Broke up once.. and now again!!

Hello.
So I'm here again because, guess what... My cancer man broke up with me! We have been together for 7 months and in the beginning we had a stupid fight and he disappeared, then called me to explain and to say why he didn't want to be with me anymore... Surprise, surprise, a week later he came back and everything went back to normal.
Now.... everything was ok, then one day I called him as usual and he asked where have I been, why I didn't reply his text msgs, etc etc.. It's true I was busy with my things and wasn't giving him enough attention, I mean I wasn't calling almost every day like I used to, and didn't reply right away. Whatever... then he said we needed to talk and blabla, he doesn't want to be with me anymore, he doesn't fell loved, he needs more, I never tell him how I feel or that i miss him (which is not true!!) and he was trying make things work but now he fells that its not worth it. He doesn't love me...
I really can't believe this because we were fine, he was being really sweet these past couple of days or weeks (before that he was all moody). I just feel that he expected me to be more romantic and show my love to him, make him feel wanted. In his head I didn't...
It's hard because when he's in a bad mood I have to step back and leave him alone, then he comes back all sweet and if I don't show him all my love and support like he wants to, he feels disappointed and it's like this relationship is not worth it for him.
Well, he sounded really sure of himself, said he wants to be friends because i'm an amazing person (yeah right..) and he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. Said we should wait a little while to get things settled and then we can go out as friends.
Give me some light please!!

Well hon wish i could be more help but me and mine and splitsville as well...long story..did you defend yourself ? Apologize? Say well I thought I was doing that stuff...you know I feel that way etc...mine waivered forever...but still isn't ready cuz of his ex bla blah boring...he won't even talk to me now. I'd tell him exactly how you feel and that you dont understand where hes coming from and that you'd like to try again cuz you dont really get it.

In this situation I really feel in my heart that i need to tell him my feelings... Maybe wait a little. He sounded so sure that i'm afraid. He doesn't feel loved and that caused him to lose his feelings for me, which I dont believe...
He pointed out all the msgs i didnt answer, and that we dont see each other enough. If he didnt love he would not care about that.
In the end he's breaking up cause he's not getting what he wants, I admit i was little bit away with my problems but this is to much!
Sorry to hear about you and the boy :/

"It's true I was busy with my things and wasn't giving him enough attention, I mean I wasn't calling almost every day like I used to, and didn't reply right away"

You're dating a little princess who wants you to love him at his beck and call. God forbid that you life got busy and you didn't cater to him. Life isn't romance central. Life gets busy and if he's breaking up because he didn't get enough attention, then you really need to rethink who you're dating. If you want a baby, get pregnant. Don't deal with a manchild.

"if I don't show him all my love and support like he wants to, he feels disappointed and it's like this relationship is not worth it for him."

Just wow.

Posted by BlackMamba

Posted by aquarius09
"It's true I was busy with my things and wasn't giving him enough attention, I mean I wasn't calling almost every day like I used to, and didn't reply right away"

You're dating a little princess who wants you to love him at his beck and call. God forbid that you life got busy and you didn't cater to him. Life isn't romance central. Life gets busy and if he's breaking up because he didn't get enough attention, then you really need to rethink who you're dating. If you want a baby, get pregnant. Don't deal with a manchild.

"if I don't show him all my love and support like he wants to, he feels disappointed and it's like this relationship is not worth it for him."

Just wow.

no we're needy because we're insecure about the relationship, she's not doing enough work to show she's invested.

once we are secure, we let go of the control

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But come on now, who has the time to call every single day or message right away unless you're unemployed and have nothing better to do. Time flies and there's so much you have to get done and if you can't for whatever reason and your bf/gf is throwing a tantrum at that, that's really suffocating. This guy needs a jobless chick who has nothing going on in her life.

I understand what Blackmamba said and in part its true, he was being sweet these past few weeks and its like he wanted to see if I could give him and show all my love, its not just about the msgs, its everything... He said I don't say I love him that often or that I miss him... They need that affection and to feel needed and aprecciated.
But overall its unfair for me because I was always patient when he would be in a bad mood and kinda ignoring me or not paying attention.

