capricorn friendship help

So i literally just got back from seeing my cap friend who I have known for quite a few years, she's someone very dear to me.

Anyway I am normally bubbly and able to help her in difficult situations and we both go home feeling so great and recharged. Recently i have been very low and a lot of my wounds are expressed through anger, I avoided seeing everyone recently as I was just too dark, but my cap friend insisted that she sees me.

So we sit down to eat and she was really wanting to me whats been going on with me. I don't normally open up deeply but this time I did, i told her things about some childhood sexual abuse and trauma I had experienced from family and that because of my work and some things that have come up recently, that this past haunts me and causes me to shut down. Now the reason i never ever tell people is because i have resolved it and also i don't want to be called victim etc.

When i told her, her reaction was really weird, almost angry at me and insisted i never feel sorry for myself and that if i do she will come and slap me. She was really harsh and saying quite brutal things, I left early as we walked to our cars some guys shouted to get our attention and she said 'idiots, you can trust anyone nowadays, you will probably even try to stab me'.

Im actually devasted, I feel so much shame and pain as it is, and never tell people my problems (i have a natal moon square pluto) and for me to open it took so much, it took a lot of courage to talk about being groomed, i can admit i had feelings of self disgust and sadness and told her this, i was sobbing. Her eyes did well up once or twice but i am very good at picking up emotions and she was really angry at me.

Sorry for this being a heavy topic but I am so hurt, I opened up and the worst thing to feel is shut down. She told me that i just need to get over it, don't ever tell anyone again, basically the same reaction that my mum gave. When she told me about her childhood and being bullied and even small minor things, I have so much compassion and love for her, I am so careful at how i respond because i am very sensitive myself, but her reaction just now broke me. I thought we were close and caps were caring.

Why did she react so harsh to me? All i did is open up. First she demanded to know why i hadn't ever told her this, then she said 'make sure you don't tell anyone and just deal with this unresolved issue'.

In fact I'm very all or nothing, today has opened my eyes, my so called cap friend can now keep her distance.

Caps being loyal, my ass. Caps are only f***kin loyal when they admire your life or job or think that they can learn something from you....as soon as you show that you might now have it all together and show some brokeness and some weakness, they don't want to know.

Posted by starwars
I'm sorry.

I don't think she was harsh for the sake of it, we earth sings suck at expressing ourselves. she's being logical, she might not want you to tell anyone this for your own good, because she doesn't want you to get upset over people' reactions.

I believe she's trying to remain logical, or it could be that she's angry at what happened not at you, but didn't know how to express that.

Caps suck at expressing their feelings. I have a cappie sister, I know.

Have you ever interacted in deep subject? what was her reaction?

Thanks starwars, maybe its an earth way of expressing themselves.

In terms of this deep subject, her younger cousin who is 14 years old was getting approached and having some kind of relationship with a 35 year old man, and my cap friend got really angry and protective and called the police and threatened the man. I remember that was about 6 months ago, but her 14 year old cousin wouldn't listen and behind my cap friends back kept listening to this man and staying in contact. my friend got so angry and then stepped out the situation and I remember hinting to her that I'm so proud that she is protective. But since then, she called that 14 year old cousin a messed up stupid girl. But my cap friend fails to see that she is from a broken home with her dad having affairs etc hence why such a young girl is being misled. Anyway, thats the only time a similar topic came up but the way she talks about her cousin is very bad now. She also gossips about some girls who have been messed up and that she would never let them marry her brother.

Also, I feel like she gets very angry when people don't listen to her, and today as i mentioned, i was an emotional mess, sobbing then angry and i think maybe she is uncomfortable with my anger.

She always tells me that who your friends are shows you you are, she has very high standards about who can be her friend, maybe i don't match them now.

Maybe it came from a good place and I'm just talking out of hurt. Maybe it me, i regret so much showing my vulnerability and past stuff. This is exactly why i retreat, never will i change this pattern and try talking to people, it gets worse

First off...I personally would probably not keep that individual at a distance...I would cut them off...unless you care why they behaved in that manner towards you being as open and vulnerable..maybe ask the cap why ??

I know capricorns who are very caring and have tons of empathy.

I could not imagine saying something like that to a friend, family member, an associate or even a stranger confiding in me off the street who shared such things. I would want them to know that those things don't define you and try to be there in the moment with all the compassion and positive energy I could muster.

