Yet another confusing male Cancer

This is going to be long. Sorry! 😄

I'm Taurus Sun, Aries Moon, Gemini Venus. He's Cancer Sun, Capricorn Moon and Virgo Venus.

We met on Tinder nearly two weeks ago, and immediately hit it off. We seem to have similar personality traits (well, both are ascending Leos), and identical tastes in music etc. Turns out he used to be a close friend to someone I dated two years ago, but it's not an issue.

He's 8 years younger than me, but that's not an issue either. Unless he changed his mind 😉

We were messaging back and forth constantly last week, and he was being curious about me, attentive, and we both were really excited (nervous even) to meet up.

Friday last week we did. He was at a party, and we agreed I'd come and meet him there around 11-12 pm (my babysitter daughter wouldn't be home till then).

11:30 ish he was asking when I'd be there, he was looking forward to see me. I messaged back, saying I was in the cab, on my way, I'd be there in 5 mins. He was supposed to meet me outside the venue, because I didn't want to go in alone, obviously. (Didn't know anyone there).

When I got there, I messaged him again, telling him to come out. After 5 mins without him replying I started walking away. This was on Facebook so I could see he hadn't seen my message. I walked around the block. Time went by. He still hadn't seen my message.

I then went to a friend's party nearby instead. One hour later (!) he saw the message. A few mins later, he called.

I was pretty disappointed by then, but I still invited him over.

When he got there, I told him I was disappointed and jokingly said "you blew it", and first he blamed it on not having heard the phone. Which I honestly didn't care about, because last time he heard from me, I said I was 5 mins away. Eventually he said "ok, I apologize, I messed up". I don't think he meant it though, lol, but I accepted. I figured I'd let him off since he was drunk and all.

We stayed at that party till 6 am(!), and there was a whole lotta kissing and affection. There was an extreme physical attraction. But when we left, (we shared a cab, he dropped me off at my house) he asked if he could come in, and I said no. My kids were home etc. He asked if I had a babysitter tomorrow, and I said I didn't.

Next day, he seemed chilly when I messaged him. Due to change of plans, I suddenly had a babysitter anyway, so I invited him to a party later on that evening. He said maybe.

Later I asked him again, a

Later I asked him again, and he said he had other plans, he was helping a mate with some redecorating. They'd be having some beers, he said, and added "maybe I'll see you out (on the town) later?"

I felt pretty rejected. 😄 Another guy had been asking me all week about meeting up, and he asked again that evening. I decided to go and meet him. But I messaged Cancer and told him I was off to *certain bar*. I knew he was at home at this point, watching tv - because he had just told a shared friend this.

He didn't respond to my message, but about 20-30 mins after I had arrived at the bar, I went over to order a drink, and suddenly he stood next to me. I looked at him, and he was acting SO weird. Cold. Arrogant. Not interested in talking to me or even looking at me!

I sat down with the other guy, and soon Cancer came over and hugged the guy (they know each other, what can I say, small town, lol). He totally ignored me, and turned around and walked off. I went after him, he was going outside to smoke. I came straight at him, saying "do you have a minute" - grabbed his arm and pulled him over to an empty area. "I have MANY minutes", he said, smiling and acting nonchalant. I asked him why he was being weird, he said he wasn't. I asked him if he was still interested. He said "yes", and told me everything he liked about me. I said that if he was NOT really interested, he should just say so. He said that was not the case and he would definitely have told me if it was. Then why are you not talking to me? I asked. He then said something about not wanting to rush into anything. But even after that, he was clearly not intending to be with me that evening. He turned around and walked over to some other people. I went back to my table and the other guy. Shortly after, we left to go to another bar. Outside we passed Cancer, and the guy I was with said to him "ok, then, I'm running off with your date from last night!" Cancer was acting like he didn't care, smirked and said "have fun!"

Not long after, he messaged me. Saying which bar he had gone to. Just stating it. No questions. I replied I was at the bar next door. He didn't reply. I asked if he wanted to meet up. Still no reply.

A little later he sent me a picture of some food, "nachos at the after party". I replied "ok..?" He replied: "yeah, food is important." Still no questions. I was pretty confused. I got in a cab and messaged him that I was on my way home, and told him good night. "Good night" he re

"Good night" he replied. Then a few mins later: "I hope you had fun even though you were "taken for the night".." Wtf?? I wrote him back: "I had reserved the whole evening for you. Nothing happened between him and I, we just had a lot of fun." And his response: "Oh, I have no issues with it. We've got all the time in the world, I'm not in a rush - are you?" I immediately replied: "Nope!" Gaah! 😄

Next day he was chilly, and we hardly spoke that day. Monday we were suddenly chatting throughout the day again. Tuesday was ok too. Wednesday, just one message, early in the day. I gave up and didn't bother contacting him for the rest of the day. Thursday morning he messaged me. We were again chatting for hours. He told me his son was coming for the weekend. The kid's grandmother were supposed to take him on a weekend trip, meaning Cancer would be free, but it was cancelled because she wasn't feeling well. "Shame, I was hoping I'd see you again soon" (meaning this weekend) I said. He immediately replied "then fingers crossed she gets better and changes her mind".

Later on last night I casually asked what he was doing. He said he was cleaning and preparing for his son's arrival. Then nothing.

It's Friday 2 pm here now and I haven't heard from him yet today. I think I need to give up on him, because it's all too confusing and frustrating.

The one thing that bothers me the most, is that ever since we met in person that last Friday, he's not asked about me at all! Not even a "how are you?" Even when he initiates conversation, he's just talking about himself. I've been asking about him, as you do when you are trying to get to know someone, and he's answered and been open to me. But he's not really said anything at all about me - or even about us meeting up again.

