Fellow Cancers, ever found it hard to move on?

The first time I fell in love it took me 12 years to get over the guy, and that's only because I met the man of my dreams. Unfortunately he got freaked out because our relationship was too much too fast and pulled a typical Gemini disappearing act. My head understands but my heart won't let go.

Have you struggled with this as well? How did you finally let go and move on?

Whoever said "You can forgive but never forget" must have been a Cancer, I am sorry but you'll never fully cope with it.

@ OP - I accept the pain and disappointment. For me it helps to let go when I'm involved with life. Focusing on other issues besides my own. And flirting with other men helps too. 😛


@ Highlander - Never thought I would run into another Highlander fan.


GIFSoup

Not long, but it was intense. We had both been single for awhile and when we met we found we have just about everything in common, we stayed up all night talking, and I guess we got caught up in the excitement. He was talking like we'd be together forever. I think his other side took over while we spent some time apart. He never came back. I'm trying to move on but right now I compare every man to him and they don't come close.

12 years is a long time. I had an on/off relationship with a Capricorn. I thought he was what I wanted until the Gem guy came into my life. He made me forget about the Cap in just a few days. Kills me we didn't take things slowly like we wanted to. I don't think I'll try anything with another Gem. Not if falling hard and fast then running away is their norm. (I'm a Cancer, btw)

Posted by chloesmom3610
The first time I fell in love it took me 12 years to get over the guy, and that's only because I met the man of my dreams. Unfortunately he got freaked out because our relationship was too much too fast and pulled a typical Gemini disappearing act. My head understands but my heart won't let go.

Have you struggled with this as well? How did you finally let go and move on?

Took me about the same - 12-15 years (before I worked out he was a lying Gemini butthole)

The second one has "only" taken me 3 years so far.....hoping not too much longer - I am getting old fast!!

and bear in mind I am only part Cancer - I am supposed to be an Aries love'em and leave'em type😕


Don't be too hard on yourself. Take it easy. Look after you.

Posted by Claro de Luna
My first love was a Gemini. 🙂

**gently cuffs Claro upside the head and orders pitcher of margueritas**

I'm just looking for a way to finally reach acceptance in the grieving process rather than loop through the other 4 stages over and over again. The stupid side of me holds onto hope he'll come back someday while the other says it's not gonna happen, forget him! I am in a constant battle with myself and I'd really like for it to stop.

Posted by acrabbycrab12

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

Posted by chloesmom3610
The first time I fell in love it took me 12 years to get over the guy, and that's only because I met the man of my dreams. Unfortunately he got freaked out because our relationship was too much too fast and pulled a typical Gemini disappearing act. My head understands but my heart won't let go.

Have you struggled with this as well? How did you finally let go and move on?

Took me about the same - 12-15 years (before I worked out he was a lying Gemini butthole)

The second one has "only" taken me 3 years so far.....hoping not too much longer - I am getting old fast!!

and bear in mind I am only part Cancer - I am supposed to be an Aries love'em and leave'em type😕


Don't be too hard on yourself. Take it easy. Look after you.

What is your venus?

click to expand

Aries of course. I am all Aries with a double shot of Cancer😉
I should be the Alpha Aries poster girl!!

I feel for you. I'm handling my own "move on" situation right now, and I don't know when I'll be fully over it. I'm taking steps to remove myself from the experience, to let it fade into the past so that I can learn from it and focus on what's next.

On a side note, I'm curious why you fell for your Gemini. I know one, one of my oldest and closest friends (mentioned before in other threads), and from the first day we got along great! He has a very different outlook from mine; for the longest time I called him my opposite in nearly every way. The challenge of it, of facing someone so fundamentally different than you, drew us together and we learned so much! (Opposites Attract)

As time has wore on, however, we have drifted apart. Once we were done learning, and had come to a complete understanding of each other, we both now realized that smaller doses are best. I used to joke that if we were gay we'd be together, but in truth we'd be horrible for each other. He's my best friend, but we're just too different.

So back to you, I'm curious why you're so hung up on this guy. I've overcome a few past-relationship obsessions, and in the end I've come to realize what I loved about the person I fell for was all in my head; what I WANTED them to be, not who they actually were.

When I was a teenager I made a list of traits of my perfect man. My Gemini was everything on the list. We connected instantly and couldn't believe how much we have in common. When we had known each other for days it felt like years. We stayed up all night talking. Even though he had to back out on dates because of work (he's very dedicated to his job), he would find time to see me after. I was in Heaven every time I was in his strong arms. I loved the way he used to look at me, with such intensity, heat, and adoration. We are opposites in a good way. There's a lot I can learn from him. He balanced me out. Everything just felt right. He finished my sentences, knew what I was thinking or feeling, and is just such a great guy. I get the disappearing act having pulled it a few times myself. I'm a very understanding person. Hell, I'm still best friends with my ex-husband and he cheated on me throughout our entire marriage.

I used to roll my eyes when I heard someone say when they met their fiance/husband they knew that was the man they'd marry. Then it happened to me. After only maybe a week or 2 of knowing him I told my coworker, "I know this sounds crazy but I think I'm going to marry him in a couple years. I can really see myself being with him forever." Even now I know how crazy that is. But he told me the same thing. I think that's what scared him. He thought he was ready but while we were apart must have decided he isn't. I hear Gems get over things very quickly. I envy them for that.

