why is he talking about me and so angry?

I'm posting about the guy i'v been friends with for five plus years (see previous threads for more info).
We have been in contact for that long.. on and off..even when we lost touch we would always end up gettin back in contact with each other..but this time I'm not sure if i'll ever hear from him again.

He's liked me for all these years but its never gotten to the next stage mostly because of me I guess, i've been shy and reserved about it all. He's been pretty clear about how he feels about me and what he wanted from me for a long time. He would compliment me all the time, he would flirt, he would express his emotions in quite an intense way sometimes and tell me he misses me and is always depressed over me, how he can't stop thinking about me at night..how he could see us getting together and being in a relationship and eventually getting married. I suppose he has been quite direct with me for years, I just never expressed myself the way I should have, i'd just keep it all in or laugh things off or avoid him and just act far too quiet.

He's always said im special and acted like im the one he wants above anyone else and that i'm different to other girls/women. He's had other people interested in him but he's never acted upon it and always come back to me .
He would randomy mention marriage to me..and indirectly ask me to think about these things, maybe i'm the one he could see his future with for all this many years.

Most recently or what I posted about in the last thread was how he disappeared for nine months and came back last year in december. He contacted me from a random number and said he missed me a lot and he apologised and said he really did have a rough time and he lost contact with everyone. He wanted to explain to me what had happened and wanted to take me out to dinner..right at the start I didn't want to welcome him back with open arms :/ after nearly a year with no contact and i was just being my usual self. He kept saying sorry and he realised he should have contacted me in those nine months and he kept saying he knows he messed up and that im special etc, eventually I was like ok its fine im sorry for being difficult with you. Following this he asked me out in different ways ..and he just said he really really wants to see me ..i did agree but then nothing ever came of it.. in four months..so from when he came back in december to end of march, and what happened right about the end of march was something I n

CONTINUATION *****

something I never thought would happen in a million years.

He started becoming distant after coming on really strong and wanting to meet me between december and february i'd say. after that.like he wouldnt call or text me anymore..and I was wondering what had happened to him. I assumed it was because of us not meetin up and me taking my time about it, so I tried to message him a couple of times about meetin and he said yes thats fine but he didnt follow through with it or didnt seem particularly enthusiastic.
The week leading up to the end of march I started to get annoyed with him for not replying to my txts or calling.. but then when he eventually did I ignored him, and then texted him something i'll probably regret for the rest of my life. i only said it to get a reaction out of him and to see where his head was at.
I said "I can't be bothered anymore..this whole thing is a joke". He replied and said " you're right this whole thing is a joke.. Goodbye".
I was thinking he didn't mean it and he just texted it after my joke comment, after all we've been friends for five years..would I really think he meant goodbye?

Next day which was the 31st march... he called me up in the evening..and I was thinking everything was ok even after his goodbye text and he was calling to have a normal conversation with me. He said hi and how are you and what you doing like normal, and I said I was just catching up on some tv series. Next thing I know hes like "I didn't want to just text you a goodbye, we've known each other for this long i thought I would call you". I was too shocked to even speak, i literally had no idea how to react or what to say.. I just ended up saying "whats the point". He said "what do you mean what the point". He said "i'm not going to lie I did like you and I did want to get to know you better, but I think we are from two different worlds and i'm sure you'l make someone very happy some day".
He then continued and said "is there anything you want to say". I said "its kool if thats what you want". But to be honest I was far too surprised to be able to speak or express what I was thinking at that moment. But I suppose thats how I ALWAYS am with him so to be expected.


since the goodbye its been about five months with zero contact..and now i'm hearing that he's talking about me to this "mutual" friend of ours that he doesnt even like..

he asked him if we still talk and then proceeded to bad mouth me and talk about a

******
and talk about all the characteristics he doesn't like about me!!!
he said he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and isn't bothered yet he is still expressing so much anger..where did the anger even come from??
because the goodbye sounded so emotionless and like he wasn't even bothered one bit tht he was saying goodbye forever..

and now he's telling the "mutual friend" that im "stupid, not on their level, childish, slow, a fake person, judgemental"..
also that i havn't experience much in life.. something along those lines...

I understand tht I do have a naive personality but he knew that for years.. and it didnt seem to bother him then ..but in no way have i ever been judgemental or any other thing..

its just shocking someone who cared about me so much and thought i was special is now suddenly hating on me like that

The guy seems Bipolar.

