Cancer guy doesn't want to lose me but cannot commit. I am a scorpio.

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by Wildflower_dey
whether i should try to change my perspective and carry on with this beautiful friendship or should i fight for my needs and love.

How is this even a question? How is this a grey matter?

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Posted by FrostedElly
If you have to sacrifice your needs than is it a situation you really wanna carry on with? If it's established your desires and longings are taking a back seat now it can only stay the same or get worse with that sort of starting point.

Posted by Musicology
He loves you.

Posted by Infinite8
@Wildflower_dey - If I were you, I would take the risk and cut everything off. He doesn't want that, and he will feel the pain of not having you anymore... Which will only force him to decide what he really wants. If you make it too easy for Crabs... They can side step you for eternity.

My husband (Cancer) tried to do that to me too, in a way. We were really good friends for a few months and then one night we took it further. He loved me very much as a friend but always felt that to get involved with me would be the REAL DEAL. And he wasn't sure if he was ready to take such a huge step. Instead of going forward, he told me his fears and said he "wasn't sure". I cleared it up for him and told him "no worries. Let's just be friends" and cut off any affection and next day started going out with his friend. It wasn't even a week later till he came full force and decided he wanted me 100% . It was hilarious how quickly he moved once he saw things wouldn't remain the same. So, we became exclusive immediately, then engaged in 2007 and married in 2010. That first hesitation was the only hesitation I got from him, it's been smooth sailing after that. I think they like to see that you mean business... They respect it and trust it. Also, he knows I don't play games and when I commit, I give my ALL. No fear of me giving up or abandoning him.

That was in 2003!! Lol.... Been married for 6 years now and it still feels like we are in honeymoon stage.

Posted by Infinite8
@Wildflower_dey - If I were you, I would take the risk and cut everything off. He doesn't want that, and he will feel the pain of not having you anymore... Which will only force him to decide what he really wants. If you make it too easy for Crabs... They can side step you for eternity.

My husband (Cancer) tried to do that to me too, in a way. We were really good friends for a few months and then one night we took it further. He loved me very much as a friend but always felt that to get involved with me would be the REAL DEAL. And he wasn't sure if he was ready to take such a huge step. Instead of going forward, he told me his fears and said he "wasn't sure". I cleared it up for him and told him "no worries. Let's just be friends" and cut off any affection and next day started going out with his friend. It wasn't even a week later till he came full force and decided he wanted me 100% . It was hilarious how quickly he moved once he saw things wouldn't remain the same. So, we became exclusive immediately, then engaged in 2007 and married in 2010. That first hesitation was the only hesitation I got from him, it's been smooth sailing after that. I think they like to see that you mean business... They respect it and trust it. Also, he knows I don't play games and when I commit, I give my ALL. No fear of me giving up or abandoning him.

That was in 2003!! Lol.... Been married for 6 years now and it still feels like we are in honeymoon stage.

Posted by FrostedElly
If you can even admit you would never marry someone of a different faith, why continue on in love and wanting to marry someone of a different faith? You're putting yourself in a purposefully emotionally masochistic situation.

If that fact is an unchanging variable for even one of you AND you're looking for marriage there's only one option and that's to move on.

Posted by Littlecancergirl
almost a month ago I was in a store, when suddenly my kids (4&5 years old) are running around with a drink. I was having a bad day, so I was so rude not to thank the who gave them the drink. He asked me if I wanted to drink something and I simply said 'No' (very impolite, I know...). I get home and I have a friendship request on Facebook. I usually never accept this butter, but I looked on his profile, see we have 134 Mutual friends, and he had a lot of the same quotes on his profile as I do...so I got curious and accepted. We started chatting, hours everyday, sometimes untill midnight. We have a lot in common, same situation, both divorced, 2 little kids, same view on things. I was a little suspicious in the beginning, but he Always calmed me down, saying that he would Always be honest, and that I could say if he was bothering me...but he wasn't! He was so sweet, and everything went well for one week, as if he was watching over me. We go to bed same time, kissing each other good night, became kinda flirty. Woke up every morning same time, he texted me every morning from his bed 'Wake up beauty, it's time to beast' and 'good morning sunshine'. Then one night he tells he that he's blushing, but that he wants to send me something, I say ' shoot', he sends me the most amazing and sweetest text ever! I was melting, and blushing too! I was already lost that moment! Told him the next morning that he didn't have to be ashamed, that I was really flattered! Next day he asked me if I wanted to go out for diner with sometimes, and we already had an agreement to go eat lobster (is that cannibalism ) between our birtdays, between 9 and 17 july. And then we did something stupid!! Stupid thing was, he said he recognized me, but I didn't now him, and as I hardly looked at him in that store, I became very curious and I wanted to see him! So we met...too much attraction to resist...I woke up the next morning (after 'what a night') in his sofa, with a blanket on me, he gone. He went to bed, I got scared, so I stayed in the sofa. When he woke me up an hour later, I wanted to kiss him, and I felt the resistance....Yet! I saw it in his eyes...From that moment, he didn't send any sweet things anymore. 2 days later I started pulling back (I'm a cancer too ). But he didn't want to let me go! Everytime he gets closer again, and I explained that I was afraid to see him again, because I had feelings for him. He keeps saying he just wants to be friends... I'm not the kind of person for a one night stand, but I knew that the attraction was too strong, so if we would see each other again, it would have happened again. So we try being friends, me too emotional, he like asking me out all the time, but never completely denying my questions when I ask about his feelings... I got really scared, and pulled back...