That's NOT your friend. Maybe she just wanted to have a care free evening but if she cared about you truly. She would have put that to the side and supported you in your time of needing to share your thoughts.

i believe you made a brave first step in communicating your feelings on this with a good friend. just try to breathe and realize that this conversation does not define you or your friendship. you just know better how to approach this person with sensitive issues. im very sorry you got an angered response rather than a nurturing one but some women arent very nurturing. some are very tough love--which is good for self empowerment--but some people dont respond well to less sensitive approaches. my cap bestie back home is not the person i turn to for crying and emotional support lol she also has a habit of becoming angered when speaking of sensitive issues, libra moon also pfft lol

When revealing your vulnerability to someone who you feel like you can trust and they react in a manner to make you feel like you should be silenced...is no one you want in your close contacts...some people like to look at the cup full in situations like these but honestly there are men who would have been more compassionate.

they're basically just telling you to suck it up...some people are just this way against their own will.

Bs...people choose they're actions...some people don't give a care about the consequences. For some reason she felt you'd be OK with her behavior. Cut her off or at least for a long while if you feel like she's WORTHY of your company

@happyface1 thank you for replying - yeah i got the vibe that she wanted a care free evening to be honest. Its nice to hear that you wouldn't react in the same way because I wondered if maybe talking about it makes me look like I'm looking for sympathy when i wasn't, and i actually told her i wasn't, i talked about it because i live with my family who brought it up as an insult in a heated argument. Anyway i would hate myself for ever being a victim mode personality but it was the first time I've ever talked about this hence why i posted.

@abbynormal thanks for replying too, as you can probably tell I'm very feeling like sh*t and your reply helped me feel better. I do think she good for female empowerment stuff but tears and emotions is a definite no no lol

Lesson learned!

Posted by elllesque
you need to either keep it to yourself or find someone else to share it with

or

don't keep it to yourself and be minimized and frowned upon

It doesn't even matter that they are allowed to share such things with you....they will actually come to expect it and become pissy when you aren't there for them.

it just is what it is.

- signed, scorpio

You are spot on, it doesn't need to be discussed again i agree and that is where it was for the last 15 years but it came up with my family recently and i just turned into a mess. The worst thing is i know what to do to fix it, i just need time alone, so last week i cancelled my plans with cap friend to do this, but all week she insisted she has to see me and then it came spilling out .

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
In fact I'm very all or nothing, today has opened my eyes, my so called cap friend can now keep her distance.

Caps being loyal, my ass. Caps are only f***kin loyal when they admire your life or job or think that they can learn something from you....as soon as you show that you might now have it all together and show some brokeness and some weakness, they don't want to know.

i never noticed this from my cappy mother in law. she is there through the thick and thin with her best friends, through cancer, and emphazema, and diseases and them being hospitalized and they dont have family anymore. She's the only one there visiting all the time and even making sure I send get well cards and flowers to her friend (who i have met before) so as to give more encouragement.

with their family, in my personal experience, even with my grandma, and uncles, they are so loyal to the core. It's ridiculous how loyal.

i see this with my cap mother in law and her friendships, and maybe because she has aquarius venus conjunct aquarius Jupiter. super duper friendship love.

and she will cry if you think that she has hurt you in anyway. she's super sensitive (pisces moon)

Posted by starwars
yeah, if her reaction pissed you off then just tell her that it pisses you off so you wont hold grudge and such. even though I don't think people reactions are something controllable.

for me, I value friendships a lot to let it go like that.

I believe every person react to things in a certain way, and that might be her way in showing support. that's how she is.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she's not a real friend, but id try to understand her approach. if you can't bother and think shes un worthy then don't do it. even though I think otherwise because you opened up to her.

and since she reacted that way to her cousin' dilemma , you should have guessed that she'd show similar reaction towards you.

she's your friend, you know her better than us.

I'm not trying to be in anyone' side but im trying to see her perspective.

what are her placements because your friend sounds really brash and outspoken.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
In fact I'm very all or nothing, today has opened my eyes, my so called cap friend can now keep her distance.

