Depressed capricorn how do I snap him out of it.

Hello all I'm getting used to this now.

Ok my cap and I got back together end of sept. We had been together for 3and half years. He has Crohns Disease and he has had 2 blood transfusions 1 was last week. Yesterday he had a specialist apt and his dr. said it sounds like cap has TB. Serious but curable lung disease. So I immediately got an appointment for myself to get checked. It's not something to play with even if you are a healthy person. So he called me from the hospital with that news (testing) and he told me that he has been very depressed. I have noticed this week and last week. But he said that he has been depressed for a couple of months now. I think he ment since I came back...
He told me when he got home last night that everything in his life is a disaster except me and we fight all the time well we used to we don't now(his exact words). So I asked what was on his mind maybe if he talked about it it would make him feel a little better. So he went on about his appt and what the dr. was telling. That the depression is a problem and they need to do something about it. So I said well you do need help no one likes being depressed all the time.

We have been trying to move out of our apartment building because of all the noise and stuff he doesn't sleep very well. Yesterday I also had to tell him that we couldn't afford to move anytime soon. And he said ya cause I spend to much. I told him no it's not because of that it's because we have too many expenses. (Putting things in a nice way). And that made him worse. He called later and said I'm sitting here and I could cry for no reason. Then he said if he got hit by a Mac truck today he would laugh. So when he got home I asked what r u thinking about when u gets depressed. He said everything. No explanation, no detail nothing. Then he said I don't want to talk about it anymore.

So I wrote him a letter saying I feel like he is giving up I used to think that he loved me more then I loved him now I'm rethinking that thought. How I love being me because I have him be my side and he is an amazing person he just needs to see it. But the way I wrote it, it sounded like I was telling him that he was giving up on the relationship. What I was really talking about was his health. So I took the garbage out and I went to the store to buy more gbags because we needed them. When I got home he had gone to work already.

So I called him and asked if he was mad at me or he thought I was mad at him? He said oh I thought you were going to stay at home (my parents) tonight. So I told him no I went to buy garbage bags. I asked him what he thought of the letter he said "it's a letter what is there to say". THen he said ok I will talk to u later. Said Love you bye.

I explained that the letter was writen wrong and I ment about health. He text me back later on that night
"Life seemed to be going great then about a month or 2 ago it all started going to the shits again! I dont know why but I have been feeling wierd things latly that I cant explain and I dont know what 2 do about them, I'm affraid they might distroy us! I do love you but something must get done cause my health is fadding away slowly."


What should I do!!! Im afraid he will leave me now. Cause he thinks its me.

Hey Gemini82,

I don't really think that his depression stems from you nor do I think that writing a letter at this time was the best thing to do. I know someone with Crohn's Disease and as we both know, the certainty of how long these folks will live...well, there is no certainty. It must be scary to live with such a condition and I think that it would be extremely difficult to snap someone out of a depression. You said he just had a blood transfusion and was diagnosed with TB. That's a lot for someone to go through. I don't think there's much you can do. Just constantly reassure him and be there for him. Poor guy. Maybe in a couple of weeks, he'll feel better. Sorry to hear about your situation, Gemini82. 😢

Thank you very much I really apprietiate your comments. I thought about the letter thing after to but when he is in those moods the only way to comunicate with him is through writing and leaving it for him to get to. I try soooo hard to be there for him. Sometime I think I try to hard and it makes him mad.. I dont want him to push me away. I try to remind him of the good things and he just tells me ya your life is great. I guess he still hasent relized that I go through what he goes through. Minus the pain. We used to go to Crohns meetings for me to understand it better. But then we got to busy and missed a couple now I dont have the scedual anymore.

Anything I can do to help him? But him flowers? Take him to dinner?
I baught him some puzzles last night to keep his mind off of everything!

Ouch really... That is NOT good at all now I really now why he didnt call me before he went to work and he thought i wasnt coming home last night.. I didnt meen it like that although I wasnt really writing with a clear mind I was crying cause Im a wimp.

Well he just called me and everything sounds ok. He told me he loved me first. I no that means alot.
Thanks satyrsmind. I would have never thought that myself.

I wish I had real friends like you guys. You are a big help.

Cappywench it is very hard to see him going through all this knowing that I cant do anything except get him a glass of water when he askes for one. He thinks that he brings me down... That puts him in a really depressed mood. But the problem is that he doesnt tell me untill 3 days after the fact. So last night I said how can I help you if I dont no what going on with you. Thats the only thing I feel would make life easier. If he were more open. But the shell goes up. I always tell him that he is where my heart is and im not going anywhere. And he doesnt bring me down at all. I love caring for him it makes me feel needed.

You think that will help. I will deffinetly try it. Thanks very much.

oh and capwench tb meds also give you kidney failure so that is another thing to worry about. Crohns steriods effect the whole body and make your moods very up and down. So I know what you mean,I try to be a carer, counceller and punch bag but he wont open up to me. Somethings he will tell me about 3 to 4 days later. But other things he wont tell me period, i guess its the manly mocho thing??

