Caps and Condescending Remarks

Hey caps. I know it's a trait for us to be condescending at times, especially when we have tried other means to communicate with someone and they just aren't getting it. How do you guys feel about this? Do you try to prevent it? How do you go about avoiding this attitude, especially when it's not in your best interest? Or do you just accept it as that's who you are?

For me, it's when I feel people are being really dense and then I can't help myself. I think it comes from a place of frustration. However, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I don't want to resort to a condescending tone when dealing with certain people - like city hall, or the pizza delivery place, or the boss, or the neighbor down the street, or the kid's teacher. When it happens, and it doesn't happen that often, I always end up feeling bad about it, like I went over the top and it wasn't necessary. All it does is reinforce that bitchy reputation.

I'm curious to how other caps feel about it and if/how they deal with it.

Me, too.

Ordered pizza and last time they wrote the address wrong and we didn't get it until well over an hour after we called it in. So I'm calling in, spelling out the street name, then asked her to repeat it and explained that I was trying to prevent the last issue. I was pretty condescending. I know the delivery woman, she's an older woman and told me she was there when I called in and it was overkill for an honest mistake, that the girl got her feelings hurt. I was like, oh well, she'll learn from it.
Then I felt bad.

Guilty as charged.

Funny thing is, as bad as I feel for being that way every once in a while --- I pass up hundreds of opportunities to be a condescending prick.

I'm not sure there is a way to stop it totally.

I've minimized it the best I can, and I think that is the best I can do.

Hey ^^^^^^^

I'm not 41 yet!

I'm glad it's not just me, then.

^^ And I'm not 48 yet!

Its not a way to stop it because its not intentional.

For example, I hate repeating myself. Im not even sure why, but something deep within just bothers me about having to repeat what Ive said, so everytime I have to do it that emotion, whatever it is, takes over and I can come across very rude and condescending. I promise, I cant control it either because it doesnt always happen and I try to stop myself and watch my tone but it doesnt always work. I do end up ferling horrible.

I just think its bottled emotions, maybe an insecurity of not being understood or heard in my case....or maybe just a expectation of getting things right the 1st time that I have within myself so I project. who knows.

excuse the typos.

I can relate, Inana, and feel the same way.

Posted by lnana04
Its not a way to stop it because its not intentional.

For example, I hate repeating myself. Im not even sure why, but something deep within just bothers me about having to repeat what Ive said, so everytime I have to do it that emotion, whatever it is, takes over and I can come across very rude and condescending. I promise, I cant control it either because it doesnt always happen and I try to stop myself and watch my tone but it doesnt always work. I do end up ferling horrible.

I just think its bottled emotions, maybe an insecurity of not being understood or heard in my case....or maybe just a expectation of getting things right the 1st time that I have within myself so I project. who knows.

Pretty much this.
Plus if I get the feeling they're testing my patience, yeah my tongue get's razor sharp.

Sometimes it comes out of myouth and I can't control it. Like word vomit. im a little flat on intonation so sometimes it comes out all condescending sounding. Lol I do not have a singsongy voice.

Sometimes I'm pissed and I make the decision to act like a condescending bitch. Its lose lose for me.

I try my best not to but I have a low tolerance for stupidity and it just comes out. Im still trying though, it's a process.

A cap at my job was communicating with me in a very condescending way..he was frustrated but it had nothing to do with me...his home life sucked!

His emails also were very harsh...I gathered other co-workers who felt he had poor communication, sent the emails to hr and he was fired...for not communicating effectively with the team hence causing a negative work atmosphere and low team morale

Caps live and die for the means to which they earn a living...I hope he learned a valuable lesson...

I spoke to him about it prior to me executing his take down, he was very dismissive...I hope he's dismissive on the unemployment line lol

There are consequences for ones actions...mess around and talk to the wrong person a certain way and you could regret it.

