Capricorn male that wants to move slow

Hey guys! I'm new here! I am Tauremini who is very much into a Capricorn male! We met on his birthday and he begs in pursuing me about 3 weeks after. I fought against him for a bit because I knew we were good for each other but I am a scaredy cat when it comes to love! Lol, anyway things were really good and I even passed all these little Capricorn tests I was not really aware that is common. He gave me a key to his place and 3 days later I gave it right back. There was even a time he got in the shower and I had a key and I refused to over step my boundaries so I kept banging on the door. Lol he was speechless when I told him I wasn't his gf and he didn't give me permission to use it after he asked why I didn't use it. We just click so well. One night I was leaving out of town and I asked if he was gonna miss me and he said he didn't know!! Ouch? My car was also broken into and my finances weren't where I wanted to be before leaving. Anyway I asked him what did he see me as and he said friends and that really stung. I called him upset and we didn't yell or scream I just questioned his motives. He said he didn't like the conversation and so I ended the call mutually. He avoided talking to me about two weeks. When finally talked he said he can't deny our chemistry and that he thinks I'm amazing but we need to slow down now. And no affection not kissing. So fast forward his best friend comes into town and he wants me to hang with both of them. Then we hung out on several occasions and our chemistry hasn't changed. I make the mistake of bringing up freaking out on him that night and he tells me not be embarrassed or ashamed because he is a chameleon. And he made the changes he felt was necessary. Within the last two weeks I started spending the night again. I even tried to sleep on the couch but he made me come to the bedroom. But the last night I spent the night I asked if I could see him at least once a week and he said that sounded forced and my upcoming birthday plans sounded forced too. I wanted to spend time with him. That night we ended up having sex and he was ok until I tried to make a cute pinkie promise with him not to bring up the past. He got really defensive and said WE ARE NOT A COUPLE! I turned over and said I know I just wanted a fresh started. He took a deep sigh and then leaned over kissed me before dozing off. The next morning he was really quiet and cold later I found out he said it's not the same like it was in the beginning and he lives

And the night he kissed me he also whispered that he was sorry and I was very good girl. I think the main problem is I don't know how to let him take the lead and I just don't want it to be too late, even though he said he doesn't wanna give up on us and prefers we slow down.

Posted by Kodak375
He wasnt interested in love miss. You two are on different pages.

I disagree, because at first I felt this way, he still makes an effort to talk to me and when we first started dating he told me I had a lot to bring to the table and he wanted to see where it goes. He told me that he still has feelings for me and he just can't give up just yet. I was very much in denial that he cares about me, but when his actions said otherwise. Checking on me when I was sick, praying with me, kissing me, picking me up without hesitation when I had car trouble. He just says it hard for him to open up and trying to force him turned him off.

Posted by starlover
**He got really defensive and said WE ARE NOT A COUPLE**!


There is your answer, see ^^^^^

He was happy to have sex with you, but doesn't see you as a couple

As Jeffy Buckley wisely says *you two are on different pages*

It just a bit confusing because from the very beginning he asked me if I was sure if I wanted to have sex because it was a lot more between, us and when I asked him this recently he gives me the same answer. Like he is still trying to be around and told me he doesn't wanna give up on us so easily.

He doesn't want to have sex with me now and when he first decided to stop having sex it was to "protect us" and I am very aware of it. I asked him literally what did he want he said "take it slow as friends, I value a lot already." I just think the best thing is to give him his space.

Lol no as more, he calls us the gray area, because he knows he can be something more. I think its simple as this, me being all in his face isn't helping him think clearer, one dayI was getting ready to leave him and he asked why was I going so soon and to stay another hour. Then when it was getting late, he asked if I needed to crash at his place and I did, I slept on the couch but he tapped on me to come to the bedroom. And then the last time I was over there he and I watched a movie together. I know my fault in this is pressure, I lack trusting his leadership. He is a good guy and would tell me if he isn't interested in me, or if he doesn't see us working out at all. I need to just back off completely. But starlover, thank you for being so honest and open. 🙂

Yea, you are one of the first to be like wtf? But people who knows him says otherwise! Even his best friend drunkingly told me that he cares about me more than he wants to let on. He said he loves my intelligence and there isn't a thing he would change about me. But I know I have to give him space, let him chase me again. He has to sort out his feelings for me, and oddly enough I was so happy being single before he came out of the wood. Funny how that works. 😛

Yea I take words with a grain of salt, his action says other wise. It's just kinda the situation I try to avoid for the most part and here I am now. He's been up front and honest so far, but like I said I'm taking a major step back.

