Insecure or just joking??

Me and the cap I'm dating recently exchanged our first I love you. I think he felt it previously but me walking away made him express emotions he never expressed before. Things are a lot better and we communicate a lot better than before. I know from reading on here caps move very slow so I am giving him the time he needs. However the conversation has went from talking about marriage kids and buying a house to questioning about other men. We made it clear we don't entertain other people from the beginning and he admits he wants us to take it to the next level. But after the I love you came comments about other men. He could ask what I'm doing I say watching tv and his reply will be with a guy. It really irritates me and I'm trying to figure out how to approach it but I'm not sure if this is typical after a I love you or insecurity setting in or just bad jokes. He also told me he thinks about me non stop now and feels like a high school boy around me because of how I make him feel inside. After he expressed that he started coming around less but still talks to me and text me nonstop everyday all day

My Cap slips in comments about other guys too that make me wonder. I think being in love makes them feel vulnerable because they aren't used to giving up control.

Don't worry too much, just be consistent in your own way with him.

My experience with Caps are that they can be totally obsessive with you at first -- and usually a Cap does think in terms of marriage and kids.

But then he will pull back, just because he's a Cap, and you will be totally confused.

I think a good approach might be (when he asks you about other men): "Are you hinting that you want to date me exclusively?"

I mean -- be open. He may back off and say he doesn't.

But if he's like most men, he wants you to be available only to him, but he will keep his options open. They know it's unfair, but most men are insecure sexually.

Posted by SunMoonStars
My Cap slips in comments about other guys too that make me wonder. I think being in love makes them feel vulnerable because they aren't used to giving up control.

Don't worry too much, just be consistent in your own way with him.

Sunmoon how long have you two been together? We've only been dating 5 months. He recently just called twice and I was busy so he said if you have a man over you can call me back. It's so frustrating.

Just deal with it.

At least he likes you. He's just insecure like most men.

Posted by Scorpgirl
My experience with Caps are that they can be totally obsessive with you at first -- and usually a Cap does think in terms of marriage and kids.

But then he will pull back, just because he's a Cap, and you will be totally confused.

I think a good approach might be (when he asks you about other men): "Are you hinting that you want to date me exclusively?"

I mean -- be open. He may back off and say he doesn't.

But if he's like most men, he wants you to be available only to him, but he will keep his options open. They know it's unfair, but most men are insecure sexually.

Scorp we've had the relationship talk. I advised I was ready he advised he wasn't and needed more time. That's the talk that led to him opening up apologizing and expressing feelings. He will throw out little things like you've been over my parents house several times now but I've only just talked to your on the phone

Posted by Scorpgirl
Just deal with it.

At least he likes you. He's just insecure like most men.

Lol Scorpio girl is there some Taurus in you somewhere that sounds like something I would tell my friends

Posted by PrincessLouise

Forget about the actual words I love you.

What you are saying is after he has developed this feeling he is worried you will stray. The risk is greater now that deeper feeling is there. That is natural. But it's not part of the love.

Seems a bit off alright. I don't think that sounds like love. It's built on trust etc.

My cappie ex was really really jealous too. Super suspicious of other men's intentions. I can't put it down to any rational thought process he was reacting to an emotional thing. It was an aggressive jealousy too. The more he did not like them as individuals the more jealous he was.

I do think a certain amount jealousy is natural. But it's not a sign of love. Nor is it a sign of his fidelity or commitment or his seriousness of the relationship.
It's a sign of how worried he is of getting hurt. Not how worried he is he might hurt you. In fact what he is doing is hurting you.

His emotions and the investment of his heart are beyond his control. He knows this. So tell him....it doesn't matter how much he tries to stop going over to you. He will still feel the same way etc.

Talk it out. Build up trust.

What kind of things did he do out of jealously? We recently just started communicating our problems before they explode (his idea) I plan to talk to him about just wanted to know if this is typical of them or not

Posted by PrincessLouise
Now that he has these feelings. He is at greater risk etc. My read anyway. But only way to remedy this is to get closer not back away.

