Help - need some advice

In a nutshell, things ended awkwardly last weekend with my Cap. Everything was fine and I was just about to leave when I got a phone call from my mom and we started a heated conversation in a language Cap does not speak. He looked at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern.

After the 15 minute conversation, I made an awkward joke because I didn't know how else to break it ice - like "hey roomie, guess I'm gonna have to move in here now" - I live at home. Not uncommon in my culture before marriage.

He was kind of quiet and made a comment to the effect of when are you leaving because I was in the middle of packing when I got the call. That just grinded my gears, immediate thought was "he's not even going to ask what happened or if I'm ok??".

I left and it takes me about 20 min to get home. He texted around then with "don't be mad,...are you ok?"

I just didn't know how to respond so I've left it. That was Sunday, and we haven't contacted each other since.

I felt like he didn't want to deal with whatever it was. Am I off? This kind of stuff happens a lot with us and I feel like he 1 - doesn't care. 2 - is emotionally stunted. It's not the first time and I wonder how we could be in a relationship together because we are so different.

Should I talk to him? How should I respond since it's been a few days since I replied.

Thanks in advance everyone!

The above situation feels like a Red Flag to me because if didn't show I was pissed, I don't think he would have asked if I was ok. Do Caps just not do that much?

I know Caps have a different brand of care and love from fire signs. Please help me understand how you all are because I'm tired of these "misunderstandings" with him. It really puts a wrench in things.

We've been together over 2.5 years as exclusive fwb-my choice. He wants more. It's situations such as the above that cause me to reconsider.

Me - early 30's

Him - almost mid 40's

Thank you ladies.

It's been a few days, I feel like I should reply. Any ideas on what to say?

I'm not upset anymore, but think we should talk about our difference.

I would say "tgif!" on any other day.

Should i just ignore the "are u ok question"? As so much time has passed?

Thank you all, it really helps to get the Cap perspective!

Sounds like a typical case of misunderstanding. Clear it up. Now. Imo.

Good luck!🙂

If I read right.....u wanted to be fwb in the last 2.5yrs

Then if I were him, I would be less inquisitive around u.....afterall I m just a fwb, u didnt want a r/s probly bcoz u dont want me in ur life and emotions. Who m i to ask u what ur personal matter was all abt?

U closed the door and made him wait outside, but now u r expecting him to barge in whenever u feel u emotionally need that, he is just respecting u and waiting at the door and u get upset......

His follow up message is a good indication about his concern. U not replying will make me feel like u dont want me in ur life, if i were him.....

I hope you're not playing games with him...with his emotions?

I feel like you're punishing him...and on purpose, over what? ..

He asks you if you're mad and ok, showing concern...then you ask us if you should message him back after ...a week?

You're the one who started this thread saying things ended, not him.

I'm not playing games with him. I didn't want to tell him it upset me that he let me leave like that. His message was too little too late as they say.

If I replied I wouldn't have lied and said I was ok, but I didn't understand why I was hurt either. I just needed the time to process.

Things haven't ended, I just went quiet for a week.

Posted by SunMoonStars
I'm not playing games with him. I didn't want to tell him it upset me that he let me leave like that. His message was too little too late as they say.

If I replied I wouldn't have lied and said I was ok, but I didn't understand why I was hurt either. I just needed the time to process.

Things haven't ended, I just went quiet for a week.

It sounds like you're ready to squash this. You should reach out to him.

Posted by Jalent99
If I read right.....u wanted to be fwb in the last 2.5yrs

Then if I were him, I would be less inquisitive around u.....afterall I m just a fwb, u didnt want a r/s probly bcoz u dont want me in ur life and emotions. Who m i to ask u what ur personal matter was all abt?

U closed the door and made him wait outside, but now u r expecting him to barge in whenever u feel u emotionally need that, he is just respecting u and waiting at the door and u get upset......

His follow up message is a good indication about his concern. U not replying will make me feel like u dont want me in ur life, if i were him.....

All of this ^ I agree with 100% .

How would you feel if he had a heated conversation with someone in a foreign language then didn't volunteer what it was about?

I know how I would feel. I'd think since the conversation was had in a language I didn't understand, I'd feel like they didn't want me to know what was going on. Therefore I wouldn't ask. I'd let them volunteer the information.