People can,only take being taken for granted for so long... Then they have to move on.

Emotionless goodbyes mean you messed up.

You strung him along, had plenty of chances to be clear with him, whether you liked him or not. He gave you several chances and you completely brushed them away.

I would be angry if someone did that to me. Really angry.

This is not about you being shy, but being an indecisive twat.

Leave the guy alone, don't try to understand him but try to understand yourself first. You have some issues. Get help.

Posted by tiki33
The guy seems Bipolar.

Her previous stories were exasperating. She strung him along for years and then wonders why the guy says goodbye? He wasn't a friend. Just someone that boosted her ego. Now he's gone. Good for him.

I believe we did tell you he would eventually be done dealing with you and when he was done, he'd be done for good.

I'm actuallay proud of him! He finally stood up for himself, took a stand and set his boundaries. He put up with a lot more than I would have. You get no sympathy here.

Leave him alone. You aren't mature enough for him anyway. Seems like what he's saying about you actually is the truth, so you really can't complain about it.

Posted by TigerCap
Emotionless goodbyes mean you messed up.

You strung him along, had plenty of chances to be clear with him, whether you liked him or not. He gave you several chances and you completely brushed them away.

I would be angry if someone did that to me. Really angry.

This is not about you being shy, but being an indecisive twat.

Leave the guy alone, don't try to understand him but try to understand yourself first. You have some issues. Get help.

Posted by tiki33
The guy seems Bipolar.

Her previous stories were exasperating. She strung him along for years and then wonders why the guy says goodbye? He wasn't a friend. Just someone that boosted her ego. Now he's gone. Good for him.

click to expand

+1

Posted by candy10
******
and talk about all the characteristics he doesn't like about me!!!
he said he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and isn't bothered yet he is still expressing so much anger..where did the anger even come from??
because the goodbye sounded so emotionless and like he wasn't even bothered one bit tht he was saying goodbye forever..

and now he's telling the "mutual friend" that im "stupid, not on their level, childish, slow, a fake person, judgemental"..
also that i havn't experience much in life.. something along those lines...

I understand tht I do have a naive personality but he knew that for years.. and it didnt seem to bother him then ..but in no way have i ever been judgemental or any other thing..

its just shocking someone who cared about me so much and thought i was special is now suddenly hating on me like that

Just let it go, and take the high road on this one. Obviously a lot went on with you two, and it wasn't right.
One thing I noticed about Cap Suns/Cap Moons is that they do not hide their opinions about anyone including close friends and family. They are not above criticizing them for what they perceive to be stupid. For example, my Cap was complaining about his sister for asking what I thought was an innocent question (she's Gemini). He will make comments about his bandmate and close friend (Leo) if he doesn't work the way he wants him to. The only person I don't really hear him complain about is his brother whom he is closest with (Sagittarius).

Anyway, just try not to let it get to you. No one ever escapes the Cap scrutiny IMO. I'm sort of working with my Cap now by choice, so I expect the worse! Try to learn from this experience to understand yourself better.

Posted by TigerCap
Emotionless goodbyes mean you messed up.

You strung him along, had plenty of chances to be clear with him, whether you liked him or not. He gave you several chances and you completely brushed them away.

I would be angry if someone did that to me. Really angry.

This is not about you being shy, but being an indecisive twat.

Leave the guy alone, don't try to understand him but try to understand yourself first. You have some issues. Get help.

Posted by tiki33
The guy seems Bipolar.

Her previous stories were exasperating. She strung him along for years and then wonders why the guy says goodbye? He wasn't a friend. Just someone that boosted her ego. Now he's gone. Good for him.

click to expand

well hes clearly emotional on the inside and behind my back....

to be honest i wasnt as bad as is described here...but i guess i wasn't convincing or affectionate enough towards him...

basically the reason he did what he did was like a snap decision he didnt even think about it... all i said out of frustration is "this whole thing is a joke i cant be bothered"

its because those last weeks he was being really distant..and for once i guess i was trying to call him..and everytime i tried his phone was out in a bad reception area and on voicemail...and then when he would cll me back i couldnt pick up and then id try to call n again his phone was off..so it went like tht

and mistakingly i just said this whole thing is a joke..to which i was referring us calling each other and missin the calls...

i didnt expect him to take it so seriously and think i was referring to us and the whole situation!! and then go crazy and cut me off...

i told him i didnt mean wht i said..and ppl say things tht thy dont mean!!!

but anyway.. i do actually care!! and i do want him to come back! but obviously i hv no means to contact him..accept mybe send a letter..which he MAY or MAY not read

Posted by stillwat3r

Posted by candy10
CONTINUATION *****

Next thing I know hes like "I didn't want to just text you a goodbye, we've known each other for this long i thought I would call you".

