How do Cancers decline people?

If someone were to express interest in you and you are not "Feeling" them or do not want to be with them, how would you let them know you are not interested?

From my observations, the Side walking Crabs are not direct at all. They might mention they have feelings for someone else or say something not so clear, eg. "There is no air between us".

How many of these people you declined, have you still ended up in a relationship with?

That sounds about right.

Me: So ahhh... I'll talk to you later then.

Them: Sure.

Several days/weeks later.

Them: Why haven't you called.

Me: Ahhh I meant to but I got busy. Don't worry we will hang out soon.

Repeat.

I just tend to not 'be available' when I sense someone starting to get the likes for me that isn't mutual. Either actually not being around, or withdrawing a bit, less open & friendly. Not accepting invitations, and sometimes if I know I'll see the person socially, like at a club or party, I'll ask a friend to run interference.

If the person asks me out in a way that is uncategorically a date, but I really do like them as a friend, I'll say something like it would be fun to have dinner/whatever with you, but I'm not interested in dating or anything romantic right now. Then depending on how they responded, I might go out anyway or just say no if I thought they were going to push it.

If the person stuck it out and acted like a real friend to the point where I looked forward to hanging out, I'd be more open to light 'advances', since they'd have a track record as someone I had fun with and no pressure. So I could see that turning romantic someday.

😛 But I don't have much dating experience, so YMMV 🙂

Posted by domanb
That sounds about right.

Me: So ahhh... I'll talk to you later then.

Them: Sure.

Several days/weeks later.

Them: Why haven't you called.

Me: Ahhh I meant to but I got busy. Don't worry we will hang out soon.

Repeat.

hit the nail on the head. if someone flirts with me and I'm not feelin them, i'll just act as if I didn't notice or understand the flirting.

yeah i'm definitely guilty of not really being very direct... usually if i'm being asked out on a date my response if you can even really call it that goes a bit like this, "uh... well.... ummmmm... i dunno..." then it just gets awkward enough that they back off and if they don't i just avoid them. if its a scenario where someone is trying to flirt with me, i just resort to mentioning someone else real or imagined that i'm into. not the most honest way to go about it, but i do remember even telling a guy who really wanted to date me that i was secretly in love with my friend that i'm not actually secretly in love with.

Am I to understand my Cancer is not feeling me—

We have been on a four year roller coaster, he always complains I do not pay enough attention to him, need nobody, talk too much about other guys, et cetera. Apparently, he keeps losing his phone or switching it up and losing my number in the process, only to come back when I am just about finished. 😢

This one Cancer chick two of my Virgo friends have been hitting on.

She's super friendly and a little flirty, like some other Cancers I know. The Virguys come and tell me they know a lot about her and seem pretty confident they can get her.

Then when they invite her out, she is always unavailable. Now, I have always been skeptical as hell, through the whole ordeal.
She would then come and confide in me she was getting hit on and is not looking for anything.

But the fact of the matter is, she is inviting this behaviour through her super friendly and slightly flirtatious nature.

I would ask her out as a friend, because we're cool like that and she would come out to hang out with me.

One particularly interesting event, I asked her out and invited one of the Virguys, we would all be coordinating to get to the mall.

She literally told him she was not coming again.
He would call me, inform me, I would call her and she would say "yes I'm on my way"
I would arrive and he would iterate that she said she can't make it.
Then she shows up lol

He said he asked her out many times and she always declines. Yet I come out of the blue and bam she's there.
I know she doesn't like me, so it's obvious the friend route is what she digs.

How do you get through to a Cancer, because I have had the same experiences as these Virguys.
I have been extremely frustrated and the only Cancer girl I had anything with, approached me first, was the aggressor and has now completely forgotten about me after moving away lol

ah, i've had this situation happen many a time before. sometimes i can be too friendly/flirty with men but it's honestly not something i notice that i do until they try to ask me out, or if a friend makes a comment about my behavior. when it comes to guys i like, i can be a bit more aggressive, but usually when i want to get across to a guy that i'm interested i always tell them that i'd love to hang out sometime. if i feel like a guy may have a thing for me and he tries to ask me to just hang out, even if it's not a date i'm hard to get a hold of. for example, my cappy best friend used to have a crush on me when we first met. anytime he asked to hang out i wouldn't make myself available to hang out. he even referred to me as an "elusive creature" at one point. eventually when i felt it was "safe" to hang out with him i'd always be around.

