Why do you Crabs push others away?

I recently read this in one of Cancerian Goddess's threads and it stuck:

"Falling in love with them won't be hard, but having a Cancer fall in love with you will be. As much as this sign loves to nurture, tend an care for others they hate to be vulnerable. They resist this with all their might until they just can't resist any more. It's the paradox of Cancer. They have an uncanny way of objectifying their feelings and relationships if you aren't in their inner most circles. No matter how much they want that homey relationship, they can hold you off forever and wait you out."


I realize that , with my Crab (together for 8 months) I feel this push-pull. The closer I become, I start noticing how he pushes me subtly away crawling a bit inside that shell. Then he is ready to come out again..and then the cycle begins. He walks two steps sideways, one front, one back...
I don't want to complain and whine because things are OK..he doesn't disappear, he is there, but he can be elusive and self-centered.

I don't think you Crabs realize how much this hurts others.

Why do you do it? what are the mechanisms behind this reaction? I am so different that I can't undestand it so well.
Thanks to all !! 🙂

lol

Crabs are Crabs.....why is it so hard to understand for people that it's not always about you?
Crabs need to be alone sometimes,not just physically,but to emotionally recharge for their own sake.it's not always about you or your relationship.
it's just how they are made,they can't help it...and it would be so much easier if everyone could just get that instead of being so self centered. 🙂

Nice Bella.. hehe...

Actually, we only pull away if you do something to make us pull away. Tell us our cooking sucks and gave you diaharrea, we WILL pull away. Tell a cancer woman you HATE kids,..guaranteed BIG PUSH away!.. Tell us the lady next door makes better homeade preserves... Yea that should do it! Point out every guy/girl you see on the street with a "Damn she/he is fyne! i would do em!" That outta do it. Tell us our mom is no longer allowed to the house, yea you just put a knife to our heart! (even if we cant stand our mom,we will still love her and seek her approval weather it looks like it or not) Tell us you lied about something important,..That will do it! because we have to trust our partners in order to love them.....Act sweet,straight forward,honest,direct and loving... have our heart for eternity, and prey someone doesnt hurt you because if they do we will protect you back by snapping their little neck like a twig! *smile*

I'll even go a step farther and ask you all this....

If YOU love your Crab sooooo much,why can't you give them the space and time alone they are gently showing you they need,without making them feel bad about it? they've been this way all of their lives...it has nothing to do with you.unless of course you are pressuring them....then it DOES have to do with you. 😉

I'm talking about when these people say they've done nothing.are you saying you don't shell up just cuz you need it sometimes? I'm open for correction. 🙂

I pull away (cancer rising)when hurt or don't trust...but also when there is no issue,just for the reasons I stated.maybe it's not the cancer rising causing this...
but you guess seem pretty easy to understand for me. 🙂

*you guys...not guess.😛

♥

Having my Moon in Cancer, I understand my Crab (his Sun is in Cancer) having that need also to protect their feelings because I shell up too. I've done the dance with my Crab for 1 year, but after this last pull and push, I think I'm giving up. I know he has feelings for me, and I have feelings for him, but the dance is also tiring. I noticed how he gets tired too when it's me who hides. The point is, it's the same. We're just going round and round, and someones bound to get dizzy! Haha

He'll probably just notice I've given up when he wont see me the next months or so and he'll hate me for it like he did before, but we are just too alike. He wont open up, and I wont, so better to just leave it alone and be happy with someone more compatible.

Posted by BellatheBull
I pull away (cancer rising)when hurt or don't trust...but also when there is no issue,just for the reasons I stated.maybe it's not the cancer rising causing this...
but you guess seem pretty easy to understand for me. 🙂

I push because I get scared. My Crab I don't know why he push probably he's scared too or probably wants me to open up more, but I just can't. The same he can't open up also unless he's totally sure?

Posted by BellatheBull
I'll even go a step farther and ask you all this....

If YOU love your Crab sooooo much,why can't you give them the space and time alone they are gently showing you they need,without making them feel bad about it? they've been this way all of their lives...it has nothing to do with you.unless of course you are pressuring them....then it DOES have to do with you. 😉

I was asking the Crabs for some insight about psychological mechanisms and there you come, all worked up and revved and aggressive....you are not even a Crab to start with...

