Cancers, do you consider this betrayal—

My best girlfriend is a cancer. I recently separated from my husband. She was actually the first one to tell me to give up, the relationship was over. I talked to her about everything that has been going on.

Recently, she has been pressing me to meet her in person to talk my situation over. I told her I needed some time to process everything on my own and did not want to meet.

Today she sent me a text asking if I was mad at her. I thought she was nervous because I had not yet responded to her last message. I told her so much. In her response she told me she was nervous I was mad because she called my husband and talked to him. Apparently she called him a whole week ago to try to see if she could help him work out a solution to our issues.

My friend's husband approached me and asked if I was mad at her. He told me he thinks she was wrong to do this. She told him she felt bad for my husband because he has no one to talk to (not true, just everyone he talks to tells him he is to blame).

I would love the cancer take on this. I know my cancer friend did not have bad intentions. I know she thought she was helping, but isn't this a betrayal? I have always been there for her in the very worst of situations that most can't even imagine. Tell me what you think.

Posted by LostBull
My best girlfriend is a cancer. I recently separated from my husband. She was actually the first one to tell me to give up, the relationship was over. I talked to her about everything that has been going on.

Recently, she has been pressing me to meet her in person to talk my situation over. I told her I needed some time to process everything on my own and did not want to meet.

Today she sent me a text asking if I was mad at her. I thought she was nervous because I had not yet responded to her last message. I told her so much. In her response she told me she was nervous I was mad because she called my husband and talked to him. Apparently she called him a whole week ago to try to see if she could help him work out a solution to our issues.

My friend's husband approached me and asked if I was mad at her. He told me he thinks she was wrong to do this. She told him she felt bad for my husband because he has no one to talk to (not true, just everyone he talks to tells him he is to blame).

I would love the cancer take on this. I know my cancer friend did not have bad intentions. I know she thought she was helping, but isn't this a betrayal? I have always been there for her in the very worst of situations that most can't even imagine. Tell me what you think.

Well surely this is a clusterfuck, but to me it's all about intention. If she didn't have wrong intentions than I would consider this a misunderstanding/overstepping boundries, but not a betrayal. To me a betrayal would be if she was secretly trying to get with your hubby or something like that.

That is something I totally would do because I would feel as though I'm helping you/my friend by talking to him. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to get both sides of the story and offer and objective point of view. As your friend she feels as though she should help and that would mean talking to your husband to try to get to the bottom of things and see if she can save your marriage.

She's just trying to help and no it's not a betrayal at all, as someone else stated it might be over stepping boundaries a little bit but I highly doubt she had bad intentions since as a Cancer I can asure you I would do the same for my friend.

So don't be upset with her, just talk to her and find out what your husband told her and ask her how she feels after talking to him about it.

I did talk to her. I did not tell her I am mad at her, because I do not think she meant that. Although, her husband told me she asked him what she should do before she called. He told her not to get involved and she told her husband she knows she is wrong but is going to do it anyway.

Thing is, I do not have any intentions of working things out with my.husband. I had tried to work on the relationship for two years and things did not improve. I actually got much more upset after what happened today. My husband and I have not so much as raised voices to one another for months. And now, after she called him (although it could be coincidence) he flipped out over me having to use the bathroom at an inconvenient time. He started punching stuff. Then he started yelling at me about all sorts of pent up stuff. I can't help but wonder if her meddling caused this. I had Been with this man fifteen years, I had to learn how to respond to him. She has no clue. She claims she said nothing that would set him off, but I feel she may have made my.life a lot harder. Trust me, it is hard work keeping things calm and cordial when you are ending a marriage.

BTW, although I told her I can't be angry at her since what she did came from a loving and caring place I also told her she better never call him again. I also no longer feel I can trust her anymore.

I don't see it as a betrayal. Is this the friend who is close friends in the group of friends? If it is she probably felt she was close enough to both of you and wanted to help bring you two back together. Did she know about the other thing going on? Maybe she didn't know that she was stepping on mines and thought she was being a good friend. It is a iverstepping of boundary but if this is that friend in that group all of you overstep boundary and so she probably thought it was normal. Plus you don't know if your husband tried to get her to help with getting closer to you. He could've did that knowing he could get at you that way and come at her begging for help.And you can't blame her for his actions. Getting pissed and losing your shit because of the bathroom sounds like his issue and nothing to do with her. If you told her to stay out she will most likely stay out for forever. Also don't expect her to want to get into anything after this. She probably won't want to talk to you about it or involve herself at all in discussions about your love life or offering advice or help. Also expect her relationship with your husband to be damaged for life. She's going to stay far away and this could be bad if you decide to stay with him.