Posted by cancergem
ah, i've had this situation happen many a time before. sometimes i can be too friendly/flirty with men but it's honestly not something i notice that i do until they try to ask me out, or if a friend makes a comment about my behavior. when it comes to guys i like, i can be a bit more aggressive, but usually when i want to get across to a guy that i'm interested i always tell them that i'd love to hang out sometime. if i feel like a guy may have a thing for me and he tries to ask me to just hang out, even if it's not a date i'm hard to get a hold of. for example, my cappy best friend used to have a crush on me when we first met. anytime he asked to hang out i wouldn't make myself available to hang out. he even referred to me as an "elusive creature" at one point. eventually when i felt it was "safe" to hang out with him i'd always be around.

Wow, who knew Cancers were so picky?

It took me years of being denied and this topic to figure it out.

Though, I still wonder... what does a man have to do to win your affection?

From what I've read you have drive it into the Cancer, force it on them. For lack of better words.

But the logic in my brain tells me the Cancer has to like you first, it's the only way...

well i've only had one experience where the guy was persistent enough that i finally gave in. i only really gave in, because after consulting a mutual friend, who was coincidentally was a virgo, that i finally decided to give it a go. it actually went well but didn't last. i wouldn't take back the experience though. and again, it's only happened once, the chances of something like that happening again are very slim.

on the other hand, in order for me to be attracted to someone they have to keep up with me mentally. i have a habit of being really sarcastic and i tend to pick on guys that i like and if they can't take it i'm not as interested. also, if we can engage in really interesting and stimulating conversation and it doesn't hurt to be funny, it ups the chances of me being attracted. there are also physical cues that i tend to give out, whether it be a light touch or giving him the "eye". then to really drive it home suggest hanging out.

oh and i also forgot to mention that i have a specific "type" of guy, that without fail i've ALWAYS have been attracted to. i'm an artist and also a self taught musician and i've only ever been interested in guys who were either, involved in any sort of visual arts or played instruments. i'm attracted to hardworking men who have a undeniable passion for what they do artistically. they have to be good at what they do if not just better than me at it.

maybe your friend, like me, has a specific type of guy she's into. she's definitely not into your friend who's trying to pursue her and it doesn't seem like she'll ever be into him. it may be that in her case she's showing a clear signal that she's not at all interested. she's available to you as a friend but she's not available for your friends and i'm sure she feels that your friends should, well... get the hint.

i'm curious though, do you know what her moon and venus are?

I'm unavailable.
I'm nonchalant.
I am distracted.

And yes most can indirect but some of my Leo and Cap placements make me more direct. I don't like ppl to waste my time or to waste others so.. I can let them know. About two months ago, I turned a guy down telling him I didn't see us going further than friends or I wasn't interested in having a relationship at the time both true statements.

Posted by cancergem
well i've only had one experience where the guy was persistent enough that i finally gave in. i only really gave in, because after consulting a mutual friend, who was coincidentally was a virgo, that i finally decided to give it a go. it actually went well but didn't last. i wouldn't take back the experience though. and again, it's only happened once, the chances of something like that happening again are very slim.

Fascinating.

on the other hand, in order for me to be attracted to someone they have to keep up with me mentally. i have a habit of being really sarcastic and i tend to pick on guys that i like and if they can't take it i'm not as interested. also, if we can engage in really interesting and stimulating conversation and it doesn't hurt to be funny, it ups the chances of me being attracted.

You do realise you're describing Virgo traits right? 😛

oh and i also forgot to mention that i have a specific "type" of guy, that without fail i've ALWAYS have been attracted to. i'm an artist and also a self taught musician and i've only ever been interested in guys who were either, involved in any sort of visual arts or played instruments. i'm attracted to hardworking men who have a undeniable passion for what they do artistically. they have to be good at what they do if not just better than me at it.

I see
*takes noteS*

maybe your friend, like me, has a specific type of guy she's into. she's definitely not into your friend who's trying to pursue her and it doesn't seem like she'll ever be into him. it may be that in her case she's showing a clear signal that she's not at all interested. she's available to you as a friend but she's not available for your friends and i'm sure she feels that your friends should, well... get the hint.

