waiting for the catch...

no guy is this perfect... I finally saw my Cancer today, he's been gone for 2 weeks 2,000 miles away as his father passed away. totally shy but made all the contact with me the entire time, i sent him flowers but other than that i gave him space and he sent me tons of messages. he bough me a necklace (we aren't even officially dating yet!) and went out to dinner and he wants to see me tomorrow too, then we're camping all weekend! 😄

He doesn't want sex, wants to take it slow.. acts like a total gentleman, doesn't like to swear in front of me, holds doors open, pays for everything.

there has to be a catch. before i moved here he was the same in the gentleman sense but never contacted me. now that i'm living in his town he's showering me with attention, and as i said he's like the quietest person i know. AHH!

So.. I'm just wondering what you all think of this, is it real? I've never met a guy so out-of-the-book perfect like this, I just know there HAS to be a motive or something.. or he's like a serial killer waiting for the opportune moment..

or, I should just be happy and accept that maybe there is such thing as prince charming

I was going to say that even though I can't really give advice on crabs because I'm always coming here for advice of my own...I think that if it seems too perfect...it usually is. I mean..I could be wrong but no matter the sign or gender..everyone has flaws so I would consider him prince charming but I would still keep my eyes OPEN just incase. Although..I am a scorpio and we're said to be suspicious of everyone so yeah.. 😛

BUT then I read what Thomas said and I think I'm leaning more to his advice. It's purely based on my own experience and not through knowledge of men or Crabs but I noticed my crab did that and I feel that now he knows he's got me hooked he doesn't have to do those things anymore. He used to be really emotionally expressive and now he's not. He was also a gentleman as you've described yours to be. But that's just my experience and I may be taking things the wrong way, I could also be CAUSING the way he's acting so...If I were you I would just enjoy it while it's there, knowing that it will either carry on that way (as well as some of his flaws showing through..which is normal) or that it will just mellow right out.

thanks for the advice guys.. I'm not gonna let him "buy" me, I guess I should just be very thankful to him when he gets me stuff but I won't be too forthcoming with my feelings for him, does that make sense? He loves animals and so do I but I definitely can't handle a puppy right now! lol! I still feel awkward around him, like we hardly know eachother.. it's a lot better when we're in a group but 1 on 1 I don't act like myself around him, can't playfully argue or get that kind of repertoire going if you know what I mean? I'll just stay coy and see what happens. lol

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
thanks for the advice guys.. I'm not gonna let him "buy" me, I guess I should just be very thankful to him when he gets me stuff but I won't be too forthcoming with my feelings for him, does that make sense? He loves animals and so do I but I definitely can't handle a puppy right now! lol! I still feel awkward around him, like we hardly know eachother.. it's a lot better when we're in a group but 1 on 1 I don't act like myself around him, can't playfully argue or get that kind of repertoire going if you know what I mean? I'll just stay coy and see what happens. lol

Good idea. Just keep your eyes open and trust your instincts.

Be careful. Cancers are known to come off as the perfect prince charming, great potential husband and daddy material and very very verrrrry charming during courtship and perhaps early on in the relationship. When I first met my crab I too thought, wow this is absolutely too good to be true. And I hate to tell you this dear, but I was right. This is some kind of a "show" that they subconsciously put on to acheive their goals to catch and keep a woman's attention. It's easy to move into sex very quickly, you will start to feel 100% comfortable with him and you will start to unwittingly invest all of your trust into this man, even if trust is not something you normally feel so easily. I don't know what it is about crabs but they really do have a way with the female psyche. All I'm saying is be smart, observe (like thomas said), and don't give yourself up emotionally or physically too quickly. I let myself be swept away by his vulnerable and sweet nature and it wasn't long before he knew he had me hooked. Everyone likes a challenge. Be sweet and appreciative to his gifts/kind words but don't give yourself up too quickly.

