Damnata
@Damnata
15 Years25,000+ PostsVirgo
Comments: 252 · Posts: 36418 · Topics: 473
Vicious (arguments behavior)
I would look to their Mercury, Moon? I know some Cancers very blunt and its most to do with a placement in Virgo, cap, Scorpio... Very direct. I try not to offend esp friends. My Mercury is in Cancer.
Posted by MoonbutterBoth Cancer Mercury.
I would look to their Mercury, Moon? I know some Cancers very blunt and its most to do with a placement in Virgo, cap, Scorpio... Very direct. I try not to offend esp friends. My Mercury is in Cancer.
One Leeb Moon, the other Cancer Moon.
No Virgo, No Cap (well neptune since we're born the same year), No Scorpio (pluto only, generational)
Bluntness and directness aren't problems to me. It's the...shift that blindsides me.
The shift when you begin to encroach on their
own bones-deep ideology?
Maybe?
Fourth house Merc... it's just a thought.
own bones-deep ideology?
Maybe?
Fourth house Merc... it's just a thought.
Again for the millionth time to the light, feathery emotionally defficient. Cancers, depending on placements, can be very intense and highly emotional. Our feels run deep and strong. When we are presented with a certain topic we may have a strong reaction.
Now Damnata, you as an earth sign, Virgo, can either accept this or try to help ease those intense feels by interjecting some gingerly or blunt (depending on moon & mercury placements) worded logic and reasoning.
Now Damnata, you as an earth sign, Virgo, can either accept this or try to help ease those intense feels by interjecting some gingerly or blunt (depending on moon & mercury placements) worded logic and reasoning.
laimers apply about placements, drug addictions, and life experiences apply)
Posted by DamnataI read the scenarios you put forth, sounds like they had a feeling component that I could break apart if you want to explore those, but I decided to answer the questions detached from the scenarios.
1) Are you aware you do it? By that I mean that in a convo that starts logically and we banter back and forth...you go off the rails? If so..can you pinpoint the moment where it happens?
So to question 1. Despite popular attitudes, Cancers dissect things logically. In the course of a conversation, they can pick up inconsistencies in presented case and depending on the relationship to the person, a Cancer will let it pass or will expose those inconsistencies. For instance, from personal experience, in a discussion with an Aqua, after listening to about 15 minutes about how "you have to be logical about this and that" and how "you have to do these things", I began to point out how the Aqua did not understand the total picture (with concrete facts), why their theory did not apply and I had already considered their course of action and rejected it due to context, and while their perspective was valued and points considered, action (of several courses) would be pursued. Talk about serious butthurt. In this case, things went off the rails due to the Aqua devolving into insults. They took greater offense when I walked away without comment.
2) A Pisces close to my heart told me once that they perceive that in arguments Cancers are all hypersensitive about their own feelings and the extreme opposite about the "opponent". Is there validity to this theory?No. The Pisces is projecting. Cancers typically don't get that passionate unless all the facts line up.
3) Is it just a blow over moment, cardinal style or is there malice behind it? Aka the difference between aiming to hurt the other person vs just expressing rage/frustration/any other emotion but without intent to hurt? If there is intent to hurt...then the other person has to be perceived as adversarial. Considering this...is there a moment where the person in front of you turns from friend to foe in your perception so then...you don't hold back at all? I'm curious because whenever I argue I keep in the back of my mind the reality that they are my friends and it helps me put things in perspective.A Pisces on this site made a comment on a thread that stood out (ahem, P-Angel). Crabs counterpunch. They don't attack unless they're directly threatened.click to expand
Complex topic, to be honest.
Posted by JahliaI checked...Posted by DamnataDoes your mercury square their sun/mercury or moon?Posted by MoonbutterBoth Cancer Mercury.
I would look to their Mercury, Moon? I know some Cancers very blunt and its most to do with a placement in Virgo, cap, Scorpio... Very direct. I try not to offend esp friends. My Mercury is in Cancer.
One Leeb Moon, the other Cancer Moon.
No Virgo, No Cap (well neptune since we're born the same year), No Scorpio (pluto only, generational)
Bluntness and directness aren't problems to me. It's the...shift that blindsides me.click to expand
Squares the Leeb Moon but sextiles her Sun and Mercury
Sextiles all 3 with the Cancer Moon (yes, all 3 conjunct)
I have a lot of aspects to Mercury natally and this doesn't happen for me with other signs so I'm at a loss on placements since I have charts of friends where I square a lot of planets and still no conflict.
Posted by MontgomeryYes, I obviously strike a nerve at some point or the reaction wouldn't happen. It's interesting because Cancer is my 4th sign in Pullen and I have Moon and Mars in fourth natally.
The shift when you begin to encroach on their
own bones-deep ideology?
Maybe?
Fourth house Merc... it's just a thought.
We get on like a house on fire with the exception of these reactions.
I mean I fly off my handle in some debates too or strike nerves with other signs..what I am getting at is I don't see it coming here. It's all smooth and logical til BAM!
