Need HELP about Cancer Male

So I have been seeing this guy. He is 48 and I am 39. He is divorced for 6 years and has been dating different women on and off, all of them he has broken up with for different reasons, but basically because they didn't live up to his expectations for some reason, being too needy, too manipulative, etc.

So we started dating, and he seems really into me, but right from the start he told me that he is going through a hard time emotionally, he feels like he has failed women in his life in the past, feels guilty for his divorce and leaving his son, feels like he is not happy with his job. We met on a dating website, started emailing, and immediately there was a real connection there. He kept on saying that I am exactly the women he is looking for, that he loves the way that I look at the world, is amazed at how similar we view the world, lots of emails, texts, phone calls.

It escalated very fast, we got physically intimate quickly, but while all of this was going on, he was still telling me that is struggling emotionally with who he is. This has been going on he say, for a few months before he met me, mainly came to a head after he broke up with his last girlfriend. So yesterday we had a long talk, and he told me that he thinks that he is actually depressed and that he needs to sort himself out and that while he feels happy with me, and I really help him to forget his troubles and he loves being with me, he feels like he is taking advantage of my by leaning on me as more of a friend than a lover. He says that he feel disconnected from me romantically, and can't give me what I clearly need at the moment.

I just emailed him back and said basically that it is clear that he is in no start to have a relaitonship, and that I will step away for the time being, but to think, though, about why he feels so relaxed / comfortable / happy with me to think about what it means to find someone who you really connect with and communicate with so well, to think about the fact that we so alike in our outlook and wants for the future and how rare that is to find.

I told him that when he gets past his depression and if he feels he misses me and wants to see if we can really connect as lovers and partners, to contact me.

Do you think this is the right approach to take with a cancer male?

i think it's a pretty smart approach with any male. ur taking at face value what he's telling u which is good! u realize that he is emotionally unavailable and not suited for a relationship right now. i think it says a lot about ur maturity level and emotional stability. good job!

Thanks...why does it f*cking hurt so much then— Ugh!

Sounds like a good approach to take with him. He could be trying to blow you off while avoiding confrontation at the same time. This doesn't sound like it's the case here though.

I would keep pressing the 'good times with me' angle. He is probably drowning in a sea of his own misery, making things worse for himself in his own mind. It's good that he is trying to deal with this though, it sounds pretty serious. Hopefully he will realize that being with you was actually for the best, and it wouldn't hurt for you to subtly remind him of this.

Oh and it hurts so bad because you feel the same way about him.

Thanks guys.

Its a shame, but you are doing the right thing by backing off, as it does seem like he needs to address his issues, and his string of failed relationships seems to have shown him this,,, he probably doesnt want to add you to that list 🙂

As hard as it is though, I would still keep your options open, and look at dating some other guys, cos waiting around for him to sort out his stuff isnt the most exciting experience, huh? 🙂