Posted by PixieDust
Be careful. Cancers are known to come off as the perfect prince charming, great potential husband and daddy material and very very verrrrry charming during courtship and perhaps early on in the relationship. When I first met my crab I too thought, wow this is absolutely too good to be true. And I hate to tell you this dear, but I was right. This is some kind of a "show" that they subconsciously put on to acheive their goals to catch and keep a woman's attention. It's easy to move into sex very quickly, you will start to feel 100% comfortable with him and you will start to unwittingly invest all of your trust into this man, even if trust is not something you normally feel so easily. I don't know what it is about crabs but they really do have a way with the female psyche. All I'm saying is be smart, observe (like thomas said), and don't give yourself up emotionally or physically too quickly. I let myself be swept away by his vulnerable and sweet nature and it wasn't long before he knew he had me hooked. Everyone likes a challenge. Be sweet and appreciative to his gifts/kind words but don't give yourself up too quickly.

Very well said.

thank you guys for your advice. pixiedust, I agree with everything you said, and don't worry I won't give sex too easily. I'm still a virgin and I dated my last ex (a gemini) for a year and a half and we got along better.. I guess in the sense that we just "fit" more if that makes sense (although he was less of a gentleman than this cancer and really cheap, to the point where it was a turn-off lol) but I didn't have sex with him. actually, the farthest I got was half a blow job while drunk in a shower in Panama, so no, I'm not going to swoon over this cancer and let him have his way with me just for buying me dinner all the time.

Although, I have kind of found some "catches" with him since I posted this.. we're going camping tomorrow for the weekend with a bunch of his friends for his birthday, and it was really cute because he wanted to go grocery shopping to get food and stuff and he also went out and got a tent and everything (of course he wanted us to have our own tent -__-) and I can tell he genuinely cares about me, he just doesn't show affection outwardly really. Like the whole time out with him today I was just DYING to kiss him and finally after like 4 hrs running errands we had some time alone at my house and we kissed for like 2 seconds and then he had to leave. He said something like "we'll have plenty of time camping" or something to that extent. UGH! What the fuck? I'm not the most affectionate person (I guess that's some virgo prudeness for you) but I love kissing and he seems to not like it or something... maybe he's worried he's bad at it? I dunno.. I'm just tired of getting shot down by him. It's really bothering me actually.

On the upside, after not having a cell phone pretty much his entire life (he's almost 25), and this is basically our 2nd day of dating considering he'd been gone for 2 weeks and stuff, today he went out and bought and iPhone and an actual contract plan.. all his friends were like what the hell, he NEVER wanted a phone or anything. now that i'm in the picture (and I have an iphone too) looks like he wants to keep dibs on me.. lol

Going to focus on only one comment you've made.. because I can help you open communication with this man (and stop driving yourself crazy trying to figure out stuff without asking!) by just tweaking things a little bit and YOU opening up and not holding back (which never gets anyone anywhere)...

I'm a bit baffled.. he's the "perfect gentlemen, taking it slow" etc etc... you spent four hours with him, WANTING to kiss him, getting increasingly confused/upset/hurt/whatever that he didn't.. what? Psychically pick up on how much you looove kissing and wanted to kiss him right then... that he didn't set aside his "good guy" behaviors and just.. what? Grab you up and kiss you? Then when he DID kiss you - it wasn't enough, it was quick and gentlemanly.. and you are now picking apart and over analyzing his "plenty of time camping" comment?

Mmmk, well.. aside from that crazy-making obsessing about every little comment and trying to figure out what it "means" thing we women tend to do... guys are NOT psychic.. they take their cues from us. If you WANT him to kiss you, SAY something, DO something. I know, I know.. bold, scary, freaky.. yeah.. but here HE is, trying to take it slow and be a gentleman and not wanting to come on too strong/pushy and turn you off... and he's screwed either way? But you never SAID anything to him, just expected him to KNOW how you feel, what you want/expect, what to do/not do to keep your interest?! Sheesh, throw the poor guy a bone, wouldja?! lol

Next time you are FEELING something, WANTING something, WISHING for something.. SAY SOMETHING.. like, "Hey Cancer.. it feels SO good being with you like this... and I would SO love to kiss you right now! Can you help me with this?" Honey.. I can almost guarantee that man would break an ankle trying to get to you fast enough to deliver said kiss.. and with one simple open and vulnerable request, you'd stop wondering if he's just "not into" kissing. (But personal feelings on PDA's are a diff subject haha!)

