Why do you Crabs push others away? (Page 2)

I don't know guys...thinking maybe that Cancers are here to teach us about ourselves. I went through one full year of heartache...everything I see written about here on the posts. Yeah, Cancers can really get under your skin. Looking back though, I wouldn't trade the experience in for anything. Through all I went through, I learned who I really was, what I wanted and didn't and finally discovered my own self worth. My mom,sister,two best friends and who I think as my soulmate are all Cancers. It's your choice to accept them for who and what they are. Once you do this, there are no more questions. I'm still chasing mine...haha...been a year and three months and I don't think I'll ever give up. BUT I have also moved on with my life...figure if I truely believe it is meant to be, it will happen when it happens. I'm enjoying the dance and our journey as friends for now. Of course, now that I have moved on, he calls and texts...gotta love those Cancers and I do! Find your worth and then they'll find you.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by Claire

Posted by missscorp
I love that someone brought this post back! Very helpful =) what about when you've been seeing someone for a really lonng time and then you start opening up more, coming around more no contact for a week and then you wanna see them again...you do, open up seem more comfy and then no contact again for a week and same thing...is this you assessing the situation, your feelings...scared maybe?

It's not the easiest thing to explain. I think that whenever things step up everything suddenly feels so different and especially if we have a positive reaction from you we feel really elated and comfortable and therefore see it as a great time to take a break while we bask in the glory of the (prolonged) moment and plan our next move/ enjoy our time alone until the next step just feels right. A good feeling may linger for days so we may not even think about taking anymore action just yet as we're savouring the flavour of it, lol. I also think because crabs have a tendency to feel shy sometimes and have lots of downtime we want our next time of contacting you to be a good time for us, when we're feeling upbeat and enthusiastic for conversation, so we wait on that time and we ourselves don't know when it's going to be.

Do other crabs agree with this??

you are so on point it's scary!

click to expand

That's how if feels now between us...like he's taking it seriously...the feelings are all right. Before he use to contact me on the spear of the moment...now he will call me days before to designate a time and an executed plan? And me I would like to see him everyday! Even if for a brief moment! He is a workaholic..and I know he has a busy schedule. He told me he would rather spend "quality" time with me rather then a quick moment here and there. I'm trying to understand and reading these threads have definitely helped me with the patience part!!! Like I seen him and practiced patience until he called to see me again and it was perfect! I just want more time with him =) what about this scenario..when you crabby crabs joke..is there some truth behind the jokes? I've waited for him for longer then I even wanna share ans he knows this..in the past I always get the feeling he gets scar

Changeable..your heart too or once your feelings are invested loyal? I've heard crabs to be just as loyal as scorps..sound about right? What about the crabbiness..moods..do you keep them to yourself & hide in your shell or do others have to feel your wrath?

Posted by rainyday21
it is very difficult to deal with this trait of crabs.
my question is do they allow the other person too to act whacky n pull backwards?
no. then they too will pull backwards.
it doesnt work that way.
you cant always be the one who gives in less.

so true... sometimes my cancer is "distant" so I ask if anything's wrong.. of course there is nothing wrong, why he will ask... and of course I will say because you are just acting "distant" today and he will proceed to get upset, course I'm not detached why would you say that. So I try to take a different route as in when he's feeling aloof... I will just kind of keep my distance. BUT I don't want him to think I am doing this because I don't want to be around him, I'm purely mirroring the vibes I'm getting from.

