waiting for the catch... (Page 2)

The tie that connects the two issues of ...

1. attempting to present the self as virtuous
2. exercising sexually aimed suggestions

..... seems to be flying over her head.


To mean, she isn't acknowledging any self accountibility .... so, she is either really that stupid, or, she is playing stupid with us to try and get a response.


And I'd be willing to wager it's the latter ... such much for Virgos not liking drama.


On the Pisces board, I referenced the Virgo propensity to create drama, and got yelled at .... when in reality .. it's the absolute truth.

Or ... she is really that stupid.

Well given the fact that condoms have made their appearance 2 times, and he KNOWS you are a virgin, and don't want to lose your virginity. I'd say it's not about what you want, and it's all about what he wants.

Granted, I'm glad the guy is prepared to be safe. But if he respected what you were saying at all - condoms wouldn't need to be around. Nefer was exactly right. He sees a virgin-tease that may give in, if he has the right moves, and applies the right pressure.

I'd say you can turn back. But you have to realize that he might not be ok with it, and walk. And if he does that it proves what I said above about not respecting your wishes in the slightest. Also realize that he might put up with it for a while and try again. At which point you have to not be wishy-washy.

I'm kind of glad you all were blunt with me, because all my "real life" girlfriends keep telling me I should just get over it and screw him, but seeing all you people react at my actions in such a negative way has really shown me that I acted like a slut and I need to take a step back and get my priorities back to where they used to be. so thank you

And that's not to say he's a bad guy if he doesn't mesh with your wishes. He's just not this picture perfect image of a virgin-respecting guy that you have painted for yourself.

I don't know if you acted like a slut. But you certainly misrepresented yourself.
You want to be perceived as the good girl. Then be it.

I hope your realization there isn't an empty vessel.

*shrug* I don't think you're slutty.. just confused.. and deluding yourself.

First.. again with the condoms. Honey - I'd be MORE concerned if the guy showed up at a tent party WITHOUT condoms.. THAT would be an irresponsible, risky kinda guy. That he BROUGHT condoms ...esp since one time you guys didn't have them, so you stopped?!.. Umm.. *lightbulb moment*.. Really, roxy?! REALLY?! Did you think he'd forget condoms twice?! LOL Not on your life.. that man will carry a condom around you always now! Cuz he's soooo close to getting some!

deezie is right.. I'm trying like hell, but you STILL aren't taking personal responsibility or holding yourself accountable for your actions and the part you played in this mess. Honey... like I said before.. HE is NOT your Guardian of Virtue.. HE'S the Invading Force. YOU are responsible for guarding your own virtue, and YOU are responsible for keeping yourself out of situations that can go too far, too fast. We aren't talking about a stranger abducting you and raping you here.. we're talking about a guy trying to get some (more), cuz you ALLOW the opportunities (and some sex) to happen.. and one day, his brakes might not work so good.. or YOU might talk yourself into something you aren't really ready for, and end up regretting it.

I lay ALL the blame at your cute little feet, roxy. ALL of it. Men only do what we allow them to in situations like this. YOU are setting up the scenarios, YOU are going THIS far but not THAT far.. and a man NEEDS very CLEAR and REASONABLE boundaries and guidelines for what you expect from him. I'm a chick and you're confusing ME! If I were him, I'd damn straight think you were just playing hard to get and wanting me to call you my girlfriend and maybe say I love you.. cuz uhh.. your Guardians of the Gate seem to be sleeping on the job. Fire them and get new ones.

This is all on YOU, rox. If you want him to TREAT you as a virgin worthy of respect and building a relationship.. BEHAVE like one!

Posted by roxyfalcon2006
also, I feel like this is starting to turn into a bitch fest which I hate about internet forums where you can't hear people's inflections and stuff like that. You guys have a right to judge especially since I'm sure this post is annoying you since so many people are commenting on it, but I guess you can answer my question so we can end this: what should I do? Stop the sex stuff all together and just kiss him? Or is there no turning back now that I let my guards down this weekend...?

All you have to do is remember that men want to have sex. If you are a woman, and you are looking good enough to have sex with, they want to have it with you. Especially today's youngsters. If you want to remain a virgin, stay away from men who aren't a virgin. Every man wants to be the first to "Hit that!", so to speak. If you honor yourself, then the rest should be easy. So, stop asking questions that you already know the answers to. Really. For every action there's a reaction, so be responsible for your actions, and don't regret what you did in the past, because it's too late now.

