Will I be able to apologise?

Hi,

A cappy and I had a fling and we hurt each other very much. I do want to move on but feel the need to apologise for the wrongs I have done and also to ask for his forgiveness.

He just says he's not bothered, he doesn't care. This is after a year too. Will I ever be able to explain to him how sorry I am? I don't wish to get back together or anything like that, just want some closure and peace of mind.

He is Cap/Sag/Cap/Aq/Aq/Gem/Pis with Lib rising

I am Can/Vi/Can/Can/Tau/Sag/Cap

I think you should apologize even if he says that it didn't/doesn't bother him. You will get it off your chest and he will appreciate it deep down. 🙂

He just won't give me the chance to speak though, he just says I'm not interested, not bothered.

He is still mad then. Write to him?

Tell us what happened and why you feel the need to apologize 🙂

I just want to apologise and explain that I didn't want to hurt him. I have learnt many things about myself recently and peace comes with asking his forgiveness..

Worrier, when the time is right, do it. In the past, I had someone hurt me badly. Years later, out of the blue he called to apologize for all the pain even though we had both moved on. Although I still disliked him, I appreciated the call. When he asked me if I forgave him, I didn't reply. Nothing has changed but the fact that he made that call meant something. There is hope 🙂

Thanks aquaP - it is just knowing when that time might be. I guess it is still too soon.

Posted by ellessque
doesn't peace also come with self control and respecting someone's wishes?

plus 50 ++

OP, let go and be at peace.

He is aggravated for a reason.

You can write that letter to yourself and then burn it to ashes, and let it flow in the wind. Like a peace offering to your soul and sense of peace you so very need.

Think about it if it's reversed and someone you are aggravated with and don't like keeps bothering you?

Do unto others kind of metaphor. Hope that helps.

It is kind of a sacrifice for yourself.

Posted by JTG1984
Where did you guys get aggravated from?

oh crap. I'm doing that "future" thing again that aquas do 😕

Nothing. He's calm and just not interested in it right now. 🙂

He may think you are just going to hand over excuses. Do it in writing. Be honest and vulnerable, but no excuses. Make it from the heart. I can forgive, but I will rarely forget. So, It depends on what all has already happened and the details.

I don't mean to sound mean like P-Angel, but do you really want/need his forgiveness or are you wanting to apologize just to make yourself feel better? There is a difference. Check your motivation before you do it is all I'm saying.

Posted by worrier
Hi,

A cappy and I had a fling and we hurt each other very much. I do want to move on but feel the need to apologise for the wrongs I have done and also to ask for his forgiveness.

He just says he's not bothered, he doesn't care. This is after a year too. Will I ever be able to explain to him how sorry I am? I don't wish to get back together or anything like that, just want some closure and peace of mind.

He is Cap/Sag/Cap/Aq/Aq/Gem/Pis with Lib rising

I am Can/Vi/Can/Can/Tau/Sag/Cap

Just a bunch of thoughts.

Maybe he realized it wasn't your fault after all and that's why he doesn't need an apology from you.

I hear many people saying "I forgive, but I don't forget". From my experience, however, people eventually forget but they don't really forgive others. "Forgiving" makes a person feel in a position of power. They were entitled to an apology because they were "right". But people don't really "forgive" others because in order to achieve that you need complete empathy. There are people who think they can completely empathize with others. I think that's just a way to feel better about themselves, though. There's no way you can feel exactly as another person does because you are not that person. You are you.

However, "forgiving" doesn't equal forgetting and moving on. The feeling of being in power helps for a moment. But the resentment will remain as long as he remembers the hurt. What he needs to seek (or needed to) is true forgiveness so he can move on completely. He can't get that from someone else, not even you. True forgiveness comes from the self. The only one who truly understands you is yourself, nobody else. And maybe he realized this and is not blaming you anymore.

Your forgiveness shouldn't concern anyone but yourself. His forgiveness won't make a difference. Yours will because you understand. Your forgiveness is real.

Explore yourself. Find what's stopping you from accepting yourself and give yourself a chance to grow.

Posted by worrier
I just want to apologise and explain that I didn't want to hurt him. I have learnt many things about myself recently and peace comes with asking his forgiveness..

You seek absolution from him, yet you sound as though you have not yet forgiven yourself. What right do you have to request his forgiveness when you have yet to find it within your own heart to forgive yourself?

Thanks for all your replies. Food for thought.