Us Virgus just thinks she likes attention... but your "certain guys I'm into" theory would better hold up I think.

i'm curious though, do you know what her moon and venus are?

click to expand

*Goes and calculates a table*
Moon - Virgo
Venus - Leo

Haha, she has the same Venus as me. She does like attention 😄

I laugh at comments made and usually reply, "Perhaps another time."
I ignore comments made that feel like someone is "hitting" on me and I literally try to walk away as soon as possible.
If they ask directly and I want to join them I'll say... "Sounds like fun".
If they don't fit into the friend category to begin with and ask then "Sorry, I have other plans."
I do try to say it with a smile.
BTW- I have seen your many posts over on the Viro area. You are a funny guy!

Posted by Crabcakes
I laugh at comments made and usually reply, "Perhaps another time."
I ignore comments made that feel like someone is "hitting" on me and I literally try to walk away as soon as possible.
If they ask directly and I want to join them I'll say... "Sounds like fun".

What would constitute the desire to join them?
Feelings?

BTW- I have seen your many posts over on the Viro area. You are a funny guy!

Haha, thank you 🙂

Posted by deb963
We like the guys that are so patient with us and caring takes the time to know us.... We love laughter.... Im pretty sure you make her laugh..We love compliments and sometimes shy and flirty. She clicks with you because you are a friend she feels comfortable with you... Im feeling your friends are too aggressive.... as i will conquer her.... that's a turn off from cancers... Be gentle.. We can feel on what your giving out.... 🙂

click to expand

Oh boy, this Cancer intuition... I don't think it's always accurate 😛

So what is the preferred modus operandi?
Slow and steady with a helping of indirect? lol

Because the Cancer girls I know, don't really seem to fall for those guys. They just jump at the guy who's showing them the most attention and don't give up when the Cancer girl rejects them.

Me... I can't handle rejection. No means No, and one No will turn me completely off.

Posted by Tasha74
"How many of these people you declined, have you still ended up in a relationship with?"

zero. type of rejection depends on my mood.

Very interesting...

The first real Cancer girl I wanted badly, described her past relationships.
To this day, all the guys she has dated literally stalked her until she gave in.
She is a first decan June 29th, 1989.

Is overconfidence and aggressive behaviour a no-no with Cancer girls?

Am I better off waiting for one to take interest in me? lol

Posted by Tasha74
me personally: if i don't like you from the get go, i never will. ever.

This is what I have come to believe.

honestly i don't encourage persistence really. u don't need to wait around for a Cancer to come to you, but if you don't think she's feelin it, just move on to the next.

After months of wasting time, I could not agree more.
Though I have a soft spot for you all. Just poppin' out of nowhere all sweet and friendly, ugh!

I must resist 😛

confidence and aggressiveness = a huge plus for me! so long as i'm into you.

click to expand

Nice to see a contradicting opinion 🙂

Is overconfidence and aggressive behaviour a no-no with Cancer girls?
..............

It's great if it's sincere. Confidence and definitive action is a better way to format your description though. Cancers like to be 'sure' the person likes them. No head games. I guess a gal would have to have some kind of feeling for persistence to pay off. If there's a hint of like, then it can be quite a rush to have a steady decent solid pursuer. Not a creepy stalker or jerk trophy hunter 😛

the cancers i know decline via avoidance. they like to play dumb but it always comes out later that they're ''in the know''.


i think going the friend route is ultimately best with them. i was just describing a relationship between my double cancer friend and another leo girl. i'm leo too but he's always up for hanging out with me and likes me a lot. i am somewhat demanding, which he's aware of, but for some reason he's ok with it from me. not so much from her. he commits to and initiates plans with me whereas he blows hot and cold with her. he'll avoid her for extended periods of time but he won't with me even when in one of those moods.