Posted by Littlecancergirl
Hey WIldflower_dey (like your nickname btw :-) )...I imagine completely how you feel now...I was surfing the net, looking for answers, and so I found your story. I'm in almost exactely the same shit now...really going crazy and I can hit my head against the wall now!!! You wan't to hear the story? It's very similar...

Posted by Wildflower_dey
We started off as fwb. lot of sex and cuddling and kissing. very attracted to each other. he is expressive in terms of sex but not in terms of real feelings. He likes knowing my feelings always but never reveals his feeling. So everyday he texts me good morning and is very caring. His actions are very different from our virtual conversations. He is very attentive, naughty and caring in person. But while chatting he is not very expressive. If i even go into any topics of relationship/love/commitment he ignores. But he checks my status always and if there is something sad or depressed he keeps on asking me until i tell. So basically he typically acts like a best friend who loves you a lot. We have shared everything about our past and he had pretty bad relationships. So recently i got very anxious and was unable to sleep and realized that i was in love with him. He almost shared everything what he is doing all day, he keeps sending me pictures. his conversation with his mom (typical cancer man) and bla bla. And if i do something wow for him he does say things like 'i love you' and if he is out for few days suddenly he would send 'i miss you'. he wants to travel with me, he says when i am around he feels very happy and calm.
so i got furious and i couldn't hide my feelings so i asked him out. Well initially he was a bit shocked and he instantly called me asking what happened to me. so i got nervous but slowly i opened up. he said but we agreed for fwb. so i got a little upset and told him to sleep and i disconnected. he called me back after 5 minutes and explained me everything. he asked me if i wanted him as a lover, and i said yes. so he said he can't be my lover because he was badly hurt in past and he said if he loves me he would be heartbroken. he also added up saying he doesn't want to lose me at all and if we are lovers we will fight, be jealous, get possessive and ultimately break up. he said he never wants to break up (he hates this word). he said if we are friends we will always care and be there for each other no matter what. plus he told me he does not want to give me fake hopes about marrying (he is christian and i am hindu, so not happening) and i agree with this part and i accept it too. one part of me says he is correct because we both had serious relationship and it sucked big time but other half of me loves him and wants to be loved back. the very next day we met and he came closer to me and hugged me saying he loves me but can't marry me. also sometimes he makes me jealous too and after doing so he teases me about being jealous. So i am confused does he really love me or is he just playing? and i am sad that he rejected my proposal.

Posted by librawomen7
I am in awe of this Cancer's level of mastery with the art of manipulation. He has skillfully weaved a web of mind control that is so masterful that he has reduced a SCORPIO WOMAN TO A TRICK! and......you DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.

But in your defense, even the most skilled opponent will lose in the battle of the sexes with this one. His weaponry is so advanced that he has surpassed any pimp I have ever met. See a pimp never lets the whore think she's a whore. He intricately weaves a story of friendship/family/ and unity. A six -figure a year pimp is very sweet and humble to his ho's. Nothing like you see on t.v. I am in awe of this cancer mastery of the game.

Finally I get to see a Scorpio lose! Finally! I thought you bitches were invincible! Girl he is whipping your ass in the battle of the sexes, you are walking around with black eyes and don't even know. I hate to gloat but I never seen a Scorpio lose! Ah ha ha. Okay okay, now that I have gloated, I will help you. Sometimes you have to lose a battle in order to win the war. If you want to win this war remove sex.

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by OceanBoy88
Reading your story really made me feel angry... But!! I have a similar scenario. My cancer buddy is seeing a girl right now to this date and he tells me about her. In his words, great girl, unending conversations, great sex, endless fun together. But he says he just can't love her. She loves him and they started as fwb, but now she wants more and he won't have it. I told him he needs to stop leading her and let her go and to atleast tell her in plain honesty that they are nothing more than fwb's. He's pondering it now because he doesn't want to lose her. I think he just doesn't want to lose anymore warm places. I told him to tell her firmly what he wants so she can know that his heart is not with her and the option to leave is there. I see you want to love this guy fully but you sound like your killing yourself! Scorpio... Why must you torment yourself with a dangerous lover... He won't take risks, yet love is risks 😢

This should be posted all over the cancer board in kinda like almost every topic (because they are all about this), and maybe even in every topic in every sign forum. This is reality for you. So shitty to not tell a person. That´s why it´s always better to draw your own conclusions, because this ^^ is almost ALWAYS the case.

