he was hurt before so I took that into consideration since I had been too...he slowly but surely starting opening up more...until I noticed all this social media flirting and this fake God sis of his he would say inappropriate things to on Instagram...we were still working our way into our relationship and once we did get into one he starting flirting with this girl that his mom knew from the gym and I broke it off but then my cousin saw them at her house on Snapchat...so we talked he cried to me and told me he didn't want to fail me in marriage so I thought wow he sees me as his future wife.  So we got our relationship back together rewind to now I ended up getting an abortion from a pregnancy we had actually sat down and discussed having over dinner because he told me while I was about almost 3 months preggo that I was no longer expecting his first child but his second.   I was so hurt he told me he didn't know someone else was pregnant and thought it was just our baby on the way...it messed me up mentally and I'm hurt because I thought what we had was the real deal and he wasn't out there doing stuff after we got back together... Then on my birthday I knew I wanted to hang with him because I would have fun despite me having the abortion and all the emotions I had but I didn't want to discuss it just have fun...so we did until he wanted to make it about him and attempted to have a threesome when come to find out the girl he brought to my house miscarried his baby... So now I'm here discussing my baby and just in this crazy mess...so he cried to me apologizing saying how his dad didnt raise him right...so I knew it was time to close the chapter and move on but I've been trying to heal especially since it happened not that long ago weeks/months mentally but I feel so scared to where I don't know if I can ever love anyone again because I have been betrayed to the max by someone I'm actually still in love with...then I asked him today was what we had real he said yes and that he was actually going to reach out to me to see if I was OK but in my mind I keep thinking you're about to start a family with someone else who you don't even know that well but I noticed these girls are young like early 20s and I'm going into my mid 30s now...why are Pisces like this leaving people in crazy mental states?