Ball always in Gemini court?

Hi, and thanks in advance for any responses. I am a Capricorn woman married to a Gemini man. We have three children together from our previous marriages. Our relationship was ok in the beginning. I would never say that it was great because it happened slowly and over time. We would talk, laugh, show each other beauty in life, and it was us against the world. I met my Gem at a fragile time in our lives. Shortly after we began dating, he seemed much more selfish, and at times could be cruel. I'm not overtly sensitive, so it created some problems. This is our second time to be separated since we married last year.
What life with him is like: He says that he wants to do things, has grandiose dreams (all.achievable), refuses to talk to me, most of the time and when he does, he offers me the smallest amount of information for great effort. I find out from others that he talks behind my back a lot. He also lies compulsively which never really bothered me until it became about our relationship.
He constantly accuses me of "playing games", and makes daily threats of divorce over anything that doesn't go his way. One minute, he doesn't want the kids and I, the next he is sorry and we are his everything. I could deal with the verbal inconsistencies when his actions were consistent at least. Most instances of discord are related to be my fault. He doesn't help with the kids, and when it's just he and I, I am invisible unless he wants or needs something that he has to deal with me to get. I interpreted this as him needing space and gave it to him. Then, I was harassed about whereabouts.
What I'm asking: He's moved away from kids and I and is living out of a hotel room. He is not initiating any communication. But, does respond to my calls. He's very cordial over the phone. But didn't ask about the kids, or me. He doesn't help out the household in any way. But, when he needs something, I get asked. The last separation he would not talk to me at all. This time, he is..and I'm not sure why. He's almost being kind about things (communication wise).
Bottom line: I'm not looking to hold him back, or to be held back.
Any advice..:-)

@ Ambietomtom

Thanks for your advice. I'm not running, though. I'm pretty strong and level headed and so far his Treena trunkery is not working and that may be part of the problem. I believe that every sign needs love, and I'm just trying to sort if I'm the one to.give it to him is all.

@ Blackphase
My ex husband of nine years was a Libra. I'm sorry to hear that the ball is never in your court.

Thanks Ambie. Besides, running from a Gem never works. They just stalk you. Lol

@ Blackphase
Well as far as conflict resolution goes, yeah! My Gemini runs away from any issue, real or perceived. 😢
I feel pseudo manipulated a lot, and as if when he agrees with me that it is to grease the tracks for something he wants. Why is he communicating so cordially and handling separation differently this time is one of my biggest questions.

He has told me many times that he wants what he can't have.

HappyCappy that's a lot of negative stuff....and gems don't like negative. Since it's not a natural space for a gem I'm not sure that you can fix it. If he's going back and forth that's an indication that he wants it to work but something is not right with him or the situation and he doesn't know how to or is willing to voice it so it can manifest in the behaviours that you have described. He seems resentful.

What exactly do you mean by he's being cruel? What does he say exactly?

It is quite a bit of negative. When he's cruel, it manifests in neglect...more behaviors than.comments. He'll ask me to leave, or give him space and treat me as less than human. He has become physically abusive, and refuses to interact...when he gets like that. When he does, I just give him space, reassure him that I love him, and that when he wants to talk that I am here.

Update: We talked tonight and he said that he is not sure of what direction he is going, or what to think about what I told him about fighting for our marriage and my agreement with the separation. He also said that he would always love me.
As far as "gems not liking negativity", that's not a Gemini trait exclusively...His behavior had caused alot of the negativity. He is resentful of my independence, and the fact that he says he doesn't measure up...But the thing is that he does...He's depressed, and I'm there for him. But taking care of me as well, separate from him.

Yes you are right disliking negativity isn't exclusive to gems. WE ABHOR NEGATIVITY. IT FEELS LIKE SHACKLES. Yes it's impossible not to have a certain amount of it in daily living, but for it to be the environment then a gem will fight for positive energy even if it means becoming destructive to oneself and loved ones or just doing nothing until it passes. But it usually takes a while to get to that space unless one is harbouring things from the past and is fed up.