Use this ANY time you are feeling/wanting something.. ANY time you need to express what you do/don't want (boundaries).. like when sex comes up, "Cancer, I really like you and I love spending time with you like this, but I don't want things to go too far or move too fast. Kissing and cuddling you feels so amazing, but it feels better to me to wait for more. What do you think?".. that tells him how YOU feel about the subject.. and invites him to share HIS thoughts!

Well, one more thing.. food for thought, if you will...

You say you're waiting for the catch, everything seems so great that it seems unreal, that HE doesn't seem real..

... Well. Dude probably thinks the same thing about you, wouldn't you say? Honestly?

You keep holding back, saying/thinking/believing you can't be yourself around him.. a combination of best foot forward and things seem a little awkward, etc. I get it, I do. But it's counterproductive and ineffective at best, and self-sabotaging at worst.

YOU'RE trying to give a good impression, HE'S trying to give a good impression.. you're likely BOTH holding back, watching your step, waiting to FEEL that the other person is being REAL. And uhh.. guys aren't usually SO in touch with this stuff.. they rarely open up until they feel safe and comfortable doing so.. and HE'S not going to feel safe enough to open up first, not generally speaking.. and not with a girl who isn't comfortable with herself.. if she's not comfy with herself and all her little quirks.. how is she ever going to handle all of HIS little quirks?!


Do you want to know what a man wants, what REALLY turns a man's head and engages his mind and heart? It's a woman who loves herself SO much, is SO comfortable and confident in the fabulous, lovely being she is.. that she openly expresses her feelings, wants, needs (without shame or apology).. she can be HERSELF, cuz she LOVES herself, in all her goofy, silly, dorky, feeling, emotional, funny, weird, happy, sweet ways. Men find that SO attractive, magnetic even!

Be YOURSELF.. let a man fall in love with the REAL YOU.. not just the you that you THINK he wants to see! Besides.. he's probably waiting to see the real you.. so he can feel confident enough to show the real him!

thanks nefer, that was some really good advice. you're right about the whole "he's screwed either way" thing.. come on too fast and you're a man whore, too slow and i'm not satisfied.. yeah. This weekend went really well, he was very sweet and everything.. at one point we were taking a nap and I was going to go to the beach without him and let him stay there and rest, and he said "but I like spending time with you" it was so cute! he'd rather chill in a tent with just me then go to the beach with his friends.. not that I want him to abandon his friends for me or anthing though!

BUT

the whole "taking it slow" thing kind of went out the window this weekend...he brought condoms which kind of freaked me out because he knows I'm a virgin and didn't want to have sex for a long time, etc. etc..and the first night (and every night) we were completely naked and he didn't try to take it slow then, lol... I was literally probably 1 inch away from losing my virginity if you catch my drift..we were both drinking and stuff but it still kinda bothered me that he went out and bought condoms knowing that at the time we weren't even official, and I'm a virgin--so I was supposed to lose it to him, in a tent, when I'm not even his gf yet? No thanks..he WAS really good at all that stuff though... lol. He did ask me out officially , and said he's not a facebook fan but he'll put it up on there for me, haha. so I guess I don't know where to go from here now

*chuckles*

Okay, girl.. first of all (as gently as possible, cuz honestly idgaf if/when you have sex and that's entirely up to you!) if you want to take this slow(er).. don't be staying in a private tent with him (again.. cuz obviously the lust/chemistry very nearly carries you away.. next time might be one inch closer, if you catch my drift! lol), and do NOT be getting naked with the man! haha (Also.. another situation like this will probably leave him thinking you're just a tease and getting your kicks that way.) So it's probably better all around if you simply don't put yourself in scenarios where you must defend your virginity.

But virgin or not, if a guy can get a hot chick naked in a tent, he is damn straight gonna TRY to get some - and hey, what an ego boost if the (young) man can nail the virgin! I mean, he must be THE MAN and just cool beyond compare! Him bringing condoms doesn't make me raise my brows TOO much... (my own 16 year old son is a virgin.. but has a condom in his wallet, more in his dresser, and an open door policy to ask me for/about anything. Cuz I want him to use condoms EACH and EVERY time, including the first!) But yeah, I can see where a girl would think WTF cuz it seemed like he was planning on getting sex regardless. Well, he didn't (though it was a very near thing) but good on him for having the foresight and accountability for bringing protection just in case. But remember 99.9999% of guys WANT sex, HOPE for sex.. not that they EXPECT sex... but they'll generally try to get it if they can. So it's up to YOU to set strong boundaries and stick by them. Not HIS job to guard your virtue, babes.

