@confusedlibra78
12 YearsLibra
What should I do?
I broke up with a girl a couple years ago, but we seemed to be remaining friends, so I bought her a couple things for Christmas. One gift was a necklace that couldn't have been given to many other people, no one else I knew (semi-personalized).
She decided we weren't going to stay friends, so I gave away the one gift to someone else and threw out the semi-personalized gift. Like hell I was giving them to her.
I didn't want to make her feel guilty by giving her the gifts. I didn't want to make her feel anything. What she did to me was a dick move, so I considered the money I spent on her part of the cost of the lesson that relationship taught me. I was happier after she and her drama were out of my life. I'd gladly sacrifice a few bucks in exchange for having my freedom back.
I know you're still in this relationship, but the dude is, in my opinion, inconsiderate and I don't think you should reward him with gifts. He won't feel guilty. He'll take the swag, say "sorry I didn't get you anything" and go on with his life. Sounds like a taker.
Posted by dolluxe
Well isn't the spirit of Christmas giving gifts and not expect anything in return?Don't be spiteful just because he didn't give you something. that's so materialistic.
You feel unappreciated. If he doesn't make you happy and you can't see a future with him why stick around?
I agree and I'm not being spiteful. He had a bunch of people over Xmas day and I honestly didn't want to give him gifts in front of everyone else. Like I said, acknowledging me in any way, like saying Merry Christmas, would have been enough.
I'm at that crossroads right now. He gives me something I've never had before, deep non-verbal emotional connection when we're alone, but he is a horrible communicator and I have no clear idea about what he feels for me. He never called me his girlfriend until last month one of his friends asked him point blank in front of him. Even then he made a joke of it before saying that I was his girlfriend. In 7 mos he's maybe complimented me twice and he tells me what he's told other people about what he likes about me vs just saying it directly to me.
I did see a future but now I'm not sure. I went to him with a problem I'm having and he said nothing. No I'm sorry, no hug, nothing. Last night, he turned nasty on our Uber driver and was super condescending and rude to him for absolutely no reason. It was embarrassing and showed me his character. This poor guy has 4 children and an old car and is trying to make ends meet. I apologized to him and tipped him $ 20 that I don't have to give, just because my boyfriend's behavior was so outrageous.
Posted by Bricks195
I broke up with a girl a couple years ago, but we seemed to be remaining friends, so I bought her a couple things for Christmas. One gift was a necklace that couldn't have been given to many other people, no one else I knew (semi-personalized).She decided we weren't going to stay friends, so I gave away the one gift to someone else and threw out the semi-personalized gift. Like hell I was giving them to her.
I didn't want to make her feel guilty by giving her the gifts. I didn't want to make her feel anything. What she did to me was a dick move, so I considered the money I spent on her part of the cost of the lesson that relationship taught me. I was happier after she and her drama were out of my life. I'd gladly sacrifice a few bucks in exchange for having my freedom back.
I know you're still in this relationship, but the dude is, in my opinion, inconsiderate and I don't think you should reward him with gifts. He won't feel guilty. He'll take the swag, say "sorry I didn't get you anything" and go on with his life. Sounds like a taker.
Thanks. I agree. It's just hard when you put a lot of thought into something for someone but they don't really deserve it. I know you understand.
If you love him, give him the gifts in private. Don't embarrass him in front of other people.
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
Posted by pinkbird03
If you love him, give him the gifts in private. Don't embarrass him in front of other people.
That was the problem. We weren't alone and I had to leave early the next day. I've only seen him once since then and we were with other people again. I thought about just leaving it at his place.
Posted by DivaCanLeo
Lack of communication.Why don't you talk to the guy
Totally!! Because he is totally closed off to communicating. Everything with him is surface and jokes. Anytime I suggest that we talked his immediate reaction is to ask if he's in trouble. It doesn't make me feel safe to share my feelings with him
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
click to expand
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
Posted by DivaCanLeo
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by DivaCanLeo
Lack of communication.Why don't you talk to the guy
Totally!! Because he is totally closed off to communicating. Everything with him is surface and jokes. Anytime I suggest that we talked his immediate reaction is to ask if he's in trouble. It doesn't make me feel safe to share my feelings with him
Because he's anxious you'll break up with him.
Dude you need to take control of this sheet if you want it to work
click to expand
Why would he be anxious about that? I've never said we need to talk in those words. He texted me once and asked if I was going to be around. Since I never have that night off from my son, I asked if he meant to talk or to hang out. He freaked out and asked if he was in trouble. The other times I've simply tried talking to him about what's bothering me or something deeper than what's on TV and he just either shuts down or makes jokes.
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
click to expand
By leaving?
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
By leaving?
click to expand
Yes. He doesn't sound like the serious relationship type
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by pinkbird03
If you love him, give him the gifts in private. Don't embarrass him in front of other people.
That was the problem. We weren't alone and I had to leave early the next day. I've only seen him once since then and we were with other people again. I thought about just leaving it at his place.
click to expand
Can you ask him for alone time? Tell him you have a surprise
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
By leaving?
Yes. He doesn't sound like the serious relationship type
click to expand
Oddly enough, he has been in a 7 and 5 year relationship. I was in an 18 year relationship. We're both relationship people
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
By leaving?
Yes. He doesn't sound like the serious relationship type
Oddly enough, he has been in a 7 and 5 year relationship. I was in an 18 year relationship. We're both relationship people
click to expand
How long ago was his last long serious relationship ?
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
By leaving?