Cancers need alot of attention to feel loved. If u dont give them for whatever reason espeically in early stages of relationship thats the kinda response u gonna get. Its tough dealing with em. Goat luck 😉

Posted by queencancer
Your mistake is "stepping back and leaving him alone when he's not in a good mood". Did you talk to him about "his moods" or did you assume he was in a mood and then silently ghost on him? If you did the latter then that's part of it. Lots of people throw around the term "mood" with crabs. Most times we're not moody we're reflecting. And when we're really in a real mood that's when we need our mates the most. If said mate isn't there we won't beg for affection or beg for you to stay too many times be for we learn to cope alone. Once we learn that your ghosting means nothing and soon we'll start ghosting on you with no worries because we've already coped with losing our mates.

Tip your valet!

Usually when he stops calling or answering for days I just back off, then he comes back like nothing happened. I said I don't like when he does this, he said he wanted to focus on something and didn't want to talk to anybody. This was last time. But yeah then things were fine, he was all sweet and that's it I think I didn't give him enough, didn't show my love to him... He thinks he can't get what he wants from me and broke up. I love him more that anything and just want to prove that to him. What can I do now?

Posted by queencancer
He couldn't get what he wanted from you. You already told us that. You were busy with something and put him on hold (after he came to you and squashed it and told you what his problem is with you). He probably wanted to be a priority. Now he is busy with something and is giving that priority before a relationship. He was sweet because he was being respectful of your boundaries while still showing love. After you established boundaries in the relationship, he mightve felt like he needs to change his priorities to fit those boundaries or just entirely dropped the idea of you and him altogether.

What do you do? How long has it been again?

Just 2 days.
Now I see he was craving for my attention and felt disappointed.

Posted by Koniucha
Well if he wanted more attention, why didn't he say anything? How old is he?

Most people aren't mind readers.

He asked a few days before why wasn't I calling him that much... I explained and that was it he didn't say anything else. But that was a sign..

Posted by queencancer
2 days! That's nothing!

I know but for him that's it! We can only be friends! I'm gonna write him something and show that I care for real or else he will be gone for good if I just leave him alone.

Posted by queencancer
Oh hush child! If he has you this worked up over him chances are he's going through the same things. All things happen in right timing. Just relax and enjoy your life in the meanwhile. If your love is strong he will be back and maybe even stronger than ever.

I don't know... He broke up once and came back, now I feel its for real! He thinks I don't love him wtffff

Posted by queencancer

Posted by Andreia

Posted by queencancer
Oh hush child! If he has you this worked up over him chances are he's going through the same things. All things happen in right timing. Just relax and enjoy your life in the meanwhile. If your love is strong he will be back and maybe even stronger than ever.

I don't know... He broke up once and came back, now I feel its for real! He thinks I don't love him wtffff

Calm yourself woman! If he thinks you don't love him then see what happens if you tell him.

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Yes i'm gonna do that! Bothers me the fact that he may not love me anymore.... or maybe he thinks he doesn't because of me not giving what he wants causes him to doubt his feelings for me. That's more like it.

I mean if he lost his feelings for me why does he care if I call or not or reply msgs or if we just see each other once or twice a week, right? When i dont love someone i just say it and dont even pay attention if I get an answer or enough attention from that person, my mind is not there anymore
He waaaantssss attention, that sparkle etc, etc and my actions make him doubt his feelings and think it's not worth it!

Have you told him how you feel yet?

Posted by queencancer
Probably because he loves you. Calm down, just breathe. He's just a man. I don't know about others, but distance doesn't mean the relationship is dead and gone (unless I've made it clear by telling you to stay away from me). For me it just means space is necessary. And that doesn't necessarily mean I would wait for the other person. It just means the relationship is changing with distance (more so because two people are changing). The future is what it will be sort of thing.

Well you cancer right? So you should know.

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Have you told him how you feel yet?

I wrote him something today yeah, let's see. He forgot all the other times I said I loved him.. It's quitting no me.

I mean you can't really bend over backwards for him..just make it known you care..he just sounds really insecure...

Sounds like he was with you because he loves love (or being loved, rather) and not because he loves you.
I had an ex that was like that. The relationship was mainly about what I could provide him. When he felt that I wasn't giving him enough attention, he looked for it elsewhere. My advice - find a guy who loves YOU and being with you, who will compromise sometimes and try to work with you to find a solution to any issues.

Posted by queencancer

Posted by Andreia

Posted by queencancer
Probably because he loves you. Calm down, just breathe. He's just a man. I don't know about others, but distance doesn't mean the relationship is dead and gone (unless I've made it clear by telling you to stay away from me). For me it just means space is necessary. And that doesn't necessarily mean I would wait for the other person. It just means the relationship is changing with distance (more so because two people are changing). The future is what it will be sort of thing.

Well you cancer right? So you should know.