Posted by SunMoonStars
I would say "tgif!" on any other day.

Should i just ignore the "are u ok question"? As so much time has passed?

Thank you all, it really helps to get the Cap perspective!

You are a walking contradiction.

You were pissed he didn't ask if you were ok.

When he did, you just ignore.

Wtf is he supposed to do? He's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. You're not going to be happy either way.

Posted by Jalent99
If I read right.....u wanted to be fwb in the last 2.5yrs

Then if I were him, I would be less inquisitive around u.....afterall I m just a fwb, u didnt want a r/s probly bcoz u dont want me in ur life and emotions. Who m i to ask u what ur personal matter was all abt?

U closed the door and made him wait outside, but now u r expecting him to barge in whenever u feel u emotionally need that, he is just respecting u and waiting at the door and u get upset......

His follow up message is a good indication about his concern. U not replying will make me feel like u dont want me in ur life, if i were him.....

Yep.

I'd have already given up on her and moved on.

Posted by SunMoonStars
I'm not playing games with him. I didn't want to tell him it upset me that he let me leave like that. His message was too little too late as they say.

If I replied I wouldn't have lied and said I was ok, but I didn't understand why I was hurt either. I just needed the time to process.

Things haven't ended, I just went quiet for a week.

You should be honest. That's why he can't be what you want. He doesn't have any idea as to what you want.

You want gf treatment as a fwd? Lol 2.5 yesrs? And this is why sag are a waste of time. He will regret wasting those years without a damn thing to shoe for it

*show

Posted by ElleDuMonde
This reminds me of an experience with my cap.

I rarely get angry. You can't tell by the way I express myself on the boards but most of my anger is dealt with on the inside. #12thhousemarsproblems

One time I was so mad at a family member...like fire spitting head spinning mad. I was home alone and the conversation had just ended on the phone. I was still real raw.....

When I get that way, I just need some time to myself to think things through. I always do this by myself.

Well, guess who shows up at my door unannounced at that EXACT moment?

Yep.....Cap.

He comes in....I try to act like all is well but apparantly it was all over my face so he asks me what's wrong. THAT is why I process alone.....because as soon as someone asks me what's wrong....waterworks start. lol

I'm blubbering and babbling...waving my arms.....he has no idea what I'm talking about *sag merc* it's just all tumbling out of my mouth in incoherent sentences and he leads me to the sofa to sit down.

Then he gets on the floor in front of me and takes my feet.

I immediately stop and am like....WTF ARE YOU DOING—?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I'm going to sit here and rub your feet until you calm down."

No. Just no.

I know that was a really endearing gesture but that was the most awkward feeling in the world....I just wanted to cut my feet off.

Then I became more upset about that then what I was originally angry with...then I felt awkward...then I just wanted him to leave.....of course later I wanted to die.

lol

He hugs now. No feet touching while I'm pissed. 😛

Some people....not even just caps...do not know what to do when someone is emoting. I can even be that way....the air gets heavy and everything feels awkward and you just do the first thing that pops in your head....his was feet......your cap's was something else. Everyone is different.

You sound unstable

Posted by KittenLaRouge
You want gf treatment as a fwd? Lol 2.5 yesrs? And this is why sag are a waste of time. He will regret wasting those years without a damn thing to shoe for it

Thanks for the advice, though kind of judgement and assuming. This whole gf bf treatment thing is simply not my style . He's not my "bf", yet I think I have done things for him that show how much I care. "Gf treatment" actions for sure. I don't keep track of it like he does.

When you say show for it, what do you mean? What does a Cap want to be able to show? He's said that phrase before.

I'm not going to show it to someone who insists on only being fwb and won't give me a label. Why would I want to further vulnerable myself? Especially when I've stated what I wanted from the relationship and they aren't willing to give it to me.

Sunmoonstars, we had this conversation over a year ago.

Just an fyi to all, I have planned for us to try this whole relationship thing. Ease into it. I think it will be fair to both of us to give it a try.

As for all the confusion on what I want, I guess it doesn't occur to him that I want us to build a strong foundation first, so the relationship doesn't crumble easily. I feel like I have actively tried to understand him by asking him questions and coming on here etc. I don't feel he gets me as much.