Posted by balblair
A cap at my job was communicating with me in a very condescending way..he was frustrated but it had nothing to do with me...his home life sucked!

His emails also were very harsh...I gathered other co-workers who felt he had poor communication, sent the emails to hr and he was fired...for not communicating effectively with the team hence causing a negative work atmosphere and low team morale

Caps live and die for the means to which they earn a living...I hope he learned a valuable lesson...

I spoke to him about it prior to me executing his take down, he was very dismissive...I hope he's dismissive on the unemployment line lol

There are consequences for ones actions...mess around and talk to the wrong person a certain way and you could regret it.

Thus, the purpose of the thread is about acknowledgement and how to improve.

I think it's a combination of feeling like you're not being heard, and so you're being disrespected... which is a big deal for Caps imo. Sure, there may be some people who are genuinely trying to undermine you...but the cab driver, the pizza guy, the cashier? Probably not. Maybe try practicing compassion with them, and don't assume they are trying to be a jerk.

I notice that my Cap has terrible communication skills imo (outside from work I assume). No transparency. He just doesn't feel like he "owes" anyone an explanation so he won't offer up enough information. Also, he doesn't like asking questions as I assume it seems deferential to him. He also thinks that a lot of questions other people ask are "dumb" and obvious,and he will say so. The combination of these things leads to many misunderstandings. Not good 😢

Posted by truecap
Hey caps. I know it's a trait for us to be condescending at times, especially when we have tried other means to communicate with someone and they just aren't getting it. How do you guys feel about this? Do you try to prevent it? How do you go about avoiding this attitude, especially when it's not in your best interest? Or do you just accept it as that's who you are?

For me, it's when I feel people are being really dense and then I can't help myself. I think it comes from a place of frustration. However, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I don't want to resort to a condescending tone when dealing with certain people - like city hall, or the pizza delivery place, or the boss, or the neighbor down the street, or the kid's teacher. When it happens, and it doesn't happen that often, I always end up feeling bad about it, like I went over the top and it wasn't necessary. All it does is reinforce that bitchy reputation....

You're way too damned hard on your Cap-selves.

Fact.

Not that anyone asked me... js.


🙂

That's probably true Montgomery

Cowards creed. Learn how to communicate.

Posted by drxpxfJupiter

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by truecap
Hey caps. I know it's a trait for us to be condescending at times, especially when we have tried other means to communicate with someone and they just aren't getting it. How do you guys feel about this? Do you try to prevent it? How do you go about avoiding this attitude, especially when it's not in your best interest? Or do you just accept it as that's who you are?

For me, it's when I feel people are being really dense and then I can't help myself. I think it comes from a place of frustration. However, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I don't want to resort to a condescending tone when dealing with certain people - like city hall, or the pizza delivery place, or the boss, or the neighbor down the street, or the kid's teacher. When it happens, and it doesn't happen that often, I always end up feeling bad about it, like I went over the top and it wasn't necessary. All it does is reinforce that bitchy reputation....

You're way too damned hard on your Cap-selves.

Fact.

Not that anyone asked me... js.


🙂

Or not hard enough. >_> Being condescending is not ok.

click to expand

It probably should have read "too"...

Pisces sun, Venus in Cap here and I do the same thing. Of course it's way less harsh, but I find myself being extremely condescending at times. Then I feel bad for it.

Posted by balblair
A cap at my job was communicating with me in a very condescending way..he was frustrated but it had nothing to do with me...his home life sucked!

His emails also were very harsh...I gathered other co-workers who felt he had poor communication, sent the emails to hr and he was fired...for not communicating effectively with the team hence causing a negative work atmosphere and low team morale

Caps live and die for the means to which they earn a living...I hope he learned a valuable lesson...

I spoke to him about it prior to me executing his take down, he was very dismissive...I hope he's dismissive on the unemployment line lol

There are consequences for ones actions...mess around and talk to the wrong person a certain way and you could regret it.

you are awesome.