Caps being loyal, my ass. Caps are only f***kin loyal when they admire your life or job or think that they can learn something from you....as soon as you show that you might now have it all together and show some brokeness and some weakness, they don't want to know.

i never noticed this from my cappy mother in law. she is there through the thick and thin with her best friends, through cancer, and emphazema, and diseases and them being hospitalized and they dont have family anymore. She's the only one there visiting all the time and even making sure I send get well cards and flowers to her friend (who i have met before) so as to give more encouragement.

with their family, in my personal experience, even with my grandma, and uncles, they are so loyal to the core. It's ridiculous how loyal.

i see this with my cap mother in law and her friendships, and maybe because she has aquarius venus conjunct aquarius Jupiter. super duper friendship love.

and she will cry if you think that she has hurt you in anyway. she's super sensitive (pisces moon)

click to expand

I think I'm just bit sensitive right now as this happened a few hours ago. The word 'loyal' isn't even relevant actually, thats one thing our friendship is..so i take this back.

@lisabethur8 but thanks for pointing the loyalty thing out, actually reminds me of how much i value our friendship

I don't know her birth time so these could be wrong but cap sun, moon in virgo, mercury aquarius and venus aquarius? i think aries ascendant

Posted by Venusinscorpio786

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
In fact I'm very all or nothing, today has opened my eyes, my so called cap friend can now keep her distance.

Caps being loyal, my ass. Caps are only f***kin loyal when they admire your life or job or think that they can learn something from you....as soon as you show that you might now have it all together and show some brokeness and some weakness, they don't want to know.

i never noticed this from my cappy mother in law. she is there through the thick and thin with her best friends, through cancer, and emphazema, and diseases and them being hospitalized and they dont have family anymore. She's the only one there visiting all the time and even making sure I send get well cards and flowers to her friend (who i have met before) so as to give more encouragement.

with their family, in my personal experience, even with my grandma, and uncles, they are so loyal to the core. It's ridiculous how loyal.

i see this with my cap mother in law and her friendships, and maybe because she has aquarius venus conjunct aquarius Jupiter. super duper friendship love.

and she will cry if you think that she has hurt you in anyway. she's super sensitive (pisces moon)

I think I'm just bit sensitive right now as this happened a few hours ago. The word 'loyal' isn't even relevant actually, thats one thing our friendship is..so i take this back.

click to expand

🙂

She has mars in Sagittarius, i also have mars in Sagittarius (conjunct my neptune)

I think both of us being the same Mars could be why we always have a good time when we meet up....apart from today when i got more plutonion

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
@lisabethur8 but thanks for pointing the loyalty thing out, actually reminds me of how much i value our friendship

I don't know her birth time so these could be wrong but cap sun, moon in virgo, mercury aquarius and venus aquarius? i think aries ascendant

maybe the aries/aqua combo makes her more brash and outspoken, and virgo moon, (well earth moons aren't really great at being emotional) their ability is to "fix" things for you.

maybe if she had more water, despite virgo moon, she'd be more sensitive to you; her approach would be different.

That IS weird.

Ya know...I once opened up to my earth sign friend about my past and how a few things deeply hurt me. I was darn near in tears and his reaction...? "UGH! I just want to body slam your a $ $ sometimes!!!" Talk about stunned! I couldnt believe his reaction or anger towards me and I vowed to never tell him anything personal again.

That happened months ago, and I still think about it, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I was talking about my mom, and his history with his mom is piss poor....basically non existent. The more I thought about it, it was as if he was trying not to go back to that place himself, or maybe he thought my hurt didnt compare to his. Ill never know.

Anyway, the weirdness in your friends behavior and the anger makes me wonder if she's been through something similar and was trying to mask it or not go back to that place either, like my friend. Maybe telling you to get over it is how she dealt with it. I could be completely wrong, but you never know. With issues as traumatic as yours sound most people that have never dealt with anything like that are in tears.

She just acted too weird.

I wasn't there so I don't know but, if you got too dramatic at all about it, it probably made her angry to show so much weakness over something you should bury and bury for good. We can be stone cold some times, amd not be emotionally expressive but i feel like she just wanted you to be strong for your own sake.

are you sure that she was angry at you not what caused you pain? i agreed with inana if she was angry at you, that was very strange and something was off.


i can sound harsh when i offer advice online or via text but when in person in presence of another's emotional pain, never. it may not be a bad idea to keep a distance from her for a while until you feel better. heal yourself is way more important than worrying about what others think. if she is really a friend, she wouldn't mind you do whatever to help yourself right including withdrawing from her. either way, put yourself 1st.

i really hate saying this kinda stuff about her cos as i said she is very dear to me.

Maybe I'm too sensitive and take friendships too seriously.

Btw the thanks for replying.

Posted by champranger
Feels like a "deer in the headlights" kind of situation for the Cap ...

I think maybe she does not know how to react, as she has never seen that side of you.