I am not asking about the space and time alone (which I also NEED) but about why sometimes, they walk two steps forward and then go back, I know it is in their nature and Im trying to undestand it better...


and there you come, it is not all about US BUT THEM, what the heck
—————

calm down Id say..no need to get so angry!!!


and I never said I didnt give the Crab the space he needed and Im not making him feel bad so please measure what you say, it is not answering or helping...

Posted by PiscesArgie

Posted by BellatheBull
I'll even go a step farther and ask you all this....

If YOU love your Crab sooooo much,why can't you give them the space and time alone they are gently showing you they need,without making them feel bad about it? they've been this way all of their lives...it has nothing to do with you.unless of course you are pressuring them....then it DOES have to do with you. 😉

I was asking the Crabs for some insight about psychological mechanisms and there you come, all worked up and revved and aggressive....you are not even a Crab to start with...

I am not asking about the space and time alone (which I also NEED) but about why sometimes, they walk two steps forward and then go back, I know it is in their nature and Im trying to undestand it better...


and there you come, it is not all about US BUT THEM, what the heck
—————

calm down Id say..no need to get so angry!!!


and I never said I didnt give the Crab the space he needed and Im not making him feel bad so please measure what you say, it is not answering or helping...

click to expand

lol,aw....I'm not anywhere in the vicinity of angry.just an observation.
it seems whenever I visit this board some of you are always asking for the same answers,over and over....but never hearing them when they are given.
that's all. 😉
sometimes people,women especially have a habit of focusing on the details,rather than the whole picture.
and,once again...it's not all about you. 😉
I was speaking to the general population that have Crabs...not just you. 😉

And you're right,I'm not a Crab and don't know a damned thing about them. 🙂

@PiscesArgie

I would say you are right it is not about space. When a girl all over me, at some point it makes me run and return later.
I do not know why i do it-it is something to think about. BUT i would say there are good sides of it:
Your love life will be in a cycle (recession,boom,recession,boom,lol).I think it gives a boost to your love life...

Posted by Days22
But lets be honest. Cancers do the two step more than dancers.
They close up. Its just how they are tho and you do have to deal with it.

I'm a big advocate of cancers but this whole talk of the other person being selfish and self-centered is a bit much when cancers think about themselves more often than not when it comes to feelings.

You can stone me but its truth.

I didn't so much mean it the way it came across dayzy fish...really my main point was that people spend so much energy focusing on what they already know.
like,yeah...Cancer's do that....if it makes a person unhappy,why stick around and keep worrying about it? why take it so personally when you can read anywhere that most of them do it? feel me?
and not just Cancer(although it seems they catch a lot of crap),but really you can insert your trait of choice with any sign.people can be told and told it's a common trait...but they still keep repeatedly asking but why—?

I believe it so simplistic when some of you say "If your not happy with your cancer Please move on"
What kind of advice is that—??

Of course Im happy, that is why I have been with him together for more than 8 months. I don't stay in a shitty relationship just because ..I have never done so.

I am simply asking this because it is not natural for me, or let's say, I am not like that, so it is difficult to understand something which you are not. Ok, yes, some of you will say that I want to get in his head, why bother? well, it is my nature to try to undestand things.

It is not a question of MOVING ON!!!! PLEASE!

Im, together with some others here, would like to understand more Crabs' motifs for reacting how they do. As Im sure other people are in Pisces forum trying to know more about us Fish. There is nothing wrong with it...



".but they still keep repeatedly asking but why—?"

All of these forums are loaded with these questions, all trying to understand all ...what is wrong with that? why do you come to a forum to tell people stop asking? just save your answer ....Or don't read the thread, it saves you time and energy.

If I want to know more and find insight, and others do want to provide that, then great. And if I want to keep asking the same question over and over again, I will. Just dont open my threads.


CancerLeoCusp, and Moonbunny, thanks.....🙂

Lol!! I'll try to learn the steps then 🙂

Posted by PiscesArgie
I believe it so simplistic when some of you say "If your not happy with your cancer Please move on"
What kind of advice is that—??

Of course Im happy, that is why I have been with him together for more than 8 months. I don't stay in a shitty relationship just because ..I have never done so.

I am simply asking this because it is not natural for me, or let's say, I am not like that, so it is difficult to understand something which you are not. Ok, yes, some of you will say that I want to get in his head, why bother? well, it is my nature to try to undestand things.

