How long to wait

As a gemini, I tend to have trouble understanding boundaries unless they are clearly drawn out and I have an extremely difficult time when it comes to timing. Patience is just not one of my virtues, though I do try.

I posted a llng winded and (probably too) detailed account of this but my capricorn boyfriend dumped me after the death of his grandpa and during some relationship turmoil. We had been together nearly two years and friends for six months before (he spent almost the entire six months chasing me).

Now he isnt speaking to me. He had said before that he needed space, and I was doing my best when, bam, baby bomb. Long story short, ill spare the details and call it a false alarm (though that isnt completely accurate). Hes angry, either because he doesnt believe it or because of how I handled it (both would be good reasons).

Today it has been two months since the break up and a little more than a month since we last had any contact with eachother (save seeing eachother in passing a couple times and saying nothing to eachother). I was thinking about writing him a letter to tell him how sorry I was, that im here when hes ready to talk and maybe breifly explain my reaction to the baby news and the break up. Just something like that.

I was wondering if any of you caps think this is a good idea or should I just alltogether wait for him to decide he wants to reach out and talk to me first? Personally, I feel its been a long time but maybe it hasnt been long enough for him. Hes pretty stubborn so I worry he may see even the slightest attempt at communication as harassment, what do you guys think?

Move on, go live life!

I agree with lildol.

What is up with these chicks stressing over Capricorn men? *throws up*

I don't know if the letter would work... I know if someone wrote me a letter I'd call to embarrass their asses for doing that crap after I laughed for an hour straight. When dealing with Caps, it needs to be face to face... if you can't get that, then a phone call is the next best thing. But a letter? No ma'am. Words can always get misinterpreted ... and don't get me started on the tone! You can't really depict tone via text or letter.

I wouldn't call, write, text, email, fax, or meet up with him if I were you. Let him grieve in peace. He's a male Cap... You ever heard of the quote "lost dogs always find their way home?" Well whoever said that was talking about Capricorn men. lmfao If you're really "home," he'll bring his ass back when he regains his common sense.. but something tells me he's done... you'll have to let it play out I guess.

But I agree with Lildol, dead his ass ! Cancel him ! go live your life.

When he said he needed space that was him clearly laying out boundaries between the two of you. You not only invaded his space you brought with you some false baby alarm drama. That is a lot to deal with emotionally considering he was mourning after a passing of a family member. You seem to only be thinking about yourself and your feelings of what you want and not his and I am not sure if you realize that or not. Let the poor man be.

The pregnancy scare probably reads false to him as a dramatic technique to get his attention. Should have been handled quietly and privately.

If he asked for space,that means he was feeling smothered by you.

I don't suppose it wouldn't hurt to write the letter, but realize the motivation is most likely to clear your own conscious and it probably won't make him feel any better. There is a chance that it will bring up the situation all over again and reignite the feelings he has on this situation.

You didn't give him a chance to grieve, you invaded that grief with drama. I would be upset with you too. See, caps have this philosophy that we live by - there's a time and place for everything. You don't seem to understand that, therefore, it does come across as very selfish.

I'm sorry to say this, but I think he's done and he has no intentions of reconciling. It's been two months and that's enough time to guage that he is no longer interested.

I would just move on.

Thanks for the responses guys.

I was really confused about the whole thing in the beginning. It was my first serious relationship and we had been living together when he broke it off. The whole week before, we had been fine, more than fine, better than we had been in a while. He told friends he hadnt wanted to break it off but it happened and he rolled with it. Two weeks ago he told a friend that he cares, that hes cried over it but that hes forcing himself to focus on other things like the new job he just got and moving out of our old house (away from our old room mate who did nothing but cause drama). I know ive come across as selfish. The biggest problem I seem to be having is understanding how he can act so cold about it. How he can tell me how much he loves me, snuggle with me for an entire night and then drop me. Just like that after two years with no warning and no attempt at reconciliation. Im not trying to be selfish, im just confused as to how he can leave things in the state theyre in.

I guess I'll play the waiting game and see what happens. In the mean time, I guess ill have to try to move past it... maybe once I move past it and he sees that, we can try to talk again. Hes, unfortunately, a person who does all his talking in writing so im not expecting a call or a confrontation any time soon...

How can he be so cold about it?

Once betrayed, or for whatever other reason, a cap can coldly, unemotionally cut someone off. In a heartbeat sometimes. It is not that hard. Once I realize there is no future whatsoever with someone, I am done and will cut strings quickly, coldly and permanently, no matter how much I may love them. It is not a decision made overnight, I promise. I will silently stew on it for a while. It is the capricorn nature.

Sounds cold and it is. We know what we want, what we don't want, what we are willing to tolerate, what we are not willing to tolerate and we know our goals and what fits and what doesn't.

This has likely been building up and he may have already been questioning whether you two actually had a future. The betrayal on the pregnancy thing could have been the last straw. You really showed him your character. It may not have coincided with what he thought you were made of. Therefore, he broke up with you, it hurt him, but he just doesn't want to continue anymore.

