Poppyseeds
@Poppyseeds
9 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 695 · Topics: 28
What is the best way to break it off with a cancerian man?
Just stop responding to him and he will get the message. He's not making time for you what more can he expects?
If you are after a closure for yourself simply tell him to go fuck himself. That will burn the bridge for good.
If you are after a closure for yourself simply tell him to go fuck himself. That will burn the bridge for good.
You should have dumped him ages ago. He's just a coward who hasn't got his shit together.
If you care about the guy, you should have a talk with him and say how you feel. The thing is if he wants to be with you, he will be more understanding and change to accommodate the relationship. Voice your frustrations, but don't hurt his feelings (sometimes you have to walk on eggshells when communicating with cancer men. Say the wrong thing, get ready for the silent treatment). If he becomes manipulative and disregards what you said, just stop communication. He needs to know you are serious. You said your piece and move on. Stop all communication. Tell him you are moving on.
If you just want to get out and don't really care, act like you don't really care. Just send him a text message saying you are ending the relationship and move on. If he cares for you, his feelings will be deeply hurt and maybe his ego. He will try to contact you. Ignore Ignore Ignore. Eventually he will get the message and leave you alone. If you want to end it even quicker... just be extra and be super mean. He will definitely feel that you don't care and probably will not attempt to contact you at all...it depends though.
Imo I know you were trying to be an understanding girlfriend, but if you knew you couldn't tolerate being put last to this project, you should have told him that wasn't okay. It's definitely not fair to you at all. Sometimes we don't realize what we cannot tolerate until we go through it.
Good luck.
If you just want to get out and don't really care, act like you don't really care. Just send him a text message saying you are ending the relationship and move on. If he cares for you, his feelings will be deeply hurt and maybe his ego. He will try to contact you. Ignore Ignore Ignore. Eventually he will get the message and leave you alone. If you want to end it even quicker... just be extra and be super mean. He will definitely feel that you don't care and probably will not attempt to contact you at all...it depends though.
Imo I know you were trying to be an understanding girlfriend, but if you knew you couldn't tolerate being put last to this project, you should have told him that wasn't okay. It's definitely not fair to you at all. Sometimes we don't realize what we cannot tolerate until we go through it.
Good luck.
Posted by AnjoYes I do care and I was really trying to be understanding and supportive, since this project is very important and he needs it to build a better profile to bring it more work. He's been an emotional rollercoaster lately due to the instability of his work / income.
If you care about the guy, you should have a talk with him and say how you feel. The thing is if he wants to be with you, he will be more understanding and change to accommodate the relationship. Voice your frustrations, but don't hurt his feelings (sometimes you have to walk on eggshells when communicating with cancer men. Say the wrong thing, get ready for the silent treatment). If he becomes manipulative and disregards what you said, just stop communication. He needs to know you are serious. You said your piece and move on. Stop all communication. Tell him you are moving on.
If you just want to get out and don't really care, act like you don't really care. Just send him a text message saying you are ending the relationship and move on. If he cares for you, his feelings will be deeply hurt and maybe his ego. He will try to contact you. Ignore Ignore Ignore. Eventually he will get the message and leave you alone. If you want to end it even quicker... just be extra and be super mean. He will definitely feel that you don't care and probably will not attempt to contact you at all...it depends though.
Imo I know you were trying to be an understanding girlfriend, but if you knew you couldn't tolerate being put last to this project, you should have told him that wasn't okay. It's definitely not fair to you at all. Sometimes we don't realize what we cannot tolerate until we go through it.
Good luck.
I know he cares about me a lot as he never take it out on me, he is always kind and considerate. He would only pick fights with his male friends.
Ideally I only like to break up with people in person as it's the respectful and right thing to do, since he can't see me now I guess it's not an option. I probably should think of what to say before I rush into anything.
Thanks for your input!
@poppyseeds
I can tell you care for him. It's a really hard situation. Cancer men can be tricky but they feel deeply and are very emotional. Can you talk to him over the phone instead of text? There should be no reason for him to not understand what you are going through if you voice it to him.
Let him know how much you care for him and the relationship and you truly want to be with him. Let him know what you have been going through and how neglected you feel. If he wants the relationship to work, he should put in some time and effort. As a cancer myself, i cant understand why he's not doing all he can to make sure you are good...smh...As I said before, if he becomes manipulative, just let him know that you need to move on.
