Do I still have hope for this relationship...

so everything was going well a month ago..
we went to my boyfriend's holiday party, he introduced me to his coworkers.
and we had a short trip before he went back to his Europe home for vacation

during his home trip, he had very little contact with me
but I didn't say anything, I know he's having a good family time

2.5 weeks he came back, we met up 2 days after (Tuesday), it felt like he never went away..
we cuddled and fooled around like usual

but then the weekend came, he had 3 day weekend (MLK holiday)
so I suggested let's go somewhere nearby since he had long weekend..
He said he will see.. he has lots to take care of and still having jetlag
so the plan never happened.. we didn't see each other for all 3 day weekend,
and I saw him still checks his online dating profile so I blew up...

I told him I'm serious about him, but why is he still on the dating site
I asked him has he thought about our relationship.. he said yes
I also told him I want a future with him, and if he's not on the same boat, don't keep me hanging
But no matter what I said.. he remained silent, he said he didn't want to fight right now
Since he refused to say anything, I left it like that. He promised he will think about it and call me later.
Well.. he didn't call.. he only text me later that day saying.. he needs time to think about more...

So it's been a week now.. we didn't talk much
he only greeted me in the morning, and I greeted him back, that was it.. for entire week

So this morning I decided to break the ice.. I asked him if he wanted to have lunch with me.
He told me not today, he has too much going on.. end of project, business trip, errands.. he's not in a good place now
But he said.. I did not forget about you.
So I told him.. I know I can't help much, but I wish everything goes well.. I'll always be here for you

Then suddenly he dropped the bomb, he replied.. We'll talk more, but I appreciated it.
My heart sank after reading that.. He's trying to keep distance from me now, he probably wants to break up with me.
I replied to him.. "I guess you've already thought about our relationship..."
He said I did but will more too. We'll talk.

I don't know how to answer that.. I'm in panic attack..
do you think he wants to break up with me? if he does, why can't he just tell me?
I'm sorry for the long post and probably doesn't make much sense..
but my head just keep spinning and I don't know how to react right now

Him still having his dating profile up and checking it regularly would be the big clue to drop him like a lunch sack full of shit.

Youre backing him into a corner, thats a big no no. Give him plenty of space, let him initiate things. If he doesnt, then you have your answer. Doesnt seem like youve vested too much time in this relationship, so get out now and save the real heartache.

Thanks for everyone's insights.. I welcome more.. but please don't fight 😢

@Rachelannthepisces
I did it even before your post.. not because I want reaction from him..
only because I donno how to react with this situation..
I figured if that's his hint of telling it's the end of it.. I'm too cowardly to face it
so I'm ignoring him.. until I gain my strength back to face the truth

@MoonArtist
you are 100% right.. but my guts tell he's not the cheating type, so I thought I would give it a shot..

@CancerrifiC and Hotbeefy
With all due respect, but I would like to know how I'm backing him into corners?
so since the phone conversation last Sunday, I haven't initial any thing..
It's always him initial texting me.. and I simply greeted him back.. and I don't ask him any question
The reason why I told him today ""I guess you've already thought about our relationship..."
was because I wanted him to know that I knew what he meant..

so why did my boyfriend told me he did not forget about me but distant himself from me at the same time..
I'm confused and paranoid..

I have Moon in Leo and Scorpio Rising.. what does that say about me?

my boyfriend also has moon in Leo but Cancer Rising

Posted by maomao
Thanks for everyone's insights.. I welcome more.. but please don't fight 😢

@Rachelannthepisces
I did it even before your post.. not because I want reaction from him..
only because I donno how to react with this situation..
I figured if that's his hint of telling it's the end of it.. I'm too cowardly to face it
so I'm ignoring him.. until I gain my strength back to face the truth

@MoonArtist
you are 100% right.. but my guts tell he's not the cheating type, so I thought I would give it a shot..

@CancerrifiC and Hotbeefy
With all due respect, but I would like to know how I'm backing him into corners?
so since the phone conversation last Sunday, I haven't initial any thing..
It's always him initial texting me.. and I simply greeted him back.. and I don't ask him any question
The reason why I told him today ""I guess you've already thought about our relationship..."
was because I wanted him to know that I knew what he meant..

so why did my boyfriend told me he did not forget about me but distant himself from me at the same time..
I'm confused and paranoid..

It doesn't mean he's the cheating type (unless you both had an agreement that you were seeing each other exclusively). But it does mean that he's got one foot out of the door and is still looking. I'd say that shows that he's not interested the way you are, especially if he's gone distant on you.

he is just not that into you!!

He is clearly keeping his options open and you should do the same. If you want to "wait" around for him that is your choice but don't hold your breathe because the guy who wants to give you his FULL attention could be waiting on you.