OK I had a strange encounter with a cancer man and this thread seems like a place to ask. I'm Aqua Sun/Libra Moon/Capr Rising, either way definitely alot of air. And I was taking to this man, a very nice Cancer man. Do I think him Daniel Craig hotness... hell no. Is he good people and would I have a roll in bed with him.. who knows, maybe. (He'd be a very lucky man, and that's just because he's on the maybe list... like I said he's good people.) I'll give you history. We met a friend's bday party not that long ago. He had a picture that he had of me from like a year before that, but I was on a date with another man and certainly didn't remember this guy. (Wow I sound like a player... putting my cool sunglasses on right now though this is not me AT ALL.) Anyhow I met him at a party and we did dance to a terrible song... I laughed at him for asking me to dance on the worst possible song. But we decide to be friends (my strong suit.) He helps me out with a stressful moment of my life, and he's peeked at my nakedness. We have not touched, but he walked in on me in all my glory and ran to the bathroom... it was an accident. I laugh over the whole thing and we have plans to hang out as friends privately. He's a super cool Cancer and not as moody as my sister (Cancer sun, Cancer moon... basically moody or emotionally crazy as I call her.) He has a taurus moon/libra rising. Anyhow we ended up at the same place last night and we both knew that we might. There would be alot of people that we know mutually. And I was super tired... I mean dead tired to be truthful. I found my corner to sit in, planned on listening for an hour and going home to bed. So many people showed up that the host asked the men to move off the couch so some women could bunch together. The cancer man took a seat next to me, but as I said... I was tired and besides it's not anyone there's business that I made plans with anyone there. I sat in my corner and didn't say a word (instead I waited for a time to leave.) Now this is where I was confused. The speaker of the event broke like 6 books and asked everyone to share book with 4 people. He asked us to turn a page. I was not holding the book. I simply leaned over and tried to read the words of the book. I did lean over the cancer man to see the book and he JUMPED out of his seat. I scooted over to the man holding the book and thanked him before retaking my seat. Why would he jump away like that? I showered earlier.

To finish... Another friend that I've known for a long time took his seat after and we talked about the book and its meaning. The cancer man made eye contact with me, but nothing else. I know that I'm an air sign. And I admit that I was dead tired and didn't want to be there. I was waiting for my opportunity to be polite and go home to sleep. But the literal jumping out of his seat and running to safety somewhere else... he freaked me out. How can someone be attracted to anyone that can't stand it if someone tried to read a book that the speaker brought with him to share with the crowd and didn't have a million copies... Should I be insulted or flattered that a man ran after being placed next to me?!? I know that an earth female friend saw the whole thing and asked me WTF was his problem with me.... I just wish that I knew. I thought that we had an upcoming maybe hangout and maybe it's a date and maybe it's not thing to a movie... and now I'm thinking... no I want a man who can actually sit next to me, even when I'm tired.

And I'm Aquarius with no water in me... seriously why would he jump out his seat when all I did was lean over to try to see the book that the man next to him was holding?!? Part of me wondered if I smelled bad though I showered and put lotion on after and brushed my teeth as usual?!? Seriously though I thought that a man interested in a woman would want to sit next to her... not run away. I was confused.

why don't u just ask him? if it were me i would just be direct and ask him while keeping the mood light. typically i'd probably call him out in a playful, pseudo-angry fashion while giggling about it all the while and smiling. it's a well-received tactic that satisfies my curiosity without making the ''offender'' feel pressured. it's a genuine response from me too. yeah, i'll want to know what happened but i won't be that hurt or angry about it either. it definitely goes over well with my cancer friend!

@ Tasha: HA!

Posted by Let*It*Be
"

He got a good "read" on you...is my guess.

OK I was a little drunk last night which explains my spelling errors. But either way... you want to insult me then speak up. And I was overworried about stupid stuff that doesn't matter in the light of day. But I'm curious what you want to say... if you want to be funny and mean, go right ahead. Or if you want to treat someone as a person... do that to. Just say what you want to say.

Posted by * Tasha *
u emphasize how u don't have any water in you, as if, if you DID, you would know the answer...?

i don't think this is a sign based thing. there are weirdos of all signs. who knows? maybe he did get very nervous, or maybe u should improve your hygiene.

-- probably both.

Is this before you or after you whine that you cannot get over a man and hate on their star sign?!? I never insulted you but if you are this insulting... it's no wonder that Scorpio men leave you.

And I thought that aquarians are wierdos over the zodiac who over think everything. He probably was nervous. It didn't bother me at the time, at all. I was so exhausted, and I over analyzed after having some drinks at happy hour. When morning came I was over my stupidity of last night, but I felt terrible only because I posted something stupid on a messageboard.

cancer women is insanely jealous and hold grudges..i know cuz im currently with one