I shouldn't upset,but I am :(

Me and my Cancer fwb have officially stopped talking. We were texting and all was well, and then I mentioned how I don't like how he tells me I need to change how I look, or my personality. I told him it makes me feel like I'm not good enough to be his friend, and that it makes me feel bad. He constantly disregards my feelings and that's what he did..and it pissed me OFF! So I told him "peace". He laughed and said I'm not going to chase you and I said it's not about that, it's about you constantly hurting my feelings. He disregards that. He told me I'm not a good person, because I always try to leave and I deserve "the life you live". I told him I wish he can understand I really tried to stay is friend, but I just got so tired of getting my feelings hurt. I didn't know what to do. So now he's ignoring me and I'm crying because every time he comes back I think "Ok, now he gets it, and now he's gonna be nice and treat me like his friend" but he never does. He never gets it and I'm more upset at myself for even letting him come back and allowing this to happen. I hate losing friends but I honestly don't even know what to do at this point.

You're not losing a friend, you're making room for an even awesomer person to come into your life and kick ass with you instead!! =)

It sucks. I went through the same thing with my last fwb. Wasn't the same in regard to what he was doing, but the selfish lack of disregard for me and my feelings got really old.

It's even shittier when you have someone who proclaims you being their friend goes and treats you like this. I think it's why you're having a hard time coping. I know it bugged me a bit despite my zero fucks to give about the situation at that point. Even though I had no intention of getting back in touch, the fact that he gave up like he did still bothered me a little because it's wtf. It's like wow, you sure gave up awfully fast for someone you considered a "friend."

Such stellar individuals, really. Karma's gonna get them eventually. When people behave like these guys do, karma always comes around at some point. You can't go through life behaving so selfishly toward others without it catching up to you.

Posted by wagtail
You're not losing a friend, you're making room for an even awesomer person to come into your life and kick ass with you instead!! =)

Indeed. You're freeing up headspace as well, if you think about it...

Life's already difficult enough. You gotta work to make a living and pay the bills. You have every day stresses and try to make it in the world without losing your mind.

Then tools like these guys come along and add to every day complications.

...eff that. Relationships of any kind are supposed to ADD to your life in a good way, not add burden or subtract joy.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. 🙂 It's definitely going to be hard,especially with this guy because he has a habit of coming back and I have difficulty ignoring people. I just hope I get over it soon.

I also recently found out that my moon opposes his mars, so that could be what causes some problems. But eh, it's over now.

Posted by Rachelannthepisces

Posted by mgmtlove
Me and my Cancer fwb have officially stopped talking. We were texting and all was well, and then I mentioned how I don't like how he tells me I need to change how I look, or my personality. I told him it makes me feel like I'm not good enough to be his friend, and that it makes me feel bad. He constantly disregards my feelings and that's what he did..and it pissed me OFF! So I told him "peace". He laughed and said I'm not going to chase you and I said it's not about that, it's about you constantly hurting my feelings. He disregards that. He told me I'm not a good person, because I always try to leave and I deserve "the life you live". I told him I wish he can understand I really tried to stay is friend, but I just got so tired of getting my feelings hurt. I didn't know what to do. So now he's ignoring me and I'm crying because every time he comes back I think "Ok, now he gets it, and now he's gonna be nice and treat me like his friend" but he never does. He never gets it and I'm more upset at myself for even letting him come back and allowing this to happen. I hate losing friends but I honestly don't even know what to do at this point.

I'm not trying to be mean but what do you expect? You guys were FWB. Of course he's only gonna want you for one thing. He was using you for that and it's obvious that's the only thing he wanted you for. He's completely selfish and it's obvious that your feelings don't matter. He's not emotionally invested in a "friendship" with you and you shouldn't be either. Find some real friends and try to find a boyfriend instead of a FWB.

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yeah that's not mean and I should have expected it, but I expected him to be a real friend to me.

Posted by Rachelannthepisces

I'm not trying to be mean but what do you expect? You guys were FWB. Of course he's only gonna want you for one thing. He was using you for that and it's obvious that's the only thing he wanted you for. He's completely selfish and it's obvious that your feelings don't matter. He's not emotionally invested in a "friendship" with you and you shouldn't be either. Find some real friends and try to find a boyfriend instead of a FWB.

Says the girl who's likely never been in this situation.

Ever realize that some people's life goals aren't settling into a relationship? Not all of us are hell bent on finding a mate asap. Just because you don't care for the concept of fwb gives you the place to dictate that she should find herself a boyfriend instead. You DO realize some people just want to get laid and don't need to be in a relationship to do so. How archaic.


However, I do agree that what you've said happens quite a bit and some women do need to brace themselves for such bullshit, but it doesn't make it any less wrong on his part. Guys do not get a free pass to behave like assholes because they have a penis and are choosing to primarily think with it. From this point on, the OP needs to stick to her guns and drop his ass permanently so he can at least learn HIS lesson that he can't go around treating women like this.