Posted by LunarMaidenLet me tell you how I manage and you tell me if there's something I could work around and I'm missing.
or try to help ease those intense feels by interjecting some gingerly or blunt (depending on moon & mercury placements) worded logic and reasoning.
When that blow out happens, I don't react strongly back. I am ..taken aback at that point so I try to process it. My voice stays calm and I try to get a feel on whether I should explain my argument again or just reason it out logically.
Most of the times I can't even reply because it's like a deluge from them following that statement. So I shut up and listen and then ask them where the miscommunication happened...and it's like they snap back and all is good. It's like...I don't know...they go into a zone they can't explain. And I feel I emotionally injure them for them to react like that and I'd like for that not to happen. They can't (or won't) tell me what the trigger was.
"It's all smooth and logical til BAM!"
lol, yeah I've had the same experience. It doesn't bother me too much, but when I see others injured by the snap...
It seems so cruel and heartless.
lol, yeah I've had the same experience. It doesn't bother me too much, but when I see others injured by the snap...
It seems so cruel and heartless.
Posted by CancerOnTheCusp^I feel we really need signatures on dxp. We should all have disclaimers in them lmao. Mine would be something like "My opinion on your sign is just personal experience with people from that sign. Unless we met in real life....don't take it personal"
(Normal disclaimers apply about placements, drug addictions, and life experiences apply)
Posted by CancerOnTheCusp^Yup, I see that and that's why we have indepth convos.
Despite popular attitudes, Cancers dissect things logically.
Posted by CancerOnTheCusp^Hmm.
In the course of a conversation, they can pick up inconsistencies in presented case and depending on the relationship to the person, a Cancer will let it pass or will expose those inconsistencies.
So let's run with a scenario here...what if the Cancer holds on the inconsistencies (which it wouldn't bother me if they expressed it) because it's a debate with me aka her friend...so she lets it slide at the beginning then it builds up to that moment. It would explain part of it if this is the process followed. I mean if I can follow up on that...then the reaction would not seem so "off" to me. But it's me throwing a guess at it.
Posted by CancerOnTheCuspHow is the threat perceived? I saw Crabs counter punch but I also saw them punch first and then claim it was a reaction to a threat. So I'm guessing unless the attack is direct and verbalized, it's up to the Cancer to deem if there was a slight? Because that leaves a gray area on what is a counter punch.
Crabs counterpunch. They don't attack unless they're directly threatened.click to expand
A bit connected to this...is it possible that it's not the argument in that moment but a slow buildup case against that person? Say the person slighted the Cancer on more than one occasion, it was not addressed then or it was addressed in a shallow manner...so the Cancer keeps a note in their head about that person. My problem with this theory is that to me arguments are dettached from other arguments. I have them with people on a number of topics but each argument stands by itself. Even if they pissed me off in 99 I won't start the 100 with bias (although I feel this is a water thing more than Cancer but you get what I mean).
Posted by JahliaI hadn't considered that to be honest. I don't think I know people with all three conjunct. Might be onto something. But in general...you know how they say air are attached to their opinions and theories? I always perceive water to be element that actually is...every opinion/stance has a piece of their soul to it...so it gets tricky with debating on logic alone. I try to bend more with this element than the other three.
Since all three all conjunct, opinion=life to these people.
We're actually very logic based despite the emotional aspects. What usually happens for me is that I'm either frustrated because I've been arguing or debating a point of logic that seems more than simple to me and the other person is acting dense about it, or the other person put in some sneaky barbs and I'm on the defensive, or the other person has resorted to bad behavior on numerous occasions and I've kept a mental catalog of them, have even pointed it out more than once to the other person, but they keep doing it again and if I'm not in the mood to be patient and nice when they let that bad behavior out.....BAM.
An example of that last would be a friend who I really liked but if he couldn't win an argument with logic/facts he would resort to insults aimed at me. It happened one too many times and then BAM.....I wasn't in the mood to take it anymore so I told him to unfriend me.
An example of that last would be a friend who I really liked but if he couldn't win an argument with logic/facts he would resort to insults aimed at me. It happened one too many times and then BAM.....I wasn't in the mood to take it anymore so I told him to unfriend me.
I only get mean with my brother. And that's after going in circles of the same crap and he gets in bully mode. I pull up my memory of his double standards and roast him.
Others I just say my part. Explain it's my opinion and try to move on to other things like how some dogs have heart shape butts and it's so adorable.
Others I just say my part. Explain it's my opinion and try to move on to other things like how some dogs have heart shape butts and it's so adorable.
Posted by MoonArtistIs he now claiming your "snap" was out of the blue & he doesn't know what set you off? 😆
We're actually very logic based despite the emotional aspects. What usually happens for me is that I'm either frustrated because I've been arguing or debating a point of logic that seems more than simple to me and the other person is acting dense about it, or the other person put in some sneaky barbs and I'm on the defensive, or the other person has resorted to bad behavior on numerous occasions and I've kept a mental catalog of them, have even pointed it out more than once to the other person, but they keep doing it again and if I'm not in the mood to be patient and nice when they let that bad behavior out.....BAM.