Gentlemen like that are hard to come by. He seems like he had solid morals and values.

click to expand

if he really had solid morals and values he wouldnt have cut me off in the first place..when i messaged him saying i didnt mean what i said about "this whole thing is a joke"

and that i would cry if he really went..

but he over reacted..and went to the extreme level

Posted by stillwat3r

Posted by candy10
******
and talk about all the characteristics he doesn't like about me!!!
he said he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and isn't bothered yet he is still expressing so much anger..where did the anger even come from??
because the goodbye sounded so emotionless and like he wasn't even bothered one bit tht he was saying goodbye forever..

and now he's telling the "mutual friend" that im "stupid, not on their level, childish, slow, a fake person, judgemental"..
also that i havn't experience much in life.. something along those lines...

I understand tht I do have a naive personality but he knew that for years.. and it didnt seem to bother him then ..but in no way have i ever been judgemental or any other thing..

its just shocking someone who cared about me so much and thought i was special is now suddenly hating on me like that

It is hard for Capricorns to trust someone but once in a blue they meet someone with whom they let their guard down. WHen this happens they do tend to idealize that person and brush off a lot of their shortcomings because they like to accept people for who they are. He hadn't realized the level of your immaturity.

He realized the truth and is probably more angry at himself than you for allowing this situation to continue for so long.

It's like he woke up from the dream he had about you and is truly understanding all your flaws.

I personally wouldn't call it shit-talking if there is truth to it. It's okay for people to share their experience with other friends especially if they are negative experiences. It's good to let it out and have someone who understands.

click to expand

ye he knew i was a bit childish sometimes..and u kno what i agree with some of the characteristics because I used those words myself sometimes..ye im so slow and im so stupid...but obviously not degrading myself but in a jokey manner...

but he still overlooked all of that and continued to speak to me..and would have still "gone out" with me

its insulting because the guy he was venting to..is not someone he even likes..so to be backstabbing about me to someone who he isnt a fan of is an even bigger insult!!!

to be honest i just want him to come back and thats the truth...

Posted by unknown2u
If you could write your own ending to this story what would it be?

I'm in a similar situation but my cappy has always been honest with me (she only likes me as a friend) and have never and will never talk bad about her just because she is not able to return the same feelings. I'm the writer of my own destiny and cannot blame others for my faults or doings.

the ending would be that he comes back we get back to talking again...meet up..things proceed and we get married!!

that would be the ideal ending...

i suppose my shortcoming in this matter was to not be able to talk about my emotions and feelings..because in a sense i was embarassed to or reserved about it..i know it sounds silly but thats all it was :/

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by candy10
******
and talk about all the characteristics he doesn't like about me!!!
he said he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and isn't bothered yet he is still expressing so much anger..where did the anger even come from??
because the goodbye sounded so emotionless and like he wasn't even bothered one bit tht he was saying goodbye forever..

and now he's telling the "mutual friend" that im "stupid, not on their level, childish, slow, a fake person, judgemental"..
also that i havn't experience much in life.. something along those lines...

I understand tht I do have a naive personality but he knew that for years.. and it didnt seem to bother him then ..but in no way have i ever been judgemental or any other thing..

its just shocking someone who cared about me so much and thought i was special is now suddenly hating on me like that

Just let it go, and take the high road on this one. Obviously a lot went on with you two, and it wasn't right.
One thing I noticed about Cap Suns/Cap Moons is that they do not hide their opinions about anyone including close friends and family. They are not above criticizing them for what they perceive to be stupid. For example, my Cap was complaining about his sister for asking what I thought was an innocent question (she's Gemini). He will make comments about his bandmate and close friend (Leo) if he doesn't work the way he wants him to. The only person I don't really hear him complain about is his brother whom he is closest with (Sagittarius).