You don't have to put up with any mix signals or anything you don't want to put up with. A guy would make time for you no matter how "busy" he claim he is. You deserve a guy full attention if he can't give you that than he is not the one. Yes men do need space but if they see a future with you they will do what it takes to keep you.

Remember you are a Queen! You are the prize not him. Don't give your heart to a guy who just has potential.

And for the women who are saying if I would've did this and that we would be together. No you would be miserable because he will keep reminding you that he can't give you what you need on a emotional level and what you deserve. You would have settled and wasted time on a guy that Is not meant for you. If he was for you he would respect your feelings and show you how interested he is instead of playing with your emotions.

If a guy is hesitant on commiting to you HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

When you meet the one you will know the difference and all the confusion on previous men you dealt with would become crystal clear on why it didn't work out.

Posted by maomao
Thanks

@CancerrifiC and Hotbeefy
With all due respect, but I would like to know how I'm backing him into corners?
so since the phone conversation last Sunday, I haven't initial any thing..
It's always him initial texting me.. and I simply greeted him back.. and I don't ask him any question
The reason why I told him today ""I guess you've already thought about our relationship..."
was because I wanted him to know that I knew what he meant..

so why did my boyfriend told me he did not forget about me but distant himself from me at the same time..
I'm confused and paranoid..

This: "I saw him still checks his online dating profile so I blew up...

I told him I'm serious about him, but why is he still on the dating site
I asked him has he thought about our relationship.. he said yes
I also told him I want a future with him, and if he's not on the same boat, don't keep me hanging"....backed him into a corner, hence he's proceeding with caution with just a greeting text. Although he make like you, you might be a little more than he can handle. Now before I go any further, when did you all establish a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship? From your OP it sounds like you al were just dating and it wasnt anything serious, in which led you to make the above demand.

*may* like you.......you *all* were just dating

Posted by Arielle83
Don't even think of playing games. He's already not sure of whether or not he wants a relationship. If you play those dumb games he'll just see how needy you are and manipulative. To me that screams selfish. You want your damn answer because you threw your feelings on him. What if he wasn't ready for that? What if he isn't sure about locking it down yet? I'm not sure how long you've been going with each other, but you come off as needy and he seems to busy to accommodate that need. If some dude did that to me id push him right back to get off my back. Give him time to think it over. Maybe he wants to date others judging by his online thing. Either way, you don't have to put your life on hold for someone to make a decision on being exclusive with you. If he isn't ready you can't change that. Is there a breakup if there was no commitment anyways?

Arielle83,
I never played games... I've been true to him ever since beginning..
Do you think my ignorance comes off like a manipulation to him?
but I just donno how to react anymore... and I'm too scared to face what he's going to say next.. (negative thoughts)

Posted by CancerrifiC

Posted by maomao
Thanks

@CancerrifiC and Hotbeefy
With all due respect, but I would like to know how I'm backing him into corners?
so since the phone conversation last Sunday, I haven't initial any thing..
It's always him initial texting me.. and I simply greeted him back.. and I don't ask him any question
The reason why I told him today ""I guess you've already thought about our relationship..."
was because I wanted him to know that I knew what he meant..

so why did my boyfriend told me he did not forget about me but distant himself from me at the same time..
I'm confused and paranoid..

This: "I saw him still checks his online dating profile so I blew up...

I told him I'm serious about him, but why is he still on the dating site
I asked him has he thought about our relationship.. he said yes
I also told him I want a future with him, and if he's not on the same boat, don't keep me hanging"....backed him into a corner, hence he's proceeding with caution with just a greeting text. Although he make like you, you might be a little more than he can handle. Now before I go any further, when did you all establish a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship? From your OP it sounds like you al were just dating and it wasnt anything serious, in which led you to make the above demand.

click to expand

Sadly.. we've been in a relationship for a year now.
I have to say.. I know he's not fully into me, he's not "in love" with me yet, but maybe he just needs time to develop his 100% love for me, since we skipped friendship phase.
And more than once I told him, if you want to play the field, I'm not that type of the girl for you.
I want a serious relationship, you can walk out now if you want to keep your option open..
But he always promises me I'm the only one, and he wants to be with me.. so here I am.. confused and hurt...

Posted by Libralicious72

Posted by Rachelannthepisces

Posted by Libralicious72

Posted by Rachelannthepisces
***If I can give you any advice: it would be to not talk to him at all. So many people on here told me the same thing I'm telling you and I didn't listen, and now I wish I did. Make him think that he lost you. Ignore his texts and don't reply for a little. Give him the space he obviously wants and In the meantime you get some space you need. Don't let him think he can mess with your emotions like that***

Rachelann... That was certainly not the advice I (personally) gave you... And Maomao's situation is not the same as yours...

Still, one thing is correct... You (clearly) didn't listen...

Better to give no advice, than bad advice...

