First Post, plz be gentle.

yikes... i'm not good at this stuff.

in short... stop. remove head from ass. thoroughly cleanse head. find a worthy relationship that doesnt reek of problems.

or if you are stuck on this girl... offer her steps 1, 2 and 3 mentioned here and you can both meet half way after a little bit of neutral time.



...boom

ahhhh... you're reasoning there... i can't really argue with it. a small part of it does make sense, even if it doesnt from a bigger perspective. so be it!

gosh i feel terribly for all three of you.

so... the ONLY reason she stays with him is because she does NOT want to hurt him———————??



whether this is a cap thing or not... it's a you thing. nuff said. it seems like your reasons are enough for you whether your fellow cap community here rejects it or not. personally... i have a similar mantra i *try* to live by... "be more afraid of one day looking back and wishing you'd been less fearful"

we need more of that 88. that's why i think pisces are always so welcome here.

*calls the Emotions police to remove 88 from thread*






hahahahaha!

I have nothing to contribute this thread, (except harrassing 88, lol!), so I'll quietly make my exit

From the moment she entered the relationship still loving you she'd began to destroy him——?


yikes... that's unbelievably unfair. i think from the moment she entered the relationship, she was trying to give herself a chance to move on.

to say this about her makes her sound evil and that's really not the case it seems.

Sounds like a French movie. The main protagonists are still married and in love with each other. Husband left his wife and now regrets it. She got herself a boyfriend she treats like a patient.

If I were watching this movie, I would expect one of the following endings:

1) Husband gets his wife back. Boyfriend is persuaded to become her patient.
2) Boyfriend realizes (with help from anyone but the husband) that he was a "project" and leaves the "couch" offended. Husband gets his wife back.
3) Boyfriend is "cured". Husband simulates a nervous breakdown. Wife embarks on a new project with him.
4) Wife falls in love with a third party. She asks for a divorce and also closes the "project".
5) Wife falls in love with her boyfriend. She asks for a divorce.

My favourite ending would be number 3 or 4.

It was after work dude. 😕 lol but it wouldve been funny if id come during.

"I cant build walls with her anymore".

Good. I never understood when Caps are trying to build walls. Would you build something that --in the best case-- is destined for destruction?

Unless I want to end a relationship, I would feel caged if I were to build a wall between me and my SO. This feeling of limitation would be much more disturbing than any other emotion I could feel. Something like being buried alive.

If you really want her back, I think you have a good chance to succeed. Just need to demonstrate passion, consistency and determination. Talk about your future together and the fact that you have changed for the better (if that is true).

Posted by ellessque
you went to the work to END drama?

FFS, how would you feel if someone came to your job and wanted to talk about relationship issues??!!!!!

I thought her job was talikng about relationships 🙂?

Posted by MellyMel909

Posted by Lucriu
It was after work dude. 😕 lol but it wouldve been funny if id come during.

False. It would have been mortifying. And Elle is not a "dude", nor is she your "dude" or THE "dude", dude.

That responsibility falls solely at Jeff Bridges' Birkenstocked feet. 🙂

click to expand

i

I wasnt going to post anything untill all this was resolved but this was too good to pass away.

??you just don't get it, do you—
The one that doesnt get it is you, youre too bussy projecting your situation and emotions of ??the other side??to realize that it doesnt apply.

??I'm giving you my honest opinion of "the other side"....and you still can only feel sorry for yourself and draw up a bullet point list of all the things "you" did.??
No one was is feeling sorry for themselves, although YOU are in serious denial, or are just frustrated enough with what happened to you that you could ??put up a neon sign—. The bullet point list was so you would answer the questions honestly and see ??Oh, it doesnt apply, this cap is different then mine, he's not playing mind games and really loves this girl?? But no, you're too busy with thinking that its the mindgames your cap was playing to listen.


??I shouldn't have even bothered, quite frankly, after you said it would be funny to show up at her work.??

I said that as a casual joke to let you know that I didnt go in while she was working, and didnt want to point out that you were assuming incorrectly directly.

??Keep playing with her emotions and see where it gets you, instead of breaking down walls, you'll run right into one. Good luck!??

