
I've been making a conscious effort to express my emotions instead of burying them inside and masking them with a smile for about 3 months now and its inhuman .... uncapricorn. I've gotten to the point of being able to let the dam break just by asking myself how i'm really feeling at the momment and even thought at times the energy is re-assuring and playful, shit is beggining to hit the fan... Fucken saturn and your obsticles, lessons and karmic debt paying ways... the frustration of having to struggle so much brings forth so much fatigue its unbearable. I used to be able to say to my fatigue "youre a little bitch, watch me finish my goal and exceed it 3 times while barly being able to hold a smile." And now even though the same resolution and performance at work remains... at times i type with tears flowing... Eventually i thought if i let the emotions run freely i believed that as everything was expressed there would be just peace but it seems that there will always be this nagging thorn, cold whispering saying... "Nothing will ever be enough, you will never feel worthy, no matter how much you achieve." Fuck the experiment, its unnatural im going back to how things were.