^^^This.

Years back, I was on my way to my parents to celebrate chrismas. Due to the weather and a drunk driver there was a terrible frontal crash and we all ended up in the hospital, but could leave in a matter of some hours(mostly broken bones, bruises, shards of glass in the eyes and such...and some emotional damage). I called my parents to tell them that I would be late due to this and asked at the same time if they could come and get us in their car since our car was in smithereens and this is what my father replied(translated into English)

"Are there no buses?"

"Okaaay, I'll check...," I replied. (mouth agape)

Half an hour later he called me and apologized a billion times and said that he would of course throw himself into the car right away and come get us. He had been in quite a shock when he heard the news about the accident. This was years ago and he still apologizes.

You are friends. She obviously likes you and hearing that her friend is hurt will hurt her too and she may not know what to do with it. She may apologize or not - if she doesn't I'm pretty sure it's because she has no idea how to handle the topic(but I don't know her, so I couldn't possibly know for sure, ofc). It was pretty heavy stuff.

Good luck and don't make any hasty decisions regarding your friendship.

Posted by DonnaElvira77
personally i let very few people know certain thing about me ...insiders and outsiders

i don't think you have to tell all friends everything not everyone has the life experience to deal with that or be aware it happens

but her reaction is missing basic common sense and an emotion chip

i can imagine how you must have felt

she should have known you were vulnerable and what ever you were feeling would be magnified at that time...friends should not react that way ..i hope you know her advice is not healthy

your concern should you ..you don't worry about her reaction


but don't over think ...

she will just have to get over it
she will probably apologize

Well, this is not about common sense - it's about emotions. What was revealed was quite heavy stuff and people deal with things differently. Not handling things "correctly" at any given time where feelings(and strong feelings at that) are concerned is, imo, quite human. She may be a complete bitch, sure, we don't know that - but we do know that she was such a good friend to OP that OP decided to tell her about these things. At least give her the benefit of a doubt. Imo.

happyCapper, you are very emotionally understanding that's a pisces mars trait. i have lost that by being on dxp too long

Hehehe Only when it's due...according to myself, ofc...😉

Really? Hmm. Nah, you seem to be pretty emotionally understanding. May I ask, do you think I'm too understanding in this case?

"I'm telling you this because your story is the same as mine."
Meaning that you understand OP's situation immediately.

But, as you yourself said:

"not everyone is the same"
OP's friend may not have the same experience as you and OP have; she may need time to grasp the situation. Isn't understanding of other people's situations supposed to go both ways in a friendship?

Some of you all try to dissect people into what you hope and believe to be true...bottom line is she didn't give a care at the moment...didn't call to apologize and that's what it is...if the OP is ok with someone like that in her like so be it...

sometimes it doesn't matter what Mars or moon a person has...they're just self centered people who don't give a care about anything but themselves... They're out there...in all signs and moon Mars and Venus combinations.

Hopefully she'll apologize to the OP for her gross behavior. Maybe she won't and the OP and her will still remain friends...against some of our judgments.

That's what it is...we all have the privilege of viewing things in different ways that make none of us wrong...it's all opinions.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
So i literally just got back from seeing my cap friend who I have known for quite a few years, she's someone very dear to me.

Anyway I am normally bubbly and able to help her in difficult situations and we both go home feeling so great and recharged. Recently i have been very low and a lot of my wounds are expressed through anger, I avoided seeing everyone recently as I was just too dark, but my cap friend insisted that she sees me.

So we sit down to eat and she was really wanting to me whats been going on with me. I don't normally open up deeply but this time I did, i told her things about some childhood sexual abuse and trauma I had experienced from family and that because of my work and some things that have come up recently, that this past haunts me and causes me to shut down. Now the reason i never ever tell people is because i have resolved it and also i don't want to be called victim etc.

When i told her, her reaction was really weird, almost angry at me and insisted i never feel sorry for myself and that if i do she will come and slap me. She was really harsh and saying quite brutal things, I left early as we walked to our cars some guys shouted to get our attention and she said 'idiots, you can trust anyone nowadays, you will probably even try to stab me'.

Im actually devasted, I feel so much shame and pain as it is, and never tell people my problems (i have a natal moon square pluto) and for me to open it took so much, it took a lot of courage to talk about being groomed, i can admit i had feelings of self disgust and sadness and told her this, i was sobbing. Her eyes did well up once or twice but i am very good at picking up emotions and she was really angry at me.