@100percentVirgo,
Your experience is almost like my own. 7 months ago I didn't understand all that I have learned about my Cancer male now. The more I pushed he pulled. I was barking up that tree for almost 8 months. When I felt like it was already done. I started moving on, even though i did I still hoped it would work out. I stopped the poems that I would write cause he has inspired me creatively a lot; I stopped the letters and all. I guess he panicked and reached out right away as if nothing happened and I'm really grateful for it. Because in the past I was acting out of character doing things I would never do with no other guy.
Just like you I began to tell myself Whats meant to be will be and I let him go not reaching out at all for a month something I've never done before.
He came back; and that silence; patience that I learned to have because of him really helped. I had my issues at the time and I was looking for reassurance from someone else; until I stopped projecting my personal fears of relationships on him and began looking at myself asking myself why his silence made me so anxious and I always thought it was because of something I did (Virgo moon, makes me analyze everything) cause I didn't get the space thing; which I should have cause I'm like that myself and my step-dad( a cancer) is also the same way.
Once I worked on me; loving me for all my short comings; things fell in to place. Because he's very busy due to his job he's very focused and around that period he doesn't really reach out; he checks in when he's able, but that's it. However the day before yesterday he actually texted and talked to me all day even while at work during his breaks (good sign I hope).
However, yesterday he didn't reach out. I text him to let him I'm thinking about him, he'll shoot a short text(right to the point). But I've learned not to always be on top of him when he goes in to his shell or push. Something I did a lot of before.
I've learned a lot through him about me; and him. He's also more open and is really surprised with the way I handle when he falls off the grid. I don't take it personal anymore; I know it's cause he's busy.
All and all it's going good. I'm learning how to communicate like him; he more like me and compromise my straight forward ways( not where he walks all over me; if I have to put my foot down; I do. He actually appreciates it) and just go with the flow. I think once you accept Cancer zodiac signs needs and who they are in

I do have a question cause this has stirred my curiosity; but I'm going with it. In the beginning I will have to admit I was in crazy mode(being as honest as possible.) it wasn't like ex girlfriend kind of crazy. Just a lot of expression of deep feelings because I didn't understand the intensity of it and I wanted to share it openly with him; that prompted him to dedicate the song "Collide." by Howie Day cause at the time I believe he was feeling the same but he was really cautious. But that intensity is what caused him to pull back A Lot to the point where he did push back and told me to give him Tons of space; which I didn't, that's why he decided to just fall silent until I got it.
Now all is good the times we talk or text it's all day. If he's busy with work or needs space to recharge himself he will take his shell time ; which is fine by me cause I get it now so I no longer take it personal or ask him if I did something wrong cause if I did he has no problem letting me know; which I love.
However it's kind of weird he hasn't brought up what happened in the past and how he felt about it all; cause I would like to know his feeling or his side of things( his state of mind at the time)
Is it normal for Cancers not to want to relieve the past if things are going really good(I didn't hurt him or anything like that; just intense expression of my feelings towards him).
Me personally I'm not going to bring it up. If he chooses to then I'll speak on it; till then I'm going with it. I don't want to ruin the flow of things. The both of us are acting like we just meet again; and treat things brand spanking new. Is that his intention to make like it's a fresh start?

I've learned when cancer people shell or go silent to walk away and not take things personal. I personally dont appreciate when i ask questions and the person doesnt answer. I think that its rude and shows unintelligence. Its better to give an answer, even if its not the answer a person is looking for and not just leave a person hanging, then trying to figure out if they did something wrong or not. You can easily just say I dont feel up to talking right now, but will give you an answer at a time when im feeling a little better than today.

I have dated a cancer 10 yrs ago,reconnected a couple years ago with the same cancer and I tell you nothing has changed with him...he is the same cancer that wouldnt open up, only answered questions when asked face to face, and even this depended on what was asked. He was ok just sitting still and being quiet watching the tube. but managed to get excited during sex lol. He was a great guy and I didnt have a problem with needing space because i spend a lot of time alone as well. but when he stayed away for a full four months i knew it was a wrap...we were done.

I have a lot of patience and i try not to stay away past 1 month and will reach out by txt/call even if i dont see you. but you cannot disappear on a person for four months and not say a word. and the reason why I didnt reach out to him during the 4 mos is because he had done this in the past and I had took it personal and was never given an explanation as to why. this time i waited to see just how far he would go and Bam!!!! gone without a trace lol.

The reason why i walked away this time for good is because when we reconnected I had spoken to him about the past hurts of our relationships and he apologized for them and stated that things would be different this time. Unfortunately it didnt happen and things were worst than the 1st time.