Wait. I'm slow. Was that a joke?

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No joke. As a cancer you could know what this all means. I'm taurus.

Posted by Scenic
Sounds like he was with you because he loves love (or being loved, rather) and not because he loves you.
I had an ex that was like that. The relationship was mainly about what I could provide him. When he felt that I wasn't giving him enough attention, he looked for it elsewhere. My advice - find a guy who loves YOU and being with you, who will compromise sometimes and try to work with you to find a solution to any issues.

Yes maybe. He still wants to keep in contact with me, go out etc.. Because I'm his best friend and a very good one. I don't want to...

Posted by thinktoomuch
From where I stand, sometimes cancer will project their own feelings (not just cancer, basically everybody) onto others, and I think, that cancer can easily get overwhlemed with things. So they project their own feelings into you.
Meaning: he isn´t having doubts wether you love him or not. He is having doubts wether he loves you.
That have been my experience. I think it´s just easier for some people to sorta blaim the other person.

Be honest with my feelings and then back off. He has to decide, but he will miss me if he still feels something for me hope.

I hope*

Posted by queencancer

Posted by Andreia

Posted by queencancer

Posted by Andreia

Posted by queencancer
Probably because he loves you. Calm down, just breathe. He's just a man. I don't know about others, but distance doesn't mean the relationship is dead and gone (unless I've made it clear by telling you to stay away from me). For me it just means space is necessary. And that doesn't necessarily mean I would wait for the other person. It just means the relationship is changing with distance (more so because two people are changing). The future is what it will be sort of thing.

Well you cancer right? So you should know.

Wait. I'm slow. Was that a joke?

No joke. As a cancer you could know what this all means. I'm taurus.

I can only guess. I don't know what's in his mind or heart.

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You know he said I was taking it very calmly, the break up... I was more shocked than anything, couldn't say a think. Its like he wanted me to show emotion, to fight...
I want to fight for him because I don't want to leave anything unsaid, or to lose him cause I didn't try..

Posted by queencancer
He said that after you told him you love him or after you recently talkef?

No no, when he broke up with me and in the end of the conversation he said that.

Posted by starwars
his moon sign I mean lol 😢

Aries

Don't know what it means..

Posted by queencancer

Posted by Andreia

Posted by queencancer
He said that after you told him you love him or after you recently talkef?

No no, when he broke up with me and in the end of the conversation he said that.

Uh...He could've been implying that. Or not. It's hard to tell. I think both of you got caught up with life while trying to get to know each other, but life won. I don't think you should be questioning his words and what he meant by it. That's not healthy or helpful to your situation. If you're ready to reach out, reach out and say what's on your heart. If you're not ready, just live life and try dating yourself or others while you clear your mind or heart. He also shouldn't let that small bump un the road deter him from pursuing you, if his love is strong enough. Maybe he's just giving you a little space.

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Well we didn't talk anymore since the break up a few days ago. I just wrote him something where i say that I care and want to fight for this relationship and sent a picture that reminds me of our good times when we met. No answer still...

Posted by queencancer
Don't fret. What is meant for you will be.

I'm really sad!! He replied and said there's no future for us romantically, its the right thing for both cause he doesn't feel love in his heart for me.....

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by Andreia

Posted by queencancer
Don't fret. What is meant for you will be.

I'm really sad!! He replied and said there's no future for us romantically, its the right thing for both cause he doesn't feel love in his heart for me.....

Sorry.

That´s what I meant though. He was projecting his own feelings onto you.

Sometimes it can be very very very hard to figure out, if you don´t love someone anymore, or if they just don´t make you feel loved.

But it´s for the best then. Now you don´t have to wonder about what you were doing or not doing - it wasn´t you, it was just the two of you together, that wasn´t working out.

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There's nothing I can do... But in the back of my mind i'm thinking that he could change his mind.. I don't know!

I don't want to maintain contact has friends. I need to get away and forget this.

Posted by queencancer

Posted by Andreia

Posted by queencancer
Don't fret. What is meant for you will be.

I'm really sad!! He replied and said there's no future for us romantically, its the right thing for both cause he doesn't feel love in his heart for me.....

Damn. I'm sorry. I wish you a speedy recovery. At least you have your answer. There are plenty of good men out here for the taking.

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Thank you!
I have strong feelings for him but i know that if we had the possibility to continue together, his personality and his way would always be a problem. Like a rollercoaster...
We as women always hope we can change a man and make him better. I did try but this hot and cold thing he would do makes stability impossible.