I don't get it

I think my Cancer friend is mad at me for some reason. He won't respond to my email. He's currently overseas (deployed to Korea). I wrote him months ago with no response and I wrote him a couple weeks ago with no response. I'm confused. He's responed to our mutual friends but not to me? We didn't have a falling out or anything. He and I spoke before he left and we were fine. Now nothing. I worry about him a little and I wanted to check in to see how he was.
It bothers me. We were really close at one time. Maybe I should just let it go but damn.... he's my friend and I care about him.
What would you crabs suggest? Leave it alone? I'm getting paranoid about it. I wonder what I did or why he won't respond to me. I didn't write anything bad. I just updated him on what was going on with me and asked how he was. Nothing in return. 😢 😢
I hope I didn't lose a friend.... and not even know WHY.

Well it's complicated Nil 🙂 Isn't is always?
Yeah we both were attracted to each other before but it just never happened. It was cat and mouse all the time. I can be aggresive but that's not my style . I prefer to be chased. With him I did too much chasing and guessing. Eventually I cooled it because I didn't think with how passive he was that we'd get along when it came to a relationship. So I backed off alot and he never came after me *shrug* That's ok with me 🙂 I need an aggressive man.
I thought we went back to being friends after that. We spoke to each other and hung out without any weirdness between us. I was pretty upset when he suddenly joined up for the Army. It was so out of the blue!! And he didn't warn anyone. He just up and left. He told us a week in advance that he was leaving!! But I kept my cool and pretended to be happy and supportive for him. I mean, afterall, we weren't together in a intimate relationship so he owed me no explainations as to why he wouldn't warn me that he was leaving. Right? But still as a friend I wish that he would have come to me and tell me that he was leaving for a full year with more then 1 week in advance. He didn't though and even though it hurt my feelings I sucked it up.
We've been friends since we were small.......long ago. 🙂 Maybe the attraction thing weirded him out. IDK. *I* personally think that our friendship came out unscathed by it but maybe not. I wish if he felt differently he'd have spoken up so we could have talked it out and remained close friends.

Maybe he wants to have a reason or someone to just miss and come home to. Absence makes the heart grow fonder you know. Maybe he just wants to have someone to look forward to coming home too without you expecting it. Let it be, whatever will happen, will happen in due time. You have no control over the outcome so just don't push it.

Ginger, have you thought of voicing all these out to him?

Dear Cancer,
You have not reply me since I wrote to you a couple of weeks ago and I am starting to worry about you, (Ginger, make him walk the guilt trip? *shrug*) Perhaps, I have offended you in the past without knowing it and you are being mad. I apologise if that is indeed the case. I'm getting paranoid here cos you are not replying my mails. (then you put a smiley 🙂) I miss you very much and miss the time we spend together. Do share with me what's bothering you so that I know what's going on and would like to help.

Love,
GS

lol...this is more like a letter from cancer to cancer...

it's 2am , i had too much coffee, i'm tired, yet my brain is running. it's all fucked up.

Ginger, i like your post. sooooooooo many smileys and some frownies...give out such interesting/calm energy.

Goodluck to you. I think he will come back. Probably need some space to sort himself out (probably miss you too much, but can't do anything because he's in freaking korea, yet dare not tell you about it or dont' know how to tell you about it. then he procrastinates and then weeks passed into months.....). you can still continue to write to him. it will give him some assurance that you still value the friendship a lot. but don't hope for a reply.no hope,no disappointment. you sound like you have a lot of confidence in this friendship, so i dotn' think you should worry yourself over this. worry about Aries....how's he?😉

zzzzzzz

Thanks guys!

Versuvius... Aries is fine. He's kinda a prick but ya know Aries guys. 🙂 Love him dearly. We are a good couple. The sarcastic smart ass (me) and the blunt asshole (him). *sigh* We're a match made in heaven. 😉 LOL

Maybe I've worked myself up too much over this. Maybe he's busy or maybe I've offended him (again). I've done it before without knowing I was hurting his feelings so..... it's possible. He's a good friend and we've obviously had alot of history together. If he's moving on that's ok with me as long as he's happy. 🙂 I'd be a selfish person and a shitty friend if I didn't. I'd like to have him in my life if possible but only if he's comfortable with it. I do wish he would have told me what was up so I didn't have to guess or try and read his mind but....... that seems to be his way.
I'll try back in a couple of months and if he doesn't anwser I'll chalk it up to a lost friendship. I'll live.