Excuse me but that was very rude. And my advice was not bad advice at all. My advice was very good advice and I wish that I would have done that because I most likely would be with my cancer man right now if I would have. And you just full out lied because you told me on numerous occasions to not talk to my cancer man and let him come around. That was very rude and I have no desire to have you talk to me on my forums ever again for flat out lying, you're blocked. Anyone can go read my forums and see that that was the advice you gave me. Wow. Seriously?? Rude.

Rude?!... I think you need to check yourself... The way you've responded to others on here?!...

For the record... I didn't tell you not to talk to him at all... I advised you not to talk to him yet (because you were too emotional)... Go back and read what I said again... I'll be waiting for an apology...

This is exactly your problem... You read things how you want to read them...

You harassed and stalked your ex for 3 months after going psycho on him... And by your own admission, you still are... THAT is why he doesn't want to be with you!

Block me?!... Get a grip and grow up!...

Your ex had a lucky escape... And that's not rude either... It's a fact!

click to expand

I didn't know this chick's dxp history but reading her advice, her admissions and her comments to you tell me that she is incredibl

Posted by Octoberbaby91
he is just not that into you!!

He is clearly keeping his options open and you should do the same. If you want to "wait" around for him that is your choice but don't hold your breathe because the guy who wants to give you his FULL attention could be waiting on you.

You don't have to put up with any mix signals or anything you don't want to put up with. A guy would make time for you no matter how "busy" he claim he is. You deserve a guy full attention if he can't give you that than he is not the one. Yes men do need space but if they see a future with you they will do what it takes to keep you.

Remember you are a Queen! You are the prize not him. Don't give your heart to a guy who just has potential.

And for the women who are saying if I would've did this and that we would be together. No you would be miserable because he will keep reminding you that he can't give you what you need on a emotional level and what you deserve. You would have settled and wasted time on a guy that Is not meant for you. If he was for you he would respect your feelings and show you how interested he is instead of playing with your emotions.

If a guy is hesitant on commiting to you HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

When you meet the one you will know the difference and all the confusion on previous men you dealt with would become crystal clear on why it didn't work out.

THIS is damn good advice...Every body else hop off Rachel's d*ck..its not that serious. .really

incredibly sensitive. I didn't know she harassed and stalked her man meanwhile she was telling me to put on grown up panties and get over it. Amazing how they expect others to get over their
slight meanwhile it took her 3 months and present to get over hers. Somebody needs to take their own advice on putting on grown up panties and movin on. 😉

Posted by Libralicious72

Posted by maomao
Thanks for everyone's insights.. I welcome more.. but please don't fight 😢

I apologise Maomao, however I would like you to get good advice, so that you can either get your relationship back on track, or move forward...

What Rachelann said about my advice was not correct and so therefore her advice to you was not either...

What you are doing, by letting him initiate the texts is good, and simply responding to him... If he wanted to break up he wouldn't be texting you, so that's a good sign!

You've said he's got a lot on at the moment... My Cancer guy goes MIA when he has too much to cope with (i've learnt over time that it's normal for him)... Cancers need time away to process when they get overwhelmed... You need to give him space when this happens and he'll come back to you...

I hope that helps x

click to expand

Thank you Libralicious72
You brought a smile to my face..
as much as I would like to think positive, his response to me today was like a burst to a bubble
I guess I'd just prepare for the worst, but I'm not ready for that yet...

Posted by Arielle83
If it's been a year of wishy washy bullshit then maybe you should put an end to it. Why does he get to make the decisions?

I still want him, and I can't lie to myself..
I see a lot of good quality on him.. He's responsible, kind, caring.. He's the man of his words
and we had so many good memories together..

one thing I need to clarify, I never wanted to break up with him..
I just asked him if he thought about having future with me.. yea.. I guess I cornered him with that
so now the ball it's in his court...

Posted by maomao

Posted by CancerrifiC

Posted by maomao
Thanks

@CancerrifiC and Hotbeefy
With all due respect, but I would like to know how I'm backing him into corners?
so since the phone conversation last Sunday, I haven't initial any thing..
It's always him initial texting me.. and I simply greeted him back.. and I don't ask him any question
The reason why I told him today ""I guess you've already thought about our relationship..."
was because I wanted him to know that I knew what he meant..

so why did my boyfriend told me he did not forget about me but distant himself from me at the same time..
I'm confused and paranoid..

This: "I saw him still checks his online dating profile so I blew up...

I told him I'm serious about him, but why is he still on the dating site
I asked him has he thought about our relationship.. he said yes
I also told him I want a future with him, and if he's not on the same boat, don't keep me hanging"....backed him into a corner, hence he's proceeding with caution with just a greeting text. Although he make like you, you might be a little more than he can handle. Now before I go any further, when did you all establish a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship? From your OP it sounds like you al were just dating and it wasnt anything serious, in which led you to make the above demand.