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Posted by aquarius09

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by OceanBoy88
Reading your story really made me feel angry... But!! I have a similar scenario. My cancer buddy is seeing a girl right now to this date and he tells me about her. In his words, great girl, unending conversations, great sex, endless fun together. But he says he just can't love her. She loves him and they started as fwb, but now she wants more and he won't have it. I told him he needs to stop leading her and let her go and to atleast tell her in plain honesty that they are nothing more than fwb's. He's pondering it now because he doesn't want to lose her. I think he just doesn't want to lose anymore warm places. I told him to tell her firmly what he wants so she can know that his heart is not with her and the option to leave is there. I see you want to love this guy fully but you sound like your killing yourself! Scorpio... Why must you torment yourself with a dangerous lover... He won't take risks, yet love is risks 😢

This should be posted all over the cancer board in kinda like almost every topic (because they are all about this), and maybe even in every topic in every sign forum. This is reality for you. So shitty to not tell a person. That´s why it´s always better to draw your own conclusions, because this ^^ is almost ALWAYS the case.

Reality is that they are emotionally selfish and want to have their cake and eat it. No way in hell do they want to be the bad guy. Nuh uh!

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Posted by FrostedElly

Posted by Wildflower_dey

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by OceanBoy88
Reading your story really made me feel angry... But!! I have a similar scenario. My cancer buddy is seeing a girl right now to this date and he tells me about her. In his words, great girl, unending conversations, great sex, endless fun together. But he says he just can't love her. She loves him and they started as fwb, but now she wants more and he won't have it. I told him he needs to stop leading her and let her go and to atleast tell her in plain honesty that they are nothing more than fwb's. He's pondering it now because he doesn't want to lose her. I think he just doesn't want to lose anymore warm places. I told him to tell her firmly what he wants so she can know that his heart is not with her and the option to leave is there. I see you want to love this guy fully but you sound like your killing yourself! Scorpio... Why must you torment yourself with a dangerous lover... He won't take risks, yet love is risks 😢

This should be posted all over the cancer board in kinda like almost every topic (because they are all about this), and maybe even in every topic in every sign forum. This is reality for you. So shitty to not tell a person. That´s why it´s always better to draw your own conclusions, because this ^^ is almost ALWAYS the case.

Reality is that they are emotionally selfish and want to have their cake and eat it. No way in hell do they want to be the bad guy. Nuh uh!

I seem to agree with this totally. When he wants to be with me he does and i am like always easily available. When i want to be with him he makes excuses. I have dated a cancer man before and it started like this only but later seeing my honesty and my patience he fell in love with me. But i left that state so it was over. I am thinking will this friendship grow to something more if i am determined!?

The famous last words every Scorpio says right before they can come to terms with an unsatisfying outcome.

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Posted by Goldigold
This seems to happen a lot..this is why I think FWB is a silly concept. You have to ask yourself would you be willing to have sex with him while he is looking or open to have a relationship with someone else? If not, your not FWB and he is using you.

Posted by FrostedElly
OP, you honestly seem a bit all over the map. Take a break from this dude. At least for a few days. No talking, seeing, sexing.

Sometimes as scorps, we get caught up in the chemistry and the romance that we lose sight of what we really want and need. No every great romantic connection is meant to last, in fact a lot of them aren't. And that's ok. It's ok to have spent a lovely time together, defined or not, as long as it's your choice and desire.

It just seems like you're reacting rather than choosing what you want to do. Once you take a breather I'm sure what you want and what you should do will be crystal clear.

Posted by Goldigold

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by Goldigold

Posted by Wildflower_dey

Posted by Goldigold
This seems to happen a lot..this is why I think FWB is a silly concept. You have to ask yourself would you be willing to have sex with him while he is looking or open to have a relationship with someone else? If not, your not FWB and he is using you.

Thats the whole thing. He isn't seeing any other girl. He treats me like a girlfriend only. Its just that why can't he say that he loves me more than a friend. I never knew its too hard to say that when you're in love. Or maybe its just one sided and the fact he knows i love him he tends to pretend.

They don't say it if they don't mean it..I think he is either keeping his options open or you are giving him too much pressure to commit and he is emotionally retreating.

Just relax and let nature take its course. But he did say he wants this type of relationship (FWB) with you.