You have to get to know the Gemini twin personality - they have two sides, two thoughts, two attitudes. Makes them interesting but you have to be able to play with each twin.

Posted by chloesmom3610
When I was a teenager I made a list of traits of my perfect man. My Gemini was everything on the list.

Did that list consist of words like "nice" "handsome" "funny" etc? I couldn't name a single woman (and few men) who never wrote a list about their "perfect" partner when they were young, and damn near every single one of them will be 90% identical. Don't think that what you wanted as a teenager has any bearing on what's truly right for you; you are a MUCH more complicated human being than you could have possibly understood back then.

It seems to me that when you think of this Gemini guy, you're wearing some seriously dark rose-tinted glasses. He's NOT perfect, never was never will be, and you can't keep comparing the new men you meet to the unrealistic image you've built around a guy you never really got to know (you said yourself you didn't date long).

That, in my opinion, is why you have such a hard time moving on from him. You never had that glass-shattering realization of just how imperfect he is; and him running away was not that moment, as you still think so highly of him despite that.

Part of letting go of past loves, is letting go of what you think "love" really means.

Posted by WaterboyCancepio
I have this theory about cancers.

We feel,we love what we feel and we love that we feel so much. We start collecting those feelings, hoarding them. To the world, they see it as we have impressive memories.. we don't, we just remember how we felt about a certain thing, how we felt about a scent or a the weather of a particular day or the sensation of something.. basically.. our memory is a registry of our feelings.

And when we get into break ups and moving on, that's when things get horrible, cause we have all of these stored and vivid feelings about someone that we wish we didn't have. And that's what makes moving on so difficult and horrible. Those feelings will forever be with you, no way around that. But one day you will wake up and those feelings/memories about a past relationship will become no longer relevant. You will wake up one day and say.. yes I do have feelings for Mr/Ms X, but it doesn't mean I love them. And that's when you have really moved on, when you acknowledge your feelings/memories and acknowledge their irrelevance.

Wow... so much +1

I feel like what you said ought to have a discussion thread to itself. I agree completely, and have a few examples from my own life that confirm it for me.

Wow, very well said, WaterboyCancepio. As I was reading your post I was thinking about items I'm attached to because they hold some sort of emotional memory. (Here comes the sickeningly pathetic part so brace yourselves) I was thinking about a shirt I have because every time I put it on I think, "This is what I wore the last time I saw him." *gag*

I eagerly await the day I no longer pretend I'm okay without him because I really will be. Eventually. At some point. In the future. Very distant future...

Dammit.

Posted by WaterboyCancepio
I have this theory about cancers.

We feel,we love what we feel and we love that we feel so much. We start collecting those feelings, hoarding them. To the world, they see it as we have impressive memories.. we don't, we just remember how we felt about a certain thing, how we felt about a scent or a the weather of a particular day or the sensation of something.. basically.. our memory is a registry of our feelings.

And when we get into break ups and moving on, that's when things get horrible, cause we have all of these stored and vivid feelings about someone that we wish we didn't have. And that's what makes moving on so difficult and horrible. Those feelings will forever be with you, no way around that. But one day you will wake up and those feelings/memories about a past relationship will become no longer relevant. You will wake up one day and say.. yes I do have feelings for Mr/Ms X, but it doesn't mean I love them. And that's when you have really moved on, when you acknowledge your feelings/memories and acknowledge their irrelevance.

xs 1,000,000,000.

If people only understood this about us. I mentioned it last week, if we get over someone quickly it is a quarantee they werent someone we truly loved/cared about/were with, etc. To me, that says everything. When I love, I love hard. It is never easy to let go of what, in your words, is the exact truth. I can go back years, and relive things as though they are right now happening. I can still remember what my crush was wearing when I was 16, during our first dance and the night of our first kiss. That was 25 years ago 🙂

Posted by chloesmom3610

... it took me 12 years to get over the guy, and that's only because I met the man of my dreams ...

So, if you hadn't of met someone, you would have knowingly stayed attached to negative feelings?

Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

Took me about the same - 12-15 years (before I worked out he was a lying Gemini butthole)

Not being able to get over a person isn't the same as being with a person blindly.

Posted by highlander

Whoever said "You can forgive but never forget" must have been a Cancer, I am sorry but you'll never fully cope with it.

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She obviously will never get over it, if the only strength she can muster after that long of a time, is to shift her co-dependancy onto another potential human-baggage carrier.

I'm right there with ya, OceanDeep. When I love someone, it's forever. Even if the relationship ends, I'll always be there for them as a friend. Some people may think me pathetic, but I just have a big heart, therefore a lot of love to give. Regardless of the circumstances, I met someone who meant a great deal to me and made me feel something I've never felt before. It's only been a few months since that relationship ended. I'm not interested in being criticized, only in finding a way to let go of hope and grab onto acceptance so I can move on with my life without thinking of and missing him a million times a day.

Being a Cancer is a double edged sword. We love DEEPLY and PASSIONATELY. So much so, that the person will have a PERMANENT impact on who you are.

You will forgive. You will NEVER forget. When you love somebody so intensely, a part of that will never go away - unfortunately you will carry the pain the rest of your life...that is out of your control. What is under your control, however, is what you choose to learn from it and how far you can grow from it.