Asking you out officially is a good start. He damn straight SHOULD be thinking in terms of something a little more committed, since he's been trying for the goodies haha All I advise is waiting until YOU feel truly comfy and ready for sex... plenty of guys will ask a girl to be his gf and even say the L word, just to get into her panties. And even giving him the benefit of the doubt (that he's just a regular red-blooded male when it comes to sex and not just a bedpost notcher out to hump n' dump).. remember: Women think more clearly BEFORE sex.. Men think more clearly AFTER sex! (Wanting sex clouds a man's mind, feelings, intentions... having sex clouds a woman's!!)

So where to go from here? Forward. Let the man show you what he's all about. In time, you'll know if his actions match his words, and if he'll treat you right.

lol, you guys are funny.. i'm just really experienced with this stuff so I don't know what's normal and what's bad behavior and stuff, I've only had one other bf who was also a virgin and we didn't do as much in like, my whole time dating him than the few weeks i've been dating this guy.. but anyways, thomas, what do you mean by tell him to beat the demon out of him?? i don't really get what that means.


and this might be kind of tmi... but I'll try to phrase it in a discreet way...is it normal for a guy to not want to finish when a girl is down there lol? he'd always stop me before it got that far, i don't get it?

Posted by amethyst2002
By the way, it drives guys freaking nuts when girls behave like this. Say one thing, do another, then go back on it, etc. Stop. Just fricken stop. No wonder he's been acting weird. YOU figure out what you want and STICK with it. I hear about this crap from a lot of girls your age and all I can do is *facepalm.* If you're not sure what you want, then DON'T go on with something until you know what you want. If you think you want something and then realize you don't, fine. But the whole "oh hay I want to take it slow, I don't want to lose my virginity for awhile, but here I am, naked with you in a tent. Lolz, changed my mind, Stop!" OY WOMAN. :p

lol well yeah I was naked with him in a tent but 1. he basically ripped my clothes off and 2. I said, while laying there, that I wasn't having sex with him.. so that's a clear indication I hadn't changed my mind lol.

Posted by amethyst2002
By the way, it drives guys freaking nuts when girls behave like this. Say one thing, do another, then go back on it, etc. Stop. Just fricken stop.

But the whole "oh hay I want to take it slow, I don't want to lose my virginity for awhile, but here I am, naked with you in a tent. Lolz, changed my mind, Stop!" OY WOMAN. :p

omg...

I can't believe you guys are being so nice to this girl.

Seriously, roxy... I know you're only 22 but you must have a smidge of sense in that head of yours. Inexperience with guys is no excuse for... I don't even know what to call it? ignorance?

I think you are so influenced with what other people 'think' and what you 'should' be doing that you do not have any opinions of your own. You are going to get really messed up by this Cancer because you are not a genuine person. It's obvious. You think this guy is so shy and sweet ect. but I think you're going to get played. (this is just my opinion)

So instead of searching around for a consensus on your game plan, you should think about what YOU want as a person, and mean what yo say. You are being a tease and you should really stop playing the dizzy card.

so sad... the basic thought process of said age group is so corroded 😢

hey guys, sorry to be annoying you. i'm living in a new place and I have a lot of alone time right now to overthink everything, i'm the kind of person where if I don't have something to do, which I don't right now because I'm looking for a job, I go crazy over other stuff that went on in my day. I'm not some dumb blonde who can't think for herself, I'm a perfectionist and a control freak and need to know I'm doing the right thing and doing it WELL or it bugs me. Okay, it's shallow. I have to be the best at everything (not better than other people per se, but I'll research the hell out of something to know that I'm doing it right), or I get insecure. I'm extremely independent.. I've travelled the world by myself starting at the age of 11, ran an organization of 200 people, changed my university's entire curriculum for film editing because I told the dean to his face that the program sucked and I knew how to make it better. So yes, I may be naive, and inexperienced in the subject of relationships, but I am, in no means, a stupid blonde ditz.