Also, OP, how old is this guy?

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Also, OP, how old is this guy?

He is 20

While I respect everyone's opinions, a fwb is initially a FRIEND. I don't fuck random dudes,he's the only guy I've slept with and he was my friend for awhile before we even became fwb. It's upsetting to me because I feel like as my FRIEND, he should have treated me better, not because I wanted more as Arielle83 insists for some reason, on my other post too. lol

I agree with everyone here, he sounds like an ass. But I will mention this, both of you are wrong. It looks like he was honest with you and told you what he thought about you and what he wanted you to change. Then instead of taking what he said as his opinion or his thoughts at the moment, you chose to get defensive about it and and gave him the peace sign. That's probably why he said he wasn't going to chase you because he could be feeling like you run away from the simplest interactions between you two. Sometimes people are being shitty and they're really trying to crush your feelings. But then other times people are actually being honest about things they feel you can improve upon and have no intention on hurting you.

Posted by StarChild63
I agree with everyone here, he sounds like an ass. But I will mention this, both of you are wrong. It looks like he was honest with you and told you what he thought about you and what he wanted you to change. Then instead of taking what he said as his opinion or his thoughts at the moment, you chose to get defensive about it and and gave him the peace sign. That's probably why he said he wasn't going to chase you because he could be feeling like you run away from the simplest interactions between you two. Sometimes people are being shitty and they're really trying to crush your feelings. But then other times people are actually being honest about things they feel you can improve upon and have no intention on hurting you.

No, trust me lol he would give me random"advice" randomly that I don't ask for. Why do I have to change anything to be your friend?I felt that if you're telling me to change then I'm not good enough to be your friend.

He sounds like the exact reason i dont fuck with cancers.


Im sorry you had to go through that. If it makes you feel better, most people with a functioning brain realize cancers are whiney little bitches and want to beat their asses (myself included. Obviously i dont want to hurt the 2 or 3 good cancers that exist.).

I don't know his attitude or demeanor when he tells you those things but u don't really know if he means it that way meaning...I'll be your friend if you change. Sometimes AS a friend, you tell you friend about flaws that they can improve upon. Like your breath stinks and please take care of that. Or I think you're gaining too much weight and need to workout and change the way you've been eating. Or you look like a mess when you go out, you should fix a few things about your wardrobe. Was it like this? Because these are some examples of things friends say to friends and truly mean it without the intention of hurt. Husbands and wives tell their spouses these type of things everyday and it's not meant in a hurtful way. It's something that could maybe actually use some improvement and would be a good thing for you and sometimes the friend too. If this is the type of way he comes off then I'd say he's more of a friend than your used to because he could be honest and upfront. Now if he's telling you to change or else you can't be friends, that's a whole other story and that's not a good thing.

*i don't really know

Sounds like he was never a true friend. Friends don't try to change the people they care about. Friends don't carelessly hurt feelings. Doesn't matter what his sign is, his behavior is that of an asshole. Ignore him and don't let him have more chances.

Posted by Rachelannthepisces

Um if you're allowing a man to fuck you with no strings attached then you're giving him all rights to assume he can use you. Don't act dumb to make yourself feel better for fucking random dudes. I'm not saying anymore because I don't want to offend the poster. I gave my opinion and she happened to agree with me. Your own opinion isn't needed if she's happy with what I had to say.

Well since we're all about dismissing opinions here, seeing as you have zero experience in this scenario, YOUR opinion about the situation is least helpful and is null and void. Sorry.

Posted by mgmtlove

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Also, OP, how old is this guy?

He is 20

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Thankfully he's closer to your age. I was gonna say, if he was older, your ass best ruuuun. Older guys love to capitalize on younger girls in situations like this.

You should really try to stick to your guns if his lame ass tries to come back around. I went through that with someone. He was a friend FIRST and then the hooking up came later- something we'd mutually discussed so we were both on the same page.

Then he got all controlling and stupid. (I'm going to try to make you jealous. You can't sleep with other guys but I can sleep with other girls, etc. etc.) And then turned into a shitty friend with hot/cold manipulative behavior and mind games.

Yours sounds like he did a little of the same- sometimes guys think they own you because they're boning you.

Believe it or not, sometimes the guy is the actual problem in fwb and not the woman, like so many people like to assume. There are guys out there who cannot hang. Sure, they can have detached sex and all that bs, but some get all possessive and stupid and it leaves you wondering what the hell their problem is. It's either off putting or sends off the vibe that there's more interest there, which inadvertently leads her on and causes a lot of confusion.

And dude, don't fwb with a WATER sign, gawd. :/

Why did you two decide on a fwb situation anyway?

Posted by Arielle83
Ya you did want more. You wanted sex and you wanted to remain friends at some sort of elite level of maturity that he couldn't give you. You wanted more than he can give. If my opinion bothers you than maybe you should quit boo hooing someone sees it differently than you do. Lol

That's not expecting "more." It's expecting him to have the decency to remain a normal human being after the fact- not turn into a statistic. How was she to know he'd turn into a fool? She's 21 and still learning about guys and their douchebag ways. She has every right to be disappointed in the principle that a friend decided to change on her after this.

