To be Like or Respected?

Is it more important for you to be liked or respected? Or if it depends on the situation, under what circumstances is one more important to you than the other?

So you don't care if you are not genuinely close to another person?

Right, in that example, respect and liking are not mutually exclusive. But what about in the situation where they are? For example, sometimes when a person respects you, that respect is accompanied by envy which can evoke a defense mechanism and pride. And as a result, distance is created and the relationship is strained. I find that I sometimes make myself vulnerable to people just so that these mechanisms aren't activated and so as to avoid confrontation..also, so that others can feel comfortable around me and close.

like is just a bi-product of respect anyway

Not always, think of a time when someone respected you, but also harbored resentment b/c they felt threatened. You can respect a person, but dislike them immensely b/c of what they represent to you.

..that is, if you're not at peace with yourself.

I'm not sure we're understanding one another, lol. I just mean that someone may feel threatened by the very same quality they respect in you. For example, let's just say you have a friend that respects the ease with which you are able to conversate with people..while she respects that about you, she may deep-down, harbor a resentment toward you for that very same reason. So, what I meant by the question is, is it more important for people to respect certain qualities about you even if that creates distance and possible resentment between yourself and others as a result.

exactly, so then you can fairly assume, that the relationship is strained as a result and not as genuinely close as it otherwise would be. So, is the fact that this person respects you worth the effect that it has on your relationship?

Oftentimes, it's not worth it to me..but, I guess if I started to feel that I wasn't being respected, that need for validation would kick in. It's always a back-and-forth thing with me.

I think I just figured something out.

What Agua_aqi? And which did you say was more important to you?

Liked...because respect comes after like.

Maybe this is again a question of semantics, lol. Well, I hate to drag in that big ole dusty dictionary, *cough, cough*, but respect according to the dictionary is defined as "esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect". So respect can also exist in the situation where a person revers you, yet does not like or even fears you.

Hey Haffo, long time no see.

must stop typing..why can't i stop typing? Someone needs to do a study on why dxp is so addicting..I'm at my friend's who is nice enough to let me use her computer and it's 3am and i still haven't left. My computer decides to croak on me at the most opportune of times. I'm moving out of state soon, and need to find a place to live/sell my car/move my stuff,.etc. all in the matter of a few weeks. I never realized how codependent I am on my computer for everything!

I think respect comes before like, if you can respect someone, it's easier to like them more and more as time passes. I think respect can be rather personal and subjective in that the person may mirror your own sense of values. It's hard to build on like when there is no respect.

"you can like someone with out respecting them."

interesting and valid as far as animals go merc, but i'm only referring to people- respect before like makes more sense to me. How can you like someone, without respecting them? *respect as far as humans go, does not have to mean fear or intimidation. 'just liking someone with no respect makes no sense to me. I guess it depends how much emphasis is put on the word, 'like.' Superficial, or something more meaningful.

LOL* ..i can understand that, merc. I guess everyone's perspective may be different and unique; depending on life circumstance; as much as the people themselves are..

I'd care if I'm liked as long as I'm respected, or feared, same thing if you ask me.

I would rather be respected than liked!! I don't really care if people like me or not.

Social acceptance is not really a high priority for me. I'll be content if my amibition comes to fruitation, anyone who opposes me and ruins my plans, tough luck for them! People who wanted to liked and applauded at all costs is easily prone to narcissist tendencies.

To be respected is best, but to be liked is less lonely.
Aim for both. Its possible.

Neither/both at the same time .. I don't really care if a person does either of those, or, it would have to be both .. all, or nothing.

The way I see it .. if I don't care about you, and you don't about me, why the hell should I then care about being respected by you?

Solitas has it the closest for me .. if there is like, then there is respect. If there isn't any concern for each other .. you're respect means about as much to me as it does a ground hog.

I have realized that for me to expect others to respect me is silly. I respect myself - big time - but what I have learned is - there are those who do not respect themselves, therefore, there is no way in Hatties that they can possibly respect me - they have no clue how.

I enjoy hanging with those peoples who do indeed respect themselves, makes for a better relationship in all ways! 😉

I see what you are saying MIC however, when anyone "demands" something from me such as "respect" than they are not freely giving it to me. Therefore, they are coming from a place of fear. Anyone trying to use "fear" tactics on me.....about face and out the door I go.

These type of people are lacking self respect and possibly have a low self-esteem. Those who respect themselves with automatically respect others.

with - *will

I prefer to be respected: I've given up on the popularity contests; too many asses to kiss. Why go through all of that when you can be just cool with who you are?; this can cause conflictions with society at large becuase you are obstinate, and you know who you are, and that's what you present as opposed to some mask. What are you trying to prove to yourself, by being a tool for others? That they like you, and your sociable? No, you've only proved that you are a door mat.....good luck

I don't force people I just tell them the way I feel, I agree with the free bird on this one lol I'm to self-assured to try fear/scare tactics on anybody. I tell you how I feel, and let's hope you don't conflict with my vision. Virgos are a resolute lot....we should be fixed.

or Cardinal....

Respected, and I deserve to say that.