Not starting a fight here, just letting you know that I do think for myself, trust me.

So confused... I thought you moved to the new place FOR a job? What happened there?

There's some crazy bad communicating going on, because all of that jazz you just posted is a MESS of insecurity and contradiction...

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
hey guys, sorry to be annoying you. i'm living in a new place and I have a lot of alone time right now to overthink everything, i'm the kind of person where if I don't have something to do, which I don't right now because I'm looking for a job, I go crazy over other stuff that went on in my day. I'm not some dumb blonde who can't think for herself, I'm a perfectionist and a control freak and need to know I'm doing the right thing and doing it WELL or it bugs me. Okay, it's shallow. I have to be the best at everything (not better than other people per se, but I'll research the hell out of something to know that I'm doing it right), or I get insecure. I'm extremely independent.. I've travelled the world by myself starting at the age of 11, ran an organization of 200 people, changed my university's entire curriculum for film editing because I told the dean to his face that the program sucked and I knew how to make it better. So yes, I may be naive, and inexperienced in the subject of relationships, but I am, in no means, a stupid blonde ditz.

Not starting a fight here, just letting you know that I do think for myself, trust me.

This is good! That means you are a thinker, so maybe you should be thinking about your actions over the weekend.

You said something about putting your clothes back on "obviously meaning" something, I assume you were trying to tell this cancer through your actions.

What does taking them all off and blowing him "obviously" mean?

Posted by amethyst2002

Posted by shellshocker

What does taking them all off and blowing him "obviously" mean?

Did he lure you into sucking his dick too?

click to expand

now that's funny...

I wanted to suck his dick.. just because I don't wanna have sex with him doesn't mean I can't do other things

Also, I moved here to find employment because there are no jobs where I'm from. His town is just a temporary job situation until the next season of tv series start shooting in Toronot in September, then I'm moving there.

HaHa! Crab men. What a fucking scam! I use Cancer men as a watermark of what not to be with, for my daughter. Suckers! *Scoffs*

(No offense, Wineaux.)

Or Thomas. You're a cool cat. 🙂

0.0

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
i'm living in a new place and I have a lot of alone time right now to overthink everything, i'm the kind of person where if I don't have something to do, which I don't right now because I'm looking for a job, I go crazy over other stuff that went on in my day. I'm not some dumb blonde who can't think for herself, I'm a perfectionist and a control freak and need to know I'm doing the right thing and doing it WELL or it bugs me. Okay, it's shallow. I have to be the best at everything (not better than other people per se, but I'll research the hell out of something to know that I'm doing it right)

Posted by roxyfalcon2006

Also, I moved here to find employment because there are no jobs where I'm from. His town is just a temporary job situation until the next season of tv series start shooting in Toronot in September, then I'm moving there.

click to expand

See this is what I picked up on. If you research the hell out of everything/control freak/perfectionist.... it seems to me you'd have a job by now, or wouldn't have moved somewhere without one. If I'm correct in thinking you moved there for him, that paired together with your sexual cock-teasy-ness (not saying you are, but if you can be perceived as one, it's as good as being one - and everything short of actually fucking will be considered as a cocktease by any guy that it suits his need to think so. Just a heads up.) is why you got all of the "stupid young girl" comments from some of the others here (and I agree).

Also I'm in Toronto, and I know job markets in Canada, you will have more luck in Toronto than anywhere smaller in Ontario(especially for the entertainment industry). This only seems to confirm that you a) didn't actually do what you say you do ("reasearch"), or b) are denying even to yourself that you purposely moved to his town for him, under the guise of the job. This is why shellshocker told you that you aren't being a genuine person, and he's going to play you. I tend to agree.

