I'm kind of sad tonight :(

Today at work my new friend invited me to go with her and her coworker to dinner after work, and I obliged. A little back story, back in January I moved 1000 miles away from my home state and am kinda starting over from scratch when it comes to friends. This new work friend that I found (Scorpio), my hubby and I have hung out with her and her hubby several times and we have a lot of fun but she is not a really chatty person when we're not standing right in front of each other. No texting of emailing unless I initiate it, etc.

Anyway, we were all talking tonight about friendships and what that means and one of the girls was talking about her 3 best friends came to her house when she and her boyfriend broke up, even when she told them she didn't want them to come, they still showed up because they care so much.

It just reminded me that I don't think I can ever say I've had a friend who would care enough to do something like that. I just don't understand why I can't seem to find that close and sisterly friendship. My whole life I feel like I've never had a true friend and I think part of that is that I'm afraid to just be me and be emotional. Just once in my life I want someone who cares enough to break through that barrier and know me for the real me and CARE when I'm upset. Everybody is always so absorbed in their own lives that they just don't care about my trials and tribulations. I have some friends that I talk to when something is bothering me, but I can honestly say I don't see any of them going out of their way for me in any way. If something is bothering them (besides one), they hardly talk to me about it even though I've always been very direct in that they can talk to me about anything and everything.

On one hand, I can only blame myself because I portray a very unemotional front but It's because I'm just so terrified to show my true feelings about some things. I guess I just feel like, besides my husband, that I really have nobody who's life would be significantly upset if I disappeared from the world and that makes me really sad 😢 I want to have meaningful relationships, and I know that I'm never going to get that from my family.

Does anyone else have this problem?

I guess I failed to mention the one thing I was sad about. This Scorpio isn't a person who's going to text me, initiate much conversation, etc unless we are hanging out in person...and a big part of bonding for me is texting,talking on the phone, and on the internet. Because of that, I don't think she's going to be that friend who I can really get close to. I'm disappointed by that I guess, I had high hopes because she's actually a somewhat normal person compared to my other friends back home.

It's a water thing. My besties are 2 pisces, a scorp, a cancer, and an aries with a cancer moon. We've been friends for years and i know they'd be there for me... but i never ask them. They are the same way... they handle their emotions themselves. One went into hospital for major surgery and told no one! Not even her mother or sister. I think we all just deal...

I did have a Capricorn friend who was very forthcoming about all her problems and I would do the same with her. After awhile, it become a very one sided friendship because as I got older I could handle my emotions better but she was always one step away from a breakdown. Real messy. So, be careful what you ask for because once you open up and share yourself with someone they have an expectation of "what this friendship now means" and you may find yourself drowning in their sorrow.

Thanks for the kind words everybody. 69virgo, I think that's part of my problem, I give SO MUCH to my friends and I rarely get anything back. Not that I expect much, maybe just some appreciation or reciprocation that my thoughts and caring aren't in vain. Everything always feels so one sided, I start to wonder why I even bother? My Aries friend never even said anything about my birthday last month, nice to know I'm being thought of. I actually sent her a gift for her birthday back in April, makes me wonder if I should change who I am so I can stop being so disappointed when I realize that people seriously don't really care.

My husband keeps telling me not to force things, and I definitely don't want to do that because I've had bad forced friendships in the past. It's just so hard to get that good relationship going with anyone. Life sucks sometimes.

If I remember right, you have a moon in Aries. Yes, I just checked. 🙂 what I've learned is we (anyone regardless of sign) can make out to be forthcoming, independent, and solid enough a person that no one would have thought that we were THAT person. One that would need the kind of connection that everyone else seeks.

I had a gf that I have known for 4 years, recently told me how unnerving it was for her each time I didn't answer her phone call or return a text. I had absolutely no idea! I had no idea that her feelings were that way. She is Taurus, but has Aries and a couple Leo placements like you. She has a very strong personality, no one would begin to think there is this part of her, which I am starting to understand that I am the only person to see it.

It takes some time to feel people out, years if not decades to find sisterly friendships that you/we can trust and open up to whole heartledly. (I might be reflecting here. Don't mind me any if it doesn't apply.) Don't be so beside yourself. From my understanding, as a cancer, you take your time to assess the other person anyway. Though, I remember you mentioning that your Aries moon offsets a lot of cancer traits. 🙂 Meaningful friendships don't always happen over night. Things are moving along as the should be. Might I add, especially with a Scorpio, they don't jump in head first either. 😉 good luck. I can't imagine a sad face on you. Your smile is so pretty.

Thanks Lady Aries, you're probably right. I just need to chill out and let things go with the flow. I'm usually so reserved with my emotions and I deal with these things on my own, but tonight I guess 6 months of not having any nearby friends kinda just took a toll on me.

I know some people probably don't even realize how I feel, maybe I should be more vocal. I'm just gonna try to be myself and let things go the way they are going to go and not get so caught up in my inner thoughts. I have a tendency to think way too much!

LunarLady, Jerry Seinfeld once dedicated an entire episode of his show to your very problem. You should watch it if you haven't seen it before. It's the one where he tries to start a friendship with Keith Hernandez from scratch, but he realized that it simply doesn't work after we reach a certain age. Anyway, here is the deal. As people get older, they become more solidified in their personalities and reaching out to others becomes less and less appealing (especially if they are in the 30s and older).

Bonding with another human being is going to be difficult since you are starting completely from scratch. Honestly, I move around a lot and have given up on bonding with people in my new environments. I just look for people to have a drink with or go to a restaurant or something. Expecting to find friends like the ones I had when I was in college or younger is an expectation that cannot ever be again fulfilled. People just don't work like that in most cases, but there are always exceptions to every rule.

But after my personal experiences, I have to agree with Jerry. It's hard to start new friendships as we get older for a litany of reasons.

I say continue to be yourself if not a little more open to meeting new people. Dont set yourself up by putting expectations/limitations. Treat others how you want to be treated (if they dont, move on)and as long as you continue to do you, everything else should eventually fall into place. You just moved 6 months ago, try not to rush things, if its meant to be, it will be. People need time to adjust to each other. I use to think the same thing, "Oh, why cant I have sisterly friends that would do almost anything for me" and the last time I said that I couldn't be friends with girls because of this or that was back in highschool due to my own insecurities. (ex: competition, jealousy, etc..) Thats just setting even more limitations on meeting people when you can just be open to meeting anyone. There are a lot of woman just as much as there are men who make really great friends! Once I opened my eyes and stopped setting expectations/limitations on meeting people, I eventually found people who were very sincere and genuine in our friednships with each other. Now these friendships have lasted a day and others for years, the point is to open your eyes,realize and appreciate them when they do cross your path. Enjoy them while they are around and keep in mind that nothing last forever, not sisterly friendships or being friends with guys only! If you ever do get too lonely at least you can count your blessings for the fact that you do have friends from your old town who will still make time to chat with you about how you feel, even if it is just one. You have this girl who you go out with and she invites you to network with her friends/coworkers, who cares if she doesnt text or email, you still get invites and you guys have bonded somewhat with each other and your spouses. I mean you have to start somewhere in oder to build a foundation. Good Luck!