I can tell you care for him. It's a really hard situation. Cancer men can be tricky but they feel deeply and are very emotional. Can you talk to him over the phone instead of text? There should be no reason for him to not understand what you are going through if you voice it to him.
Let him know how much you care for him and the relationship and you truly want to be with him. Let him know what you have been going through and how neglected you feel. If he wants the relationship to work, he should put in some time and effort. As a cancer myself, i cant understand why he's not doing all he can to make sure you are good...smh...As I said before, if he becomes manipulative, just let him know that you need to move on.
Yes to everything Anjo said but I would consider your wording very very carefully if you don't want to hurt the sensitive cancer.
If you're willing to do something like take a break for now, but maybe revisit the relationship in the future, at a better time. I would say something like," I know work is your priority right now, and you are under a lot of stress. I don't want to cause you more stress, but the current situation is not working for me. I think right now, you need to focus on what you need, and I need to focus on what I need. If in the future, you're able to make a relationship a priority, I hope to hear from you. If I'm still available, I'd like to try this again."
If you're willing to do something like take a break for now, but maybe revisit the relationship in the future, at a better time. I would say something like," I know work is your priority right now, and you are under a lot of stress. I don't want to cause you more stress, but the current situation is not working for me. I think right now, you need to focus on what you need, and I need to focus on what I need. If in the future, you're able to make a relationship a priority, I hope to hear from you. If I'm still available, I'd like to try this again."
^^ all previous responses are excellent.
It sounds like he's trying to break it off with you, but won't just come right out and say so. I'd slowly distance myself and make him have the talk.
Actually that's a lie. I would not do that; I would think about doing that, but then just ask him straight up what the hell is going on because I'm blunt and hate loose ends.
The slow distancing is probably the better approach though. Idk.
Actually that's a lie. I would not do that; I would think about doing that, but then just ask him straight up what the hell is going on because I'm blunt and hate loose ends.
The slow distancing is probably the better approach though. Idk.
Posted by AndalusiaI don't think this is his way to break it off, I have already distance myself to give him space and myself room to focus on my life.
It sounds like he's trying to break it off with you, but won't just come right out and say so. I'd slowly distance myself and make him have the talk.
Actually that's a lie. I would not do that; I would think about doing that, but then just ask him straight up what the hell is going on because I'm blunt and hate loose ends.
The slow distancing is probably the better approach though. Idk.
I'm distance but supportive.
Posted by Shellyd238I thought about saying that, how would he take it though? Will he think that I'm just lying to him about willing to try again and still taking it personally like I just want to get rid of him?
Yes to everything Anjo said but I would consider your wording very very carefully if you don't want to hurt the sensitive cancer.
If you're willing to do something like take a break for now, but maybe revisit the relationship in the future, at a better time. I would say something like," I know work is your priority right now, and you are under a lot of stress. I don't want to cause you more stress, but the current situation is not working for me. I think right now, you need to focus on what you need, and I need to focus on what I need. If in the future, you're able to make a relationship a priority, I hope to hear from you. If I'm still available, I'd like to try this again."
I really am willing to get together again if this really happen.
By the way I've been worrying about the timing.. and the impact on him if he hears this during this project....
Send him a heartfelt msg about what you feel, what you want and see what his response is. If there is no response then you know he doesn't care enough, but I think he will. Cancer are usually moved by emotion so if he wants to really keep you he will respond.
Posted by AnjoI absolutely agree he should put in time and effort, the reason I haven't done the harsh breaking up is because he fell into a depression recently due to the instablility of career, he explained if the career gets better so would he. I know he used to visit therapist so there probably is a pattern there.
@poppyseeds
I can tell you care for him. It's a really hard situation. Cancer men can be tricky but they feel deeply and are very emotional. Can you talk to him over the phone instead of text? There should be no reason for him to not understand what you are going through if you voice it to him.
Let him know how much you care for him and the relationship and you truly want to be with him. Let him know what you have been going through and how neglected you feel. If he wants the relationship to work, he should put in some time and effort. As a cancer myself, i cant understand why he's not doing all he can to make sure you are good...smh...As I said before, if he becomes manipulative, just let him know that you need to move on.