Please don't feel attacked. I'm a blunt person, and very truthful. I apologize if I'm coming across in a rude way. It just seems to me that even though you are apparently not a dumb blonde, you seem to be pulling that shit when it comes to men. Whether you know it or not. Again, shellshocker said: start using your thinking skills wi

deezie, it's a little more complicated than that, but i could see how you'd think i moved here for him. I was applying to jobs before I moved here and had set a date based on my roommate's preferences, got a call for an interview the day after I moved in. Did the interview, which was with a job placement agency, they liked me and said I'd be a good fit for this other company... then after a week they called me to interview with that company the next week, which was this past Wednesday.. still haven't heard back. In the mean time I've still applied to other places but not as full-heartedly because this job I'm waiting to hear back on would be my best option.. highest pay, full benefits, paid vacation, etc. I left my hometown because I was making $ 6/hr under the table for my dad's friend, and I have 2 bachelor's degrees and I'm not going to make less than minimum wage with a freaking business degree. Yes, I probably could have found a job in Michigan if I had looked harder, but Canada still pays way better and I needed to move out and stop mooching off my parents. As for Toronto, I can't afford to live there yet, which is why my plan was to earn some income this summer before moving there in the fall for film. Also, I know a ton of people here in this town, and it's only 3 hrs from my parents house, so if things went awry I'd have that safety net. But anyways, I appreciate your bluntness, you're right.. he did have a strong influence in my decision to move to this small town of all places, but the cost of living had an equal weight in the matter as well.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006

... I won't give sex too easily. I'm still a virgin ...

Posted by roxyfalcon2006

.... he knows I'm a virgin and didn't want to have sex for a long time ...

Posted by roxyfalcon2006

... well yeah I was naked with him in a tent but 1. he basically ripped my clothes off and 2. I said, while laying there, that I wasn't having sex with him.. so that's a clear indication I hadn't changed my mind lol.

click to expand

I didn't copy all the lols ... bitch, being a cock-tease isn't funny.

Women like you get raped ..... but not before you ruin men into thinking that all women are cock-teasing bitches.


I feel sorry for the Gemini .... and for all the women that he now doesn't trust, thanks to you




God help you when it happens ... not even an "if"

P-"Angel" always did have a listening problem.

I'm more confused now though....It appears it only gets more complicated from there. To work in another country you need a work visa. I'm not familiar with coming from the states to Canada. But I do know that going the opposite way is quite difficult....

Le sigh... I'm not sure why I'm even concerned with this. Your logic and reasoning just isn't matching up with my own I guess. My confusion leads me to believe there is a lot left out of this story...

Doesn't matter. It has zero to do with this topic. My apologies. No need to respond to this.

I think what he is doing is genuine but don't let yourself get so caught up that you fall hard when you see his not-so-pretty side. It will come eventually. It always does. That's life.

Also, it sounds like he is over-compensating for something. I feel like the showering of gifts is a way to cover up something else... maybe actual emotional availability? Or maybe it is because he is so insecure that he feels like he has to in order to keep you.

I do think that you should enjoy the ride but remain grounded.

Oops. My computer messed up 😛

just to clarify I have dual citizenship with canada and the states... no work permit necessary. and he lives about an hour and a half from toronto. I don't really understand what your definition of cocktease is and maybe I am one, but I think that would have to have some kind of malicious undertones behind it, as if teasing a man sexually for one's own benefit, which I'm certainly not trying to do. I just have a high sex-drive, but I don't want to lose my virginity until I'm at least in love with someone and I feel like I'm ready. Men think differently I guess, that a blowjob=willingness for sex in their minds.

There we go... dual citizenship makes sense. Thanks.

And yes... nailed it. Doesn't matter what your goal is. Men are wired for sex. So the only clear message is a "clear message" uncluttered by exceptions to the physical rule. If you have a high sex drive. Take care of it by yourself. Otherwise it's teasing the guy because you dangle the carrot in front of his face and say.... still can't have it. That's what P-Angel is saying I believe.

And nobody said guys have to get everything they want in the moment. But at the same time - this is where emotional/mental games enter the picture I would think. They have a goal now. Men will have varying degrees of what is acceptable to them to get to that goal.

*shrugs*

Posted by GeminiMind
P-"Angel" always did have a listening problem.

Mmmm.. you're referring to her saying "Gemini" instead of the "Cancer" I presume?

But actually, she listens very well. P-Angel was stating she felt sorry for the ex-boyfriend of a year and a half.. the one who probably thinks all women are cock-teasing bitches now... and he was a Gemini.