Anyway, just try not to let it get to you. No one ever escapes the Cap scrutiny IMO. I'm sort of working with my Cap now by choice, so I expect the worse! Try to learn from this experience to understand yourself better.

click to expand

yes youre right about that..he would always talk about other people to me and tell me about all their negatives..but why is he saying im judgmental when he is exactly that himself??!!!

but all those things he is saying about me now that im immature and childish and havnt had enough life experience..etc..these r things he would have figured out ages ago and knew..yet he wouldnt have minded dating me and moving forwards...

its like it never bothered him then so why be like to our mutual friend now..

*** as in why is he saying those things to the friend now??

^ How do you know he wasn't saying it before? It's just the first time you're hearing it... You're saying that he knew those things before meaning he's either mentioned them or you've talked about it in some way right?


When relationships don't work out it's easy for a Cap guy to be bitter about it imo, and that's just the way it goes. Maybe he thought you would change once you were together or he would be able to live with it. Don't take it to heart, just find someone else who is better suited for you.

because him and tht mutual friend hardly ever speak..thy just happened to bump in to each other a couple of months ago..so who would he hav told?

my main point is hes never said anything negative to my face..its like he cant do it or something..
he either txts me..or talks about it behind my back

i thought i hadnt taken it to heart..but i actually think i have by the mere fact that him saying those things keeps popping in to my head throughout the day..

i dont want anyone else though ..funnily he doesnt even know that

he is saying about me now that i'm immature and childish and havnt had enough life experience..etc..

meaning you do not know what you want out of your life. (YOUR IFFY)

He is telling you what he wants. You are not telling him what you want!!! So since you are not ready, he will leave until the time is right...

You are in complete control of your own destiny. Personally in between you and me, if he finds some one he sees fit, you will loose your chance for good...
Stop being afraid and move forward in life.

How old are you Candy?

You sound like you're 12, emotionally anyway. Forget about boys until you grow up.

I'm done here. This thread is annoying.

Posted by SureShotCap
he is saying about me now that i'm immature and childish and havnt had enough life experience..etc..

meaning you do not know what you want out of your life. (YOUR IFFY)

He is telling you what he wants. You are not telling him what you want!!! So since you are not ready, he will leave until the time is right...

You are in complete control of your own destiny. Personally in between you and me, if he finds some one he sees fit, you will loose your chance for good...
Stop being afraid and move forward in life.

ye that makes a lot of sense actually..

technically he said "goodbye" for the first time., so i guess he meant it if i can no longer contact him and he changed his number.

but im going to try to communicate with him via a letter or something and see if that works

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by candy10

Posted by stillwat3r

Posted by candy10
CONTINUATION *****

Next thing I know hes like "I didn't want to just text you a goodbye, we've known each other for this long i thought I would call you".

Gentlemen like that are hard to come by. He seems like he had solid morals and values.

if he really had solid morals and values he wouldnt have cut me off in the first place..when i messaged him saying i didnt mean what i said about "this whole thing is a joke"

and that i would cry if he really went..

but he over reacted..and went to the extreme level

U don't see it or get it don't u. It's not this event is a culmination of your rejection for years!!!!

click to expand

i want to turn it around i really do!
ye maybe he thought about relationship/marriage and kids for a long time..but i wasn't there when he started tlking about all of that I was thinking it will eventually happen when im in my early thirties or something but ten years before that it wasnt in my mind..simple..

but obviously that doesnt mean i dont like him or i dont care..however i suppose sometimes i came across a lot like i didnt.
what im trying to say is just because i didnt want to do everything with him in like a year..doesnt mean that he isnt the person that i would eventually want all of it with..

we're still young even now..

however i do want to talk to him now and i do want him around.. but maybe it is too late who knows

Posted by Impulsv
Well then this is what u need to tell him
How else is he supposed to know that u have t been stringing him along n u just rejected him.

i kno. but the big problem is how do i..? he probably knew i was going to try to speak to him so instead he just cut me off..

iv got an address but not sure its the right one..but i suppose there is only one way to find out..i could jst say it all in a letter

Posted by candy10

Posted by Impulsv
Well then this is what u need to tell him
How else is he supposed to know that u have t been stringing him along n u just rejected him.

i kno. but the big problem is how do i..? he probably knew i was going to try to speak to him so instead he just cut me off..

iv got an address but not sure its the right one..but i suppose there is only one way to find out..i could jst say it all in a letter

click to expand

Leave him alone. He cut you off from all types of communication. He's done. For good.