A lil insight please?

Hello, i've been lurking around and read a lot about cancers and decided to make an account so i could ask something about my cancer bf and hopefully you guys are willing to give me some insight 🙂

We've been talking on and off for the last 3 years, i met him online. We haven't met in person but he always told me all the time that he wanna come to see me.
I'm not that ready for the meet up caused by my family and my financial issue, yet i wanna meet him too so bad.
But he kept insist me that he doesn't care about it, and he's still gonna see me. He's been working so hard just to save more money for the visit, told me that he loves me every single days and stuff.

I thought "oh damn, this gonna be real. He's coming soon". So i thought that alright, i'll leave these whole family issue stuff behind for a while, then pulled out all of my saving to set things up for his visit.

But weeks went by, he said that he got more work to do, that made things got delayed and take longer time to get all done. But he still convince me that he's gonna come.

I feel sad and told him how i had set things up here for him, which he replied with apologize and expressing how bad he feels about it, that it hurts him too a lot.
He told me that he love me for real. Which i didn't reply at all.

The next 2 days, he sent me another text saying that he misses me so much, which i replied two days later with only just "thanks"

I love him too but now i feel like i'm struggling to trust him after 2 times he said that he gonna ge the plane tickets but ended up coming with excuse that he gotta work more to do that.
Is this guy really serious or just playing me around?
Thanks 🙂

I feel u babe. Im a cancer i honestly dont know about the men. The woman r about actions. Ill buy a ticket ill buy your ticket ill do whatever i can......and i stick with my word period i hate breaking promises...i totally understand your side. Its been 3 yrs like whats going on......actions actions actions f that

Posted by BlackMamba
Don't invest your money until he does!

He could be in a relationship

Most men cant go 3 years with out intimacy that's probably why the off and on. I would keep my options open.

Posted by lovely77
I feel u babe. Im a cancer i honestly dont know about the men. The woman r about actions. Ill buy a ticket ill buy your ticket ill do whatever i can......and i stick with my word period i hate breaking promises...i totally understand your side. Its been 3 yrs like whats going on......actions actions actions f that

Hello babe, yeah i agree about the female cancers, i have some female cancers bestfriends and they're pretty responsible with their promises and stuff. It's been 3 ears indeed and too bad that all i heard are just excuses here and there

Posted by BlackMamba
Don't invest your money until he does!

He could be in a relationship

I wish i didn't, but i naively had spend almost all of my current saving just to set up things for his visit

Posted by Libralula
Just follow your instincts on this one. It's always a little tricky dealing with online or just long distance relationships period. You can try to talk to him about the trust issues you're having, to see may be if he can give reassurance and stuff

🙂

It's kinda mixed, i have tried to him about it few days ago which he replied with apologize and say how bad that he feels about it. He still insist me about the visit and still all lovey dovey which i didn't really respond well, cause i feel doubt.
Now he seems kinda cold, but we're still communicating

Posted by CapTivating

Posted by BlackMamba
Don't invest your money until he does!

He could be in a relationship

Most men cant go 3 years with out intimacy that's probably why the off and on. I would keep my options open.

click to expand

I'm thinking about the same thing too, 3 years without intimacy. And actually without any sexual intimate talks at all until these last 3 months.
I don't know whats on his mind about this kind of online thing. I have some faults i did that caused the on and off thing, so it wasn't always him who did it the whole time.

Posted by velvet_purple

Posted by CapTivating

Posted by BlackMamba
Don't invest your money until he does!

He could be in a relationship

Most men cant go 3 years with out intimacy that's probably why the off and on. I would keep my options open.

I'm thinking about the same thing too, 3 years without intimacy. And actually without any sexual intimate talks at all until these last 3 months.
I don't know whats on his mind about this kind of online thing. I have some faults i did that caused the on and off thing, so it wasn't always him who did it the whole time.

click to expand

Yes it's quite a while, he probably has a lot of "personal time" but there's no telling and with cancer being such a highly sexual sign I doubt that if he did last that long he would be very comfortable. I feel like you have invested an adequate amount of time in this relationship in order for something to transpire. If you are truly happy where you are at in this moment and don't mind if this went on for another few years I would say absolutely stay, wait it out, you love him. But given the track record I wouldn't trust his word, not necessarily because he doesn't love you but possibly because he is just not able. This is your life, you choose how you want to spend it.

Posted by CapTivating

Posted by BlackMamba
Don't invest your money until he does!

He could be in a relationship

Most men cant go 3 years with out intimacy that's probably why the off and on. I would keep my options open.

click to expand

I have to agree. Any man who says this isn't true is definitely lying their ass off. He is your boyfriend but that means almost little if you haven't met him ever in three years.