Personally that man has some deep unrepairable issues that he prefer to not be helped with and is comfortable living the past and holding on to dreams and sulk. for me being in a state of depression is not a good place to be in... you should never love someone more than you love yourself. I force myself to accept change whether I like it or not. choosing to move forward and being happy is so much better than crying in the dark...

there is 1 out of 6 of my cancer friends that choose to stay upbeat no matter what difficult times he face in life. Why I am not sure....maybe because he has a Leo moon, the others are alway

crying buckets of water and you cant reach them during these times.


I wanted to share my past experience and would love to know as well because my bff is going through some really ruff times right now and shes not listening to anyone and im watching her spiral out of control...she is lower than low right now 😢

^^^ I have no idea why this part of my message is down here,,,,smdh 😢

Posted by CluelessCancer
^that's a heavy exaggeration, Cancers, aren't always that depressed,we actually do enjoy life and people. I'm very open, you seem to be describing my VIRGO X to a TEE.

Men are just annoying. period. I'm so over them. I'm going to start dating life.

This is what I've seen with my cancer friends and the one I've dated in the past. I cant speak for them all because Im only familiar with a few. Im not at all attracted to Virgo men but the Virgo women in my life are awesome. Your Virgo must have really put you through the ringer....dont worry what comes aroung goes around.

Yes date life...you will get more from it without out expecting anything in return. you get from it what you put out to it and you are the one in control of it 😛

So how do you know the difference between when a cancer is in his shell it maybe they've moved on or are dealing with someone else ? My cancer will retreat then if I retreat I get a text or call it feels like a game ! I wonder is this a game cause I really care for him ! I haven't seen him on three weeks now and even though we are both very busy and focused we usually see each other twice a week ! How do you deal with this? I want to see him but I don't want to chase him! I care but I don't want to feel like I'm the only one pushing to see him!

WOW this thread by far has become the most informative on cancer men dilemmas as well as helped me immensely I can not convey enough how each one of your personal expierences has proven to me I'm not the only one going through this confusion of a cancer man inner struggle of being able to open up now I think for most of our behalfs we are all being patient and thus I sincerely hope we all will eventually find what's worth it. If any of you could possibly give me a little insight on mines because just recently I told my cancer man that he needs a break to figure things out and that I'm willing to give that to him but don't be away too long where I forget your smile in which he responded you truly are remarkable thank you for understanding thus did I do a good job?

Posted by Sagittarius2315
@100percentVirgo,
Your experience is almost like my own. 7 months ago I didn't understand all that I have learned about my Cancer male now. The more I pushed he pulled. I was barking up that tree for almost 8 months. When I felt like it was already done. I started moving on, even though i did I still hoped it would work out. I stopped the poems that I would write cause he has inspired me creatively a lot; I stopped the letters and all. I guess he panicked and reached out right away as if nothing happened and I'm really grateful for it. Because in the past I was acting out of character doing things I would never do with no other guy.
Just like you I began to tell myself Whats meant to be will be and I let him go not reaching out at all for a month something I've never done before.
He came back; and that silence; patience that I learned to have because of him really helped. I had my issues at the time and I was looking for reassurance from someone else; until I stopped projecting my personal fears of relationships on him and began looking at myself asking myself why his silence made me so anxious and I always thought it was because of something I did (Virgo moon, makes me analyze everything) cause I didn't get the space thing; which I should have cause I'm like that myself and my step-dad( a cancer) is also the same way.
Once I worked on me; loving me for all my short comings; things fell in to place. Because he's very busy due to his job he's very focused and around that period he doesn't really reach out; he checks in when he's able, but that's it. However the day before yesterday he actually texted and talked to me all day even while at work during his breaks (good sign I hope).
However, yesterday he didn't reach out. I text him to let him I'm thinking about him, he'll shoot a short text(right to the point). But I've learned not to always be on top of him when he goes in to his shell or push. Something I did a lot of before.
I've learned a lot through him about me; and him. He's also more open and is really surprised with the way I handle when he falls off the grid. I don't take it personal anymore; I know it's cause he's busy.
All and all it's going good. I'm learning how to communicate like him; he more like me and compromise my straight forward ways( not where he walks all over me; if I have to put my foot down; I do. He actually appreciates it) and just go with the flow. I think once you accept Cancer zodiac signs needs and who they are in

This taught me a lot. I broke it off and it may be late but if he comes back or I meet another then I'll know next time.