It is not a question of MOVING ON!!!! PLEASE!

Im, together with some others here, would like to understand more Crabs' motifs for reacting how they do. As Im sure other people are in Pisces forum trying to know more about us Fish. There is nothing wrong with it...



".but they still keep repeatedly asking but why—?"

All of these forums are loaded with these questions, all trying to understand all ...what is wrong with that? why do you come to a forum to tell people stop asking? just save your answer ....Or don't read the thread, it saves you time and energy.

If I want to know more and find insight, and others do want to provide that, then great. And if I want to keep asking the same question over and over again, I will. Just dont open my threads.


CancerLeoCusp, and Moonbunny, thanks.....🙂

Why are you so defensive and hostile? I did not personally attack you,I was speaking in general,and I never told anyone to stop asking questions....
does your Cancer have to live with this negative energy when he dis-agrees with you?

And I apologize for offending you.

This is something I've always wanted to understand about crabs. Also, the one thing about them that drives me crazy.

With this cancer that I still care very deeply for, he would do this. He'd pull away after we'd get closer, then I'd hear from him again. He'd genuinely feel guilty for not seeing me, but he felt the urge to distance himself all the same (he actually admitted this to me). For some reason, I found it so sad. It made me think how he probably cares so much, yet this terrifies him. Even now, when we aren't really together, he'll sometimes text me or call me and apologize for not being around. It's so endearing yet I just want to shake him sometimes, lol.

Posted by soulfulgem
Having my Moon in Cancer, I understand my Crab (his Sun is in Cancer) having that need also to protect their feelings because I shell up too.

hmm will someone who has Mars in cancer gets into the shell when hurt too—
nyone...

Posted by Days22
But lets be honest. Cancers do the two step more than dancers.
They close up. Its just how they are tho and you do have to deal with it.

I'm a big advocate of cancers but this whole talk of the other person being selfish and self-centered is a bit much when cancers think about themselves more often than not when it comes to feelings.

You can stone me but its truth.

If you cant dance, get off the dance floor. If you really think cancers think about themselves more than others than you are not stupid, just ignorant. So i will let it fly...

CG....so are you saying that you put your feelings behind those of the ones you care for? that you are considerate of other feelings more than you are of yours?
All the Cancers I know are not like that, it is them first..then the other. Even if that means hurting the other. Im not talking about the Crab I date, but about lots of other friends and family members.
all of us have to put up with crabiness, with moods, with temper tantrums...with shelling..with indirectness...come on!! And if we don't, then we are not understanding enough...

Crabs have a way of making the other feel always guilty and victimize themselves. If you shell, it is our fault. If you are moody, it is our fault..etc etc. So then you turn the tables..we are the selfish ones, not you..very clever but it all comes down to sheer manipulation.

I know you will be angry at this, because Crabs cant take criticism so well...so it is okay if you get angry...it is MY FAULT hahha 🙂

Posted by CancerianGoddess
Nice Bella.. hehe...

Actually, we only pull away if you do something to make us pull away. Tell us our cooking sucks and gave you diaharrea, we WILL pull away. Tell a cancer woman you HATE kids,..guaranteed BIG PUSH away!.. Tell us the lady next door makes better homeade preserves... Yea that should do it! Point out every guy/girl you see on the street with a "Damn she/he is fyne! i would do em!" That outta do it. Tell us our mom is no longer allowed to the house, yea you just put a knife to our heart! (even if we cant stand our mom,we will still love her and seek her approval weather it looks like it or not) Tell us you lied about something important,..That will do it! because we have to trust our partners in order to love them.....Act sweet,straight forward,honest,direct and loving... have our heart for eternity, and prey someone doesnt hurt you because if they do we will protect you back by snapping their little neck like a twig! *smile*

when it comes to Cancerian woman as the perfect gfs (wife type)....we ARE damn near perfect - aren't we ;]

Posted by CancerianGoddess

Posted by Days22
But lets be honest. Cancers do the two step more than dancers.
They close up. Its just how they are tho and you do have to deal with it.

I'm a big advocate of cancers but this whole talk of the other person being selfish and self-centered is a bit much when cancers think about themselves more often than not when it comes to feelings.

