capricorn friendship help (Page 2)

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
"waller in my misery"?

wtf are you on about.

My reason of being hurt was because my cap friend has cried over things like her friend calling her spoilt (she is an only child) and then she was so upset at this that she called me saying she wants to commit suicide and is driving 100mph on the motorway, in many of these instances i have been her rock, i have never judged her crying out for help or even thought of her as a victim, and for me to be treated in an angry way for the FIRST time i was vulnerable DID hurt.

You OBVIOUSLY need to re-read what I wrote.

I said, when something like this happens to someone they have two choices. They can either waller in misery OR they pull themselves up by their bootstraps. I was TRYING to give you encouragement.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
"waller in my misery"?

wtf are you on about.

My reason of being hurt was because my cap friend has cried over things like her friend calling her spoilt (she is an only child) and then she was so upset at this that she called me saying she wants to commit suicide and is driving 100mph on the motorway, in many of these instances i have been her rock, i have never judged her crying out for help or even thought of her as a victim, and for me to be treated in an angry way for the FIRST time i was vulnerable DID hurt.

You OBVIOUSLY need to re-read what I wrote.

I said, when something like this happens to someone they have two choices. They can either waller in misery OR they pull themselves up by their bootstraps. I was TRYING to give you encouragement.

Just reflecting on my above reactive replies, I do become defensive and maybe my behaviour confuses others.

But this thread did help me, on saturday it was a place for me to journal how i was feeling and ask advice and since the thread wasn't related to dating or relationships i thought no one would reply, but a lot did so i really do appreciate that.

Hearing various perspectives did balance things out and i kept my distance until she contacted me so the advice was good too.

like i said sorry for the btch mode replies above

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
best in my recovery?

I am fine with my past, as i said i am a trainee psychologist and very mentally strong. I MENTIONED MY PAST BECAUSE LAST WEEK AN EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER THREW IT IN MY FACE IN FRONT OF SEVERAL PEOPLE AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY ATTACKED ME calling me disrespectful names in our native language. It was a horrible scene and felt very raw, hence why I was upset and didn't contact anyone, but my cap friend kept insisting to meet, she said she knows something up, I didn't want to go as i know how to deal with my own stuff. So in my emotional state i told her. Her reaction is what brought me here.

I said good luck in your recovery. Because whatever this incident is, it is still raw for you, so you obviously haven't recovered from it.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
best in my recovery?

I am fine with my past, as i said i am a trainee psychologist and very mentally strong. I MENTIONED MY PAST BECAUSE LAST WEEK AN EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER THREW IT IN MY FACE IN FRONT OF SEVERAL PEOPLE AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY ATTACKED ME calling me disrespectful names in our native language. It was a horrible scene and felt very raw, hence why I was upset and didn't contact anyone, but my cap friend kept insisting to meet, she said she knows something up, I didn't want to go as i know how to deal with my own stuff. So in my emotional state i told her. Her reaction is what brought me here.

I said good luck in your recovery. Because whatever this incident is, it is still raw for you, so you obviously haven't recovered from it.

@truecap

Those phrases just pushed some buttons, i didn't read properly, i skim read and saw red. I apologise because you were actually being supportive too.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
I also think she was in shock and thats why she got angry, because i had never opened up to her about it, and this probably links back to when she said 'cant trust anyone nowadays'

In a lot of our friendship I'm the problem solver and she has mentioned in the past that she wants to be there for me, and that i should call her when I'm down, but i don't really need people if I'm low, i just avoid people and get on with it. She is used to me being like that but this time when she insisted to meet and that something was up, i did do what she has always wanted me to do, which is turn to HER, rather than vice versa.

I am a libra sun but not some weak ass person, i have cap moon square pluto and many plutonic planets so i know how to handle myself and can sense hostility, i will continue to stick to my ways, and NEVER listen to caps or other friends who want me to open up and then they react like that. My scorpio friend is right, trust no one. Cap is dear to my heart and she knows I've got her back always, anything she asks me I'm there for her, but no one needs to know my business and i always stuck to that.