Exactly how I feel. I think maybe he feels like pulling away will make them go away. Yet he still calls texts and face time all day which is the part that confuses me.

Hi Tread lightly!

No Taurus in me -- although my two best, and longest lasting friends, are Taurus and I love them to death!

Got a lot of earth in me though -- Virgo moon.

Cappie men are nuts, I have to tell you. Mine gave me the runaround for 2 1/2 years. A year ago, I was ready to leave him, but he kept "pulling me back in" as Silvio would say in "The Sopranos".

No one has the patience of a Taurus, and you're going to need it! But Cappie men are loyal and so comforting when they finally -- FINALLY -- commit to you.

My advice is to be yourself.

Let him know if he's driving you nuts.

If he keeps being disrespectful, cut him down verbally, and let him know you can get other men.

Cappie men do seem to love a little bit of drama in their women from what I can see. Makes them feel cared for.

My boyfriend put me through the emotional wringer. If he weren't such a good man in other respects, I would have left him.

I think there's some truth in the advice that they wait to see all sides of you.

I think they're very down to earth. They like to see past that mask that so many people put up. So they patiently wait, and let time reveal all. Time is their friend, because they are Capricorns.

I don't think they would admit to it if you confronted them: "Are you testing me?" Cappies are very instinctual (though they would deny this, too).

But they do test you without realizing it.

Posted by TREADLIGHTLY
Me and the cap I'm dating recently exchanged our first I love you. I think he felt it previously but me walking away made him express emotions he never expressed before. Things are a lot better and we communicate a lot better than before. I know from reading on here caps move very slow so I am giving him the time he needs. However the conversation has went from talking about marriage kids and buying a house to questioning about other men. We made it clear we don't entertain other people from the beginning and he admits he wants us to take it to the next level. But after the I love you came comments about other men. He could ask what I'm doing I say watching tv and his reply will be with a guy. It really irritates me and I'm trying to figure out how to approach it but I'm not sure if this is typical after a I love you or insecurity setting in or just bad jokes. He also told me he thinks about me non stop now and feels like a high school boy around me because of how I make him feel inside. After he expressed that he started coming around less but still talks to me and text me nonstop everyday all day

http://url.dxpnet.com/cached/http% 253A% 252F% 252F67.media.tumblr.com% 252Fcce7c1c4fa01d60a2d06326a79810215% 252Ftumblr_inline_ng7gysHXv51rxb92z.gif


It's a protective thing. He needs to make sure you're trustworthy, and he just needs to be reassured that you're both on the same level with the feelings (even though he may have a hard time expressing them, he feels them) and not feeling like the only one that's vulnerable.

Posted by Scorpgirl
Hi Tread lightly!

No Taurus in me -- although my two best, and longest lasting friends, are Taurus and I love them to death!

Got a lot of earth in me though -- Virgo moon.

Cappie men are nuts, I have to tell you. Mine gave me the runaround for 2 1/2 years. A year ago, I was ready to leave him, but he kept "pulling me back in" as Silvio would say in "The Sopranos".

No one has the patience of a Taurus, and you're going to need it! But Cappie men are loyal and so comforting when they finally -- FINALLY -- commit to you.

Ahhhh scorpio I'm Virgo moon too!!! Maybe that's our connection lol. 2.5 years no commitment?? Did he finally commit? He is actually running my Taurus patience thin.... Very thin. Sopranos one of my fav movies by the way

Posted by Scorpgirl
My advice is to be yourself.

Let him know if he's driving you nuts.

If he keeps being disrespectful, cut him down verbally, and let him know you can get other men.

Cappie men do seem to love a little bit of drama in their women from what I can see. Makes them feel cared for.

My boyfriend put me through the emotional wringer. If he weren't such a good man in other respects, I would have left him.

I just told him a few min ago. The joke was not funny and needed to end. I'm trying to do it the nice way but I have no issue getting cut throat

Why haven't you personally introduced him to your family, when he's introduced you to his?