For me, kissing is a form of sex, to hell with what you heard.

Posted by P-Angel
The tie that connects the two issues of ...

1. attempting to present the self as virtuous
2. exercising sexually aimed suggestions

..... seems to be flying over her head.


To mean, she isn't acknowledging any self accountibility .... so, she is either really that stupid, or, she is playing stupid with us to try and get a response.


And I'd be willing to wager it's the latter ... such much for Virgos not liking drama.


On the Pisces board, I referenced the Virgo propensity to create drama, and got yelled at .... when in reality .. it's the absolute truth.

Or ... she is really that stupid.

I don't want to fight with you, but what part of "I acted like a slut" is not self-accountability? I'm not stupid, and I'm not trying to cause drama either. I'm a girl, he's a guy, we fooled around and my horniness got the best of me, and now I have to backtrack and explain again that I'm not ready and it's not going to happen until I actually SAY "I'm ready, let's do this" or whatever. I really like all you guys here and everyone really helped me before when I was trying to understand this guy, and all your advice worked. So don't go attacking me because I agree with what you're saying, I'm not trying to fight with you. All I'm asking now is just advice on what I should do so that I don't create the idea in his head based on my actions that I'm willing to go as far as he wants

Posted by DoubleGem2
I am only commenting cus theres no other threads running right now.....

worthy additions too! love it!

All of you- I get it, it's my fault for letting getting naked in a tent and messing around, it is my fault, I started it because I wanted to do that stuff. I'm just glad I didn't let myself go to far and lose it. But you keep saying "Take responsibility" and stop acting that way, it's not going over my head it's just not helping me solve my problem.... I get that I can't do certain things but I'm asking for ADVICE on how to back-track without I don't know, appearing cold or something. Is it okay for me to say we're not doing it, and then if we're making out and it gets more heated I should just stop him? Or can we still do all the other stuff and there still be a way for him to know I don't want to lose it to him but I don't want to *just* makeout either?

Well you need to talk to him about that. There are not guarantees that he will respect it though, and not try to push the boundaries.

An honest discussion with him is your best hope. And then - hopefully your perception of this guy (whether he is a good guy or not) is right. Because if you are wrong (as women so often are about the objects of their affections, not just you), he will continue to run circles around you lusting after that which he seeks. It's up to you to decide if you believe/trust his intentions or not.

But it always starts with communication. If he can't handle the open communication about this, he's a boy, not a man.

Grinch, are you saying that I can't do anything but kiss him? I can do that but it kind of makes me angry that a woman can't do anything past kissing without "teasing" a guy. If he knows I'm not gonna have sex with him, but I do enjoy doing other things, shouldn't that be enough to continue having fun without the threat of losing my virginity hanging over my head?

He's not a virgin... and clearly he likes the sex. Can you hang that over his head equally? You are asking him to concede to you, but you don't want to concede to him. Fairness is a two way street. See his side as well when you think about your virginity. He's had sex, no big deal to him. He barely knows you to care too much about your virginity.

I dunno...

Stop beating up on this girl.

Also, no, P-"Angel" is a terrible listener, because if she were a good listener she would have read that this girl already was accountable for her actions. More, like selective hearing, big difference.

Posted by deezie
Well you need to talk to him about that. There are not guarantees that he will respect it though, and not try to push the boundaries.

An honest discussion with him is your best hope. And then - hopefully your perception of this guy (whether he is a good guy or not) is right. Because if you are wrong (as women so often are about the objects of their affections, not just you), he will continue to run circles around you lusting after that which he seeks. It's up to you to decide if you believe/trust his intentions or not.

But it always starts with communication. If he can't handle the open communication about this, he's a boy, not a man.

The first night camping, we were kissing and I said, albeit we were both drinking but I do remember saying "I just want to be honest with you, I'm not rea dy to have sex and I at least want to wait until I'm in love with someone.. I figure I've waited this long I'd at least want to make it meaningful. And I'm not losing my virginity in a tent." Now maybe he forgot because we were drinking or something, so tonight when he gets off work I'll repeat what I said again, this time in complete soberness. And I'll come right out and say, if you want sex in a relationship and you don't like that I don't want it, then just tell me now. I won't be hurt, I just don't want to disappoint you either if it takes a few months or even never happens.