He also let me know that in the past he's been dumped by a few girls due to the instability to move things forward, it's because he really love his profession but this profession is very unstable, so it controls him rather than he controls it. As a result he became a roller coster becuase of that. I don't want to say what he does on the internet, but I can vouch for how hard that profession is. He feels very bad to put my life on hold, I asked what does that mean? is this his way to break up? he said of course not! I really like you and we must move things forward, but I just can't do it now becuase of what I'm going through, I said ok we can take it slow and keep dating exclusively, he said yes but we still have to keep moving things forward.. this is not a solution.. He said this when I saw him last.
If I didn't know him better I would think he is being manipulative, on our first date he already let me know his history of running overseas for months just to NOT talk to anyone to dissolve stress.
I sympathize all that and really care, yet I struggle to find a middleground for us..
Posted by MoonbutterYou are right, showing him my emotions is what keeps our communication going during this tough time. Before his depression I didn't have to show much.
Send him a heartfelt msg about what you feel, what you want and see what his response is. If there is no response then you know he doesn't care enough, but I think he will. Cancer are usually moved by emotion so if he wants to really keep you he will respond.
Posted by Poppyseedsif you are coming from a truthful place when you talk to him, he should know you're not lying. if he thinks you are then I'm afraid that his issues might be a lot deeper than work stress.Posted by Shellyd238I thought about saying that, how would he take it though? Will he think that I'm just lying to him about willing to try again and still taking it personally like I just want to get rid of him?
Yes to everything Anjo said but I would consider your wording very very carefully if you don't want to hurt the sensitive cancer.
If you're willing to do something like take a break for now, but maybe revisit the relationship in the future, at a better time. I would say something like," I know work is your priority right now, and you are under a lot of stress. I don't want to cause you more stress, but the current situation is not working for me. I think right now, you need to focus on what you need, and I need to focus on what I need. If in the future, you're able to make a relationship a priority, I hope to hear from you. If I'm still available, I'd like to try this again."
I really am willing to get together again if this really happen.
By the way I've been worrying about the timing.. and the impact on him if he hears this during this project....click to expand
If you wait for the perfect time, you'll never find it.
Posted by Shellyd238I get that. I guess shoot him a text or simply ask if we can catch up for a coffee for 30 mins. and see what he says. if he says no then the text.Posted by Poppyseedsif you are coming from a truthful place when you talk to him, he should know you're not lying. if he thinks you are then I'm afraid that his issues might be a lot deeper than work stress.Posted by Shellyd238I thought about saying that, how would he take it though? Will he think that I'm just lying to him about willing to try again and still taking it personally like I just want to get rid of him?
Yes to everything Anjo said but I would consider your wording very very carefully if you don't want to hurt the sensitive cancer.
If you're willing to do something like take a break for now, but maybe revisit the relationship in the future, at a better time. I would say something like," I know work is your priority right now, and you are under a lot of stress. I don't want to cause you more stress, but the current situation is not working for me. I think right now, you need to focus on what you need, and I need to focus on what I need. If in the future, you're able to make a relationship a priority, I hope to hear from you. If I'm still available, I'd like to try this again."
I really am willing to get together again if this really happen.
By the way I've been worrying about the timing.. and the impact on him if he hears this during this project....
If you wait for the perfect time, you'll never find it.
click to expand
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He told me it's not his wish to be so single minded, right now he can't think of anything like family, friends and love. He is under a lot of pressure to do this project well, as he is hoping it can make his career more stable because of it.
He said he is not sure how to make things better in this 3 weeks while the project is still on. he said the hours is long and he just goes home and sleep and work more to refresh himself for next day, he is pretty much in preservation mode.
I let him know that I understand this project is very important and he should focus on it. I made some jokes hoping to make him laugh and shared some tips for de-stress, and that he can make it up to me later.
I didn't have the heart to tell him hey this is not working, we might be right for each other but the timing is wrong. I can't date someone exclusively without seeing them for months... he probably was under the impression I could as he knows I had a long distance relationship in the past...
I'm not sure if I can now date someone else during his absence? Last i saw him he said he wants to move forward, but if he can't manage anything other than the project it's unfair on me as well...