Aries4
@Aries4
6 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 22 · Topics: 3
My cancer man left me. Don't know what to do!!!
Posted by alexscaries
I've never dated a cancer. But fromy experience of relationship break up you think you won't cope, then things start to make sense and it becomes ok.
The thing is I know that I'll cope with everything and move on eventually. I just don't want to. I really really REALLY like him. :/ I know it's silly of me living with hopes that he'll change his mind and come back. But it's not easy to give up either.
Posted by Arielle83
You seem too full on.
He’s pulling back because it’s too intense.
He’s overworked and might not have time for something so intense.
He’s being honest, and not ghosting you.
Where’s the immaturity?
I appreciate his honesty. I just can't figure out was he honest with me before, when he was telling me all the things that he did tell. it's just I think that when you really love someone and want to be with them you don't just give up. You do everything to work it out. And if he was mature enough he would not ''dream'' of spending his time on not serious relationships hanging out with girls here and there, instead, he'd be ready to commit to the one he loves, or he said he loved.
Posted by Erinelda
"When we are apart he starts missing his singlehood and afraid that his freedom is being limited that sometimes he wants to hang out with other girls "
That is when he is supposed to be missing YOU.
"He said he was always like this during all his past relationships, however, he thought that this time would be different. "
Why would it be different lol.
"Then he suggested us staying friends and said that he doesn't want to lose me and would love to meet me once a week and talk with me via facebook. "
It is clear why he left, he wanted to break up to be free and meet other girls. Life would hurt a lot less if you listened when people tell you this kind of stuff instead of making it a complex puzzle of his liking Facebook posts, but he dumped me, but he said he loved me, but he didn't unfriend me.. etc.
What I am looking at, from his own mouth is very clear.
thanks for your response.
He said it'd be different cause I am different from what he had before that he feels different with me. I don't knwo he meant it or not. But seems that I wasn't any different 🙂
What are you supposed to do? Refrain from becoming just as "confused" as he is 😒 AND begin the process of healing by KNOWING that his state of "confusion" is GUARANTEED to bring you heartache and tears. Believe the words that came out of his mouth. You know, the words "shitty personality", "being confused and scared of commitment", "afraid that his freedom is being limited". Those words simply mean, he doesn't value enough to be faithful to you; he wants to play the field; he found temptation in someone else.
Don't ask him any more questions. Don't attempt to figure out the 'why'. You'll never be satisfied. His confusion is NO LONGER your problem.
Cry it out and begin to heal ❤️
Don't ask him any more questions. Don't attempt to figure out the 'why'. You'll never be satisfied. His confusion is NO LONGER your problem.
Cry it out and begin to heal ❤️
''If you fall fast for them too early, they might reevaluate quicker. Which puts you at a disadvantage because they know less of you, because time hasn’t happened. ''
This is soooo true. 100% agree with you. That's exactly what I thought. I gave him too much too soon. But that's just how I am, I'm 100% honest with the ones I love, can't help myself
This is soooo true. 100% agree with you. That's exactly what I thought. I gave him too much too soon. But that's just how I am, I'm 100% honest with the ones I love, can't help myself
I know I'm not special. I don't think of myself as one in a million. But he was the one making me think like I'm special to him.
You got love bombed. Take notes, cause in the future when a dude comes on full force talking about love after a few dates you need to take it as a red flag.
He wants to be a ho.
Let him be a ho.
Cardinal signs love to initiate but follow through——?
Let him be a ho.
Cardinal signs love to initiate but follow through——?
dilettante -- Exactly! And funny thing is that he was the one telling me that, while he was getting offended when he was thinking that I don't mean all the things I say to him. However, he did the same.
Erinelda -- thanks for your advice and I will think about it, for my own goodness' sake.
LadyNeptune -- You're so right. I should have not been this naive. Maybe I still am a bit naive since I still hope he'll change and come back.
Erinelda -- thanks for your advice and I will think about it, for my own goodness' sake.
LadyNeptune -- You're so right. I should have not been this naive. Maybe I still am a bit naive since I still hope he'll change and come back.
Posted by Arielle83Posted by Aries4
I know I'm not special. I don't think of myself as one in a million. But he was the one making me think like I'm special to him.
I wanted this relationship to be special as he was special to me. That was the reason that I let him be my first. And he made me believe that I'm something special to him and that's what hurts the most, knowing that he's not interested anymore. Hard to accept, because he used to be so caring and loving also jealous and clingy. I really miss that 😢click to expand
Posted by alexscariesPosted by Aries4Posted by alexscaries
I've never dated a cancer. But fromy experience of relationship break up you think you won't cope, then things start to make sense and it becomes ok.