Posted by DoubleGem2
I am only commenting cus theres no other threads running right now.....

HaHa! Yeah, me too! Hey, there's some action on the Libra boards. Let's go over there and raise some hell! 😄

You need to re-programme your perception.

You think that to keep your womanly virtue = keeping your hymen ... and that is false.

If you want to have a man believe you have morals, then you have to actually have those values. You don't have them.


You are here saying, "ok I get it" .. but, you don't get it, you're just saying the words. A virtuous woman, who has honor, and ethics, and values represents herself that way.

You would still make out heavily with him ... and have no care in the world that his member suffers consequences when you say, "no".

Alls you do is say "no" ... you don't mean no .... you only mean to say that so that he will have the impression that you are virtuous.


There is nothing you can do, as in an act that is in place to make an impression upon him as to how you honor yourself that coincides with anything other than a tramp ... because he already knows that you are merely acting the part.

Just as all know you are acting the part. Because a real woman who actually has those values doesn't allow herself to act for the sake of gaining attention.

I'm certainly not trying to beat up on you either. My communication style is very a-hole-ish.
I do see that you are trying to take some accountability here, and commend you for it.

And yes, while drinking and already in a moment of physicality is not the time to have that discussion. So you should speak with him tonight or whenever works for you guys to best deal with it.

You have to be careful though with your words. That whole wait til you are in love with someone bit, will lead you right back to Nefer's scenario where he will commit to you and drop the L word, just to nail you. You need to be clear to him that intercourse is off the table. You enjoy other aspects of sex. Is he ok with that? Does he think that is something he can be involved in?

"Cancer... I really like you a lot, and love being with you. But I don't want to go too far, too fast. After this weekend, I've realized that I don't feel good about going as far as I did. I don't like feeling like that, and I don't want to put unnecessary pressure on either of us or ruin what we have. I'd like to slow things down for now. I love kissing and cuddling with you, but that's as far as I feel comfortable going from now on. What do you think?"

No games, no coyness. Just straight up how you honestly feel, and what you don't want (boundaries), and how far you'll go now (guidelines). No blaming HIM, accept that YOU got you both into this by having weak boundaries. No more mixed signals. No more TELLING him you want to stay a virgin, but your ACTIONS tell him you're almost ready to go just an inch farther, and to try a bit harder and you'll probably give in.

But deezie is right.. he may not like it or want to go along with it. He may get angry or totally reject you or end things. That's HIS choice, now that you're setting clear boundaries it's up to HIM to decide if he can accept and meet those guidelines. But if he DOES walk away.. then you two didn't have the sort of relationship you thought you did... or it's a hard lesson in setting your boundaries and stating your expectations early and strongly AND having your behavior match your words... cuz otherwise a man will feel duped and played and led on, even if you didn't MEAN to.

We women tend to think WORDS trump ACTIONS.. we listen to what a man SAYS and ignore the bullshit he DOES.... and we TELL a man what we want or will do.. then our ACTIONS totally contradict it.. and so he follows the cues set forth by our actions, ignoring our words.. but here we still sit, thinking he should KNOW BETTER.. cuz we SAID one thing, even if we DID something else. But with MEN.. ACTIONS trump WORDS.

And I agree with P-Angel up there....

It's a personal choice of yours to be a virgin, but just remember that the only person that it matters respects it is YOU. You can't expect anyone else to be impressed by it, or bestow you certain liberties because of it...

Everyone in the world is out for themselves. Remember that.

C'mon, how many women here can honestly say that they never acted like a slut at some point in there life? I mean, really. It's just that for some of you, during your 'slut' days the internet wasn't that accessible and you didn't have a forum to talk about it. At least this female put it out there, and some of you guys beat the shit out of her. Tsk Tsk. *shrugs*

Posted by roxyfalcon2006

I figure I've waited this long I'd at least want to make it meaningful. And I'm not losing my virginity in a tent.

And I'll come right out and say, if you want sex in a relationship and you don't like that I don't want it, then just tell me now.

You missed the entire point.

Your virtue has nothing to do with a piece of skin called, "hymen" .... a woman who remains chaste for the sake of her morals, doesn't engage in any form of sex.

You lost your virginity the moment you acted upon lust ... no matter what sexual form it took.

For some reason, you have this notion that to have honor means to not lose your hymen ... but, then can suck a dick.