Hello guys, thank you for the replies!
I ended up told him again about how hurt i am earlier, with long messages.
It just sucks that i had all the things set up for him here, had a lil surprise cruise trip and lost all of my saving for that just because i thought that it would be worth it.
He has read all of my hurtful things i wrote him, but no any reply yet.
Is he just having some time to sort the things out or he just cut the things off already now?

Hey I'm a cancer guy in the same situation as this. I have been talking to a girl for 2 years now. We live very far apart and I haven't met her yet. I tell her often how much I want to meet her, but she has her own situation and not sure. I've given her a date to decide by now. I like this girl so much, but if she says yes and agrees I know how nervous I will get near the time. Us cancer guys sometimes doubt ourselves and he will be worried about rejection when he does finally meet you or that he will mess things up. Chances are he let his nerves get the better of him. The best thing you can do is somehow find a way to reassure him that he is wanted and that there is nothing to be nervous about. You can be sure if you do meet him he will be trying to make his best impression and treat you well. Making a good impression means much to us. Hope this helped

Posted by cancerman0707
Hey I'm a cancer guy in the same situation as this. I have been talking to a girl for 2 years now. We live very far apart and I haven't met her yet. I tell her often how much I want to meet her, but she has her own situation and not sure. I've given her a date to decide by now. I like this girl so much, but if she says yes and agrees I know how nervous I will get near the time. Us cancer guys sometimes doubt ourselves and he will be worried about rejection when he does finally meet you or that he will mess things up. Chances are he let his nerves get the better of him. The best thing you can do is somehow find a way to reassure him that he is wanted and that there is nothing to be nervous about. You can be sure if you do meet him he will be trying to make his best impression and treat you well. Making a good impression means much to us. Hope this helped

Hello there! Thanks for the reply and insight 🙂
What you said above kind of confirming some things that i've been going through with him somehow.
I used to doubt what he said, because of my situation and caused by the past experience of him didn't do what he told me he gonna do, so i have a trust issue then here.
But he still all the one who always reassure me that he is serious, that things would be real this time cause he could see that everything pretty much more realistic and promising now.
So then i decided to give him another chance and trust, but then i lost it all again when things got delayed and he came up with excuses all over again.
I'm pissed, and burst it all to him, twice. Now he is gone, and i don't know what else to do, cause i don't think that calling him or force him to talk would make things even better.Or what do you think?

I would say if you want to meet him give him a few days break and start again. Just talk generally again for a little bit and make him comfortable. Maybe it's best not to keep saying how he has let you down. Making a good first impression will mean a lot to me if I meet this girl. The worst thing to do is to make him think he will already be starting on a bad note with you. He will be worried he is not gonna meet your expectations, so maybe let him know you know it's not guaranteed to work. Maybe if you have them tell him you have nerves, so he knows he's not the only one. Make him know after 3 years he means a lot to you whatever happens when you meet. Make him relaxed about it as possible. I'm just speaking of how I wanna feel if I get to meet this girl

I realise that is hard after you wasted your money. It's up to you if you wanna give this guy another chance

Posted by cancerman0707
I would say if you want to meet him give him a few days break and start again. Just talk generally again for a little bit and make him comfortable. Maybe it's best not to keep saying how he has let you down. Making a good first impression will mean a lot to me if I meet this girl. The worst thing to do is to make him think he will already be starting on a bad note with you. He will be worried he is not gonna meet your expectations, so maybe let him know you know it's not guaranteed to work. Maybe if you have them tell him you have nerves, so he knows he's not the only one. Make him know after 3 years he means a lot to you whatever happens when you meet. Make him relaxed about it as possible. I'm just speaking of how I wanna feel if I get to meet this girl

I see.
I'll just let him be for now i guess, and see if he will ever contact me again. Since i think i just have expressed my sadness and dissapointment way too much that it actually makes me feel bad now cause i couldn't control my emotion though it hurts me so much.
I don't know if he will contact me again, but if he does i'll try to take things easier then. Thanks for your input 🙂

Anyway, may i ask how do you actually feel about the girl? I mean it's just an online thing, right? Does it mean that there's nothing to be taken seriously then?

I think i've been taking this whole online thing with him just way too serious 😢

Posted by cancerman0707
I realise that is hard after you wasted your money. It's up to you if you wanna give this guy another chance

The wasted money is not the whole reason why it sucks a lot to me. I'd do and give everything i have to someone that i feel special to me, cause i'll think it's worth it. But yes, it adds more dissapointment cause i worked hard to make it and now it doesn't mean nothing.
The main reason is still, i lost my trust and it shattering my feelings towards him, which i never wanted it to happens.
Thanks for your reply again!

Posted by Koniucha
Wow, It's crazy to have gone years without meeting. That's just way too much

Hello,
It actually is crazy! Idk why that we just always get back to each others, even after months of no contact at all