Why tf do people get so deffensive—
Shes not saying anything bad & most important , she is allowed to have a diff perception & share it .
If you want to be w a crab, yes you have to understand us, but the crabs partner also has the right to talk about how much it might bother / hurt them. Its simple people, you say stop being self centered , but at the same time you acting like the crab isnt-
Were all selfish when it comes to our well being.

Posted by piggytoo240
I've learned when cancer people shell or go silent to walk away and not take things personal. I personally dont appreciate when i ask questions and the person doesnt answer. I think that its rude and shows unintelligence. Its better to give an answer, even if its not the answer a person is looking for and not just leave a person hanging, then trying to figure out if they did something wrong or not. You can easily just say I dont feel up to talking right now, but will give you an answer at a time when im feeling a little better than today.

I have dated a cancer 10 yrs ago,reconnected a couple years ago with the same cancer and I tell you nothing has changed with him...he is the same cancer that wouldnt open up, only answered questions when asked face to face, and even this depended on what was asked. He was ok just sitting still and being quiet watching the tube. but managed to get excited during sex lol. He was a great guy and I didnt have a problem with needing space because i spend a lot of time alone as well. but when he stayed away for a full four months i knew it was a wrap...we were done.

I have a lot of patience and i try not to stay away past 1 month and will reach out by txt/call even if i dont see you. but you cannot disappear on a person for four months and not say a word. and the reason why I didnt reach out to him during the 4 mos is because he had done this in the past and I had took it personal and was never given an explanation as to why. this time i waited to see just how far he would go and Bam!!!! gone without a trace lol.

The reason why i walked away this time for good is because when we reconnected I had spoken to him about the past hurts of our relationships and he apologized for them and stated that things would be different this time. Unfortunately it didnt happen and things were worst than the 1st time.

Personally that man has some deep unrepairable issues that he prefer to not be helped with and is comfortable living the past and holding on to dreams and sulk. for me being in a state of depression is not a good place to be in... you should never love someone more than you love yourself. I force myself to accept change whether I like it or not. choosing to move forward and being happy is so much better than crying in the dark...

there is 1 out of 6 of my cancer friends that choose to stay upbeat no matter what difficult times he face in life. Why I am not sure....maybe because he has a Leo moon, the others are alway

4 months is where I'm at now almost 5. but I've reached out a couple times with no reply. Some things never change.

Just as much as the crabs are entitled for their self time, others who are involved in the crabs' life would want to know the crabs' whereabouts. That's where communication is important. The problem is, many crabs are not into communication and yet people can't read minds. Here's where problem happens.

Yes, you may not like it but that's how most people maintain connection by communicating. You don't just disappear and then pick up the pieces again a few weeks later. You don't swept problems under the rug, hoping it'll disappear. You don't disappear due to problems and come back hoping the other person has forgotten. No, they haven't. If they didn't bring it up they are being kind and hoping that you will bring it up sooner or later. If you never address it then there'll be more communication problem down the line.

Also, as someone said here, crabs disappear when someone has upset them/insulted them. But in the process, they often neglect/forget about the "Collateral damages" aka other people who didn't upset the crab but get shut out too because said crab needs his time alone to think about the person who has upset him. I've seen this happens so often.

How is that okay? How is that fair to those "Collateral damages" people? They haven't done anything wrong but they too get the silent treatment and the crab gets pissed off at these people too if they disturb that alone time or because they just want to know what's going on to the crab?

Yes, people to be more understanding of the crabs. But it goes both ways. The crabs also need to be more understanding how other people IRL usually behave. And no, it's not how the crabs usually behave. If you lose/alienated 3 friends in one year due to your behaviour, I don't think it's realistic to think "Ah, they just suck and don't understand me". I'd think more like "I guess there's something in my personality that I need to change a bit".

Holy shit this post is old I'm like I don't recognize anybody!