Posted by Greentea

Posted by TREADLIGHTLY
Me and the cap I'm dating recently exchanged our first I love you. I think he felt it previously but me walking away made him express emotions he never expressed before. Things are a lot better and we communicate a lot better than before. I know from reading on here caps move very slow so I am giving him the time he needs. However the conversation has went from talking about marriage kids and buying a house to questioning about other men. We made it clear we don't entertain other people from the beginning and he admits he wants us to take it to the next level. But after the I love you came comments about other men. He could ask what I'm doing I say watching tv and his reply will be with a guy. It really irritates me and I'm trying to figure out how to approach it but I'm not sure if this is typical after a I love you or insecurity setting in or just bad jokes. He also told me he thinks about me non stop now and feels like a high school boy around me because of how I make him feel inside. After he expressed that he started coming around less but still talks to me and text me nonstop everyday all day

http://url.dxpnet.com/cached/http% 253A% 252F% 252F67.media.tumblr.com% 252Fcce7c1c4fa01d60a2d06326a79810215% 252Ftumblr_inline_ng7gysHXv51rxb92z.gif


It's a protective thing. He needs to make sure you're trustworthy, and he just needs to be reassured that you're both on the same level with the feelings (even though he may have a hard time expressing them, he feels them) and not feeling like the only one that's vulnerable.

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Green tea I never thought of it that way. I guess it's a need of reassurance. I don't mind reassuring but gesh

Posted by Greentea
Why haven't you personally introduced him to your family, when he's introduced you to his?

I've introduced very few to my parents. And I prefer to be in a actual relationship before I give someone the honor of meeting my mom

Posted by PrincessLouise

Posted by TREADLIGHTLY

Posted by PrincessLouise
Now that he has these feelings. He is at greater risk etc. My read anyway. But only way to remedy this is to get closer not back away.

Exactly how I feel. I think maybe he feels like pulling away will make them go away. Yet he still calls texts and face time all day which is the part that confuses me.

Tell him going closer is the only remedy to feeling insecure.

Building of intimacy.

The more he tries to test you and the more you pass the less secure he will feel because it is breaking down that closeness and putting up a wall and the less you will trust each other.

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Are you saying the more test I pass the less secure he will feel?

Posted by TREADLIGHTLY

Posted by Greentea
Why haven't you personally introduced him to your family, when he's introduced you to his?

I've introduced very few to my parents. And I prefer to be in a actual relationship before I give someone the honor of meeting my mom

click to expand

You're making him feel like he's not good enough. That's why he pulls away, he's not getting the same type of treatment from someome who claims to love him.

We don't introduce anyone we don't see a potential future with to family.

Just gotta read between the lines.

Posted by Greentea

Posted by TREADLIGHTLY

Posted by Greentea
Why haven't you personally introduced him to your family, when he's introduced you to his?

I've introduced very few to my parents. And I prefer to be in a actual relationship before I give someone the honor of meeting my mom

You're making him feel like he's not good enough. That's why he pulls away, he's not getting the same type of treatment from someome who claims to love him.

We don't introduce anyone we don't see a potential future with to family.

Just gotta read between the lines.

click to expand

Ahh honestly never looked at it that way thanks! He recently started this pulling away he introduced me to them months ago so I never considered it

Posted by PrincessLouise

Posted by TREADLIGHTLY

Posted by Greentea
Why haven't you personally introduced him to your family, when he's introduced you to his?

I've introduced very few to my parents. And I prefer to be in a actual relationship before I give someone the honor of meeting my mom

I think it's fine to wait until you are in a relationship for that.
I am the same. It's horrible I know. I am not sure why I do it. I think I have only introduced one ever.
It's like I feel I am protecting her or something. Plus she asks a millions questions!
But honestly meeting your mother is not necessarily the same as intimacy is it?

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Exactly!! And let's not forget moms will ask about you long after your gone! At least mine will. He knows she knows about him she's bought his child gifts.