Sorry for this being a heavy topic but I am so hurt, I opened up and the worst thing to feel is shut down. She told me that i just need to get over it, don't ever tell anyone again, basically the same reaction that my mum gave. When she told me about her childhood and being bullied and even small minor things, I have so much compassion and love for her, I am so careful at how i respond because i am very sensitive myself, but her reaction just now broke me. I thought we were close and caps were caring.

Why did she react so harsh to me? All i did is open up. First she demanded to know why i hadn't ever told her this, then she said 'make sure you don't tell anyone and just deal with this unresolved issue'.

My guess is you shined a light on her own wound that she isn't dealing with.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
So i literally just got back from seeing my cap friend who I have known for quite a few years, she's someone very dear to me.

Anyway I am normally bubbly and able to help her in difficult situations and we both go home feeling so great and recharged. Recently i have been very low and a lot of my wounds are expressed through anger, I avoided seeing everyone recently as I was just too dark, but my cap friend insisted that she sees me.

So we sit down to eat and she was really wanting to me whats been going on with me. I don't normally open up deeply but this time I did, i told her things about some childhood sexual abuse and trauma I had experienced from family and that because of my work and some things that have come up recently, that this past haunts me and causes me to shut down. Now the reason i never ever tell people is because i have resolved it and also i don't want to be called victim etc.

When i told her, her reaction was really weird, almost angry at me and insisted i never feel sorry for myself and that if i do she will come and slap me. She was really harsh and saying quite brutal things, I left early as we walked to our cars some guys shouted to get our attention and she said 'idiots, you can trust anyone nowadays, you will probably even try to stab me'.

Im actually devasted, I feel so much shame and pain as it is, and never tell people my problems (i have a natal moon square pluto) and for me to open it took so much, it took a lot of courage to talk about being groomed, i can admit i had feelings of self disgust and sadness and told her this, i was sobbing. Her eyes did well up once or twice but i am very good at picking up emotions and she was really angry at me.

Sorry for this being a heavy topic but I am so hurt, I opened up and the worst thing to feel is shut down. She told me that i just need to get over it, don't ever tell anyone again, basically the same reaction that my mum gave. When she told me about her childhood and being bullied and even small minor things, I have so much compassion and love for her, I am so careful at how i respond because i am very sensitive myself, but her reaction just now broke me. I thought we were close and caps were caring.

Why did she react so harsh to me? All i did is open up. First she demanded to know why i hadn't ever told her this, then she said 'make sure you don't tell anyone and just deal with this unresolved issue'.

My guess is you shined a light on her own wound that she isn't dealing with.

click to expand

Yup. That's definitely an alternative that I forgot to write about in every single post of mine in this thread. Thanks for reminding me.

You have no word space left... you don't have to quote 🙂

Posted by DonnaElvira77



That crossed my mind too. If she had experienced something similar it might incapacitate her ability to be there for you over that issue. But that's speculation your own sense of who she is and what she was feeling at the time of your conversation might be better to go by.

It's all speculation.

OP, I'm late to this conversation and I'll admit, I didn't read all the other's comments.

Here's what I think.

She didn't react in the way you expected and you are hurt by this. Please, keep in mind that people won't always react the way you expect them to.

I think your cap friend was trying to tell you that you are not a victim. You are not defined by what happened to you in the past. You can waller in the misery or you can pick yourself up by the bootstraps and carry on. I would have told you to find the positives in the situation. Yes, what happened is horrible and painful, however there is ALWAYS a positive. Your abuser didn't kill you. You can become a stronger, more compassionate person out of this.

She's telling you not to tell too many people about your situation so that you don't get labeled an emotional wreck or as damaged goods. Deal with this with a select few people, maybe even a therapist, keep it private. The more people you tell, the more risk there is to you on a personal level. She's trying to protect you.

She was angry. Angry at the situation and maybe even angry at you because she may have felt that you weren't controlling your emotions (which make us uncomfortable) or that you were wallering in misery, feeling like a victim instead of gaining strength from the situation.

Sometimes, caps let the logical override any emotion. You said she did tear up, so she was feeling emotional about what you told her, but she was trying to remain logical so that she could help you. Caps like to fix things. If you want an emotional friend that will cry with you and hug you, open up to a water sign. If you want a logical plan on how to deal with this open up to an earth sign. Her brutal comments, were her way of helping you see the logic and get past the emotional. Her way of helping you see that you are NOT defined by your past.