Seriously woman ..... you've already lost the virginal respect with him. The only thing you can do is move on and next time, if you want to be treated like a lady with moral values, then you have to actually HAVE those values.



Secondly, to tell him you don't want sex is a lie .. you already told us that you have a high sex drive.

Are you just going to cover one lie with another?

If you want to be honest with him, then at least tell him the truth ... tell him that you were so naive that you didn't even realize that to give a man head, or to let a man take your clothes off was disrepecting yourself ... and at 22 years of age, you had to be told by a room full of strangers.

then do him the favor of stepping away ... so you can go grow up without having to burden him any longer with your nonesense.

Posted by GeminiMind
C'mon, how many women here can honestly say that they never acted like a slut at some point in there life? I mean, really. It's just that for some of you, during your 'slut' days the internet wasn't that accessible and you didn't have a forum to talk about it. At least this female put it out there, and some of you guys beat the shit out of her. Tsk Tsk. *shrugs*

I will full out admit I've completely acted like a slut at some point. BUT I'm not pullin the virgin/virtuous thing either, nor have I ever. Actually it's kind of funny, I gave it up to a Cancer myself around her age... and I kept telling him I wasn't going to sleep with him, my GOD he loved the challenge, and boy did I ever give in to it, hahaha.

I don't think we are being hard on her at all here. She seems to be handling it quite well. Sometimes the truth isn't easy to hear, and it takes shit beating to get through!

I find it amusing that you can get on our cases about beating the shit out of her, but not get on her case for not getting what we are all saying 🙂 (sorry roxy, not a deliberate bus-throw-under, just needed a comparison)

Posted by P-Angel
You need to re-programme your perception.

You think that to keep your womanly virtue = keeping your hymen ... and that is false.

If you want to have a man believe you have morals, then you have to actually have those values. You don't have them.


You are here saying, "ok I get it" .. but, you don't get it, you're just saying the words. A virtuous woman, who has honor, and ethics, and values represents herself that way.

You would still make out heavily with him ... and have no care in the world that his member suffers consequences when you say, "no".

Alls you do is say "no" ... you don't mean no .... you only mean to say that so that he will have the impression that you are virtuous.


There is nothing you can do, as in an act that is in place to make an impression upon him as to how you honor yourself that coincides with anything other than a tramp ... because he already knows that you are merely acting the part.

Just as all know you are acting the part. Because a real woman who actually has those values doesn't allow herself to act for the sake of gaining attention.

Okay, you're right, just because someone still has their cherry doesn't make them virtuous. But what is virtuous? Is it so wrong to give my boyfriend a blow job? I really don't think his dick is going to fall off just because he doesn't get to have sex with me... men jerk off all the time and their "member" doesn't suffer. I'm choosing to stay a virgin for both spiritual and personal reasons. I'm religious but pretty liberal (for instance I don't consider a blow job a sin, despite what the Church may say).. I'm also choosing to not do it because I've seen too many girls get pregnant and have to raise a child at a young age and I know it's possible to do it, but I want to have a career and wait at least til I'm 30 to start a family, and having a child right now would kind of ruin those plans. Call me selfish, but I just can't handle those kind of strings right now.

Posted by DoubleGem2
Its called the Heymen Manuver....

HAHAHAHA!!

I needed that 😄

Oh no.... religion finally made it's way into this thread. This is gonna get so much worse now right?

Posted by deezie
I'm certainly not trying to beat up on you either. My communication style is very a-hole-ish.
I do see that you are trying to take some accountability here, and commend you for it.

And yes, while drinking and already in a moment of physicality is not the time to have that discussion. So you should speak with him tonight or whenever works for you guys to best deal with it.

You have to be careful though with your words. That whole wait til you are in love with someone bit, will lead you right back to Nefer's scenario where he will commit to you and drop the L word, just to nail you. You need to be clear to him that intercourse is off the table. You enjoy other aspects of sex. Is he ok with that? Does he think that is something he can be involved in?

Even if he dropped the "L word", I didn't say I'm waiting for HIM to be in love with ME. I want to be mutually in love with someone before I do it, and even if I am in love, that still doesn't mean I'll be ready. I even "loved" my ex and we dated for a year and half and still didn't do it. Although, he was a virgin with even higher morals than me. Well, at least I thought so until a year after we broke up I found out he had cheated on me with a guy, but yeah, him being a virgin made it a lot easier. I just thought this guy was different and since he'd only dated 2 other girls and yeah he'd have sex, and it's not like he's been having sex since his last gf, so why would it matter if I didn't have sex with him now? Wouldn't he rather get some blowjobs and no sex than nothing at all?