Posted by Nefer

Posted by GeminiMind
P-"Angel" always did have a listening problem.

Mmmm.. you're referring to her saying "Gemini" instead of the "Cancer" I presume?

But actually, she listens very well. P-Angel was stating she felt sorry for the ex-boyfriend of a year and a half.. the one who probably thinks all women are cock-teasing bitches now... and he was a Gemini.

click to expand

I know, I get. I just don't agree with her.

Posted by Nefer

Posted by GeminiMind
P-"Angel" always did have a listening problem.

Mmmm.. you're referring to her saying "Gemini" instead of the "Cancer" I presume?

But actually, she listens very well. P-Angel was stating she felt sorry for the ex-boyfriend of a year and a half.. the one who probably thinks all women are cock-teasing bitches now... and he was a Gemini.

click to expand

oh... is this the one that she made out with a couple of times, that she claims got her drunk and "practically raped" her? or was that a different guy?

hard lessons ahead for this girl...

But anywho, I was giving solid advice to a woman I thought was a bit young and inexperienced, but well-meaning. At the time, I had no idea that she thinks one way to "take it slow" is to move to a man's town and by their (second?) date, spend a weekend buck naked in a tent and sucking his cock, but saying no no no I'm a virgin.. and wondering why the guy brought condoms. One side of her mouth says "I want to take it slow.. we're not even officially together yet" and the other side says, "He's moving too slow - didn't even kiss me while shopping, like I secretly wanted!"... but BOTH sides are bobbin' the knob and blaming him for her getting naked and doing oral all weekend.

Whatever.. engage in whatever sex blows your hair back, chica -- I don't really care! But don't come here acting brand new. You may indeed still have that little bit of skin intact.. but to a GUY.. hymen or not... getting naked and blowing him so soon (without commitment or even much time at all) but talking about staying a virgin and taking it slow... still makes you look like a fucking tease at best.. and a cock-sucking hypocrite at worst.

And to me, you look ridiculous.. you're here picking apart everything he says or does, from a comment about plenty of time camping, to him bringing condoms to a naked tent party with a cock-sucking virgin, to wondering why he doesn't want to come in your mouth?!... and you can't even see the OBVIOUS mixed signals YOU send the guy. HE doesn't see a virgin wanting to take it slow and be treated with respect to build a relationship.. HE sees a tease who gives in under pressure, who probably just needs a little more sweet talk to go that last inch to giving it up fully, so he'll gladly oblige and ask her to be his gf. In a few weeks, he'll say the L word.. and if you fuck him, you'll be back here again -- talking about what a smart, strong, mature woman you are.. but not with him.. and you'll lay the blame at HIS feet for YOUR lack of self-control.

actually.. that gemini ex of mine cheated on me with a guy. so maybe i screwed him up so much he went for men. lol

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
actually.. that gemini ex of mine cheated on me with a guy. so maybe i screwed him up so much he went for men. lol

Damn nature! You Scary!

Posted by DoubleGem2
Him gay now?....this plot thickens by the post.

I know right?? That's some Voodoo poon tang that I'd stay the hell away from. YIKES!!!

nefer, you're right. it seems like longer since we've been like seeing eachother since february but yeah, basically we've only though of it as a relationship for the past month. I don't really like the person I've kind of turned into, I used to be so much more guarded with this kind of stuff and then I went to college and was more exposed to stuff like this (after having gone to Catholic school for 12 years) and now it's kind of turned me into something I'm starting to not like anymore. I'm seeing him after work and I'll explain to him how I feel about this, that no matter what happens when we're "in the moment", I don't want it to go that far. The only way that will happen is if we talk about it before hand, soberly, and I tell him I'm ready. I feel like going to church right now.. ugh.

yeah.. well, my gemini ex was also "molested" as a child as he puts it (his older neighbor paid him in candy to give him a bj) and it really messed him up, he's still confused about his sexuality as he thinks he was secretly asking for it or something.. and by no means am I against gay culture or anything I have a ton of gay friends. he was actually really shocked at how supportive I've been about whatever he decides to do. I just feel bad because I think he might be gay but he comes from a super religious family and he's trying to fight it for them. lol geminimind i love your voodoo poon-tang comment.

