A little help with my Cancer man please!

Hello 🙂 This is a very complex situation here so I will try not make it too convoluted. I am a Pisces woman and have been with my Cancer man for a very long time. We have always had a deep connection and are 'on a level' that neither of us have felt with any other person. Recently, our relationship has been in trouble, we are both at very difficult and unsettled periods in our lives career wise, financially and in terms of housing. We have a lot stacked against us and have been arguing, and thus both decided it would be a good idea for me to move out for a while so we can both work out our own individual issues and decide what we want. We love each other very deeply, of that there is no question. Upon parting, we agreed we would have a break and he would come back to me when he is ready ( I feel I already have a good understanding of what needs to change in the relationship, problems and solutions etc). The day I left, I sent him a long, heartfelt message 'summing things up' and telling him I love him, will always support him and will wait. He didn't reply (though I did ask him not to as we had already had many, many discussions and it was time to think). Around a week later, I sent a simple message to let him know I love and miss him. He text back saying 'good night xxxx' or something like that. A few days later, still no contact. I know Cancers need there space and I'm being impatient, but I am totally in limbo here and need answers, need to know where I stand and how best to proceed. Should I message him again to say I love and miss him, hope he's ok? Should I send him a message asking for answers and if he's figured things out at all? Or should I just carry on waiting?? Please bear in mind that he undoubtedly loves me very much and that is not in question, so please don't insinuate that. Kind, sensitive answers only please, greatly appreciated. Thank you x

Mmm pisces sister, very touchy subject indeed. You already contacted him once. Let him contact you first next. But if you truly can't help yourself, I would tell him I love him, I worry about him and if he needs anything to just call. Take care and goodbye. He will talk when e feels it's time. I know it's hard to wait but some things just take time.

Thank you, Feisty. I'm sure as a Pisces yourself you can appreciate my sensitivity and hurt here. I know I should probably leave him be, but I really am battling the urge to message him! I don't know if it will do more harm than good though. I don't know if he wants his space or is cautious to contact me for fear of rejection! Grr

Posted by MoanaWaves
Kind, sensitive answers only please, greatly appreciated. Thank you x

I don't have anything to say about your Cancer, kind or otherwise, but this line interests me.

Do you wish for honest opinions from Crabs... or kind, sensitive answers that will make you feel better? honest question

BlackIndian will give you kind, sensitive answers.... that are usually not true. But they will probably make you feel better.

Shellshocker, what I meant by that was that I'd like insightful answers from people who have something of an understanding of Cancers, as opposed to ill-considered 'get over it, move on' types. I'd like honesty 🙂

ok, just checking thank you

I'm a female but when I want space, I really mean it. I can take a long time to figure out how I feel about something or get to a point where I'm truly communicating and not just going thru the motions.

Thank you, that certainly resonates with me and can see that in my Cancer man. I caved and text, but simply said that I love and miss him, hope he's ok. Nothing leading, no demanding questions etc. Do you think that was a wise move? I.e giving him the love and affection he needs without being pushy?

Koni, Cancer men are indeed very confusing. When things are great, they really are magical and perfect. But these withdrawal phases are awful :/

*'their' in my original post not 'there' :O this thing is impairing my ability to implement basic grammar now!! 😛 Seriously though. Not in a great place.

@MoanaWaves -
Iam a pisces myself. So I understand where you are coming from. My cancer guy only moved away barely a month ago to be closer to his mother who is ill.
We parted ways, then just recently I told him I would like friends. He said if I was serious to text him. I did. He came into town for Training, we texted. He told me how much he missed me and we texted each other sweet things. REmembering our first date, etc. We were going to meet for dinner the next day. The next day I got a text saying "Hi I decided to go have dinner with some folks from the training, need a raincheck. Thanks for understanding. Have a good afternoon!"
I only responded with ok.
About a week later I texted him a cute pic, sayin I saw this and thought of you.
No response. Still haven't heard from him. I am very frustrated. I don't know what I should even do at this point.?
My point in telling my quick story, is you are not alone.
I am sure you will hear from him soon.

If you think the withdrawal phase is awful NOW then maybe you should move on because that withdrawal phase is part of being a cancer.

My husband is cancer sun cancer moon aqua rising. He had and still has his withdrawal phases. When we were dating, he would disappear for months. After those months without any communication with him whatsoever, he would call and we talk as if nothing had happened. When we were still dating,during his withdrawal phase, my texts were unanswered, my emails were not replied, i couldn't leave a voice mail because it was too full, etc. Eventually, I'd stop trying to contact him and sign up for something to keep me busy with my own life. I thought to myself "He is just a boyfriend so whatever."

Now that we're married, he still has his withdrawal phases and he will shut off for days on end without me knowing anything about anything. I get very good in knowing when he will shut off on me and I'm getting very good at reading those tendency of his to scuttle away. I let him do what in his nature.

What I come to admire about him is that the reason why he would disappear like that is because he is trying to solve something that he sees as a problem. His disappearance is to protect me from his problems. He is a family man and he takes the role of provider to heart.

All the above probably is TMI. But I hope this helps. Good luck!

@MoanaWaves -
Iam a pisces myself. So I understand where you are coming from. My cancer guy only moved away barely a month ago to be closer to his mother who is ill.
We parted ways, then just recently I told him I would like friends. He said if I was serious to text him. I did. He came into town for Training, we texted. He told me how much he missed me and we texted each other sweet things. REmembering our first date, etc. We were going to meet for dinner the next day. The next day I got a text saying "Hi I decided to go have dinner with some folks from the training, need a raincheck. Thanks for understanding. Have a good afternoon!"
I only responded with ok.
About a week later I texted him a cute pic, sayin I saw this and thought of you.
No response. Still haven't heard from him. I am very frustrated. I don't know what I should even do at this point.?
My point in telling my quick story, is you are not alone.
I am sure you will hear from him soon.