I am not staying with my husband, any which way. This is not one of the "friends" I think you are referring to. This is a girl I met my first day of high school. She does know about the other thing going on (for those not in the know, I fell in love with another man even though I have not been with him). Starchild, you may remember me mentioning a different friend. The girl that I thought wanted me to get back with my husband because me leaving my husband makes her scared her husband may leave her since she knows me to be one of the most loyal people around. This is that girl. The one that I am sure does not have a husband that will stay loyal.

It actually makes me feel a little better that most people do not see this as a betrayal. However, I do wish it meant she would stay out of my business from here forward, but she is still asking tons of questions and giving her opinions.

Yea just tell her to bud out and tell her even though the intent is rights she'll cause problems and that you'll never be back with your husband and it don't have nothing to do with her marriage. That sounds wacky she would be thinking like that tho.

I tried to open up your message but this site has problems. I'll try again later.

Hey, I don't know how many people I might offend by saying this but listen, It could be that she is totally trying to get into the situation and act out a hero and turn your husband's attention onto her for - DRAMA, well this may not be the case everywhere, but knowing cancerians, and being one, I know many times they just do stupid things, unintentionally and slick things, innocently. this is just out of my experience.

can' t blame the need to create drama and loving the extra attention but if your husband is wavering she could be accused of trying to steal him by acting nice when he is on a tiff with you...

so watchout and ash her nicely to mind her own business even if she was just innocently helping this will be good advice for her any day "to not talk to friend's spouses for weeks when they are having troubles" basically to stop prying in couples' business.

Hey, I don't know how many people I might offend by saying this but listen, It could be that she is totally trying to get into the situation and act out a hero and turn your husband's attention onto her for - DRAMA, well this may not be the case everywhere, but knowing cancerians, and being one, I know many times they just do stupid things, unintentionally and slick things, innocently. this is just out of my experience.

can' t blame the need to create drama and loving the extra attention but if your husband is wavering she could be accused of trying to steal him by acting nice when he is on a tiff with you...

so watchout and ash her nicely to mind her own business even if she was just innocently helping this will be good advice for her any day "to not talk to friend's spouses for weeks when they are having troubles" basically to stop prying in couples' business.

Although I have felt she has been dramatic in the past, she would never go after him. I would not put it past other friends, but not her. Honestly, it would make things easier if you were right if this theory were correct and she won him over. She is not his type in any way anyway.

The four of us being close, not too much. She considers me her best friend. We have known each other for a long while. I helped her leave her ultra abusive ex. I helped her navigate things when she found out he was molesting her one year old. I watched her poor child for a long time free of charge after what happened to her. That child was so damaged. It was very tough. But, I still do not actually feel connected to my friend. I am sure she feels very connected to me because I was there when no one else was. But sometimes I do things because they are the right thing to do, not because I connected to the person. Her husband works for me and we have become pretty good friends since he started with my business. Although I like him I am certain he also feels closer to me than I do to him. He dislikes my husband. My husband feels fairly neutral towards him. So the closeness of everyone seems to be centered around everyone's feelings towards me, and yet I feel little towards any of them. How terrible I sound!

And yes, I told the friend to myob. I bet she will not. Next time I will be more forceful and she will feel hurt. Sucks, I usually try to save her feelings since I know she is sensitive.

Thanks for all the responses!

Yeah, I agree with what everone else in the thread is saying too, not betrayal but a little cluelessness. It sounds like you have the answer already.

^EXACTLY THIS! Lostbull how can you jot see that? She's just tryin to return the favor and help you out with something major. The person that said she wants your husband or drama is way fucking off and I don't even think she's a real cancer. Unless you pissed a cancer off their intentions are usually true. Even when you piss them off they are the least likey to get revenge. And cancers don't steal men. A Scorpio Aries Aquarius or Leo would do something like that before a cancer. Cancers genuinely care about people and if they took their time to her involved they probably care about both people or the thing that is on the line...like in this case love and marriage. Cancers do have that ability to bring people together that hate each other and would have other wise never spoke. Honey have a way with bringing people together. So that's probably what she was doing. I bet if you thought about all of the other ways she has helped without you asking or with you telling her no I bet she turns some things around for you. Just tell her to bud out and it makes you uncomfortable and most likely she will drop it.

You guys are right. She was trying to pay me back! It has been years and she has never had the opportunity to pay me back.