The thing is Tasha is now I'm kinda beyond concerned and moved on to annoyed with him. I mean how the hell am I suppose to read his mind and just know what the problem is. He didnt even give me a chance to address it by voicing his beef with me. He's just hiding out. Ugh. I don't want to because he's my friend and all but I'm losing respect for him.
Or... deep down I'm hurt he's shutting me out and I'm lashing out with being "annoyed". Grrrr.....

Posted by Gingerscorp
The thing is Tasha is now I'm kinda beyond concerned and moved on to annoyed with him. I mean how the hell am I suppose to read his mind and just know what the problem is. He didnt even give me a chance to address it by voicing his beef with me. He's just hiding out. Ugh. I don't want to because he's my friend and all but I'm losing respect for him.
Or... deep down I'm hurt he's shutting me out and I'm lashing out with being "annoyed". Grrrr.....

It's sad when you found out that he replied your mutual friends instead of you. I don't know how deep and meaningful your friendship is. Being a cancer, i have done some stupid things like this. I shut out ppl who care the most for me. Mostly I felt that they are suffocating me by telling me what they think i should do,what i should wear. It was a she-leo. she would take the stage while i felt shadowed. i rebelled and would do the exact opposite of what she told me to do (that was out of concern for me). i had no idea how to deal with her controlling nature and i went about it in the most confusing way-the hot and cold treatment.I avoided her 1 moment and then was her concern friend the next.anyway, i completely broke our friendship. Like you, she thought we had something solid going on.but all i need was space. i regretted it after that, and thought myself childish. i tried to save what's left of our friendship, but things are so broken, it's just awkwardness when we are around each other.

Same happened to my scorp. I rather hang out with friends than with him, would not listen to what he says.again, all i need was some space. because he's my bf, the obligation towards him was pressuring me and i suggested a break. the way i suggested it wasn't exactly a soft punch. blah blah blah...long story, but we are working it out now.watching terminator with him tomorrow. 🙂

my point. I'm sorry you have to get so annoyed.there's really no excuse for a behaviour like that. before you close the chapter on him,do consider some possibilities that he still cares for you,but don't know how,or he needs some space. most of the time we are confuse ourselves with our own thoughts,we then confuse others.

If you must close the chapter, tell him that you are annoyed of his lack of respond and he is loosing your respect and loosing you as his friend. i bet that will put him on his feet.that was how my scorp put me on

oh bloody hell...i can't believe i exceeded the limit.only for you ginger 😉

Anyway, that was how my scorp put me on my feet. i know i love him, but i dont' know how. i was such a confuse mess and i got 2 months break from him to sort out my shit. but my leo friend, poor her, she dindt' even know what was going on before everything exploded. haha! (hmmm...i probably shouldnt' laugh)

something about cancer is that,he doesn't like loosing something that was previously his. so if he knew he was loosing something, he will come crawling back. i'm sure of it. just give it time.

again, i dont' know the chemistry of your friendship with him. if you feel that he's being an ass, move on and find another cancerian friend......muahahahaah!!! he will just have to deal with it. who ask him to be so stupid.

I'm glad everyone has chimed in to help me. Thanks!!!! I've kinda shut it out though. I'm not going to grovel for someone's friendship. Sheesh that's not what friends do to each other. I'll wait him out and let him come to me. He's a poopy head though. I just had to say that 🙂 All I need to know that he's alive and kickin even if I have to hear it though our mutal friends. I'm being selfish and controlling (go figure). I'll let him hide/sulk/whatever he's doing. If he wants to talk he'll come to me. I've never given him a reason to think he couldn't talk to me.

"As it is, you're saying "oh, i want him in my life (what does that mean?)" It means that I'd like to be able to be friends with him as was before we started our weird chasing games. I understand it will never be like it use to due to the fact we almost jumped in bed together but at least be able to be civil and check in once every couple months.
"but only if he's comfortable (yuck)"," Yuck? Huh? I thought I am trying to be considerate of his feelings. If he isn't comfortable being friends then I don't want to FORCE it on him. If he wants to be done fine. But at least have the balls to tell me.