You can stone me but its truth.

If you cant dance, get off the dance floor. If you really think cancers think about themselves more than others than you are not stupid, just ignorant. So i will let it fly...

click to expand

i agree. if we didn't have people such as family and those we care about (which we consider family) we would feel that we had no purpose.

Posted by pushit
PiscesArgie, sometimes we just need to get away from people for a while. It's nothing personal. Just like Scorpios are emotionally private, we are very physically private people.

thanks, this helps 🙂

Posted by CancerianGoddess

Posted by Days22
But lets be honest. Cancers do the two step more than dancers.
They close up. Its just how they are tho and you do have to deal with it.

I'm a big advocate of cancers but this whole talk of the other person being selfish and self-centered is a bit much when cancers think about themselves more often than not when it comes to feelings.

You can stone me but its truth.

If you cant dance, get off the dance floor. If you really think cancers think about themselves more than others than you are not stupid, just ignorant. So i will let it fly...

click to expand

@CancerianGoddess

Come on CancerianGoddess, easy...

@Days22

It is a controversial topic to debate...
Speaking from my experience, when i saw that my pisces was trying for me, loving me unconditionally despite all my
flaws (crabbiness...hmmm actually, i have long list of flaws 🙂 ) I would love her so much for that. She would wake
selflessness in me. I would return double to her whatever she was doing for me. So, i would say Pisces will wake up the crab's total selflessness.


ArgiePices was right in one of her posts when she said you have to push the right buttons with crabs to get the best result. And Pisces are good at that

@Days22

One more thing... cancer's selfishness you are talking about is perhaps "endless exchange of Master and Servant roles" (as shelshocker puts it). Sometimes we wanna be a Master sometimes a Servant (as least true for me, i do not wanna speak for all cancers). Sometimes I can say "Baby, give your daddy a massage" which may sound arrogant and selfish (it is when i am playing the Master role). Or i may feel URGE to make my partner HAPPY and beg her so that she would let me give her a massage (this is when i am playing the Servant role). So, cancers are two extremes (ok, at least me)

Anywho i'd say in general i think we side step bcuz i think its our defense mechanism and prefer not to get hurt. The push and pull is if we get offended we go into our shell and need to be left alone bcuz were hurting.

Bella bull you do know stuff about Cancers freaky weird LOL 🙂

What the hell is everyone babbling about? I've never had to deal with any push/pull situations with cancers. They're so incredibly effortless to handle. 😉

Whenever I've encountered a man who blows hot and cold it's because he's not that invested. You may even be able to land him and slap the boyfriend label on him, because he really does like you, but he's not thinking you're "the one" or whatever. I've seen it happen time and time again.

Take my cancer bf for example. He was casually dating this girl we both know for 2 years. She fell for him but wouldn't own up to it. She became kinda obsessive, clingier, asking him to hang out all the time (even would try to bribe him over with gifts of alcohol or concert tix), etc. because he was always reluctant to spend too much time with her. He didn't realize that he was engaging in that typical cancer dance of which everyone bemoans. He was a little dodgey, didn't reply to every single text sent, and felt suffocated. He really did like her a lot, and they remain friends to this day, but he told me he knew right away that he wouldn't fall in love with her. He even broke it off after the 1st year and told her the truth. He knew that she would drive him absolutely nuts and it just didn't happen. No sparks. He didn't feel romantically inclined toward her. All he knew was that they were friends, he was attracted to her enough to have a sexual relationship, and she agreed to the conditions. I think she mistook his non-promiscuous behavior to mean exclusivity. He's a one-woman-at-a-time kinda guy even if it's just a FWB situation... until the right one comes along.

When I entered the picture, his interest was immediately piqued. While never being completely direct (true to the crab nature, he's had his heart broken badly and wanted to make sure feelings were reciprocated) he never pulled any of that shit. no dodging, always responded to my texts in a timely fashion, would let me know that he was available to hang out, always on and never off. plain and simple: he made the effort because he felt i was worth the effort. crabs aren't known to pursue but he eventually did anyway. the behavior she displayed that made him feel so suffocated were things that he was ok with me doing. just not her.

this is not meant to be a gloating, in-your-face message. i've been in the unrequited love scenario a couple of times with me starring as the poor sap. i just recognize patterns and i see this one a LOT.