Posted by deezie

Posted by GeminiMind
C'mon, how many women here can honestly say that they never acted like a slut at some point in there life? I mean, really. It's just that for some of you, during your 'slut' days the internet wasn't that accessible and you didn't have a forum to talk about it. At least this female put it out there, and some of you guys beat the shit out of her. Tsk Tsk. *shrugs*

I will full out admit I've completely acted like a slut at some point. BUT I'm not pullin the virgin/virtuous thing either, nor have I ever. Actually it's kind of funny, I gave it up to a Cancer myself around her age... and I kept telling him I wasn't going to sleep with him, my GOD he loved the challenge, and boy did I ever give in to it, hahaha.

I don't think we are being hard on her at all here. She seems to be handling it quite well. Sometimes the truth isn't easy to hear, and it takes shit beating to get through!

I find it amusing that you can get on our cases about beating the shit out of her, but not get on her case for not getting what we are all saying 🙂 (sorry roxy, not a deliberate bus-throw-under, just needed a comparison)

click to expand

I mos def get the virtuoso stuff. I hate when people pull that garbage. But, they have themselves to live with, and people with delusions of virtue live in a world a pain. Better them than me.

What I do understand about her, is that she revels in the attention. Good or Bad. To her I think it's all about the press, which is why she put herself in that position in the first place. Some people are glutton's for punishment. Obvious now, init?

hahaha... well I suppose. Or he could just go off and find another girl that will have sex with him instead of blowjobs only?

And again you're being vague. I gave you how the scenario would play out. Do you think he's going to extrapolate from what you said and be like... "well... she's hanging out with me and dating me, but she's not talking about sex with me".
I get what you mean, that it isn't necessarily going to be him. That likely won't be what he hears.

arghhh.. I might have to give up soon....

Posted by grinch33344
Girl, you can't have your cake and eat it too. :/ You don't want to get burned, but you're playing with fire... how is it possible?

I'm being realistic here, the only chance your guy wants to settle with playing around here and there without getting your virginity is if either A) he's a virgin, or B) he realizes that condoms only can reduce the chance of you getting pregnant to about 10% , meaning that there's 10% chance that you WILL get pregnant. If he realizes this and is freaked out of having little babies, he might want to hold himself back from doing you.

Other than that, tough luck. :/

Or, she could just tell him that she's so fertile that kissing him will get her preggers. 🙂

Fair enough GemMind. And completely right.
I'm on a roll of speaking my mind, and you popped up there with something that easily go this aries moon rattled 😛

...annnnd I'm over it.

*sigh* Roxy.. I understand that you like giving head AND you aren't ready for vaginal sex. But do YOU understand that from the man's point of view... giving him head contradicts you saying you want to stay a virgin?

Wrap your mind around that for a minute. What HE sees is a woman who he can nail IF he applies the right type/amount of pressure... cuz your behavior is not actually "virginal" even if you're technically a virgin. As I've said twice before.. I truly DON'T care what you do in regards to sex.. hell, have wild chandelier sex and put the video on YouTube for all I care. But understand that by continuing to give him oral, he will be continuing to get mixed signals (actions vs words) from you AND is still seeing that one tiny step further is not SUCH a big deal (cuz it's not, to him. HE'S NOT THE GUARDIAN!).. and he will KEEP trying to take your virginity, and you will feel increasingly disrespected.. which is sad.. because he's just following your cues and thinking like a man. And a man will TRY to have sex with a hot chick he's already ALMOST had sex with, esp if she keeps doing the same stuff that had him thinking she'd be down for all that in the first place.

My advice? Stop with the blowjobs for awhile, and DEFINITELY don't be getting naked or nearly-naked with him. Don't get INTO those private, steamy situations that could easily go awry and will definitely confuse him. And STICK to your boundaries, even if you have to avoid drinking around him. The chemistry is strong, it's not going to be easy. EASY would be just go ahead and let him punch your Vcard. Since you aren't ready for that.. take sex, ALL SEX, off the table for now and see where it goes.