Notice, he is deleting all the drama in his life (including the other room mate). Caps can not stand drama, won't play around with it and will separate ourselves from drama filled people. We don't like it and won't tolerate it.

This is one area that caps and gems are not compatible. Gems (ALL the ones I know, anyway, about ten) seem to thrive on drama, or at least enjoy it a little, and caps will not tolerate it.

Posted by deedeemcgee
How he can tell me how much he loves me, snuggle with me for an entire night and then drop me. Just like that after two years with no warning and no attempt at reconciliation. ...

This is where you are not getting the picture. Step back and take a hard look at what happened between these two events.

That will answer your question. You know what you did and only once you own up to it, can you learn from it and move on.

If you can't see (or admit) what action affected the abrupt change, then you will never grow and move on.

Posted by deedeemcgee
I guess I'll play the waiting game and see what happens. In the mean time, I guess ill have to try to move past it... maybe once I move past it and he sees that, we can try to talk again. Hes, unfortunately, a person who does all his talking in writing so im not expecting a call or a confrontation any time soon...

I wouldn't play the waiting game.

He sounds like is is done. Over and out. Kaput. Final. Once a cap is done, we are done and it is not a decision taken lightly. I promise lots of thought went into it. We do not react on emotion and temper. We mean what we say and do what we intend. No questions about it.

You are deluding yourself.


DISCLAIMER: Obviously, I can't speak for all capricorns. What I wrote is more about how I am and is a generalization that a lot of caps would agree with me.

I'm only being bluntly honest with you because you seem like you need someone to do so.

I would not ever contact him again.

My reasoning is that if you care about someone, you don't shut them out for over a month. If you had an intention of making up, I agree with Truecap, he would've done it already.

It may have seemed like everything was fine up to that moment, but things were brewing for a long time and kept hidden, most likely. Maybe there were signs you missed or ignored. This happened to my Gemini friend: her bf moved out abruptly, she thought things were fine but they were not. Turns out things she thought were "little" were big things - they did work it out and are back together but he didn't ignore her for 2 months.

Also, as a Cap, I am very decisive once I make a decision, I am not likely to change my mind. In most instances, I do not act in impulse. I carefully weigh and calculate things. When I have walked away from people. They may not have seen it coming because I didn't share how I was feeling with them. I simply sat back, observed, and finally made my move.

The false baby bomb would have been enough for me.

You shouldn't pull that with a man of any sign. Bad form and the kiss of death.

JMO

Posted by truecap

Posted by deedeemcgee
I guess I'll play the waiting game and see what happens. In the mean time, I guess ill have to try to move past it... maybe once I move past it and he sees that, we can try to talk again. Hes, unfortunately, a person who does all his talking in writing so im not expecting a call or a confrontation any time soon...

I wouldn't play the waiting game.

He sounds like is is done. Over and out. Kaput. Final. Once a cap is done, we are done and it is not a decision taken lightly. I promise lots of thought went into it. We do not react on emotion and temper. We mean what we say and do what we intend. No questions about it.

You are deluding yourself.


DISCLAIMER: Obviously, I can't speak for all capricorns. What I wrote is more about how I am and is a generalization that a lot of caps would agree with me.

I'm only being bluntly honest with you because you seem like you need someone to do so.

click to expand

+1,000,000,000,000 !! Every single word TrueCap said in this describes me and probably a shxtload of other Caps perfectly. It's so easy for us to cut people off with no second thought. Especially when a person betrayed or hurt us.

I don't see where he just abandoned the relationship with no warning. You stated in your first post there was turmoil in the relationship amongst other things, so there had to be signs. Now, whether you chose to pay attention to them or not I don't know. I understand you want closure, but he is not obligated to give you that. It won't be easy to move on or even if you decide to wait, either way just know you will be ok.

First, I want to point out that the pregnancy scare was not a lie, it was a false alarm.... and false alarm isnt exactly accurate but long story short, well just call it one. I know it sounds suspicious, believe me, I do. But I am not a liar and I have NEVER lied to him, he knows this.
I never betrayed him, at least, I never THOUGHT I did or did so intentionally. I see from all the responses and understand how the pregnancy scare and the way it was handled could be enterpreted as betrayal. There was turmoil and 90% of it came from the fact that we spent every momemt of every day together. Not intentionally, but we shared a car and worked together on top of living together in a house that we actually couldnt afford.

You guys may be right. I may never get closure I guess...

The pregnancy issue came up as he was grieving over his freshly deceased grandfather. Bad timing.
Yes, things happen that can't be helped, but you could have waited a week or two.
Or found out FOR SURE you were actually pregnant before saying anything to ANYONE.
You went to his family before you went to him.
You didn't know how to talk to him about a serious issue.
If there was already turmoil because you spent 90% of your time together, realize that being married won't change that.
You had financial stressors from living in a house you can't afford.
You were continually complaining about his job (gathered from your other posts).
You resented the fact he didn't have a driver's liscense.
There was a lot of drama (from you, the room mate, doesn't matter. caps don't like drama).


What makes you think this relationship had long term potential?

If you would step back and take a realistic look at things you might be able to gather your own closure in that this wasn't going to work in the long run.