The dreamworld relationship where reality is needed.

Posted by woodenmeow
@MoanaWaves -
Iam a pisces myself. So I understand where you are coming from. My cancer guy only moved away barely a month ago to be closer to his mother who is ill.
We parted ways, then just recently I told him I would like friends. He said if I was serious to text him. I did. He came into town for Training, we texted. He told me how much he missed me and we texted each other sweet things. REmembering our first date, etc. We were going to meet for dinner the next day. The next day I got a text saying "Hi I decided to go have dinner with some folks from the training, need a raincheck. Thanks for understanding. Have a good afternoon!"
I only responded with ok.
About a week later I texted him a cute pic, sayin I saw this and thought of you.
No response. Still haven't heard from him. I am very frustrated. I don't know what I should even do at this point.?
My point in telling my quick story, is you are not alone.
I am sure you will hear from him soon.

Thank you very much for sharing your experience. May I ask, how did you cope with that and work through it? It's like that with my SO, I have no doubt he loves me but he needs his own space A LOT. He doesn't like being around anyone, he even wishes the cat would bugger off! How do we over come this? I have the patience and positive attitude IF he can do the same. He's stuck in a rut of self loathing and fear of hurting me. Just don't know what to do.

This is based on the Cancer males I have know and known and it doesn't reflect on all Cancer males.

When they need "space" it can mean anything from 1 day to 10 years and they will resent attempts at trying to make them hurry up. One day they pop up as if nothing happened.

Do you share the apartment or is it his? If it's his, I think that he let you down the easy way and will slowly friend zone you OR make you think it's what you wanted all along.

Also, don't be surprised if he tests waters elsewhere to see where his feelings for you are..

**Again, this is solely based on the Cancer males I know and known**

@Marissa12 -

Can you please shed any light on my situation? I posted earlier.

Thanks For any insight you can give me.

Posted by Reincarnation

Posted by MoanaWaves

Posted by woodenmeow
@MoanaWaves -
Iam a pisces myself. So I understand where you are coming from. My cancer guy only moved away barely a month ago to be closer to his mother who is ill.
We parted ways, then just recently I told him I would like friends. He said if I was serious to text him. I did. He came into town for Training, we texted. He told me how much he missed me and we texted each other sweet things. REmembering our first date, etc. We were going to meet for dinner the next day. The next day I got a text saying "Hi I decided to go have dinner with some folks from the training, need a raincheck. Thanks for understanding. Have a good afternoon!"
I only responded with ok.
About a week later I texted him a cute pic, sayin I saw this and thought of you.
No response. Still haven't heard from him. I am very frustrated. I don't know what I should even do at this point.?
My point in telling my quick story, is you are not alone.
I am sure you will hear from him soon.

+1
Thank you very much for sharing your experience. May I ask, how did you cope with that and work through it? It's like that with my SO, I have no doubt he loves me but he needs his own space A LOT. He doesn't like being around anyone, he even wishes the cat would bugger off! How do we over come this? I have the patience and positive attitude IF he can do the same. He's stuck in a rut of self loathing and fear of hurting me. Just don't know what to do.

Both Cancer and Scorpio men need their space. Time to think.

It has nothing to do with you.

I do it, too.

He is a classic introvert.

click to expand

Opps ^^+1

I'm an introvert to. I can be very bubbly and social but those situations really sap my energy sometime. Probably why I understand my crabbie so well 🙂

@moanawaves

I didn't really read too much of what others say so if I repeat something I apologize. Impatient Aries here 😄

I've read that closed off/disappear problem in a lot of Cancer men situations on this board. I personally have never had that situation happen to me yet but I wouldn't be very upset if it did. I'm currently dating a crab btw. We've had our time apart but that is usually through my doing. I love my crabbie very much but he knows, as well as I, that I don't need him in my life and I have no qualms of letting him go if I have to. Plus, I give him plenty of space because I need plenty of space and time too. I'm a busy woman and I have a lot on my platter to be too worried about him. And in the time we've been dating, though we've had plenty of arguments, he has never disappeared or ask for space from me. I think we have pretty good communication too, him being Leo mercury to my Aries merc, which helps a lot! We're not perfect but we definitely work at it together.

That being said I think you should give him space. Let him figure out his life and give him a chance to miss you.

You should take this time to work on YOUR life and YOURself while he figures out himself. I feel that too many women spend TOO much time worried about their men and TOO little time worried about themselves and that is usually where the problem lies. If it's meant to be it will work itself out. Trust me I know I've been there before on both sides of worrying about a man too much and not worrying about them at all. And trust me the latter always works out so much better. I've been helping my Libra gf with her Virgo man and for the longest time he would not commit to her no matter how hard she pushed (she has a Virgo moon go figure). And I told her that she needed to give him space to figure out his shit and told her to just concentrate on herself. She finally listened. She finally got her life and career together and on the track she's been wanting to for a long time and now they are together. I'm not saying I'm a miracle worker (ok maybe just a little 😉) But I really feel if a woman lives her life for herself FIRST everything else (like love) will fall into place.

For me working on myself is furthering my career, being the best I can be, and getting my body in good shape 🙂.

IME the more a girl gets worried or obsessive over a relationship the more down hill it goes and I really believe it has to do with the over-idealized image we have been given o

IME the more a girl gets worried or obsessive over a relationship the more down hill it goes and I really believe it has to do with the over-idealized image we have been given of love through movies about "the one" and oh he's suppose to make you happy and all that bullshit. I say NO. You make yourself happy, you buy yourself flowers, you take yourself out on lovely dates, and the less you need a man the more he needs you. Not to say men aren't important they are very important 😉... but we are too.

Good luck!