Cancer and Guilt

Oke, first of all I know that Cancers are trying not to hurt anyone and most of the time they are little snowflakes with the people around them, but in this particular case this cancer girl hurt me really bad and her only way out in this case is a straight forward apologise. Any other form of indirect apologise or submissive behaviour will not work in this situation, so I want to know if is the case to wait or shut down my emotions and move on (which tbh I'm really good at, I made that 1000 by now).

Here is the situation...

I'm an Aries sun, Aries Moon with Cancer Rising, and despite beeing really social and confident (well, sometimes too much) I grow up as a big brother of 5 and I've learned to be considerate and caring, using my strenght in order to help other people grow instead of beeing an typical ruthless Aries sun and moon guy. That made me pretty popular, most of the people I know like me, and all of them at least respect me.

With that beeing said, 2 months ago I started talking to this cancer girl that I met at an event. It was slow and very friendly at first, mostly because I was involved in another girl in something that didn't quite worked up in the end and I never play 2 womens at the same time. After that event we talked some pretty long conversations on Facebook with reduced frequency, like once or twice per week and also occasional 'hi' s on the college staircase. I made a bit of effort to keep in touch.

After like a month, I ended up the things with the other girl, and I was totally free and also quite lonley, so I started to increase slowly the frequency of our talks and also make a bit of effort and start to know her better. She seemed to like me a lot, started to open up, and actually came up to me at the university and spend time with me to learn for some topics. Now is the time to remember that I'm not a nice guy, I know how to express my intentions without beeing pushy (even an Aries can learn that after 1000 failed experiences) and I also feel when someone gets it. And this was the case.

You see, I messed up things with a Cancer before because I pushed things too fast, and that failure damaged me pretty bad, so this time I was really carefull and patient even if it was against my nature. I also did a background check on her by making some of our common friends talk about her a bit (didn't even asked tbh, just controlled the converastion in order to be sure she didn't find out) and I've found out that her boyfriend broke up with her a month ago (the time we met) in order to be with one of her 'friends'. Because of this I was extra considerate with her and also pulled her out of some nasty situations where she was left alone in her group by coming up and talking to her right there, because regarding status the other guy is under me in almost every aspect and he or his friends woldn't dare to mock her or smth like that in front of me.

So I took care of her. She seemed to appreciate it and started getting closer to me. At this point we were talking daily and we helped eachother at the exams. All good.

The holyday came in, so I got back home for a week still talking daily to her. I sent her memes and stuff, and made sure she was fine because I knew she was emotionally unstable under her sometimes harsh and closed exterior. At this point I already prepared the ground for a date by occasionally telling her that 'maybe one day I will take you to that place' or things like that. Remember, beeing considerate and careful was my mantra, and I also knew my game, so in the end when I asked her to come at an workshop held by some older guys that I'm friend with in the college she replied 'sure' on the next second. I've really started to fall for her for some time and I was looking up to a fun date, also I wanted to introduce her to a lot of new people... to be honest I was quite happy.

Now the wtf part...

When I get there I see this new guy, so I go up to him, said hi and have a small talk with him. Nice guy, he said he was there for the first time so I cracked a joke to make him feel ok (I usually do that with newcomers). After that I saw her, we chatted a bit and stuff, but the vibe wasn't right somehow because this new guy was a bit touchy with her. I said 'eh, okay, they might be friends or the dude tries to flirt because she looks good, not a big deal' but after a while when I have to go to a store to buy smth she wanted to go too and the new guy followed up. Then I saw them holding hands... Righ... In... Front... Of... Me... and I've felt it like a punch in my chest. The thing is that if this happened to me a few years ago I would've burst into a massive rage and beat the guy pretty bad right on the spot, but I've realised that it wasn't his fault and he had no idea who I was and about the fact that I invited her there. He was so dammn clueless.

I managed to hold my temper and found an excuse to go to another store, then I used the time to chill out. When I came back I was ice cold to her, and I stayed focused on my work also joking and talking to my friends from time to time in order to keep a good vibe. Remember, the place was filled with people I knew.

After like 10 minutes she backs off from the guy and for the whole workshop hanged around me. I did an inhuman effort not to be bitter and I gave her short answers on her questions on a calm and neutral tone then just got back to my work. In the end she had to leave earlier (she told me this before the event) and the guy left with her, greeting me because I was cool with him the whole event (tried my best not to be bitter) still cluless about the whole situation.

As I got home I saw that she liked and shared a post on my facebook and until now it was complete silence. Belive me that, despite the facts presented above she is not a hoe (hooooe if it's replaced with cookiemonster), and I felt that she experienced intense feelings of guilt, and tried to talk to me then, but given the situation only a straight up excuse and some time off will make me think about getting over this.

I don't know why she did this tho... Maybe to make me jealous or idk... I know she is really insecure and stuff, but the whole thing hurt me pretty bad.

Once again, in a social environment I'm the most shiny guy in the room, getting attention from most of the girls and I'm respected by everyone, so I'm not a loser that bump on this kind of situations. I have no idea why this happened to me, because I'm the last person you would expect to be treated like that.

Right now I just want to know if cancers have the strenght to come up and say 'sorry' when they fuckkk things up, or she will just get back in her shell waiting for me to come around, because it's not gonna happen.