The thing is I know that I'll cope with everything and move on eventually. I just don't want to. I really really REALLY like him. :/ I know it's silly of me living with hopes that he'll change his mind and come back. But it's not easy to give up either.
I've been there I know. Even worse is the thought he could be with someone else. I usually have met other people who feel more compatible or even more attractive when I'm open again to a relationship.click to expand
Seeling him with another girl would drive me crazy. That's why I didn't accept his suggestion of us staying friends.
@Aries4
Look at this:
He was quickly falling in love with me. He used to tell me that I was different from all the girl he dated before (and he did date a lot of girls )
He IS a player and serial dater...and he is meeting to tell each of you ALL his ‘girls’ all 9 yards of dumping you watching you suffering while he is sipping coffee with you and dying from enjoyment and his own POWARS!!! Urghhh🤦♀️
Look at this:
He was quickly falling in love with me. He used to tell me that I was different from all the girl he dated before (and he did date a lot of girls )
He IS a player and serial dater...and he is meeting to tell each of you ALL his ‘girls’ all 9 yards of dumping you watching you suffering while he is sipping coffee with you and dying from enjoyment and his own POWARS!!! Urghhh🤦♀️
Oh my gawd.
To be honest, I am tired of hearing this from every guy situation and just dating in general.
Guys’ like this is someone to get away from. They have the grass is greener syndrome.
It’s either you’re an option or you’re the one they’re fully committing to. There is no in between the lines of dating.
This is the same stupid excuses I’ve heard when a guy is unsure about cuffing you. If you’re too available and fully invested, they start to pull away when they notice it’s becoming way too serious.
Be aware of your actions. You do not want to fully put your emotions into this one until he makes it clear that he wants to be with you 100%
To be honest, I am tired of hearing this from every guy situation and just dating in general.
Guys’ like this is someone to get away from. They have the grass is greener syndrome.
It’s either you’re an option or you’re the one they’re fully committing to. There is no in between the lines of dating.
This is the same stupid excuses I’ve heard when a guy is unsure about cuffing you. If you’re too available and fully invested, they start to pull away when they notice it’s becoming way too serious.
Be aware of your actions. You do not want to fully put your emotions into this one until he makes it clear that he wants to be with you 100%
It's really funny how cancer is supposed to be the most nurturing of signs and it sounds like almost every post on here is about the guy not wanting to commit.
Posted by Aries4
dilettante -- Exactly! And funny thing is that he was the one telling me that, while he was getting offended when he was thinking that I don't mean all the things I say to him. However, he did the same.
Erinelda -- thanks for your advice and I will think about it, for my own goodness' sake.
LadyNeptune -- You're so right. I should have not been this naive. Maybe I still am a bit naive since I still hope he'll change and come back.
"And funny thing is that he was the one telling me that, while he was getting offended when he was thinking that I don't mean all the things I say to him. However, he did the same. "
people who love-bombing are obviously very sceptic, if someone else love-bombe them back, because they know full well that it can mean nothing, just words
(however, I am not fully convinced this is a legitimate topic, seeing so many troll topics around the "Cancer man left me")
🙂
Posted by ErineldaPosted by Aries4
It's really funny how cancer is supposed to be the most nurturing of signs and it sounds like almost every post on here is about the guy not wanting to commit.
I don't know why I didn't pick up on this yesterday but you said: "I know I am not special". That is NOT what I meant. I am sure you are special in your own ways and lots of people can see it.. But these guys that BLAST red flags at you like: "When I should be missing you, I want to be with other women" and "I do this shit to every girl but you are different"..
It means that he will not treat you any better. Don't try to "beat the odds", run your ass off. You can do better, trust me.click to expand
Thanks a lot for your response. I fully understand everything, a little late, but hopefully, I won't make the same mistake again in the future 🙂
So i've learned my lesson and that's why I cut all the contact with him, ignore him, however, he really broke me and it hurts a lot
Posted by dilettante
people can say things & mean them in the moment. but, they always have the right to change their minds... even if it changes the very next day.
s’why talk is cheap & actions are everything.
True. I’ve had it happened to me and I could never say where my love went...it was here...just a few ago...what happened? There isn’t an answer to that. It sucks. But nothing anyone can do. I’ve never fell back in love with those I’ve un-loved.
Talk IS cheap BUT I know I wasn’t lying! It seemed like love. So I called it love.
Now being overly mature by an age number I am still doing this...no explanation. No lies. Tons of confusion. Nobody is unique. It had happened. It’s happenning. It will be happening. It’s life of love. Unpredictable.