I think the push-pull Cancer women are most likely the Decan I and Decan II Crabs.

Decan III is really too playful for that kind of behavior.

True or False?

Bella is right. I am in my alone time period right now but am also super busy.

I don't understand the being selfish thing either. Maybe with our love, but you have to earn it... dk.

Posted by deb963
Its just that you flip flop thats all.. Just enjoy the ride.. We all have our flaws... Just learn to deal with our crabby ass ways sweetie. All im saying is learn to deal with with our side stepping, push pull, skipping, dancing sideways, backwards Forwards to the left to right now roll oh NO thats the song Toostie roll remember that song Lol.. ...Just sayin.. 🙂

i dont mind the dance but my cancer girlfriend broke p for no reason saying its not me and she needs time and space, what do you thibk do. does she want me to chase her?

Hey PicsesArgie, I'm back after my Virgo girl vanished into thin air 😛, oh wells shit happens. So I've always been direct so I'll make this a simple 1-x step process.

1) we open up
2) we wonder whether it was the right thing to do
3) we immediately expect to get fucked over, tossed aside, mocked ect ect
4) we take a step back and wait to see what happens

Every thing is a test to not only the people we are with but ourselves. We are just seeing how you will react to opening up and we like to see the long term effect, not just how your face looks right after we share with you. Just let us open up and then be paraniod and caution about it. When we know that you are good with us enough that we can open up without having to put our hands up after we will stop stepping back but that takes a damn long time.

I pull away when im scared about a relationship. Its getting serious, and I remember the times in invested in a relationships and gotten my heart torn from my chest and the chance of that happening again scares the shit outta me, so i pull back until i cant hold back anymore...

thats me anyway...

Posted by PiscesArgie
CG....so are you saying that you put your feelings behind those of the ones you care for? that you are considerate of other feelings more than you are of yours?
All the Cancers I know are not like that, it is them first..then the other. Even if that means hurting the other. Im not talking about the Crab I date, but about lots of other friends and family members.
all of us have to put up with crabiness, with moods, with temper tantrums...with shelling..with indirectness...come on!! And if we don't, then we are not understanding enough...

Crabs have a way of making the other feel always guilty and victimize themselves. If you shell, it is our fault. If you are moody, it is our fault..etc etc. So then you turn the tables..we are the selfish ones, not you..very clever but it all comes down to sheer manipulation.

I know you will be angry at this, because Crabs cant take criticism so well...so it is okay if you get angry...it is MY FAULT hahha 🙂

YES! A friend of mine once was about to have her car repoed because he stupid ex took money out of their joint account. So i fronted it to her and i knew i would probably not get it back, i also knew it was my rent money. I just got a second job to make up for it. If i have plans and someone calls me and they really need to talk, i will drop them to bring that person cookies and my listening ear. If someone else is depressed or sad, i will be sad, so i cheer them up. Not ONCE have i ever put ME first! I am just like that.

Posted by Scubafish
I think the push-pull Cancer women are most likely the Decan I and Decan II Crabs.

Decan III is really too playful for that kind of behavior.

True or False?

I Am a III Decan

if you hurt him then maybe not. When my scorp ex and I broke up her claws came out and she ended up being a total bitch to me and treated me like shit no matter what, because of that even if I wanted to get back with her I never would allow myself to

and we may seem indifferent but it does sting for us too, we just don't show it cause that would just be making us vulnerable again, hell I was fucked up getting drunk after getting shot down after 2 dates recently

@ Aujra....awww...Im sorry! dust yourself off and get back up!!! I did'nt treat him badly at all......not ever...I was deeply hurt by the dance 😢

@jusme If i did it because i got freaked out, Ill always go back. I will want to see the person again.

If i did it because they hurt me in someway, ill never be back. well to be honest If i really cared about someone.. no matter how much they hurt me, i will check in on them, but to get to that stage may take 6 months.. and to be comfortable doing it may take 2 years! Shit we are slow!!

If its been two months, thats a long time not to see someone you are into.

Posted by aujra
Hey PicsesArgie, I'm back after my Virgo girl vanished into thin air 😛, oh wells shit happens. So I've always been direct so I'll make this a simple 1-x step process.