You rock V!! 🙂
Thanks for the imput Nil 🙂

Ah ha. Ok gottcha. Well then I guess that's the way it has to be then. It's sad but I'm engaged to someone else.
Cancer had his chance and didn't take it. I'm not a fickle person. I just didn't need the hot/cold behaviour I was getting from him. To me it was cowardly. I put myself out there and he didn't take it. Instead of moping around for months on end I took my wounded pride and moved on. What else could I do?
Thanks for explaining it to me. I really appriciate it. 🙂

Hi Imacancer....I have been hung up on a crab since I first met him, thought he felt the same way but my gut says one thing and my head says another.....unfortunately have sided with my head.....but torment myself over him each and everyday....

We haven't spoken since new years eve....he msgs me about oh your probably going out and that if he had planned he should have had a skidoo party, yadda yadda yadda, oh well happy news years.....so on the advice of another male crab I msgd him back and said how would you like to get together for pizza and beer? his reply was no don't really feel like going out but I will call you.....so I gave him my number.....he did call and we talked for a hour, I ended up getting a long distance call and had to go....anyway then I got a thank you from him for a card I had sent and it had hug icons on it.....I said your welcome and have a great weekend....my crab friend said I basically told him to fuck off with that—?? well anyway haven't heard to bumped into him since then.....

I guess my question to you is being a crab yourself what should I do if we ever encounter each other again.....should I tell him how I feel or should I try to slowly try to build a friendship with him.....and go from there?

I guess its just that he has already hurt me in the past don't think he realizes it or perhaps he does so now we are both like two deer in headlights

Posted by Gingerscorp
If he wants to be done fine. But at least have the balls to tell me.

Cancers have no balls. Have you read the "dear mommy" letter from topic on bastards? haha!

gosh, i'm going to get kick by some male cancers soon. I'm retreating to my shell now. LOL!

Ginger, seems like you are already saying "screw him.i'm not going to get hung up on this!i'm going to have a life!".
I must say, it's a wise decision. it's way to go. let this Cancer stew in his own filth. LOL!

You just want to keep him around in your friend collection, and if he had feelings for you, that's not gonna work. We will simply let you drift away, forever.

This intrigues me, iamacancer. A cancer guy I like is really good friends with his ex even though she dumped him for his best friend. They're like brother and sister. Why has he not let go?

Posted by imacancer
Versuvius, aren't you a cancer? Ha!

aahh...female cancers have no balls literally...
what the male cancers have....they are not call balls...lol.....

aaarrgghhh....explaining a joke really kills it...

"If it were me, it would be because i didn't really love her so it didn't matter much. It would be easy to stay friends in that case. I can't speak for him though."

That makes sense. They were kind of young at the time I guess. Thanks, man.

iamacancer, do you mind my asking what sign your venus is in?

"So now you are engaged as well? Why didn't you mention that earlier? You sent him a letter to tell him this? You say he had his chance, but what is it you wanted him to do exactly? What is it that he could have said to show he wasn't a coward, or that he isn't hot and cold for you? What would have satisfied you Gingerscorp?"

*sigh* Wow I must speak a completely different language. Yes I'm engaged, have been for awhile and Cancer has know it for ahile. Of course I told people the happy news. I'm happy about it 🙂 Cancer knows my fiance and is friends with him. But I'm wondering why the heck my engagment has anything to do with our friendship and him not speaking to me.

Ok... Cancer and I have been friends since childhood. We went to Prom together as friends because we were both single at the time. We were like best friends. There was always a little flirtation between us but he NEVER ACTED ON IT. We lost track for a couple of years and started talking after we both went through tough break ups. Started hanging out, flirting and thinking maybe we'd take it further. I wanted to. It was too much cat and mouse though. Of course I felt rejected after awhile of the games and frankly thought maybe I was mistaken in his feelings for me. Maybe it was one sided. So backed off and resumed looking at him as just a friend rather then someone I wanted to have a relationship with. He never pursued me or told me differently after I backed off so I moved on.Still with me? I put myself out there and nothing happened.

My fiance and I started seeing each other (long not important to this subject story). Cancer joined up but continued to speak to me as we always had. As we live in a small town and I've never hidden the fact that I was engaged Cancer knew I was engaged but didn't SEEM to have a problem with it and why should he if he simply saw me as a friend? Right?
He left for Korea sending me a text telling me to keep in touch and write him. Ok... no prob. But now.... no anwser.

So... I'm asking. What's the problem? Geez... I don't "collect" people as friends. How insulting not only to me but to anyone whom I call a friend. Obviously my friends are very important to me or I wouldn't be upset that he won't talk to me. We have a long history together so "collecting" him is not the issue.
Wow... maybe it IS me. I'm not sensitive enough or something. *shakes head*