I know I have hurt my Cancer's friend's feelings in the past. However, once she got past the emotional, she told me that she appreciated my harsh truth and logical response because I was the only one who was willing to offer up any actual help. She said I was the only one who was honest with her instead of just agreeing 'oh that's awful, you poor thing'. I was the only one who didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

So, your cap friend is a good friend, you're just going to have to calm down and see it from another perspective. She will help you through this if you let her. The help she offers will be logical and realistic. But if you don't listen and try, she will get frustrated and not want to hear about it anymore.

Hope this helps.

And for what it's worth, I can identify with you and have gone through some things myself, so I empathize. Stay strong and find the positives. Build on the pain and remember what happened is not your fault and you're not a disgusting person because of it. You are not defined by some monster and you can't let that get you down. Be more solid and st

stronger because of it. You're not a victim, you're a survivor!!

I will admit, that I am inept in emotional situations. I don't know what to say to make someone feel better, but I can help them come up with a plan once they get the emotional out of the equation.

Caps are good at removing the emotional and looking at the facts. Once you have the facts you can find a solution. Sometimes we get so caught up in the emotion that we can't see for forest for the trees and caps are good at seeing the big picture.

Please don't take what she said to you as a personal attack or as an insult. Please, give her a chance to process the information. She will most likely follow up with you. She may come back later and want to talk about it some more and that's when she'll be more able to provide the support you were looking for. It's up to you whether you want to continue with her on this topic.


And I think Starwars had some pretty good insight as to her response and the reasons for such.

Good luck to you hun! Hugs for you and I wish you the best in your recovery.

well, venusinscorpio786,
as long as she does not betray you, is not disloyal to you,all things considered, like you mentioned, she is loyal.
we can't expect people to react a "certain" way because we have developed this in our heads that they should act a certain way.
my only input here is that just accept her as she is,
she is who she is, and you are who you are. your friendship is what counts.
dont focus too much on her reaction to you.
it takes away from all the other important things in life that she has meant to you over the many years.

i haven't read everything, just browsed now but i have never played a victim? it came up because of something from someone else who discussed it directly to me, i never brought anything up. I will reply later but please don't assume i go around telling anyone. Sorry for writing it on here.

She called me today and apologised but i promise you, i don't feel sorry for myself, I'm blessed and it made me who i am. Sorry to bring something heavy like this

I am not damaged goods or an emotional wreck whatsoever.

I am a doctoral trainee psychologist and my patients face trauma and abuse daily, i hold them in our therapy sessions. In my clinical placement, I have always been able to stay with the client and never thought about myself like that. I am very professional and my job is very demanding so believe me i am no victim or my course would have chucked me off. They do ensure that we are emotionally resilient.

Infact this is why my friend has always looked up to me so much, this is why i think it was weird for her to see me vulnerable for the first time.

But don't worry, I'm not damaged or a wreck

"waller in my misery"?

wtf are you on about.

My reason of being hurt was because my cap friend has cried over things like her friend calling her spoilt (she is an only child) and then she was so upset at this that she called me saying she wants to commit suicide and is driving 100mph on the motorway, in many of these instances i have been her rock, i have never judged her crying out for help or even thought of her as a victim, and for me to be treated in an angry way for the FIRST time i was vulnerable DID hurt.

best in my recovery?

I am fine with my past, as i said i am a trainee psychologist and very mentally strong. I MENTIONED MY PAST BECAUSE LAST WEEK AN EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER THREW IT IN MY FACE IN FRONT OF SEVERAL PEOPLE AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY ATTACKED ME calling me disrespectful names in our native language. It was a horrible scene and felt very raw, hence why I was upset and didn't contact anyone, but my cap friend kept insisting to meet, she said she knows something up, I didn't want to go as i know how to deal with my own stuff. So in my emotional state i told her. Her reaction is what brought me here.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
i haven't read everything, just browsed now but i have never played a victim? it came up because of something from someone else who discussed it directly to me, i never brought anything up. I will reply later but please don't assume i go around telling anyone. Sorry for writing it on here.

She called me today and apologised but i promise you, i don't feel sorry for myself, I'm blessed and it made me who i am. Sorry to bring something heavy like this

Why do you apologise? This is an open forum and you haven't been mean to anyone.

So happy to hear she called and apologised!

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
"waller in my misery"?

wtf are you on about.