Moon, (and sun and venus) square pluto here as well as well as scorpio dominant, and I definitely identify. But I have gone through my life pretty much as the scorp adviced, but I have discovered for myself that it can be done only to a certain degree without me becoming almost hostile to my surroundings in my pursuit of trusting no one, I am a rock mentality. Now all I need to do is follow my own advice...wich is really difficult since i've done it the other way my entire life. So, please don't fall into the same crap as I put myself into.

We are ofc different people and you may be able to pull it off, idk, but if you're anything like me I advice you to not go there.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
best in my recovery?

I am fine with my past, as i said i am a trainee psychologist and very mentally strong. I MENTIONED MY PAST BECAUSE LAST WEEK AN EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER THREW IT IN MY FACE IN FRONT OF SEVERAL PEOPLE AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY ATTACKED ME calling me disrespectful names in our native language. It was a horrible scene and felt very raw, hence why I was upset and didn't contact anyone, but my cap friend kept insisting to meet, she said she knows something up, I didn't want to go as i know how to deal with my own stuff. So in my emotional state i told her. Her reaction is what brought me here.

I'm sorry, but this entire thread tells me you are not fine with your past...which I certainly don't blame you for. I understand why you're angry at your extended family member who was mean to you, but why are you angry with us? We are trying our very best to help you in the ways we find would be the most helpful. We may be wrong, but we have tried and especially as a trainee psychologist I think you should think once more before lashing out to people who try to help you. At least read the posts carefully and look for the intent and you will probably see that most of us mean well.

I was lashing out when words such as 'victim' and 'wallow in misery' are used towards me.

click to expand

I DID NOT SAY YOU WERE A VICTIM.

I DID NOT SAY YOU WERE WALLERING IN YOU MISERY

Posted by Venusinscorpio786

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
best in my recovery?

I am fine with my past, as i said i am a trainee psychologist and very mentally strong. I MENTIONED MY PAST BECAUSE LAST WEEK AN EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER THREW IT IN MY FACE IN FRONT OF SEVERAL PEOPLE AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY ATTACKED ME calling me disrespectful names in our native language. It was a horrible scene and felt very raw, hence why I was upset and didn't contact anyone, but my cap friend kept insisting to meet, she said she knows something up, I didn't want to go as i know how to deal with my own stuff. So in my emotional state i told her. Her reaction is what brought me here.

I'm sorry, but this entire thread tells me you are not fine with your past...which I certainly don't blame you for. I understand why you're angry at your extended family member who was mean to you, but why are you angry with us? We are trying our very best to help you in the ways we find would be the most helpful. We may be wrong, but we have tried and especially as a trainee psychologist I think you should think once more before lashing out to people who try to help you. At least read the posts carefully and look for the intent and you will probably see that most of us mean well.

I was lashing out when words such as 'victim' and 'wallow in misery' are used towards me.

click to expand

I DID NOT SAY YOU WERE A VICTIM.

I DID NOT SAY YOU WERE WALLERING IN YOU MISERY

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
@truecap

Those phrases just pushed some buttons, i didn't read properly, i skim read and saw red. I apologise because you were actually being supportive too.

Next time, take the time to read before you react so strongly.

I was trying to be encouraging and supportive, as well as give you insight to your friend's mindset.

Thank you for the apology. We all good. 🙂

In the modality of therapy that I practise, (not CBT obviously), its not about a human just suddenrly recovering and then never having a reaction again.

Our programme director told us, we humans are complex creatures, we can think we are over something, then one day something can hit us and we are left feeling overwhelmed. And i agree with this school of thinking. I am over it, i forgive and am grateful for every day i am blessed with, today has been a great day but one day in future i may feel sad, that is human life, you don't just forget and get 'recovered'. Your thinking is very positivist, medical model, something i steer away from, and for some clients, thinking like this i could damage them. But anyway, everyone is entitled to their own opinions

and yes we all good.

you caps are problem solvers but you make up with loyalty and however badly i react, your ways of thinking are grounding for those who can handle it, and me, I do think I can 90% of the time. THANK YOU

Of course, there will be situations/events/scenes in a movie/words said/etc. that set off memories. There's no way you can forget the past and bury it.

My BFF is a therapist and she told me one time that the best way to overcome a negative is to find two positives that you gained from the experience, no matter how bad the experience is, you CAN find a positive. That way, you have something to build on and something to feel thankful about. Otherwise, it is harder to move on from it.