Sadly.. we've been in a relationship for a year now.
I have to say.. I know he's not fully into me, he's not "in love" with me yet, but maybe he just needs time to develop his 100% love for me, since we skipped friendship phase.
And more than once I told him, if you want to play the field, I'm not that type of the girl for you.
I want a serious relationship, you can walk out now if you want to keep your option open..
But he always promises me I'm the only one, and he wants to be with me.. so here I am.. confused and hurt...

click to expand

That's the error you made you should've made him your friend first! You have to take your time to get to know people and their intentions.

I do believe he likes you but as you just stated he is not inlove with you and could you stay true to yourself and wants knowing that he is not 100% into you?

Also actions speak lou

You've dated a year and he still has his dating profile up and is active on it? Doesn't matter what you want, it seems he doesn't want you that badly. Do you really want to be his sort of gf until he finds something he likes better? My ex has some good qualities, too, and I made the huge mistake of overlooking his other not so good qualities while focusing on his good ones. "But I love him soooo much!" That only gets a person so far if it's not reciprocated.

Posted by maomao

Posted by Arielle83
If it's been a year of wishy washy bullshit then maybe you should put an end to it. Why does he get to make the decisions?

I still want him, and I can't lie to myself..
I see a lot of good quality on him.. He's responsible, kind, caring.. He's the man of his words
and we had so many good memories together..

one thing I need to clarify, I never wanted to break up with him..
I just asked him if he thought about having future with me.. yea.. I guess I cornered him with that
so now the ball it's in his court...

click to expand

Memories are jut memories we wil always have good memories of the last but he is not making you happy anymore he is confusing you and pulling your emotional strings he is no longer a man of his word therefore he doesn't derserve your time.

He is just a lesson showing you what good qualities you want in a man and bad qualities as well. It is all in the expierence. Yes it will hurt but you will get over it and one day you will be able to walk past him like he is a stranger to you and he will look at you telling himself "damn I fucked that up!"

That's how they are boo just let it go time to move on 🙂

thanks everyone! I really appreciate each every one of you giving me advise or strength to keep me going..
@MoonArtist and Octoberbaby91,
all you said were true, and I understand fully.. but my heart just doesn't cooperate right now 😢

@Rachelannthepisces,
Thank you, you are a sweet girl.

Anyway.. after hours of being sad and paranoid..
my boyfriend seemed to realize I'm ignoring him and started bombing me with texts
I am not sure if I want to read them or what... Seems like I lost the ability to think..
I just want to escape from all the emotions and feelings

Posted by Rachelannthepisces

Posted by aquarius09
incredibly sensitive. I didn't know she harassed and stalked her man meanwhile she was telling me to put on grown up panties and get over it. Amazing how they expect others to get over their
slight meanwhile it took her 3 months and present to get over hers. Somebody needs to take their own advice on putting on grown up panties and movin on. 😉

I'm sorry you have so much negativity in your heart. I hope the best for you and your situation with that Cancer man.

click to expand

I just pointed out the irony. That's not negativity.

Posted by maomao
thanks everyone! I really appreciate each every one of you giving me advise or strength to keep me going..
@MoonArtist and Octoberbaby91,
all you said were true, and I understand fully.. but my heart just doesn't cooperate right now 😢

@Rachelannthepisces,
Thank you, you are a sweet girl.

Anyway.. after hours of being sad and paranoid..
my boyfriend seemed to realize I'm ignoring him and started bombing me with texts
I am not sure if I want to read them or what... Seems like I lost the ability to think..
I just want to escape from all the emotions and feelings

You deserve to have someone be as into you as you are into that person, so this doesn't seem to be the one. That doesn't mean you're junk, it just means he's not reciprocating. Analyze what you want in a relationship and take out the "I want HIM" part. Does he match what you want in a relationship? Is his behavior matching? If you make allowances and excuses, if you settle, you'll be disappointed in the long term.

You're very welcome doll.

Don't worry you will get through it! You may have to expiernce more pain til you are fed up with him.

We all have been through it you are a smart woman you will soon put yourself first and realize what you deserve is more than he is willing to give.

P. S he is only bombing you with text because he kind of thinks that he is losing you when you pay him no mind. Soon as you give in and go back to I want you he will be aloof again and claim how busy it is. It is just a game he is a selfish man and is only concern about his needs. Don't be fooled don't read into it no he doesn't "finally realize you are the one" he is just making sure you are still on his roster.

As a cancer and cancer adcendent dating someone even at 3 months on a dating site would be a deal breaker so we do unto others

Not into you or rather probably not emotionally available nothing to do with star sign probably just place in life

And FYI this mercury retrograde cycle is all about fighting

And if old lovers aren't coming back now means they probably won't for a while I am seeing a lot of men's true colours coming out right now personally I think it's saturn changing signs