My heart aches for you.
I completely understand your situation. Be appreciative that he was honest and clear about where you stood and what he feels at the moment. Not many have the courage to say so and I find that very honorable of him. He appreciates you enough to not string you along.
In hindsight, the only thing you can do in this situation, is thank him for all the great moments you spent together, thank him for his honesty and leave him be. Don't dwell on things you can't control.
I've known a fair share of cancers inside and out (currently dating a cancer). In my experience, it's best to let him sort out his life and move on with yours.
I completely understand your situation. Be appreciative that he was honest and clear about where you stood and what he feels at the moment. Not many have the courage to say so and I find that very honorable of him. He appreciates you enough to not string you along.
In hindsight, the only thing you can do in this situation, is thank him for all the great moments you spent together, thank him for his honesty and leave him be. Don't dwell on things you can't control.
I've known a fair share of cancers inside and out (currently dating a cancer). In my experience, it's best to let him sort out his life and move on with yours.
Posted by emeraldgem
@Arielle83 - "Because why should he commit with someone so fast?
It’s all romantic language but it’s liking the feeling of being happy and amorous.
Love like that isn’t real. Guys love the fantasy too.
When they take their blinders off they can bail.
Just like a lot of women bail when they realize they got full on fantasyland with a guy they know nothing about.
Run from the fantasy.
We nurture when we have history and sincerity"
This is some of the realest shit I've read here.
It seems like you have formula of love.
Do tell. Please.
Love like that isn’t real. Run from the fantasy...
I’d always had a problem determining what’s what. Love or fantasy. I am still in a dark. You?
Posted by emeraldgem
I have to give the credit to Arielle83 - that's just me quoting her. I found myself doing the same, believing the fantasy and there's nothing wrong with fantasy as long as you see it as such. But real love is when you start to see the flaws emerge and things aren't so *perfect* all the time. And if you manage to stay through all of that and to reach that place of "history and sincerity" - now you are finding real love.
Partially agree. But love from the first sight exist and it’s not nessesary ‘not love yet’...it very well could be.
I need one look to know...
Staying with someone doesn’t mean it’s love. Sometimes it’s pretending because there is not too many choices. So they are staying out of desperation or convenience or other reasons.
Nothing really is for sure when it’s about love.
Posted by emeraldgem
Right! There's the trick of finding out if you are staying out of "desperation or convenience" - that's certainly not love or at least healthy love.
Just going through this myself in that my Cancer b/f has been having a really hard time,(work challenges/health challenges) retreating back to handle it all and it has been one rough 5 weeks. Up to that point, all hearts and flowers - now, tough times, he can't be there for me and does this mean I run? No - LOL although it did occur to me - no, I have hung in there to be there for HIM. I could have turned it all back into an "oh woe is me" and thrown myself a pity party.
But taking my own ego out of the equation (not easy) to see it from his perspective - this has been my challenge. I am not doing this out of any sort of "desperation or convenience". I guess I'm doing it out of love. And I can feel us growing more together because of it.
Near the end of this difficult time, I sent him a steamy text describing what I'd like to do to him (naughty bad girl that I am). And then said, "You are lucky to have me. Never take me for granted." To which he responded, "Oh, I would never take you for granted. You have been so good to me." I just needed to remind him that I stay out of strength - not weakness.
You are an ASS! I would never said that!
Though he keeps telling me ‘thanks for being in my life’...I always feeling like aww stop!!!
But you just came out and said that? 🤦♀️😂
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So now, I'm confused, I don't know what to do, there's so many WHY's on my mind. I don't know how we came from perfect relationship to this. Why this sudden change, what made him change, what was the reason, was everything real between us, was he sincere with me before, did he love me, what he feels now and so on and on....
This situation hurts, a lot. I still love and care about him, but I know that I can't be with someone who's not completely in, who's not 100% sure he wants to be with me, on the other hand, I miss him so much it hurts, I can't concentrate on anything else, all my friends tell me to forget him and move on, that he was playing with me and is not worthy of me and my time. I get all of that, I really do, I know that I can move on and find myself a better, more mature guy, but I don't want to, I really don't. I love him, all I really want now is him, I really want to get back with him, we were so happy together, every day was full of joy and happiness. we both were happy, I felt that. Everyone around us told us how good we looked together and it really hurts that all of that seems like an illusion now and thinking that he doesn't miss all of that like I do, that he doesn't want me and I'm not even talking about getting back with me again and trying to work things out.
So please anyone who has ever dealt with this kind of situation with cancers or any other signs, please help me out, I don't know what to do, I'm lost.