She is 100% right about that my grandmother told me something similar my whole life. The devil makes work for idle hands..

Are you a cap? Cause you no them very well.

I thought you might laugh about this. Well I hope so anyway.

I live in Canada So a nature trail right now is snow covered. And not much to look at cause everything is white up north. LOL
I still might be able to talk him into it though.

You have crohns too?

Ok thanks. I hope your feeling better now I faught depression for 4 years. for 2 years I was on meds for it. It took a year to come off the medication cause it was addictive I had withdraws and everything it sucked. I was 15 by the time I got completely off the medication I was 19. I didnt have a very good teenagehood. I now have really bad axiety. And I suffer with that alot. especitally when cap is sick im always worried. I think that is why im so emotional.

I read alot about capricorn and battling depression. Its something that stays with you your whole life. At least u came up with way to get over the hump.
Good luck with everything. I wish you well.
And thank you very much for the advise.

eh, my only suggestion is to always remind him that you're there for him. that way he has less reason to keep being depressed. but no idea on other strategies atm.

maybe try to keep him busy, but not anything that will remind him about what or why he's depressed. but then again, that was probably already mentioned.

"So I wrote him a letter saying I feel like he is giving up I used to think that he loved me more then I loved him now I'm rethinking that thought. How I love being me because I have him be my side and he is an amazing person he just needs to see it. But the way I wrote it, it sounded like I was telling him that he was giving up on the relationship.'

Bad move. He is suffering right now and he needs your love,empathy and support. He doesn't need arguements or to hear of how unhappy you are (that letter sounds like you are fed up with him). That will make him feel worst and distance himself from you. Not to say your happiness doesn't count, it does BUT if you can't handle the tough moments in his life with courage & hope, then he will think he will lose you.

Depression is normal in HIS situation (disease, transfusions, hospital, TB, poor guy). Its best to be there for him but also continue taking care of yourself by hangin with friends so that his depression doesn't wear you down. There's nothing you can do to snap him out of it unless you conjure up a cure for his health. Or have him see a good psychiatrist, a short course of a good SSRI like Effexor may help (ya it has withdrawal symptoms but if he cuts it down gradually by opening the pill and taking only 1/2 the med then 2 wks later 1/3 then 1/4 to 1/10 , he'll be fine). But meds is always a last option when nothing else works, and meds should always be accompanied by individual & group therapy.

This is the time that he needs GOD in his life. Pray for him and pray together. Church/Synagogue/Mosque can be so inspirational especially when the pastor knows the situation. The hope & brotherly love can help give him strength to fight.

capangel I believe you are right about the letter thing and now I cant take it back. But support and reassureance is good and church is a great way to releive stress thats what I so when I feel really down.

Cappywench you are also right about the meds his stomack cant handle stuff like that. He needs to go out with friends and do stuff to keep his spirits high. But alot of the time he doesnt feel like it.

I baught him a puzzle to help him at home and he has done very good with it so far. tonight he has gone out with his friends Im trying to encourage him to go out and have fun.

hmm, honestly, i think he's just afraid. basically hold him tight as possible, and dont let him give up. i wouldn't doubt he's also a little scared for you too. probably feeling the thoughts that well, if he dies, it will hurt you, and what will happen to you.

i do agree that he should see a counselor, definitely not a scientologist though (trust me on that). i would also try to get him onto some form of comedy. basically keep him from sitting on the pity pot and pecking himself to death. capricorns can sometimes be fatalistic. basically, he's not dead, and he shouldn't be preparing for it. remind him that life is about living. there is no garuntee (usually) about when the last moment to live arrives, so he should never take out the count down calender/clock. losing of focus in life, is death of the soul/mind.

And he told me he does whatever I want to make me happy. I don't get it.
that's how many capricorns work. my ex couldn't understand that either. i didn't care (usually) what it was, long as it made her happy, and was with her. i'd sit through boring stuff, but enjoyed it because the person that i loved was content. i think the common claim that the chinese sign ox is the most similar thing to capricorn. i think it's the sign of the rat. just look up information about both and you may see my point.

An idle mind is a devil's workshop".
that is true, but people hardly ever have my power tools ready for me when they idle.
any mind allowed to stop and think for itself is a threat.

Do you think I should stay or go?
you leave him, and i don't think things would go well. if you want to stay, stay, and make sure he understands he's not alone, and can't drive people away like that. capricorns tend to be that, no, you save yourself, crap to their loved ones.

Genome you are awsome thanks very much for the detailed explainations. I am staying. Things will go better if I do.

He does have a comedy collection too. Last night he rented Even almighty and we had pizza it was really nice. He was in a better mood today. I try not to get myself down I had depression problems for a long time so I no how hard it is to come out of it. Tonight we are going out like a date it should be nice. There are soo many suggestions to choose from its great...