Posted by deezie
Fair enough GemMind. And completely right.
I'm on a roll of speaking my mind, and you popped up there with something that easily go this aries moon rattled 😛

...annnnd I'm over it.

——

oh, wow 😢 roxy, you're getting so much valuable advice on here, some of it is pretty blunt...it needs to be, though. if you pay attention now, you won't be hurt later on...or so far into a mess you can't back out of it.

even if YOU can be physical without actual intercourse, doesn't mean guys will feel that way. so at least you know now. for now he's happy to wait you out, because it looks like nevermind what you say, what you're DOING tells a different story...plus, it's a challenge, guys love that.

i wasn't even going to comment here but sooooo many of my female friends have acted this way it's unreal and they always come running to me when shit hits the fan. your intentions need to be clear in your head. so whatever he brings to the table should be irrelevant because you know what you're doing.

My recommendation is....

http://photobucket.com/images/chastity% 20belt" target="_blank">

I know, that's hot, right? HaHa! I'd probably switch out the key lock for a combination lock though.

Posted by Nefer
*sigh* Roxy.. I understand that you like giving head AND you aren't ready for vaginal sex. But do YOU understand that from the man's point of view... giving him head contradicts you saying you want to stay a virgin?

Wrap your mind around that for a minute. What HE sees is a woman who he can nail IF he applies the right type/amount of pressure... cuz your behavior is not actually "virginal" even if you're technically a virgin. As I've said twice before.. I truly DON'T care what you do in regards to sex.. hell, have wild chandelier sex and put the video on YouTube for all I care. But understand that by continuing to give him oral, he will be continuing to get mixed signals (actions vs words) from you AND is still seeing that one tiny step further is not SUCH a big deal (cuz it's not, to him. HE'S NOT THE GUARDIAN!).. and he will KEEP trying to take your virginity, and you will feel increasingly disrespected.. which is sad.. because he's just following your cues and thinking like a man. And a man will TRY to have sex with a hot chick he's already ALMOST had sex with, esp if she keeps doing the same stuff that had him thinking she'd be down for all that in the first place.

My advice? Stop with the blowjobs for awhile, and DEFINITELY don't be getting naked or nearly-naked with him. Don't get INTO those private, steamy situations that could easily go awry and will definitely confuse him. And STICK to your boundaries, even if you have to avoid drinking around him. The chemistry is strong, it's not going to be easy. EASY would be just go ahead and let him punch your Vcard. Since you aren't ready for that.. take sex, ALL SEX, off the table for now and see where it goes.

THIS answered my question. I didn't string this thread out for the attention, I just wanted an answer to my question. So I'm just gonna have "the talk" with him tonight and explain I'm not having sex with him, and despite how much I actually enjoy giving him head I just won't do it. If he doesn't want to handle a sex-less relationship, then fine. I really haven't fallen for him yet, sure I'm attracted to him physically, and most of his personality (except for him being so shy) I really, truly would not be hurt right now if he said nevermind, I don't want to date you because you won't give me sex. As I said before, I only had one other bf and other than that I've always been single, so it

it's not like I'll be crushed without a man at my side. Thank you all for your help, you really made me go back and think about the way I used to be and how blunt and protective I was about myself before I lost a lot of my morals these past 4 years. But really, thank you guys. Anytime I need a slap back to reality, I'll hit up dxpnet hahaha

Posted by grinch33344

Posted by GeminiMind

Posted by grinch33344
Girl, you can't have your cake and eat it too. :/ You don't want to get burned, but you're playing with fire... how is it possible?

I'm being realistic here, the only chance your guy wants to settle with playing around here and there without getting your virginity is if either A) he's a virgin, or B) he realizes that condoms only can reduce the chance of you getting pregnant to about 10% , meaning that there's 10% chance that you WILL get pregnant. If he realizes this and is freaked out of having little babies, he might want to hold himself back from doing you.

Other than that, tough luck. :/

Or, she could just tell him that she's so fertile that kissing him will get her preggers. 🙂

You know that is actually possible. If she gives him oral, kisses him, and then he gives her oral afterwards she can get preggie. 😛

click to expand

I, for once, am speechless.

Oh good -- and even before my head imploded! *wink*


"Cancer... I really like you a lot, and love being with you. But I don't want to go too far, too fast. After this weekend, I've realized that I don't feel good about going as far as I did. I don't like feeling like that, and I don't want to put unnecessary pressure on either of us or ruin what we have. I'd like to slow things down for now. I love kissing and cuddling with you, but that's as far as I feel comfortable going from now on. What do you think?"