You mean like you put up with him? You are obviously still hurt by this guy... Maybe if you werent so into expressing your vulnurabilities through anger, or harsh comments he would??ve stayed for good, and wouldnt be repaying you with mind games. Just saying that from the brief comments you've written, you dont strike me as a caring, soft person who a CAP could trust with his emotions.

Pay close attention my ??fiery?? friend.

??Give her time. Time is your friend. Then let her decide on her own with ZERO pressure from you. THAT is fair. Fair to you, fair to her, and fair to the new guy (because he deserves that).??

??I know you`re just projecting, and that this Cap guy obviously Treetrunked with your head. But those lines above *sigh* It`ll just have to be that way. ??

With the above lines I showed that listened to your logic and that is currently what im doing, I've completely stepped off. So I ask what insane behaviour should I be held accountable for? You're words are greatly appreciated, and if you didnt pay attention before, they were taken into account. And just so you know, i only initiated contact, she's been the one leading me on asking me to go out, or if im doing anything on the weekend, or the occasional text message wishing me well and asking what im doing. Shes the one that keeps telling me that she feels shes going out with a 15 year old because of how controlled he is by his dad.

??I'm not even frustrated, I was being sarcastic. Why? Because that butter gets old when you are really trying to move on with your life and someone is selfish and makes it all about them. Have you not any respect for her? A woman doesn't just up and leave without a valid reason. A reason *you* handed to her.??

Stop projecting, just becasue you're honest and advise you're projecting doesnt make your comments any more valid or applicable. And being sarcastic isn't a form of passive agressiveness?

??This scenario plays out on this board ALL the time. You aren't new to it and neither am I. I'm just not going to stroke your ego and tell you it's going to be okay.??

Stroke my ego? To be totally honest you're stroking my ego right now. I only posted that message like an hour ago and you've already replied.


??Offended by my words? Good, you should be. Something has to light a fire under your ass so you don't continue the same insane behaviour you are perpetrating on her now. Perhaps this will teach you to never take a good woman for granted ever again.??

By your logic and my situation you would agree that a wife should stay by his husbands side even if he's a drunk and beats her. You project TOO much, you obviously feel that you were taken for granted, and still refer to HIS behaviour as insane because we've obviously stablished that the situation is the same, but the context totally different. You pitty him? I b

Bottom line, (because i wrote like double this but it got cut off)
??I'm not comparing you and the cap. I'm telling you the feelings that are involved in such situations, but you can't even step out of yourself to put yourself in her shoes. You only want what you want and have absolutely no respect for her or her needs.??
You've admited to projecting, you do know what that means right? IT MEANS NOT SEEING THE SITUATION CLEARLY AND PUTTING YOUR OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, WHEN THE REALITY IS DIFFERENT.
This means that the feelings that are involved are YOURS, you're not her, you wouldn't be with someone to not hurt them while you love someone else would you? I initiated contact but, she is the one leading me on, telling me she misses me, that she doesnt want to lose me because im too important to her, and sleeps with me despite being with this guy. What you're really asking is for me to put myself in your shoes, and that is pointless because you are nothing like her, but then im being the defensive one? You're the one that keeps trying to validate YOUR emotions, YOUR situation as truth, with out even trying to step out to see the whole picture. If you wanted to see the whole picture, or even tried, you wouldnt be admitting to projecting sweety.

If you ever put that neon sign up, send me a pic. I could use a smile.


cheers

..... had a break down. 2 hours of feeling like my heart was being torn apart my fiery hands. Everything came to the surface.... everything. It wasn't love, turns out i just wanted to teach her how to fight for what she wants.... Had to learn that she wasnt ready and i wouldnt be the one to teach her that lesson. Took me 2 hours to finally let go. Thread closed.

Posted by Lucriu
..... had a break down. 2 hours of feeling like my heart was being torn apart my fiery hands. Everything came to the surface.... everything. It wasn't love, turns out i just wanted to teach her how to fight for what she wants.... Had to learn that she wasnt ready and i wouldnt be the one to teach her that lesson. Took me 2 hours to finally let go. Thread closed.

Sounds like a breakup?