What is the deal here?? I'm SO confused! He was so attentive and excited last week, and this week he's just been acting like a self centered douche.

Any thoughts on what is going on here?

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Ps. He's actually Cancer/Leo cusp, but I still haven't decided if I believe in cusps or not 😛

First off you swiped right.

Haha! I do know that some use Tinder to hookup for sex, but many of us don't. I'm definitely not looking for a casual hookup, and I never got the impression that he was either, or that he thought I was.

I was actually wondering if maybe I had hurt his ego the night we met, since the first thing I did was criticize him, and then secondly, possibly, for rejecting him when he asked to come home withe. And then finding me dating another guy the next night, that would probably not help. 😛

But maybe you guys are right, maybe he is just playing games. If so, then I hope he'll stop contacting me all together. Ugh.

"Cougar" - lol! Come on, 8 years is nothing! 😛

Am I? That must be because I'm so confused.. XP

Still not heard from him today, but I noticed just now he has added music to our collaborative list on Spotify today. 110 songs on there now

Posted by CatBull
Haha! I do know that some use Tinder to hookup for sex, but many of us don't. I'm definitely not looking for a casual hookup, and I never got the impression that he was either, or that he thought I was.

I was actually wondering if maybe I had hurt his ego the night we met, since the first thing I did was criticize him, and then secondly, possibly, for rejecting him when he asked to come home withe. And then finding me dating another guy the next night, that would probably not help. 😛

But maybe you guys are right, maybe he is just playing games. If so, then I hope he'll stop contacting me all together. Ugh.

"Cougar" - lol! Come on, 8 years is nothing! 😛

You are over thinking, and doing too much.
You are not responsible for his state of mind.
Either you state your intentions and he states his or you stay in a state of confusion.
UGH!

I'm definitely overthinking. One of the most annoying things about me. 0🙂

What a waste of energy, huh?

Posted by CatBull
This is going to be long. Sorry! 😄


We met on Tinder nearly two weeks ago,

this is where i stopped reading

Posted by CatBull
I'm definitely overthinking. One of the most annoying things about me. 0🙂

What a waste of energy, huh?

I say relax.
Cancer people need patient mates.
As a Bull you can be patient but when it comes to matters of the heart you get befuddled when things are not known. Understandable. I say put some distance between you but be polite.
Do what's best for you not him.

A question though, what do you want from him and do you both want a long term relationship?

You've known this dude for all of 2 weeks and are already stressing where things are going? There's no way to know if you're compatible and on the same page before dating them for at least 3 months. In the beginning, no matter how you feel about someone, Then you freak out because he's not "hopping to it" to see you, so you make plans to see another man and then let him know where he can find you while you're out with this man. That's a total game player move and it's one that will turn off most Cancer men, no make that most men period. Sorry but your game reeks of desperation and a man can smell that a mile away. You need to back away here and learn to go with the flow in relationships, especially in the beginning. Remember: two weeks. That's all you've got with this guy. Two weeks.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by CatBull
This is going to be long. Sorry! 😄


We met on Tinder nearly two weeks ago,

this is where i stopped reading

click to expand

I should've just said 'online'. Don't judge. In my country Tinder is just like any other matchmaking service there is out there.

Posted by LunarMaiden

Posted by CatBull
I'm definitely overthinking. One of the most annoying things about me. 0🙂

What a waste of energy, huh?

I say relax.
Cancer people need patient mates.
As a Bull you can be patient but when it comes to matters of the heart you get befuddled when things are not known. Understandable. I say put some distance between you but be polite.
Do what's best for you not him.

A question though, what do you want from him and do you both want a long term relationship?

click to expand

Good question. I think first and foremost I want to know ASAP, preferably yesterday, if this is going anywhere. (Is that my Aries Moon talking, maybe?)

You know how ppl seem to love that first stage of a romantic connection, with all the butterflies and the excitement and so on? Well, I freaking hate that stage. I just want to fast forward to something much more stable. Aries Moon + Taurus Sun = I want security, and I want it now?

I think he has actually not been dating much lately, because he got to a point where he lost faith in finding "the/a right one". I remember now that he told me he didn't think he'd ever been as excited about meeting anyone as he was about meeting me. Aww.. But that was before we met, obviously, and I'm completely aware that he could just have been bullshitting me - heck, maybe he was even bullshitting himself?

Yeah, I will do just what you said; put myself first. This whole thing might just be part of a very difficult life lesson for me. Who cares what he's thinking or feeling? If I'm not happy about where I am, I need to keep moving. Is what I should tell myself.

Thanks. 🙂

Posted by Este8
You've known this dude for all of 2 weeks and are already stressing where things are going? There's no way to know if you're compatible and on the same page before dating them for at least 3 months. In the beginning, no matter how you feel about someone, Then you freak out because he's not "hopping to it" to see you, so you make plans to see another man and then let him know where he can find you while you're out with this man. That's a total game player move and it's one that will turn off most Cancer men, no make that most men period. Sorry but your game reeks of desperation and a man can smell that a mile away. You need to back away here and learn to go with the flow in relationships, especially in the beginning. Remember: two weeks. That's all you've got with this guy. Two weeks.

Yeah, I know. I get so carried away when I connect with someone on that level. Doesn't happen often!

But I am very consciously working on controlling myself - and I probably am playing this a whole lot cooler than my posts would have you believing. 0🙂

Oh - I wasn't trying to play any games by meeting up with the other guy, but I do see now, in hindsight, how bad that must have looked. Ouch..!

According to November horoscopes, bulls in general are very obsessed with all types of relationships right now. I'll take the opportunity to blame my "desperation" on the stars. ;D