My reason of being hurt was because my cap friend has cried over things like her friend calling her spoilt (she is an only child) and then she was so upset at this that she called me saying she wants to commit suicide and is driving 100mph on the motorway, in many of these instances i have been her rock, i have never judged her crying out for help or even thought of her as a victim, and for me to be treated in an angry way for the FIRST time i was vulnerable DID hurt.

Okaaay, now I don't get you. Maybe read her post again?

@happycapper

Its interesting what happened, so on saturday we met and that evening i came on here quite upset. On sunday i texted her and she was quite short with me, so i left it thinking screw this, i should just keep distance. Then sunday daytime i met my scorpio friend, now this is a guy so i didn't tell him anyone but he knows cap and i asked him if he ever had experienced someone being angry towards him when they open up. He told me that he has been angry towards someone on one occasion, he said there was this guy in his neighbourhood who he used to look up to as he was known as tough and one day that tough guy started botching about minor things and getting petty, and my scorpio felt angry, he said he got angry because he looked up to him and respected him so much, that to see him behave like that made him question how much he rated him.

Anyway scorpio advice to me, was never show my weakness to anyone, ever, he thinks my cap friend idolises me, which i don't think she does but i am 2 years older than her so maybe she likes my style and since i started my doctorate she was really proud of me. Anyway he said her anger came from seeing me in a diff way after many years.

After i saw him i just did my thing and left it and then she called and apologised later, she said that on saturday before she had met me that she found out this other girl betrayed her and that was why she was angry and that she was sorry. I said she is my heart and never will i hold anything against her cos she means a lot to me. Then today i have been texting her some advice for handling a situation and she replied that what i wrote was what she needed to hear.

so its all good. but i hate being called victim hence why i got defensive above

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
best in my recovery?

I am fine with my past, as i said i am a trainee psychologist and very mentally strong. I MENTIONED MY PAST BECAUSE LAST WEEK AN EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER THREW IT IN MY FACE IN FRONT OF SEVERAL PEOPLE AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY ATTACKED ME calling me disrespectful names in our native language. It was a horrible scene and felt very raw, hence why I was upset and didn't contact anyone, but my cap friend kept insisting to meet, she said she knows something up, I didn't want to go as i know how to deal with my own stuff. So in my emotional state i told her. Her reaction is what brought me here.

I'm sorry, but this entire thread tells me you are not fine with your past...which I certainly don't blame you for. I understand why you're angry at your extended family member who was mean to you, but why are you angry with us? We are trying our very best to help you in the ways we find would be the most helpful. We may be wrong, but we have tried and especially as a trainee psychologist I think you should think once more before lashing out to people who try to help you. At least read the posts carefully and look for the intent and you will probably see that most of us mean well.

I also think she was in shock and thats why she got angry, because i had never opened up to her about it, and this probably links back to when she said 'cant trust anyone nowadays'

In a lot of our friendship I'm the problem solver and she has mentioned in the past that she wants to be there for me, and that i should call her when I'm down, but i don't really need people if I'm low, i just avoid people and get on with it. She is used to me being like that but this time when she insisted to meet and that something was up, i did do what she has always wanted me to do, which is turn to HER, rather than vice versa.

I am a libra sun but not some weak ass person, i have cap moon square pluto and many plutonic planets so i know how to handle myself and can sense hostility, i will continue to stick to my ways, and NEVER listen to caps or other friends who want me to open up and then they react like that. My scorpio friend is right, trust no one. Cap is dear to my heart and she knows I've got her back always, anything she asks me I'm there for her, but no one needs to know my business and i always stuck to that.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
@happycapper

Its interesting what happened, so on saturday we met and that evening i came on here quite upset. On sunday i texted her and she was quite short with me, so i left it thinking screw this, i should just keep distance. Then sunday daytime i met my scorpio friend, now this is a guy so i didn't tell him anyone but he knows cap and i asked him if he ever had experienced someone being angry towards him when they open up. He told me that he has been angry towards someone on one occasion, he said there was this guy in his neighbourhood who he used to look up to as he was known as tough and one day that tough guy started botching about minor things and getting petty, and my scorpio felt angry, he said he got angry because he looked up to him and respected him so much, that to see him behave like that made him question how much he rated him.

Anyway scorpio advice to me, was never show my weakness to anyone, ever, he thinks my cap friend idolises me, which i don't think she does but i am 2 years older than her so maybe she likes my style and since i started my doctorate she was really proud of me. Anyway he said her anger came from seeing me in a diff way after many years.