:::: shakes head ::::

*blink* I skimmed some of your past posts from March about this guy.. you saw him a couple times (visiting Canada).. and he said it was too bad you live in the States, and you felt sure he was holding back with you and talking about all the girls that fell for him that he didn't want relationships with.. and you took that to mean he'd want you more if you lived there.. and next thing you know, a couple months later you moved there. Now, I KNOW the job market in Michigan fucking SUCKS.. but DAMN. lol

Anyway.. I think I may have solved the "mystery" of why he dared bringing condoms, knowing you're a virgin. You blew him in the basement, didn't you? Cuz to you, oral sex isn't "reak" sex -- you have a high sex drive and think a guy won't know you're interested (or stay interested in you, unless you give up your virginity) ...unless you go down on him. So you do.

You don't have to answer me.. but I think YOU know why he brought condoms to the weekend camping trip, even if you pretend to be shocked and insulted he would think that of you.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
I'm seeing him after work and I'll explain to him how I feel about this, that no matter what happens when we're "in the moment", I don't want it to go that far.

ohhhhhhh *flashes of comments from the past about rape* - this way all the accountability for your actions is still off your hands and in his. You complimented nefer on her post, and "agreed" with her, but you still didn't even hear her.....

no no no I didn't blow him in the basement! we got a little touchy-feely but that's it. and his friend was drunk in the room too so hell no!

and actually, another time we were making out a few weeks ago he was like "we should stop, I don't have protection or anything" and we were JUST MAKING OUT, it never went that far or anything until camping, after I had said multiple times I'm a virgin and don't want it, all his friends know I'm a virgin and they told me that his last ex was one too and he took her v-card but didn't know she was a virgin at the time.. anyways, I still think I had a right to be a little freaked out about the condoms, considering the farthest we got before camping was 2nd base and he knew multiple times that I don't plan on sex for a long time.

and as slutty as you all think I am, this was only my 2nd blow job ever, the last one was with the ex and it was only ONCE in our entire relationship. and that was 2 or so years ago

and yet he mentioned the condoms before. So shock isn't really the appropriate response in the fuck-tent right—


Wow usually I'm the only one that can get myself in this many mind-circles!

Posted by deezie

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
I'm seeing him after work and I'll explain to him how I feel about this, that no matter what happens when we're "in the moment", I don't want it to go that far.

ohhhhhhh *flashes of comments from the past about rape* - this way all the accountability for your actions is still off your hands and in his. You complimented nefer on her post, and "agreed" with her, but you still didn't even hear her.....

click to expand

I don't get what you mean exactly.. I know that 80% of this is my fault, I'm the one that always initiates everything, but also, you have to admit that if a girl has told you that she's not looking for sex, you should take that as a hint unless she says she changed her mind.

but now, seeing from a man's perspective, getting naked in a tent to A MAN can come off as "i changed my mind" so yes, that's my fault. I won't be taking it off now unless I say something before like "okay, but I'm still not having sex with you, no matter what else we do" or something.. I don't know? Can I not get naked without having to feel like the guy's gonna assume I want to screw him?

Posted by DoubleGem2
Are u sure you want your first to be a confused gay man?

Are you saying that he really might not be gay, just living the life style ? Damn, when he wakes up he just might kill himself. He did all of that gay sex for nothing. Poor bastard.

also, I feel like this is starting to turn into a bitch fest which I hate about internet forums where you can't hear people's inflections and stuff like that. You guys have a right to judge especially since I'm sure this post is annoying you since so many people are commenting on it, but I guess you can answer my question so we can end this: what should I do? Stop the sex stuff all together and just kiss him? Or is there no turning back now that I let my guards down this weekend...?

Posted by GeminiMind

Posted by DoubleGem2
Are u sure you want your first to be a confused gay man?

Are you saying that he really might not be gay, just living the life style ? Damn, when he wakes up he just might kill himself. He did all of that gay sex for nothing. Poor bastard.

click to expand

No, I do think my ex is gay, but he was raised in such a strict and judgemental background that he's going to try to fight it his whole life, and never be satisfied with whichever life style he chooses, be it gay or straight.