All kind of opinions are welcomed, thanks for reading this long confession 🙂)

Oh fuck off, I learned english alone

Posted by Raakac
1st of all you never made it clear that you're pissed and you want an apology from her, just because you feel like she should apologize doesn't mean she feels she needs 2. Maybe you were friendzoned or whatever, she maybe playing you or somth, but thats not the point, the point is you want straight up apology while you couldn't say straight you want an apology from her in the 1st place. Your ego as Aries is big, she doesn't read mind, learn to talk about what you want and why.

Trust me, she knows I'm really pissed off because I used to be friendly and always notice her presence. Now I was all formal and cold, you can't miss this out, especially as a cancer because you guys are sensitive enough. My best friends are all cancers, so I know what I'm talking about...

In this situation, after all this crapp, to ask for an apologise would be the cherry on the top.

I'm no one's bitchh.

Also she is free to think she was right. After 2 weeks I pass the point of no return by default. This is a thing that I couldn't fix even if I wanted to in the past relationships.

Dude, if I shared this stuff on an anonymous forum in order to vent off and get some advice for the main purpose of avoiding drama in real life.

But let's say for the sake of the discussion that feelings weren't involved in this.

You invited a friend at an event in order to spend time with her and she brings a second guy without letting you know. They also pay attention to you iust enough to not be plain rude.

This is called disrespect. You feel the need to pop a message out of the blue asking your friend to apologise? I bet you wouldn't.

Make sure you understand that was a situation were some feelings were openly involved though.

Posted by Raakac
Not being honest is disrespect also, why would you even want to be friends or have a relationship with someone you can't even talk. Also if you're only a friend and didn't mention you were making plans only for 2ppl she could have easily brought a guy because you didnt make it clear thats 2ppl time, also she could be saying something to you by showing up with other guy, could be 100different reasons and you'll never know, unless you ask, you can only assume.

I just apologised for being grumpy and I feel somehow better.

Damn is so hard for me to do this, but fucck it, is the first time I do it, so let's see how it works.

*I look like a fool goddamn*

Posted by Raakac

Posted by AceOfFlames

Posted by Raakac
Not being honest is disrespect also, why would you even want to be friends or have a relationship with someone you can't even talk. Also if you're only a friend and didn't mention you were making plans only for 2ppl she could have easily brought a guy because you didnt make it clear thats 2ppl time, also she could be saying something to you by showing up with other guy, could be 100different reasons and you'll never know, unless you ask, you can only assume.

I just apologised for being grumpy and I feel somehow better.

Damn is so hard for me to do this, but fucck it, is the first time I do it, so let's see how it works.

*I look like a fool goddamn*

You didn't have to, just try explain how you feel and you don't the way it went, simple misunderstanding

click to expand

Dude thanks,

She messaged me after a few hours.

I think she loves me

Posted by AceOfFlames
Trust me, she knows I'm really pissed off because I used to be friendly and always notice her presence. Now I was all formal and cold, you can't miss this out, especially as a cancer because you guys are sensitive enough. My best friends are all cancers, so I know what I'm talking about...

You're passive agressively trying to con a passive aggressive Cancer into apologizing?

Posted by Waterbearerwearer

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by AceOfFlames
Trust me, she knows I'm really pissed off because I used to be friendly and always notice her presence. Now I was all formal and cold, you can't miss this out, especially as a cancer because you guys are sensitive enough. My best friends are all cancers, so I know what I'm talking about...

You're passive agressively trying to con a passive aggressive Cancer into apologizing?

Na mate crabs side step

I eat shit up

Where have I ever sought an apology get real

click to expand

Are you AceOfFlames?

She obviously liked this other guy.

Hard to say how she feels about you unfortunately

Aquaboy had a sex change?

Posted by Waterbearerwearer
Cancers are cancer,



Drops mike.



Bye big lips.

We are Cancers that's why you can't stop talking about us.

Tattooed on you

First of all, if a Cancer feels like they really fucked up and mess up something good - they'll apologize and do anything to make up for it.

Other than that, it's wanting to talk privately to the person without anyone else being involved.

I hope you're not going around saying Cancer's are so sensitive - when you're the one coming here and asking about us because you got booty hurt from this female.

Do not imply your own situation and QUICKLY 💯 say that we are all like this if it escalates to this.

If you have a problem with a situation and you're that curious, get off your pride and go talk to the woman yourself.

No one could help you fix your emotional problem but give you advices and what their input would be.

You're all grown, and if you have the time to type all that information down, then you have the time to go ask her about all the curious things you have in mind.

Posted by AceOfFlames
After like a month, I ended up the things with the other girl, and I was totally free and also quite lonley, so I started to increase slowly the frequency of our talks and also make a bit of effort and start to know her better.

At this point we were talking daily and we helped each other at the exams. All good.

After that I saw her, we chatted a bit and stuff, but the vibe wasn't right somehow because this new guy was a bit touchy with her. I said 'eh, okay, they might be friends or the dude tries to flirt because she looks good, not a big deal' but after a while when I have to go to a store to buy smth she wanted to go too and the new guy followed up. Then I saw them holding hands... Righ... In... Front... Of... Me... and I've felt it like a punch in my chest.

Your being a hypocrite.

Your crying about THE SAME EXACT SHIT you did to her i.e. date someone else while you two were talking. Yes, TALKING...only.

Chatting and helping each other with exams is a friendship, not a relationship.

So tuck your hurt feels back down. She has made no promises to you ergo she can date whomever she likes.

she owes you nothing not even any apologies. i see you alwys get attention nd youre not used to be treated like this. but she can do whatever she wants. you ddnt court her or anything or address your feelings. love is a battlefield so gear up and play well.