After i saw him i just did my thing and left it and then she called and apologised later, she said that on saturday before she had met me that she found out this other girl betrayed her and that was why she was angry and that she was sorry. I said she is my heart and never will i hold anything against her cos she means a lot to me. Then today i have been texting her some advice for handling a situation and she replied that what i wrote was what she needed to hear.

so its all good. but i hate being called victim hence why i got defensive above

Good to hear! I wouldn't go as far as the scorpio(even though that's usually how I handle my own business...which isn't always good) but i have found that people(at least the ones I've dealt with) may have trouble handling a huge dose of emotion at once, so if there is something I would like to get off my chest(like, once in a decade...) I deal it in minor portions. But being in your situation, I can see how it would be veeery easy for everything to spill out.

Imo, it's normally very difficult for people to be able to put themselves into the situations of others, even if they have been through similar things, for the simple reason that we are different.

So happy everything turned out fine for you! 🙂

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
best in my recovery?

I am fine with my past, as i said i am a trainee psychologist and very mentally strong. I MENTIONED MY PAST BECAUSE LAST WEEK AN EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER THREW IT IN MY FACE IN FRONT OF SEVERAL PEOPLE AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY ATTACKED ME calling me disrespectful names in our native language. It was a horrible scene and felt very raw, hence why I was upset and didn't contact anyone, but my cap friend kept insisting to meet, she said she knows something up, I didn't want to go as i know how to deal with my own stuff. So in my emotional state i told her. Her reaction is what brought me here.

I'm sorry, but this entire thread tells me you are not fine with your past...which I certainly don't blame you for. I understand why you're angry at your extended family member who was mean to you, but why are you angry with us? We are trying our very best to help you in the ways we find would be the most helpful. We may be wrong, but we have tried and especially as a trainee psychologist I think you should think once more before lashing out to people who try to help you. At least read the posts carefully and look for the intent and you will probably see that most of us mean well.

click to expand

I was lashing out when words such as 'victim' and 'wallow in misery' are used towards me.

thanks happycapper, I'm sorry for being mean to you guys, i reacted strongly but actually thank you for your feedback

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
i haven't read everything, just browsed now but i have never played a victim? it came up because of something from someone else who discussed it directly to me, i never brought anything up. I will reply later but please don't assume i go around telling anyone. Sorry for writing it on here.

She called me today and apologised but i promise you, i don't feel sorry for myself, I'm blessed and it made me who i am. Sorry to bring something heavy like this

I never said you were acting like a victim.

This bad thing happened to you and I said you weren't a victim.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
i haven't read everything, just browsed now but i have never played a victim? it came up because of something from someone else who discussed it directly to me, i never brought anything up. I will reply later but please don't assume i go around telling anyone. Sorry for writing it on here.

She called me today and apologised but i promise you, i don't feel sorry for myself, I'm blessed and it made me who i am. Sorry to bring something heavy like this

I never said you were acting like a victim.

This bad thing happened to you and I said you weren't a victim.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
I am not damaged goods or an emotional wreck whatsoever.

I am a doctoral trainee psychologist and my patients face trauma and abuse daily, i hold them in our therapy sessions. In my clinical placement, I have always been able to stay with the client and never thought about myself like that. I am very professional and my job is very demanding so believe me i am no victim or my course would have chucked me off. They do ensure that we are emotionally resilient.

Infact this is why my friend has always looked up to me so much, this is why i think it was weird for her to see me vulnerable for the first time.

But don't worry, I'm not damaged or a wreck

I did NOT say you were damaged goods or an emotional wreck. I suggested, like she did, that you not talk about this to very many people, for fear that THEY might view you as such. It's a protective suggestion on her part (as well as mine).

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
I am not damaged goods or an emotional wreck whatsoever.

I am a doctoral trainee psychologist and my patients face trauma and abuse daily, i hold them in our therapy sessions. In my clinical placement, I have always been able to stay with the client and never thought about myself like that. I am very professional and my job is very demanding so believe me i am no victim or my course would have chucked me off. They do ensure that we are emotionally resilient.

Infact this is why my friend has always looked up to me so much, this is why i think it was weird for her to see me vulnerable for the first time.

But don't worry, I'm not damaged or a wreck

I did NOT say you were damaged goods or an emotional wreck. I suggested, like she did, that you not talk about this to very many people, for fear that THEY might view you as such. It's a protective suggestion on her part (as well as mine).