An example of that last would be a friend who I really liked but if he couldn't win an argument with logic/facts he would resort to insults aimed at me. It happened one too many times and then BAM.....I wasn't in the mood to take it anymore so I told him to unfriend me.
Posted by LunarMaidenI have no idea because we haven't talked since I apologized for snapping at him.Posted by MoonArtistIs he now claiming your "snap" was out of the blue & he doesn't know what set you off? 😆
We're actually very logic based despite the emotional aspects. What usually happens for me is that I'm either frustrated because I've been arguing or debating a point of logic that seems more than simple to me and the other person is acting dense about it, or the other person put in some sneaky barbs and I'm on the defensive, or the other person has resorted to bad behavior on numerous occasions and I've kept a mental catalog of them, have even pointed it out more than once to the other person, but they keep doing it again and if I'm not in the mood to be patient and nice when they let that bad behavior out.....BAM.
An example of that last would be a friend who I really liked but if he couldn't win an argument with logic/facts he would resort to insults aimed at me. It happened one too many times and then BAM.....I wasn't in the mood to take it anymore so I told him to unfriend me.
click to expand
Posted by SuperMercurialUsing these pics as memes never gets old. Neither does calling Carl, Coral. 😆
When I'm agitated to begin with, I can be snippy as balls.
It would depend on my mood and what kind of friendship we have...
I'm very moral and traditional oriented, so if you went against that, I'd feel strongly about it.
When I was younger, I used to have a mouth, but as I get older, I don't even bother with people.
I know that I can say things that will hurt.
I'm strongly opinionated about the people I love, so when they fall off the wagon, I give them tough love.
I've been told that I'm hurtful, when I honestly don't intend to be...
I have snapped, I have argued, and yelled.
It's not common that I do that though.
Don't ever. ever. ever. try and make me look dumb or like I'm lying.
I do not like to be wrong.
I get very defensive when people don't share the same opinion or views with me.
Again though, I don't really go off on people because of it.
It would depend on my mood and what kind of friendship we have...
I'm very moral and traditional oriented, so if you went against that, I'd feel strongly about it.
When I was younger, I used to have a mouth, but as I get older, I don't even bother with people.
I know that I can say things that will hurt.
I'm strongly opinionated about the people I love, so when they fall off the wagon, I give them tough love.
I've been told that I'm hurtful, when I honestly don't intend to be...
I have snapped, I have argued, and yelled.
It's not common that I do that though.
Don't ever. ever. ever. try and make me look dumb or like I'm lying.
I do not like to be wrong.
I get very defensive when people don't share the same opinion or views with me.
Again though, I don't really go off on people because of it.
It's almost like they love drama OP
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This is not a bashing topic on Cancers. I want to understand a mindset/emotional frame in a specific scenario.
Out of all the groups of friends I have...over the last years I interacted most with my wateries. And obviously since familliarity is contempt at some point...arguments arise.
I've had arguments with Scorpios, had them with Pisces. But the lengths Cancers will go to...it's all low blows. And it's..specific low blows.
For example (oh and let me add I don't mean arguments about personal stuff, I would understand anyone going to low blows on that):
1) I was talking to one of them about Bernie Sanders, specifically the comment he made about Romanian Internet. I was explaining how I don't think it was a slight against our country in any way etc. Convo started balanced, then out of the blue she spirals into this erratic behavior "YOU ARE A TRAITOR TO THIS COUNTRY!"
2) I was talking to the other Cancer about marriage and she asked me what my thoughts were so me being mutable and open to scenarios I said something along the lines of "I am undecided, I would like to have a family..not sure on the marriage part". Got back a "ARE YOU STUPID? DID YOU GO TO LAW SCHOOL FOR NOTHING? DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S ALL DOOMED TO FAIL?"
My point is..the reactions get overblown over statements that are not in any way a slight and I want to understand why.
So...questions:
1) Are you aware you do it? By that I mean that in a convo that starts logically and we banter back and forth...you go off the rails? If so..can you pinpoint the moment where it happens?
2) A Pisces close to my heart told me once that they perceive that in arguments Cancers are all hypersensitive about their own feelings and the extreme opposite about the "opponent". Is there validity to this theory?
3) Is it just a blow over moment, cardinal style or is there malice behind it? Aka the difference between aiming to hurt the other person vs just expressing rage/frustration/any other emotion but without intent to hurt? If there is intent to hurt...then the other person has to be perceived as adversarial. Considering this...is there a moment where the person in front of you turns from friend to foe in your perception so then...you don't hold back at all? I'm curious because whenever I argue I keep in the back of my mind the reality that they are my friends and it helps me put things in perspective.
I won't break friendships over this, I do want to understand it better. So any ideas beyond the questions, any mental picture you can paint for me on how you process it...would be really helpful.
^All I've said doesn't apply for people who set out to hurt you folks, obviously. I'm a friend who tries to be more considerate if I understand what triggers you.
Thank you for reading thus far and all and any answers.