Hopefully she considers this a learning experience and will not allow him back. She's gotta do her part so HE'LL learn his lesson as well.

I agree. But she's 21. You seriously think a 21 year old truly knows any of this about someone her own age?

Even then, she's already admitted that she shouldn't be upset given the circumstances, but still is. And she has every right to feel upset. Just because some dumb shit happened that she's just now learning about doesn't mean she's not allowed to work through the emotions that follow. Regardless of sex or not, it always hurts when a friend goes and does some dumb bs like this. For her to be upset about that aspect is okay. What is NOT okay is people coming in here telling her she's not allowed to feel upset or deserves to feel like this because she gave it up. That's just more of a lot of the double standard bs.


HOWEVER, she does need to stick to her guns and not bother with the dude any longer. No more letting him back. If she continues to allow him back then blame does shift over to her. He's proven what a tool he is, she's fully aware of what a tool he is, and now has ZERO excuse to continue to let any of this happen.

Knowing she's a Leo, who knows. They tend to let dramatastic crap like this plague their life for the sheer entertainment value. :/

I love you, ROCKYROADICECREAM. I JUST FUCKING LOVE YOU.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by Rachelannthepisces

Um if you're allowing a man to fuck you with no strings attached then you're giving him all rights to assume he can use you. Don't act dumb to make yourself feel better for fucking random dudes. I'm not saying anymore because I don't want to offend the poster. I gave my opinion and she happened to agree with me. Your own opinion isn't needed if she's happy with what I had to say.

Well since we're all about dismissing opinions here, seeing as you have zero experience in this scenario, YOUR opinion about the situation is least helpful and is null and void. Sorry.

Posted by mgmtlove

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Also, OP, how old is this guy?

He is 20

Thankfully he's closer to your age. I was gonna say, if he was older, your ass best ruuuun. Older guys love to capitalize on younger girls in situations like this.

You should really try to stick to your guns if his lame ass tries to come back around. I went through that with someone. He was a friend FIRST and then the hooking up came later- something we'd mutually discussed so we were both on the same page.

Then he got all controlling and stupid. (I'm going to try to make you jealous. You can't sleep with other guys but I can sleep with other girls, etc. etc.) And then turned into a shitty friend with hot/cold manipulative behavior and mind games.

Yours sounds like he did a little of the same- sometimes guys think they own you because they're boning you.

Believe it or not, sometimes the guy is the actual problem in fwb and not the woman, like so many people like to assume. There are guys out there who cannot hang. Sure, they can have detached sex and all that bs, but some get all possessive and stupid and it leaves you wondering what the hell their problem is. It's either off putting or sends off the vibe that there's more interest there, which inadvertently leads her on and causes a lot of confusion.

And dude, don't fwb with a WATER sign, gawd. :/

Why did you two decide on a fwb situation anyway?

click to expand

I'm not sure why he decided, but I did because I was just curious abo

Posted by rockyroadicecream
I agree. But she's 21. You seriously think a 21 year old truly knows any of this about someone her own age?

Even then, she's already admitted that she shouldn't be upset given the circumstances, but still is. And she has every right to feel upset. Just because some dumb shit happened that she's just now learning about doesn't mean she's not allowed to work through the emotions that follow. Regardless of sex or not, it always hurts when a friend goes and does some dumb bs like this. For her to be upset about that aspect is okay. What is NOT okay is people coming in here telling her she's not allowed to feel upset or deserves to feel like this because she gave it up. That's just more of a lot of the double standard bs.


HOWEVER, she does need to stick to her guns and not bother with the dude any longer. No more letting him back. If she continues to allow him back then blame does shift over to her. He's proven what a tool he is, she's fully aware of what a tool he is, and now has ZERO excuse to continue to let any of this happen.

Knowing she's a Leo, who knows. They tend to let dramatastic crap like this plague their life for the sheer entertainment value. :/

Thank You! I don't get what is so hard for people to understand.

Because MOST people cannot separate sex and friendship. They automatically assume that sex = moar and have a hard time fathoming such a thing, so you hear all sorts of bs. Mostly the double standard shit that the woman should just expect this type of behavior and deal with it, and if she's sleeping with a guy she MUST be expecting a relationship. Because women are incapable of having sex outside of anything romantic, dun dun dun.

It's yet another lovely thing we have to face in dating and relating. We cannot go out and have sex like a guy would without having to suffer all sorts of negative backlash and the general consensus is that we "deserve it." But if a dude does it, he's a total stud and it's okay because "that's what guys do."

However, something YOU need to grasp is that this is your learning experience. You know now what type of shit guys can do because you have now experienced it. Let it sink in and do not allow a guy to do this to you again. It's one thing when you hear it all, it's another when you experience it.