When things were better with my husband and i she took us to an event based on something i loved in college but hated when she took me. My husband and her hated it too. None of wanted to say anything for fear of hurting each other's feelings. Eventually we all started laughing when we realized and left early. As we left we walked right into the middle of a drive by shooting that was a total massacre. Multiple deaths. Got home covered in blood spray. So now that I think about it I feel bad that her attempts to pay me back are all total disasters.

Until this year I never had drama in my life. I never needed help or advice. She tried to help by lending an ear and I did hurt her by telling her I was avoiding her because I did not want to talk about it. Wow. I really do not feel as close to her as I used to, but this put things in a new perspective. I can't feel agitated any more. I will make sure to tell her how much I appreciate her being available to lend an ear if I ever need when I tell her to but out again.

and you know it's interesting that starchild thinks thats treetrunking? lol are you a cancerian missy? (maybe it's my sagi rising -_-)

it's just funny how I did the exact same thing to my friend's boyfriend, hit on him even after they had a secure relationship because he found out i liked him and he hit on me a just a bit then we had few moments (non-physical) figured he was not as fab as he seemed, i mean, he was dumb as a box of hair so I hauled out of it. it didn't cause a commotion since i stopped with just that!

but think you think it could have ended maybe a little too late or it couldn't have gotten to the point it ruined their relationship?

this girl was with me during tough times too but she was being dumb and she and i had lots of ego clashes. well, I'm not justifying anything here, I'm just saying these things aren't uncommon and trust me I wish I were making up these facts too lol because it costed me a good friend who hate-liked me for being good and bad!

Anyway that you're gonna ask her to bud out problem's solved.

Also cancers have limit to their atrocities. you are right starchild maybe a scorpio (not aries duh!) (aries and leo would have screwed and stopped before it hurt the spouse out of guilty conscience) would have stopped only after they had him and ruined the story or inserted themselves in that spot ( HOs), but cancerians are capable of all that too sans the aggression, heartbreaks or tears: IF and WHEN given a chance.

Posted by princessacancersagittaire
and you know it's interesting that starchild thinks thats treetrunking? lol are you a cancerian missy? (maybe it's my sagi rising -_-)

it's just funny how I did the exact same thing to my friend's boyfriend, hit on him even after they had a secure relationship because he found out i liked him and he hit on me a just a bit then we had few moments (non-physical) figured he was not as fab as he seemed, i mean, he was dumb as a box of hair so I hauled out of it. it didn't cause a commotion since i stopped with just that!

but think you think it could have ended maybe a little too late or it couldn't have gotten to the point it ruined their relationship?

this girl was with me during tough times too but she was being dumb and she and i had lots of ego clashes. well, I'm not justifying anything here, I'm just saying these things aren't uncommon and trust me I wish I were making up these facts too lol because it costed me a good friend who hate-liked me for being good and bad!

Anyway that you're gonna ask her to bud out problem's solved.

Also cancers have limit to their atrocities. you are right starchild maybe a scorpio (not aries duh!) (aries and leo would have screwed and stopped before it hurt the spouse out of guilty conscience) would have stopped only after they had him and ruined the story or inserted themselves in that spot ( HOs), but cancerians are capable of all that too sans the aggression, heartbreaks or tears: IF and WHEN given a chance.

You sound like another person posing as a cancer. I'm not a cancer I'm a aqua. I'm just obsessing over a crab and sadly learned a lot about them. And of course all crabs and people aren't the same but you can find similarities but I had to say it.This doesn't even sound like something a person would say cancer or not. Anyway whatever floats your boat I'm not knocking you.

But Lostbull I got a good laugh out of that. Damn. Bad night out then a drive by? You guys even got sprayed with blood? LOL How do you end up walking through something like that? That's awful. She probably wants to fix that fuck up too. She probably feels like she can't get it right with you. Something about her is off maybe bad timing or something. I would be annoyed too. Maybe she tries to get closer since. Idk.

Cancerians should mushy and sentimental and aren't ever supposed to keep it remotely real, wow you seem like a person who'd know too much about what every person would ever say. how about using all that superpower to come up with something to help the asker instead of ranting and playing an unnecessary guessing game of person or not? cancerian or not? motor torpedo boat or not? ^_^

not your problem, it wasn't written for you arielle, it was written for the asker. if yes, are you gonna send some dudes here? 🙂

She meant well and not to go behind your back but this is one of the many cases people need to set boundaries. With everyone! Family included.