^^That is something I wrote specifically for you, specifically for your situation, in specific language a man can HEAR without feeling attacked or blamed and getting defensive. Please use it for your talk.

Tweak wording as you wish, HOWEVER.. you must keep the main points if you want it to be effective communication. Those are: Open with a positive statement, even if you're delivering a potentially negative statement. "I don't want" is crucial.. THAT sets your boundaries WITHOUT blaming him or making it his responsibility.. you're simply stating what you don't want (and therefore what is unacceptable to you) and it's still left entirely up to HIM to decide if he's willing/able to go along with it. "I/it feel(s)" is ALSO crucial... this is the heart of the matter. YOUR FEELINGS are his guidelines for behavior. FEELING statements are open, honest, and vulnerable.. and still all about YOU, not putting blame or demands on him. Stay calm and centered.. you do not have to JUSTIFY your true emotions delivered calmly and reasonably, men RESPECT this. State what you'd like to continue doing (solid boundaries to stick with - if the boundaries are weak, they become the same as lies) and more of how you FEEL about these things. End with either "What do you think?" (invites his participation into the convo, this ISN'T just you standing there giving orders. You WANT him to join in!) OR "Can you help me with this?" (Depending on situation. Cuz asking for his genuine help is a good thing and very attractive to a man!)

Note: IF he gets angry or whatnot, STAY CALM. This isn't a fight or debate, it's you opening up and laying it all out on the table.. and leaving it up to him to decide what he wants next. Respect his choice, whatever it is.. if HE gets disrespectful.. don't buy into it. And realize you just saw his true colors early on and count yourself lucky.

Posted by roxyfalcon2006

But what is virtuous? Is it so wrong to give my boyfriend a blow job? I really don't think his dick is going to fall off just because he doesn't get to have sex with me...

You say you aren't stupid and then the point completely flies over your head again ... so does this mean you are playing stupid?

When the question is put to you about YOUR virtue .. you talk about the state of his dick, in terms of whether it suffers with or without sex from you ... as if that has anything to do with your respect for yourself.

If anyone gives you insight .. you have naive comebacks in which are in place to have excuses as to why you don't have to honor yourself.


And the sad part is ... you do it because you think you are getting one over on us, or something ... when in reality, your ignorance of it has no bearing on us .. only on you.

So the only person you are fucking up is yourself ... and you appear to not care .. that is, if you aren't so stupid that you don't get it.


I'm done with you .... you're stupidity goes beyond most people on here, even beyond the Gemini's and that speaks volumes.

To clarify... I believe the closet homosexual was the ex-bf. The camping guy just wants bang bang.

But that's not as funny as your concoction. Reneged.

Angelina really needs to see a therapist about her obsession with us, I mean really. She should never utter the word 'stupid' unless it's in front of a mirror. Had to say it. :\

Posted by deezie
To clarify... I believe the closet homosexual was the ex-bf. The camping guy just wants bang bang.

But that's not as funny as your concoction. Reneged.

I know, right?! HaHa! It should've started with, a Black man, a Chines man, and an Indian man went camping with a virgin, etc. HaHa!

*Chinese 😛

nefer- thanks, I'll definitely put that advice to use today, I'm just nervous because we're both shy and I'm totally awkward about talking about this kinda stuff, I'll just have to rehearse a little bit to make sure I don't come off wrong, I have the tendency to say the wrong things when I'm nervous! :-P

Posted by GeminiMind

Posted by deezie
To clarify... I believe the closet homosexual was the ex-bf. The camping guy just wants bang bang.

But that's not as funny as your concoction. Reneged.

I know, right?! HaHa! It should've started with, a Black man, a Chines man, and an Indian man went camping with a virgin, etc. HaHa!

click to expand

and then the big bang ending has something to do with a chastity belt that gives blow jobs.

and that wasn't supposed to be a low blow. Just funny. I remind you - I'm best at being an asshole if only for a laugh

haha no offense taken, it's actually pretty funny. I never realized how complicated and strange my (lack of) sex life was.

haha no offense taken, it's actually pretty funny. I never realized how complicated and strange my (lack of) sex life was.

haha no offense taken, it's actually pretty funny. I never realized how complicated and strange my (lack of) sex life was.