Yes. He doesn't sound like the serious relationship type
Oddly enough, he has been in a 7 and 5 year relationship. I was in an 18 year relationship. We're both relationship people
How long ago was his last long serious relationship ?
click to expand
5 years. I think he had one in between her and me but it was more of a rebound.
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
By leaving?
Yes. He doesn't sound like the serious relationship type
Oddly enough, he has been in a 7 and 5 year relationship. I was in an 18 year relationship. We're both relationship people
How long ago was his last long serious relationship ?
5 years. I think he had one in between her and me but it was more of a rebound.
click to expand
Hmm , 5 years is more than enough time to get over & move on from an ex. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't feel very special , that's all I'm saying
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
By leaving?
Yes. He doesn't sound like the serious relationship type
Oddly enough, he has been in a 7 and 5 year relationship. I was in an 18 year relationship. We're both relationship people
How long ago was his last long serious relationship ?
5 years. I think he had one in between her and me but it was more of a rebound.
Hmm , 5 years is more than enough time to get over & move on from an ex. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't feel very special , that's all I'm saying
click to expand
Sorry, I misread your question. I think they've only been apart maybe 2 years, maybe less. They also lived together
Posted by dolluxe
Well isn't the spirit of Christmas giving gifts and not expect anything in return?
This right here. Gifts aren't given with expectations or else they would be called bribes.
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by dolluxe
Well isn't the spirit of Christmas giving gifts and not expect anything in return?
This right here. Gifts aren't given with expectations or else they would be called bribes.
click to expand
Like I mentioned in another post, I didn't get him gifts expecting anything in return. That being said, I think if you've been with someone for 7 mos saying Merry Christmas is not out of line. We were with a whole bunch of people and I didn't get a chance to give it to him.
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by dolluxe
Well isn't the spirit of Christmas giving gifts and not expect anything in return?
This right here. Gifts aren't given with expectations or else they would be called bribes.
Like I mentioned in another post, I didn't get him gifts expecting anything in return. That being said, I think if you've been with someone for 7 mos saying Merry Christmas is not out of line. We were with a whole bunch of people and I didn't get a chance to give it to him.
click to expand
I was referring to the bit where you were asking whether or not to give them to him, based off of the fact he hasn't given you a xmas gift. Just give it to him. And next time if your expecting reciprocation you should give him a heads up, "I got you something for xmas the other day. It's really small but I saw it and thought of you" that kind of thing so that he knows to go for it.
Some people aren't big into holiday gift giving either. I'm certainly not. Don't take it as a slight.
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
Posted by confusedlibra78
Posted by SofiaV87
End it & throw out the gifts. He won't change .. He's also use to the way u treat him & that's nicely .. U don't want to be that pushover
No, I'm no one's pushover. I told him that months ago when he was dicking around with some important plans. I told him I was no man's afterthought. He changed for a bit after that. Maybe he needs a reminder, lol
Yea this time show him by your actions , not words
By leaving?
Yes. He doesn't sound like the serious relationship type
Oddly enough, he has been in a 7 and 5 year relationship. I was in an 18 year relationship. We're both relationship people
How long ago was his last long serious relationship ?
5 years. I think he had one in between her and me but it was more of a rebound.
Hmm , 5 years is more than enough time to get over & move on from an ex. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't feel very special , that's all I'm saying
Sorry, I misread your question. I think they've only been apart maybe 2 years, maybe less. They also lived together
click to expand
U can't just tell him how u feel, u have to show it to him or else it will stay the same & u will continue to feel unappreciated, not a good feeling .. I personally can't stand that feeling
Don't give him the gifts he doesn't deserve them.
Focus on talking with him in person and reaching an agreement.
It's gotta be a headache not knowing where you stand.
What's his and your mercury?
Posted by HarleyTwinFlame
Don't give him the gifts he doesn't deserve them.Focus on talking with him in person and reaching an agreement.
It's gotta be a headache not knowing where you stand.
What's his and your mercury?
He's Leo, I'm Libra Mercury
Posted by BuffaloBills28
I think you're really beautiful, and you deserve much better, and he's an a**hole.
You are really too sweet ? Thank you
Posted by littlenanobyte
I would just give him the gifts and then break up with him immediately.
Haha! Like right then?
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Backstory...I've been dating a Cancer man for 7 months now. It hasn't been easy (see earlier posts). I didn't get him anything for his bday because we were only a couple months in and he was out of town the whole week. However, a month later, I had one of his very favorite beers flown in from Cali just for him. It's super rare and hard to get a hold of.
When my bday rolled around in Sept, he apparently didn't realize it and when he did, sent me a text asking what I wanted. I said, surprise me. He said he was going to take me to NY to a Giants game in November (my bday is end of Sept ). Two weeks beforehand, he said it was too expensive, which was fine, and we ended up going in Dec but for another function to do with his work.
For Christmas, I had a couple things handmade for him. One of the things he had said he really wanted but wasn't able to get made. I got it made for him along with another personalized item. I brought his gifts to Xmas assuming we would be exchanging something and he apparently got me nothing so I didn't give him his gifts.
It's not about spending money on me. A card or some acknowledgement would have sufficed. We have hit a rough patch as I really feel we are in different places in our lives - he's a 33 year old bartender who drinks and gets high, I'm a 38 year old mom who's less interested in that scene. I am not judgemental about what he does but with a kid, it's hard to see this relationship going anywhere with his life style .
My question is, do I give him the gifts? I spent a good deal on them but since they are really only something that he would like and they ane handmade, I can't return them or sell them. Some friends say to give it to him to make him feel guilty for not getting me anything. Others say he doesn't deserve them. Thoughts?