...sounds like he's trying to get out. Once you start hearing "I will always love you" from a gem and while you're still in a relationship. Nope, not a good sign. This doesn't seem like just depression, he's not telling you what's really bothering him. What's causing the depression? The part about he's not "sure" about the direction he's going in, that's an effect, not the cause. So you need to find out what is really wrong, because he'll tell you anything so as not to deal with it with you until he's ready to.

I can see your point. He deals with anxiety a lot and we are both combat veterans with mental health issues. Our last huge argument was about one of his coping mechanisms which involves smoking an organic substance. I told him that he could not do it around the kids and I anymore.
Also, IT AIN'T OVER TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS...and I'll always love you is our thing that we say as opposed to I love you, love you too like everyone else..So you read a bit too much into that. Not to mention, my stepdaughter is here being raised by me while we take this time instead of being negative towards each other.
My real question was: Last separation he would not speak to me, or even acknowledge me. This time, he isn't fervently communicating with me more and more each day that we are apart. Why?

Misprint = He IS fervently communicating with me more and more each day.

Perhaps I did read too much into it....but I have said it to an ex when we were together and I wanted out. I've only ever used it one other time with another ex that I was not in a relationship with at the time but wanted to be, he's my one and only love. Different kind of loving for each of them. The former I was never in love with, but loved him as a person and the latter I have always been but wouldn't acknowledge it when we were together.

Yes, it's not over till it is and only you can determine that. Just be careful of resentment with a gem, it builds and keeps building and apart of one's defense mechanism is aloofness, distance. Don't always interpret the behaviour as not caring, it can be a form of self preservation as gems aren't a vindictive sign plotting against others. It's often...F**kit I'm out. Maybe temporary, maybe not, but a gem always comes back when they care. There's a lot of nervous energy and it's very hard to channel it in a particular direction consistently. But it gets easier to manage with age.

Give a gem space and remain firm about what you want, without being rigid. It's such a fine line and how long it takes depends on the person and their experiences but time always reveals things, you just have to keep living your life while the other person sorts out theirs. Sometimes it's best to be apart because who wants to live with turmoil.

Happy, you're a warrior.

I'm aware that when you're going through some tough times while in service, you are never supposed to leave your buddy behind... But is he doing his part by watching your 6? Would you want to deal with a guy like that when the last shoe is about to fall? II bet not. He's being a horrible, manipulative, jerk-hole who is taking great thrills in seeing how high he can make you jump and test your loyalty; something that obviously isn't in question here.

You're doing too much. The only reason why he's calling more often is because you have his daughter and he doesn't want you possibly talking smack to her about her dad. It's a ruse, an act, another way to keep him entertained. He's created his own hostile environment and now he doesn't know how to take it all back because he's gone too far. Yes, he's trying to weedle himself back in... But seriously, do you want this fuckboy?

He's sick in his own way and you aren't qualified nor paid to help him overcome it. He resents you for your strength. He's mostly upset at himself because he can't "provide" (whatever it may mean to him) like he wants and seeing you with your calm head and steady ways makes him hate you because he thinks you're showing off.... Just by being yourself.

I don't think he's worth your time.

Update: Said he's making final decision about separation and divorce Monday after he talks to his therapist. Last time I will wait, and I'm moving forward. Honestly, I deserve better and not sure I want to settle for what he has to offer if I take him back.

Nothing against Gems. Just love and respect myself too much to be an "option".

Good for you!

@OP- I don't understand why did you get married, was there a point where everything was great and convinced you to have kids and get married? And then he changed after marriage and kids again? Omg I am so sorry. Be strong and forget about him, divorce him.. and stick to the kids and accept help from him.. If not do it yourself regardless. It is on you to focus on you and the kiddos.

You tried everything to keep your family together. Sometimes we have to let go.. Hopefully it peacefully and mature enough for you to work on something for the kids now.