Now that I know he doesn't ask questions, I should offer up the info on my likes and dislikes. We'll go from there...

Thank you all, your insights really help!

I guess all this time I've been waiting for him to get to know me too. Libra Mars and Venus thinking, "well I've put in so much effort to figure him out, he should do the same". Not his style .

Foreverloveme - he asks certain questions. He's always very* curious about any other males in my life and my family members in general. What he sucks at is the day to day stuff ie., "how did your day go?".

He does keep track of subtle things and will repeat things I told him months ago. He'll remember my physical - food, sex,comfort - likes and dislikes no problem.

I think we both care about and like each other a lot. Otherwise, as you Caps know, he would have shut it down a long time ago. I would have as well.

I refer to him as FWB here... but we have never called each other that. We're exclusive lovers and friends. I guess you can say we are "seeing" each other.

Posted by SunMoonStars
Just an fyi to all, I have planned for us to try this whole relationship thing. Ease into it. I think it will be fair to both of us to give it a try.

As for all the confusion on what I want, I guess it doesn't occur to him that I want us to build a strong foundation first, so the relationship doesn't crumble easily. I feel like I have actively tried to understand him by asking him questions and coming on here etc. I don't feel he gets me as much.

Now that I know he doesn't ask questions, I should offer up the info on my likes and dislikes. We'll go from there...

Thank you all, your insights really help!

Ease into it after 2 years? Lol such a sag. Smh again, he is wasting his time and he ll regret it. And again he doesn't owe you anything. You are NOT his GF. Hopefully he will get a clue and move on to someone more respectable

Posted by SunMoonStars
I think we both care about and like each other a lot. Otherwise, as you Caps know, he would have shut it down a long time ago. I would have as well.

I refer to him as FWB here... but we have never called each other that. We're exclusive lovers and friends. I guess you can say we are "seeing" each other.

He's getting pussy and a "friend" most guys don't pass up free pussy lol 😆

Posted by KittenLaRouge

Posted by SunMoonStars
Just an fyi to all, I have planned for us to try this whole relationship thing. Ease into it. I think it will be fair to both of us to give it a try.

As for all the confusion on what I want, I guess it doesn't occur to him that I want us to build a strong foundation first, so the relationship doesn't crumble easily. I feel like I have actively tried to understand him by asking him questions and coming on here etc. I don't feel he gets me as much.

Now that I know he doesn't ask questions, I should offer up the info on my likes and dislikes. We'll go from there...

Thank you all, your insights really help!

Ease into it after 2 years? Lol such a sag. Smh again, he is wasting his time and he ll regret it. And again he doesn't owe you anything. You are NOT his GF. Hopefully he will get a clue and move on to someone more respectable

click to expand

Respectable? LOL. So many things I could say but really don't have the time. Save your grudges for the appropriate person.

Posted by Foreverloveme
I'm arguing with my sag ex atm...just different energies in every way imo. Very hard to understand each other

You can say that again!

He's very much the type where most conversations should be "relevant". There's not a lot of idle chatter with him or small talk. He has Mercury in Capricorn.

Whereas, I think day to day talk is a good way to get to know someone.

Typical cap. He totally cares for you so you're off about that but it seems like he can't give you what you want. This is how he is and it won't change. Caps are awkward with emotions. Their presence is how they show care as best they can. It can be very daunting but they are terrible at translating emotions into words. They care but aren't natural empaths either. They care to the extent of: the person I care for is hurting and I don't want that. But they don't know what to do.

I just realized whose post I'm posting on. Girl u need to move on. Stop playing games with yourself

Posted by underwaterthing
I just realized whose post I'm posting on. Girl u need to move on. Stop playing games with yourself

? You might have me confused with someone else.

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by Foreverloveme
I'm arguing with my sag ex atm...just different energies in every way imo. Very hard to understand each other

You can say that again!

He's very much the type where most conversations should be "relevant". There's not a lot of idle chatter with him or small talk. He has Mercury in Capricorn.

Whereas, I think day to day talk is a good way to get to know someone.

Yeah I have sag mercury & still dislike small talk

click to expand

I have Sag Mercury too and dislike it as well. Daily talk I like as long as it's not over the top and hours of ranting.