Were you saying that my thinking is very medical model? It's fitting. I work in the medical field. 🙂

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
and yes we all good.

you caps are problem solvers but you make up with loyalty and however badly i react, your ways of thinking are grounding for those who can handle it, and me, I do think I can 90% of the time. THANK YOU

🙂

In my world "over it" really means that. I don't know the psychological terms, but I actually think we are on the same page, but using different words to explain it.

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
I also think she was in shock and thats why she got angry, because i had never opened up to her about it, and this probably links back to when she said 'cant trust anyone nowadays'

In a lot of our friendship I'm the problem solver and she has mentioned in the past that she wants to be there for me, and that i should call her when I'm down, but i don't really need people if I'm low, i just avoid people and get on with it. She is used to me being like that but this time when she insisted to meet and that something was up, i did do what she has always wanted me to do, which is turn to HER, rather than vice versa.

I am a libra sun but not some weak ass person, i have cap moon square pluto and many plutonic planets so i know how to handle myself and can sense hostility, i will continue to stick to my ways, and NEVER listen to caps or other friends who want me to open up and then they react like that. My scorpio friend is right, trust no one. Cap is dear to my heart and she knows I've got her back always, anything she asks me I'm there for her, but no one needs to know my business and i always stuck to that.

Moon, (and sun and venus) square pluto here as well as well as scorpio dominant, and I definitely identify. But I have gone through my life pretty much as the scorp adviced, but I have discovered for myself that it can be done only to a certain degree without me becoming almost hostile to my surroundings in my pursuit of trusting no one, I am a rock mentality. Now all I need to do is follow my own advice...wich is really difficult since i've done it the other way my entire life. So, please don't fall into the same crap as I put myself into.

We are ofc different people and you may be able to pull it off, idk, but if you're anything like me I advice you to not go there.

click to expand

This is useful advice, i do find myself rivoting between wanting to keep myself to myself tendencies and then my mars in sag just wants to be light hearted and have fun and let everything go, but i agree, i don't want to become too hostile and isolated with my mode of thinking so its good to hear from a scorpio who feels the energy too.

Posted by champranger
Feels like a "deer in the headlights" kind of situation for the Cap ...

I think maybe she does not know how to react, as she has never seen that side of you.

That what I thought as well.

Posted by Venusinscorpio786

Posted by HappyCapper

Posted by Venusinscorpio786
I also think she was in shock and thats why she got angry, because i had never opened up to her about it, and this probably links back to when she said 'cant trust anyone nowadays'

In a lot of our friendship I'm the problem solver and she has mentioned in the past that she wants to be there for me, and that i should call her when I'm down, but i don't really need people if I'm low, i just avoid people and get on with it. She is used to me being like that but this time when she insisted to meet and that something was up, i did do what she has always wanted me to do, which is turn to HER, rather than vice versa.

I am a libra sun but not some weak ass person, i have cap moon square pluto and many plutonic planets so i know how to handle myself and can sense hostility, i will continue to stick to my ways, and NEVER listen to caps or other friends who want me to open up and then they react like that. My scorpio friend is right, trust no one. Cap is dear to my heart and she knows I've got her back always, anything she asks me I'm there for her, but no one needs to know my business and i always stuck to that.

Moon, (and sun and venus) square pluto here as well as well as scorpio dominant, and I definitely identify. But I have gone through my life pretty much as the scorp adviced, but I have discovered for myself that it can be done only to a certain degree without me becoming almost hostile to my surroundings in my pursuit of trusting no one, I am a rock mentality. Now all I need to do is follow my own advice...wich is really difficult since i've done it the other way my entire life. So, please don't fall into the same crap as I put myself into.

We are ofc different people and you may be able to pull it off, idk, but if you're anything like me I advice you to not go there.

This is useful advice, i do find myself rivoting between wanting to keep myself to myself tendencies and then my mars in sag just wants to be light hearted and have fun and let everything go, but i agree, i don't want to become too hostile and isolated with my mode of thinking so its good to hear from a scorpio who feels the energy too.

click to expand

Perhaps I should clarify that I'm not a scorpio, just scorpio dominant with a lot of plutoic energy - I'm actually a cap sun. 🙂

...with a sag venus, btw. 😉