Posted by HappyCappy79
Update: Said he's making final decision about separation and divorce Monday after he talks to his therapist. Last time I will wait, and I'm moving forward. Honestly, I deserve better and not sure I want to settle for what he has to offer if I take him back.

Nothing against Gems. Just love and respect myself too much to be an "option".

That a girl....you have a life to live and some kids to raise in the healthiest environment possible. Stay strong and don't waver, that just enables him. 🙂

I honestly think a lot of it is just insecurity. And by the way, I too never had the ball in my court or at least not as much as I'd like. Often times when I tried, I got accused of being controlling. I'm like blackphase, If I really give a hoot I do try to hash it out. I don't like the negativity lingering. Well, in my case I guess the Libra I was with got what they wanted, the ball is in their court and they don't seem to want to do anything with it.

Posted by gemeliorist
Perhaps I did read too much into it....but I have said it to an ex when we were together and I wanted out. I've only ever used it one other time with another ex that I was not in a relationship with at the time but wanted to be, he's my one and only love. Different kind of loving for each of them. The former I was never in love with, but loved him as a person and the latter I have always been but wouldn't acknowledge it when we were together.

Yes, it's not over till it is and only you can determine that. Just be careful of resentment with a gem, it builds and keeps building and apart of one's defense mechanism is aloofness, distance. Don't always interpret the behaviour as not caring, it can be a form of self preservation as gems aren't a vindictive sign plotting against others. It's often...F**kit I'm out. Maybe temporary, maybe not, but a gem always comes back when they care. There's a lot of nervous energy and it's very hard to channel it in a particular direction consistently. But it gets easier to manage with age.

Give a gem space and remain firm about what you want, without being rigid. It's such a fine line and how long it takes depends on the person and their experiences but time always reveals things, you just have to keep living your life while the other person sorts out theirs. Sometimes it's best to be apart because who wants to live with turmoil.

Sounds similar to what I've dealt with. I just can't stand the non communication and the silent treatment.

Posted by HappyCappy79
Hi, and thanks in advance for any responses. I am a Capricorn woman married to a Gemini man. We have three children together from our previous marriages. Our relationship was ok in the beginning. I would never say that it was great because it happened slowly and over time. We would talk, laugh, show each other beauty in life, and it was us against the world. I met my Gem at a fragile time in our lives. Shortly after we began dating, he seemed much more selfish, and at times could be cruel. I'm not overtly sensitive, so it created some problems. This is our second time to be separated since we married last year.
What life with him is like: He says that he wants to do things, has grandiose dreams (all.achievable), refuses to talk to me, most of the time and when he does, he offers me the smallest amount of information for great effort. I find out from others that he talks behind my back a lot. He also lies compulsively which never really bothered me until it became about our relationship.
He constantly accuses me of "playing games", and makes daily threats of divorce over anything that doesn't go his way. One minute, he doesn't want the kids and I, the next he is sorry and we are his everything. I could deal with the verbal inconsistencies when his actions were consistent at least. Most instances of discord are related to be my fault. He doesn't help with the kids, and when it's just he and I, I am invisible unless he wants or needs something that he has to deal with me to get. I interpreted this as him needing space and gave it to him. Then, I was harassed about whereabouts.
What I'm asking: He's moved away from kids and I and is living out of a hotel room. He is not initiating any communication. But, does respond to my calls. He's very cordial over the phone. But didn't ask about the kids, or me. He doesn't help out the household in any way. But, when he needs something, I get asked. The last separation he would not talk to me at all. This time, he is..and I'm not sure why. He's almost being kind about things (communication wise).
Bottom line: I'm not looking to hold him back, or to be held back.
Any advice..:-)

What is his moon? I don't want to offend Blackphase but this seems to be common with Geminis and Libras with strong Scorp moons, so it made me curious.

What some people fail to realize it's that when they are unhappy, that they are not the ONLY ones who feel that way...