Listen, this is exactly the same as me. Seemed like we were in a relationship, we weren´t seing anybody else, but he still never made it official and referred to me as his friend to people, who hadn´t met me.
It never amounted to anything. Ever. It just got worse and worse and worse and now it´s this sometimes really sad thing in my past, and I am afraid to run into him, because things got so bad between us, that they can´t be fixed. It´s not nice to have things like that in your past, so just quit it now.

Granted I actually sometimes think, that maybe, just maybe, had both me and the cancer I dated once upon a time, been more honest with each other and our feelings, maybe we could have worked out and/or maybe worked something out as friends. But you, my dear, are not friends. You are two people having sex where one is in love and the other is not, and it has all been said out in the open, and if there is one thing I have learned, it is: believe what he says. He won´t fall in love with you. Ever. All the rest of it is just a blur to try and disguise the hurt he is doing to you. Which he very wells knows.

He is being honest, she just can't accept it..

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Posted by thinktoomuch
And I know I know, if you ask him about it, he will probably say "well, I can never see you as just a friend", but that´s just because he knows how you look like naked and is physically attracted to you. The cancer I dated told me this, and I took it as "oh wauw, he does see me as something more than a friend". And yeah well he did, but certainly not a girlfriend or someone to be in a relationship with.

When we dated, he always said he wasn´t ready to make it official, that he too got jealous and all that.
4 years later he finally grows some balls (or think I am stupid and can´t remember dick) and told me, that there was just some things about me, that he didn´t want to be in a relationship with. And that´s how it is with this guy too. You don´t touch his heart or mind properly, and he has no shame or conscience about having loads of sex with you and being romantic and flirty and cute, but still he will never love you like you want him to. But someone else will 🙂 And then you will know.

Posted by librawomen7
OP please, are you stilllll tripping? Damn! I love it! I never seen a Scorpio lose in the game of love. Damn.

Posted by Shrewdsharpe

Posted by librawomen7
OP please, are you stilllll tripping? Damn! I love it! I never seen a Scorpio lose in the game of love. Damn.

How is she losing?

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Posted by tiziani

Posted by Sssupes
And EVERYONE has a fwb. Don't let them lie to you. Everyone needs that desire met. 99% of people just won't/can't admit it

I've never had one.

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Posted by thinktoomuch
The way you are breaking up with someone is not by talking to them and then exspecting them to come closer to you and then text them weird, intense photos hoping for a reaction.

But I am not hating girl! 🙂 I know how you feel, god knows I didn´t let go of trying to win for a very long time. But you must know, that you are not being truthfull and honest here. You are not breaking it off with him, you are trying to make him feel how much he wants you and will miss you when you break it off. He can sense this ofcours, took him two seconds.

Or I´m seriously overestimating guys, but in my experience, they know all the tricks in the book, so you mights as well just give up 😄

Posted by thinktoomuch
No he´s not. He easy. Your heart´s just not in it to quit. Some people, myself included, just like to chase after what we can´t have and to figure out people. I do it professionally too - people with braindamage and different disorders. Today I finally got to give a bath to a bipolar man after nobody could for a couple of days, because he was in a bad state and told everybody no. It´s not a nice task, but the time I spend with him up until just made my whole day and reminded me why I´m even interested in this field of work. Just how I am, I suppose.

I am starting to think, that maybe it´s something I should keep in my professional life and not in my personal life, meaning don´t go after people like this romantically.
I like to figure out people, persuade them, make them feel good, manipulate them and make a compromise that works for the both of us - but ofcours never in a way I see having negative outcome. Had I been dealing with the cancer guy I dated in a professional setting, me as a social worker and him as social case like, I would have kept on going with him still. You can be much more manipulative as a professional 😄 People who say no are interesting.

Posted by OceanBoy88

Posted by Wildflower_dey
So finally i ended things with him and he got so mindfucked he did not understand what just happened. He retreated back. Next day he himself came to meet me and said he wants to talk. We met for like half an hour and he was just staring at me and his face was swollen like a potato. He could not express anything. I was the one talking and he was very quiet. He wasn't even touching me like he used to. He just said he had an exam and he kept smoking all night and couldn't concentrate. From past two days he had been calling me at night and said he wants to meet me badly but he was saying it in a different way not like before. Then he just made up a plan of me and him going to Goa together and chill. I don't know what is he upto!? Yesterday i sent him an intense picture of two people vibing together but he just said 'oh nice'. I said i am surpised u did not understand what it meant as it was a deep expression. He replied chill, i will understand.

Sounds like he's extremely distressed and confused about your choice. Are you doing this for a reaction or ending it because it wasn't moving forward?

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Posted by Wildflower_dey
Awesome you guys. Lets see if he is player, i am a player too 😉
Now i am out of his claws and i don't fear losing him. Lets see what is he upto. 😄