I must admit that I still don't know why you wrote your post; you seem to know all the answers already. If it's to rant, that's ofc okay, but it seems to me you want to ask us a question. I'm just not sure what question.

Most of it is ranting I guess. Lol

...and you want general input. Sure. I'll read everything again, then. 🙂

Must admit my gut feeling tells me that you shouldn't expect much or anything at all from him. Imo, he is telling you all you need to know. I think we can agree that for whatever reason, he does not want to be in a relationship with you right now. He told you so, and after you slept with him, so take his word for it. If he says no, but really wants to, he has a reason for doing so and if I were you I would respect that. I would back off, be his friend and nothing more. See other guys, live life - do you.

The next thing I'm going to say may be completely wrong, because I think it's very much dependent on culture and discourses, but I'll write it anyway just as a possible explanation as to what's going on. He said that he was sorry and that "you're a good girl." This, coupled with everything else makes me think that you're a girl he thinks he SHOULD fall for, but doesn't.

What do you think?

I honestly think he knows my worth and he is now guarded cause I scared him. Like I said actions will say it all. He shows up, he embraces me, he asked me to stick around longer at times. I am respecting his decision and I never really stopped seeing people, but I know who I like. SO space and time will only reveal. Im just nervous because Im operating in unfamiliar territory

Posted by Meowmixxy
I honestly think he knows my worth and he is now guarded cause I scared him. Like I said actions will say it all. He shows up, he embraces me, he asked me to stick around longer at times. I am respecting his decision and I never really stopped seeing people, but I know who I like. SO space and time will only reveal. Im just nervous because Im operating in unfamiliar territory

Im very open! That's why I am here. I feel really silly even talking about this.

Lol what did I do now! 🙂

Posted by caliber
Correct me if I'm wrong here...You seemed to have gone against his grain very early on. He was putting down clues and you refused to pick them up. The key thing is major! He was letting you into is sanctuary and you didn't want in. You told him you're not his girlfriend. You rejected him. So it seems he is now trying to regain control by pushing you away enough to guard his heart.

I think backing off would be best. Let him recharge. If he wants to try again, he'll come back. But don't force it.

Yea...he said the key thing was a test, that I passed. Cappys and their test. And thanks the second part is my problem I am carrying on forceful energy.

I can admit we both have some growing up to do!

Posted by Meowmixxy
I honestly think he knows my worth and he is now guarded cause I scared him. Like I said actions will say it all. He shows up, he embraces me, he asked me to stick around longer at times. I am respecting his decision and I never really stopped seeing people, but I know who I like. SO space and time will only reveal. Im just nervous because Im operating in unfamiliar territory

Ehrm...I'm sure he knows your worth, but thing is: just because you're a good person does not mean he will fall for you. If he doesn't feel it, he doesn't feel it.

"he is now guarded cause I scared him" Look at what you're doing here. You are trying to explain his actions so that it will sound as romantic as possible and so that it will fit what you want to believe.

"actions will say it all" Absolutely - I agree. He told you repeatedly that you are not a couple and that he wants to take it slow.

Posted by caliber
Correct me if I'm wrong here...You seemed to have gone against his grain very early on. He was putting down clues and you refused to pick them up. You told him you're not his girlfriend. You rejected him. So it seems he is now trying to regain control by pushing you away enough to guard his heart.

I think backing off would be best. Let him recharge. If he wants to try again, he'll come back. But don't force it.

click to expand

^^^This is also possible, imo, but the key-thing I don't know about. Could have been, but I find people are veeery different when it comes to that.

When I said he is now "guarded" those were his words. I am only going based on what he's done and said. Maybe I will not ever be the right fit, or maybe it just the timing of it all. I think I will just let it be and explore all my options. Again, I really am thankful for everyone's insight, I am currently lurking on other threads and I think the boards are awesome. ^.^

The whole "he's scared of me", "he's scared of what we have" is just a myth told to women to make them feel better for being rejected.

Men will go after someone they like and nothing will stop them if they want them.

If a man tells you you're not in a relationship, you better believe it! My advice is to stop staying over at his place. He says you're friends and friends don't sleep with friends, so stop having sex with him.

I also advise just building the friendship. You never know what will happen in the future, but don't rule out other options in the meantime.

I so miss DXP lmfao

Meowmixxy, you were a piece of ass, period. Do not read into what you think his actions mean - you have been reading way to much shit on the internet! When a man says "we're not a couple" you're simply not no matter what you want to think!