1) we open up
2) we wonder whether it was the right thing to do
3) we immediately expect to get fucked over, tossed aside, mocked ect ect
4) we take a step back and wait to see what happens

Every thing is a test to not only the people we are with but ourselves. We are just seeing how you will react to opening up and we like to see the long term effect, not just how your face looks right after we share with you. Just let us open up and then be paraniod and caution about it. When we know that you are good with us enough that we can open up without having to put our hands up after we will stop stepping back but that takes a damn long time.

This is so true. This happened with me and my Cancer. I finally got him to talk about it and he admitted that I got over my ex too quickly and he assumed I would do the same with him and he needed to make sure I was into him as much as he is me before he can really open up.

When he put it like that it seems like a fair point. I'm not one to wait around for someone but once I can understand the reasoning behind it it makes it much easier to see that this isnt some game just to get you to chase them, it's just them protecting themselves.

Suppose because of my Cancer moon I can sort of relate to it, but the Libra in me makes me want to jump straight into a relationship lol

Pulling away is the only way I know of trying to reason out my moods...tomorrow, when the stink has left, I'll reflect and see where it is I went wrong.

I just had this fight with my Sagg friend, who although dated a cancer for 4 years still doesn't understand the reclusiveness of the crab.

It's nice to get away, however selfish it comes out as :/

Pulling away is the only way I know of trying to reason out my moods...tomorrow, when the stink has left, I'll reflect and see where it is I went wrong.

I just had this fight with my Sagg friend, who although dated a cancer for 4 years still doesn't understand the reclusiveness of the crab.

It's nice to get away, however selfish it comes out as :/

Posted by applemint_fv

Posted by soulfulgem
Having my Moon in Cancer, I understand my Crab (his Sun is in Cancer) having that need also to protect their feelings because I shell up too.

hmm will someone who has Mars in cancer gets into the shell when hurt too—
nyone...

click to expand

I have mars AND venus in cancer and I can definately relate to the "push/pull". Yes when hurt, side step into my shell until the waters are no longer rough.. will extend a claw to get a feel and see if things have calmed down and its safe to come back out OR wait until I get nurtured and apologised to and get some affection then i'll come back out.

🙂

I love that someone brought this post back! Very helpful =) what about when you've been seeing someone for a really lonng time and then you start opening up more, coming around more no contact for a week and then you wanna see them again...you do, open up seem more comfy and then no contact again for a week and same thing...is this you assessing the situation, your feelings...scared maybe?

Posted by Claire

Posted by missscorp
I love that someone brought this post back! Very helpful =) what about when you've been seeing someone for a really lonng time and then you start opening up more, coming around more no contact for a week and then you wanna see them again...you do, open up seem more comfy and then no contact again for a week and same thing...is this you assessing the situation, your feelings...scared maybe?

It's not the easiest thing to explain. I think that whenever things step up everything suddenly feels so different and especially if we have a positive reaction from you we feel really elated and comfortable and therefore see it as a great time to take a break while we bask in the glory of the (prolonged) moment and plan our next move/ enjoy our time alone until the next step just feels right. A good feeling may linger for days so we may not even think about taking anymore action just yet as we're savouring the flavour of it, lol. I also think because crabs have a tendency to feel shy sometimes and have lots of downtime we want our next time of contacting you to be a good time for us, when we're feeling upbeat and enthusiastic for conversation, so we wait on that time and we ourselves don't know when it's going to be.

Do other crabs agree with this??

click to expand

you are so on point it's scary!

Maddy:its been about the same duration of time for my crab & I...and yes! He could drive me to the edge..but I love him and I'm choosing the road to patience cause I know it will be worth it one day so just like you say..your learning more about you...yea! Mee too!! I'm testing my own patience! I should start keeping notes! Hahaha! I got really frustrated a few mos back and stopped all contact..I hurt his feeling but hurt mine more 😢 He called a few times and I wouldn't take his calls..they stopped. After the new year I contacted him & basically told him I handled the situation wrong, that I would like to hear from him but if I didn't..I would know why..he came around..and he's initiating more, getting more comfortable but he still has those crabby ways..it seems as if when I'm on his a $ $ for things he runs & hides but when I leave them all alone..he comes around so I'm going with the flow..its hard but I'm trying really hard to understand..I need my space all the time too but not to the crabs extent? I hear it can take alonnnng time...I hope not too much longer!